A Daily Walk

Announcer: We are glad we can share this next half hour together with you and welcome to A Daily Walk. Pastor John Randall will open up First Peter in just a moment. As we get back into chapter three, we're again looking at marriage as God intended it to be. Today we'll see the role of the Christian wife, and next time a word to husbands. With a lot of ground to cover, let's get right to it. Here is Pastor John Randall in First Peter three, starting us off with the conduct of the wife.

John Randall: Peter encourages the submission of the wife, but then he also writes about the conduct of the wife. Notice what he says in verse two, "when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." The conduct of the wife is described as chaste and reverent. That is what the word fear refers to. The word chaste means freedom from defilements or impurities. It's a word that describes what is morally undefiled, and when used ceremonially, it describes that which has been so cleansed that it is fit to be brought into the presence of God and used in His service. It's a beautiful word.

Although it primarily refers to that which is inward, the purity, this purity also affects a person outwardly. A person is pure on the outside because they're pure on the inside. A person is defiled on the outside because they're defiled from within. But ladies, if you're a Christian today, you have been changed by the Lord. You have been purified by the work of the Spirit of God. You're a new creation. Old things are passed away. All things have become new. That which the Lord has done in your heart internally makes its way out externally through your actions, through your conduct, and it is a powerful witness.

Also, their purity to have a reverence, a respect, is another way to look at it, literally, respectful. In the context, the word here that Peter uses for fear conveys the meaning of honoring or reverencing her husband. It reflects a wife's attitude toward her husband that parallels her attitude toward God's will. Ladies, I want to give you just maybe a little insight into your man. Being a man, I have a little insight. Your husband, he needs to know that you respect him. I know that not just because I am a husband, but the Bible says that. Paul encourages the wives to respect their husband. Ephesians 5:33, listen to what it says, "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as he loves himself, and see that the wife respects her husband."

From time to time over the years, I have sat down with couples who have been in need of counsel, marital counseling. I've done much pre-marital counseling through the years. It's always enjoyable, a lot of fun to see these kids float in, and it's awesome. But I've also met with those who have been in difficult situations. It's interesting when you sit the couple down and you ask them, "Let's talk about what's going on. Why are you here? What seems to be the problem?" Typically, I think it's beneficial to start with the wife because she usually has a lot to say and notes sometimes, sometimes a calendar.

"What is this guy, the problem? I'll tell you what the problem is. He's right here." And then just let it go. All these things that this guy is not doing. And it goes on. You're like, "All right, well, that's what we'll wait for." And then when she's done, you say to the guy, "Hey, listen, what do you think the problem is?" Usually, the man is just bullet points. That's it. Okay. But the thing is, if I could sum it all up, what they're both saying is, "This other person is not doing what they're supposed to be doing." Both people aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing. They just know what the other person is not doing.

So it's a problem. What do you do in those cases? Do what you're supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be doing what God's asked me to do, and God will deal with my wife. My wife's supposed to be doing what she's supposed to be doing, and God deals with me. Sometimes we're just so focused on what the other person isn't doing that we never do what we're asked to do by the Lord. Start doing what you're supposed to be doing. What has God told you to do? The wife says, "Well, listen, I'll start respecting him when he starts loving me like Christ loved the church." You might be waiting a while. Just like that, there's this expectation. The husband says, "Listen, I'll start loving her like Christ loved the church when she starts respecting me."

You also might be waiting a while. If you're waiting for the other person to do it, this could be a standoff. We're just on opposite ends of the spectrum here and we only talk when we have to. "What's for dinner?" "Get it yourself." It's bad. "Who's going to pick up the kids?" "Who do you think?" You can't operate that way. What does God ask me to do? What's He asked you to do? Are you loving her like Christ loves the church? Are you respecting him as the Lord has called you to respect him?

Peter says to the gals, "Hey listen, submit to your husband, follow his leadership, let him lead." Here's the conduct of the wife. But then, you know Peter goes a step further and he talks about the beauty of a wife. What's that about? Is this fashion tips from the Apostle Peter? No. Look at what it says. This is really good stuff. This is to the wife that's living with a guy that's not a believer. "How do I win him over? How do I—?" Well, he tells her. Don't, here's what he says, "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel; rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, which is incorruptible beauty—a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

Apparently, there may have been some women here it seems to imply that felt perhaps they could influence their husband's decision by a different means than the gospel. Peter encourages these women, "Don't let your outward appearance just be the only thing you're concerned about. Let the inward part, that incorruptible beauty, be the thing that really brings a change within your home." Now listen, gals, I'm no expert, so I'm very careful how I say the next few words. I want to say this. Peter's not suggesting that women should not have a concern for their outward appearance. "Just let yourself go." No, I don't think that's what he's saying here.

He's not saying you should neglect yourself outwardly. Just don't let that be the only thing that you're concerned about, the outer beauty and not inner beauty because who you are is really on the inside. But he's not saying let yourself go. Don't comb your hair, don't do this, don't do that. In fact, J. Vernon McGee, I will quote him, this is him, and I quote, "If the barn needs painting, paint it." He's in heaven now, and that could be the reason because he said that.

Truly, my heart goes out to women today who have so much pressure to be whatever the world wants you to be. For guys, it's not as important. You probably don't have a consistent skin routine or whatever these gals do. You don't know what that stuff is. What is that? You've got your toothbrush and this and that, and you think, "I don't know." It's just a lot there. I feel for you guys. You're a beautiful group here and I'm not just saying that.

The point that I'm trying to make is that beauty is more than just the external. You can see really beautiful people today that are extremely shallow. There's no character. There's no inner beauty at all that's cultivated. It is merely external. Here is what the Bible says. It says this in Proverbs 31:30, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but," listen ladies, "a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." A woman who loves Jesus, that is attractive. Somebody who is in love with Jesus and that inner beauty of the heart makes its way out.

Don't let the adornment just be the arranging of the hair. It's interesting just by way of historical reference, in those days women were very concerned about their hair. I read some of the historians. Here's what they said. They said the ornate hairstyles were prevalent in high society in the Roman world. One guy wrote this, quote, "With so many tiers, she loads with so many continuous stories does she build up the high hairs. She is tall in front, and behind she is shorter as if you would think it was a different person. Curls climb on top of curl and over forehead. There are rows, which at best look like a masterpiece of a pastry cook and at its worst like a dry sponge. At the back, the hair was plaited and the braids arranged in a coil making it like basketwork. Many women would not touch their own heads lest they disturb it and sleep came like a terror for the women because of their great concern."

I mean, can you imagine trying to sleep and you don't want to mess up the stories? Some of you lived in the 80s. Hair was big. Big, big, big. Killed the ozone layer. That's why we have global warming, all that Aqua Net up in the atmosphere. Come on. You remember it. Good times. Good times. But he adds to this, not wearing of gold. Not that you can't wear jewelry, ladies, or you can't accessorize, but he's just saying don't let that be the main thing. Fine apparel. Again, not bad to dress nice and so forth, but there's a balance in beauty. There is a vast difference between glamour and real beauty.

In fact, I think Solomon, who had some insight into women, wrote this in Proverbs 11:22. It's a great passage, "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion." Just imagine that for a moment, a gold—it's just in the wrong place. Who puts a gold ring in a pig's nose? So is a woman who lacks discretion. It's just not as beautiful as you might assume. It's not as attractive as you might think. So often the people that our world idolizes and would perhaps classify as beautiful people are mere shells on the outside. It looks like something, but inside there's something missing. There's no inner beauty of the heart.

Again, the beauty of a godly woman is more than just outward externals because those things are corruptible. There is no inner beauty that pleases the heart of God and that should be cultivated in the life. Peter wanted these women to know that the way to win their husband to Christ is different than the rest of the world. He said here, verse four, "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart," I love this, "the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." This beauty is something that isn't found at the mall. It's found in the presence of the Lord. It's cultivating the inside, the Holy Spirit's work within your life.

Outer beauty will fade, but inner beauty grows more beautiful over time. Inner beauty's pleasing to the Lord, and it manifests itself outwardly in meekness or gentleness, a gentle and quiet spirit. You know the same word is used concerning describing our Lord Jesus. Jesus said concerning Himself, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle," same word, "and humble in heart." Matthew chapter 11, verse 29. It's a quality that is seen in Jesus that is cultivated in the life of a godly woman. A quiet spirit simply means not combative. Not combative. It's developed by spending time with the Lord. Growing in this area, it's precious in His sight.

Then, if that wasn't enough, Peter says, "Let me give you an example to emulate. Let me give you a model to follow." What are you looking for when you think about cultivating this kind of inner beauty? He looks at an example in the Old Testament of Sarah in verse five. "For in this manner, in former times," going back to the Old Testament, "the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."

Here Peter gives an Old Testament example of a godly woman who, by the way, is mentioned in Hebrews 11, which is the Hall of Faith, as an encouragement. If you know anything about Sarah and Abraham in the book of Genesis, there is recorded on more than one occasion that Abraham, who was known for being a man of faith, faltered in that very area where he was known for. He was still human. At times, he made poor decisions. Genesis chapter 12, Abraham and Sarah left their family, their friends. They headed out by faith to a country that God had promised to show them. However, when they hit a rough patch and a famine came into the land, rather than seeking God for direction or building an altar, Abraham actually made a decision to go to Egypt for help.

On the way down he told Sarah, "Hey, real quick, before we end up in Egypt, you are a good-looking woman, and so they're going to probably want to kill me and take you and put you into the harem. So do me a favor and just tell them you're my sister. Are we good? Okay." And Sarah did what Abraham asked her to do. She was so beautiful. And sure enough, Pharaoh spotted Sarah and she was brought into the house, and Abraham was blessed because of Sarah. But the Lord Himself protected Sarah. In fact, He plagued the entire house of Egypt to deliver Sarah. Why? Because Sarah trusted in God. Because Sarah was confident in God's faithfulness that God afflicted an entire nation to deliver Sarah.

It's powerful. You might be saying, "I don't trust my husband's judgment." Do you trust Jesus? Do you trust that God can get his attention? Will you continue to trust God? There will be times, you might not be aware of this, but there will be times when your husband will actually make a bad decision. It's true. It happens. And I've made decisions that weren't the best decisions, and my wife is an incredible source of counsel and wisdom. She's learned something over the years, and I've learned something from her. She will say something like this. When it's something major, some decision, here it is. You ready for it, ladies? "Have you prayed about it? Did you pray about it? What did the Lord say when you prayed about it?"

"Why do I need to pray about it? I walk with the Lord. I don't need—" "No, you should probably pray about it." And when my wife says, "Have you prayed about it?" I think, "Yeah, I probably should pray about it. I probably should ask the Lord so that I can be confident and know that this is actually God leading me and leading us." And He's been faithful in that way. In Genesis 20, Abraham makes another bad decision with his wife Sarah with a man named Abimelech. Sarah again trusts in God and God told Abimelech, "If you lay one hand on Sarah, you're a dead man." And so he let her go.

So many times Sarah endured. That is why in Hebrews chapter 11, this is what it says, ladies, about Sarah. This is the example for you to follow. "By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age because she judged Him faithful who had promised." Maybe you're in a situation today, gals, where you're in a situation where you really have to trust the Lord as it relates to your husband's salvation. Maybe you have a husband that is not yet born again. And his thing is like, "Hey, sweetie, you go to church, I'll be here. I've got football. I'm painting my face today. I've got the jersey. It's a big day. Big day. So I'll be here when you get back, but go Jesus. I'll be here."

They're fine with you walking with the Lord, seeking the Lord. We're good. And you're like, "All right, whatever." But then maybe there's others of you that it's not like that. It's not so friendly, but it's more difficult because you come home and "Why you went to church again?" and you're criticized. "You're reading your Bible again. How come you went to the women's whatever?" and it's just, "What do you do?" You just pray. You just ask God to help you.

Now listen, I'm going to touch on something again. I'm not this isn't a broad stroke. I'm just kind of just highlighting. If you're in an abusive situation where you are being physically abused, that is not acceptable. God doesn't call you to be a punching bag for somebody else. That's not right. If you are being threatened and so forth, these are things that every situation you have to seek the Lord on wisdom, but if you're in harm's way, that's a different subject altogether. The Bible says in First Corinthians chapter seven, if the unbeliever is pleased to dwell with you, then stay and work through it and pray that they'll get saved, that they'll come to know the Lord.

But maybe for others of you, maybe you're married to a man that knows the Lord but doesn't really it's just not the passion of his life or he's not pursuing the Lord. Maybe your perception of this man is that he is not—and I've heard this many times—"He is not the spiritual leader." And my follow-up question when I am asked or told, "Hey, my husband's not the spiritual leader," is my question is this, "Define for me what a spiritual leader is to you. What does that look like to you?" And I will say, sometimes women have an expectation that I think only Jesus could meet.

I was like, "Man, I better work on it. This is intense." And this guy cannot live up to that expectation. And so maybe you have this in your mind of what you think a spiritual leader looks like as opposed to what it does look like. That may be the case or he just isn't a spiritual leader at all. It's not the center of your home. You have to drag him to church. He's a Christian, kind of, reads his Bible sometimes. What do you do? You just keep loving him, keep praying for him, ask the Lord to stir up his heart.

And I will say this, ladies, I've observed it in my own life and in the life of other men that I've known. God has ways of getting our attention. He has ways. He's good like that. He's capable. Do you trust Him? Do you think God's able? Do you think the same God that created the universe can get a hold of your husband? He can. Trust Him. That's what He's saying to these precious ladies who are in a difficult situation. God's got His hand on you. Listen, it's going to be all right. Continue to be godly and live out your Christian faith.

And don't be afraid. Sometimes that's a real danger. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid." And God's saying, "Do not be afraid. Don't be fearful. Don't be anxious about this. Commit him to the Lord every day. Pray for this man, and don't stop praying." And the Lord hears and He answers your prayers.

The men's verse is next. I got a lot for the men. And so guys, I expect you all to be here next week. Don't call out sick. No, you've got to be here because next week we're going to dive into the role of the man, and I need a whole study for that. But let me say this to you. If you take this message, this is to my brothers, if you take this message today and you get into the car and you use it on your wife and you say, "Did you hear what Pastor John said? He said you're supposed to submit. That's pretty much what I heard." You will be defeating the whole purpose of the message, man. Don't ruin a perfectly good Sunday. You set yourself up for failure. Don't do it.

Listen, as couples, we are to seek to meet the needs of our spouse. Where there is pride, where there is self-seeking, where there is self-interest, when it's about our kingdom and not God's kingdom, it'll surely bring any marriage to the ground. God desires our marriages to be a picture of Christ and His Church. And the only way that we will be able to have that is if each spouse makes their relationship with Jesus Christ the top priority because here's what happens. It's you as a Christian man drawing near to the Lord and, ladies, it's you as a Christian woman drawing near to the Lord. And what happens is there's a threefold cord the Bible talks about that's not easily broken. You have the husband and wife and you've got Jesus just wrapping the whole thing up.

If you depart from the word and you stop reading your Bible and you stop being in fellowship and you stop cultivating that inner beauty inside, men, you stop submitting to the Lord, it's a matter of time before you just drift apart. You drift apart. This Jesus is what keeps it together. As long as we do that, then we'll be blessed. Are you going to have challenges? You better believe it. Marriage is full of them. Are we going to have disagreements? Yeah. Can we work through them? Of course we can because we're going to be godly and filled with the Spirit and we're going to be patient and we're going to be kind to one another. And we're going to be forgiving and we're going to be gentle and we're going to say, "I'm sorry. Forgive me. I blew it."

Come back next time for A Daily Walk when Pastor John Randall will talk about the role of the husband.