A Daily Walk

Guest (Male): Hey guys, if you want to know how to love your wife, look to Jesus as your example. Here is John Randall.

John Randall: I'm to love, you're to love your wife, first of all, like Jesus loves you. Start there. Love her like He loves you. Well, how does He love me? He loves His church. How does He love His church? It's an enduring love. I'll tell you that.

In John chapter 13, verse one, it says concerning Jesus over His disciples, "Now before the feast of Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them till the end." It endured. He just kept on loving them. It was an enduring love. That is the kind of love that we're to have for our spouse. Loving them to the end. Aren't you glad today that God never stops loving you?

Guest (Male): Marriages, even Christian marriages, are falling apart left and right. Some are on the brink of divorce, others are unhappy, to say the least. Is there any hope? I'm glad to say there is, if we'll embrace and live by God's principles laid before us in First Peter chapter three.

Today on A Daily Walk, Pastor John Randall has a heart-to-heart talk with husbands and encourages us to receive our role gladly and treat our wives as God would have us. Here's Pastor John with the role of a godly husband.

John Randall: If there's one thing I know about myself, and maybe you know this about yourself as well, I need grace. I am saved by God's grace. I am able to serve God only because of His grace. I am, and you are as well, sustained by the grace of God. I need God's grace. That grace that I am... it says concerning Jesus that He ministered with grace and truth. Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. And more grace, He gives more grace. I realize that and I say, "Oh yes, God, I need your grace." Well, so does your wife.

She needs that grace. And what I am receiving, what is being imparted to you by way of grace is to be shared with, poured into, your wife. For marriage to be a blessing, you need a lot of grace for one another. We really do. It's not like, "Well, I need grace for me, but not for her." No, she needs grace also because we let each other down. We fall short of expectation. Sometimes we say things we probably shouldn't have said or we do something, "Ah, that wasn't a good call." And so there needs to be grace, forgiveness, because we're flawed.

Grace is defined as God's favor toward the unworthy, God's benevolence on the undeserving. In His grace, God is willing to forgive us, to bless us abundantly even in spite of the fact that we don't deserve to be treated so well or dealt with so generously. I don't deserve His grace, but He consistently pours His grace upon me. Do I have that kind of grace for my spouse? You might ask yourself.

The Bible says in Ephesians chapter four, in verse 32, listen to what it says, "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." How important this is to apply this as it relates to sharing with our wife a tenderheartedness, a forgiveness. And I am on the receiving end daily of God's grace and His forgiveness and His tenderheartedness. That needs to be something I share with my spouse, something you share with your wife. Are you sharing with her God's grace? If you don't do it now, but maybe you ask your wife, "Am I sharing God's grace with you?" She'll tell you whether you are or not. Maybe you already know the answer.

The exhortation of the apostle Peter is then followed by an important incentive. Are you ready for this? This is in the Bible, so you can't take this out. But look at what it says. All this is to be done, this living and giving and sharing, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Hindered? What does that mean? If I'm not living with and giving to and sharing with my wife, my prayers could potentially be hindered. That's what it says. There are two words that are used here for this word hindered. It means to cut off from. It's a military metaphor, meaning to throw obstacles in a way of or cut up the road so that normal movement is impossible.

It means to do away with, to present to hinder or frustrate or impede. Here's what we need to understand, men. If our relationship with our wife is not where it should be, it's an indication that something's not right here with the Lord. If I'm not living and showing and giving and all of these things that God has asked me to do, then something's wrong here because this is my ministry. So what's going on in my ministry right now? Is there something impeding my progress? I don't like to admit it or confess it, but I will. And that is this: I live on a very short leash with God. From Wednesday to Sunday, I don't have a lot of time to be at odds with my wife if I was, because God doesn't let me.

It's like if I don't get right with Jesus before I'm in trouble. So Michelle can attest to this. There's been times, "Hello. Hey. What's going on?" "Nothing." "I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm about to talk to the church right now and I need to be right with God, so can you forgive me real quick?" I don't want to stand in front of you and be in the flesh. Thankfully, it's less than it used to be, but it's a real thing. I don't want my prayers to be hindered or the ministry to be hindered. And so I need to be right with the Lord. If I have been wrong with my wife, it's an indication something's not right with Jesus. And so I need to get this straight so that I can be what God's called me to be as a husband.

It's important to understand that your wife, gentlemen, that our wife is our ministry. The ministry that I'm involved with as it relates to the church is a ministry, but it's not the first ministry. The first ministry is my ministry to Jesus. Secondly, my ministry to my wife. Third, my ministry to my children and my grandchildren, and then to the church. That's the order of ministry. That's how it's supposed to go. Do you see it as your ministry? What are you sowing into that ministry? You'll be able to tell by the fruit that's coming forth from it. Is it healthy or is it rotten? Is it withering or is it flourishing? You'll be able to tell by what you're pouring into that ministry.

The fourth thing that I would say to us as husbands today... there's a quiz, guys, after this, only four questions, so we're going to nail this today. Ladies, you write it down and ask him in the car on the way home, "What were the four things?" and he'll remember. Loving our wives. That's the fourth thing. I go to Ephesians chapter five, verse 25 where the apostle Paul says this, he says, "Husbands, love your wives." Simple. That's it. Just love her. I got it. Not a problem. I can do that. But here's what we fail to understand. What does God mean when He says to love my wife? Because it goes on to say, "Love her like Christ loves His church." And you think, "Wow, how does Christ love His church? That's the standard? That's the example? How am I ever going to get there?"

The word that is used for love here is the highest form of love. It's the word agape. It's the love that God is in His very character and nature. First John 4:8, "God is agape. God is love." That's who He is. It's the love that He demonstrated at Calvary. John 3:16, "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only begotten Son." It's the love that the Holy Spirit produces in the life of a person who is yielded to the work of the Spirit. Galatians chapter five, verse 22 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is," there it is again, "love. Agape." It is a self-sacrificial love that impels the one loving to give himself in self-sacrifice for the well-being of the one who is loved.

This love is supernatural. How do I love my wife like that? How do I apply this agape love? What model do I follow? What example do I emulate? Jesus. Jesus is the greatest bridegroom of all time and He's a great example for us, men. I'm to love, you're to love your wife, first of all, like Jesus loves you. Start there. Love her like He loves you. Well, how does He love me? He loves His church. How does He love His church? It's an enduring love. I'll tell you that.

In John chapter 13, verse one, it says concerning Jesus over His disciples, "Now before the feast of Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them till the end." It endured. He just kept on loving them. It was an enduring love. That is the kind of love that we're to have for our spouse. Loving them to the end.

Aren't you glad today that God never stops loving you? He never stops loving you. It's enduring. His love never ceases. I'll take it a step further because the Bible does in Jeremiah 31:3, it says God's love is everlasting. It says, "The Lord has appeared to me of old, saying: 'Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; and therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.'" It's this kind of love that's seeking to draw the other person with love. It's a pursuing love, if you say so. It's a pursuing them with this kind of love of Jesus. God has loved us from everlasting. And it is a love that is unchanging. I think of Malachi chapter three, in verse six where the Lord says, "I am the Lord, and I change not." It doesn't ebb and flow. It's consistent.

The kind of love that the Lord has for His church, that He has for you this morning, is perfect. The church has failed from time to time, and yet the Lord continues to love His bride. Loving her unconditionally. In loving her unconditionally, the word agape is implied. The Lord doesn't say to you in loving you and loving me, "If you perform for me, then I'll love you. If you do this for me, then I'll love you. If you get that done, then I'll love you."

So it is to be with our wives. The gift and blessing that the Lord has given to us, not "Honey, I love you when you wash my clothes. Honey, I love you when you meet all of my physical needs. Honey, I love you when you serve me or you make me my dinner. I'll love you if and I'll love you when." That's not the kind of love that God has for us.

We need to be telling our wives that we love them. Recently I've been saying to my wife, and not just because I was coming to this passage, but telling my wife, "Hey, did I tell you already?" And now she knows. "No, you didn't say it yet." I said, "All right, let me say it. I love you. Let me tell you." So often as men, we demonstrate it. I'm demonstrating it. And I think it's good to demonstrate it because actions speak, so they say, louder than words, but words are also important. And so it has to be said. They have to be reminded. And some women need to be told this more than others. But you should never get to that place where "I told her I loved her when we got married and if it changes, I'll let her know." That is not sensitive. Don't be that guy.

His love is not only unconditional, but you know something else about God's love that we could cite? That it is sacrificial. It's sacrificial. In Ephesians 5:25, it says, "love the church and gave Himself for her." That speaks of a sacrificial kind of love that we're to have in loving our wives. Remember the first Adam, you read about in the book of Genesis? There was something taken from him. He gave something of himself to his wife. They say it's a rib. They took a rib from him and made the woman out of it, brought her to the man, and formed the woman there. But you know Jesus is called the last Adam, and do you know what the last Adam did for His bride? He gave everything. He gave it all. He shed His blood for His bride.

The Bible says, "Greater love has no man than this, then he lay down his life for his friends." Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for His wife, the church, the bride. I think of Jacob in the book of Genesis, it says he labored for his wife seven years. Imagine that. Seven years, and it says it seemed to be like one day to him because of the love that he had for her. I mean, that's how serious he was. Then he labored another seven years. Sacrificial love.

You might say this morning, "Well, of course I'd lay down my life for my wife. Truck was coming, I'd push her out of the way, make sure she didn't get hit. If somebody was going to attack us, I'd step up and defend her." We think in very chivalrous terms, nobility, of what I would do. I would sacrifice. I would do this. I would do that.

How about would you make the bed? How about would you put your dishes away? In a dishwasher? Unload the dishes? I hate it when he unloads the dishes because he never puts them where they're supposed to go. It's always trouble for some men. Would you pick up your clothes? I mean, this is very practical. We think in these terms of nobility and "I would lay down my life," well, do that. There's a sacrifice right there. Very practical ways of serving and being sacrificial.

Fellows, if we want to love our wives like Christ loved the church, then we have to die. I mean spiritually die to ourselves. Jesus said, "If you want to follow Me, take up your cross, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me." Your wife is not your cross, but you'll have opportunity to deny yourself and to put her needs before your own.

I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying it is important if we're to love them sacrificially. The Bible tells us in Romans chapter 12, in verse one, it says, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable, which is your reasonable service." It's presenting myself to the Lord so that I can be sacrificially loving my wife. Again, our wife is our ministry, and we have to, in ministry, be willing to make sacrifices. And if you're not willing to sacrifice, then it can often times be a reflection of where you are spiritually in your walk with the Lord. It really is. That you're not where you need to be. Jesus said, "If you want to be great in My kingdom, here's what you need to learn. Learn how to be the tyrant of all." No, He didn't say tyrant.

Learn how to be the dictator? No, He didn't say that. Learn how to be the king of your... no, He didn't say that. He said learn to be the... what was the word? Men, what was the word? Servant. Servant of all. And so we learn to serve. Paul, like Peter, gives us an exhortation to love our wives, to follow the example of Jesus. And what then is the objective of all of these things, of loving her in this way? The objective for us should be enough in just seeking to obey the command of the Lord and be like Jesus, but there's more. A husband who takes this at face value, what God's word says and by the power of the Spirit applies it to his life, will find that his wife won't have a problem submitting to him if he's loving her in this way.

Giving to her, sharing with her, living with her in this way. And that is why the goal is... this is Ephesians chapter five where it says in verse 26, "that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish."

Of course this is speaking of the Lord's objective in loving His church the way He does, ministering to His church in order to set the church apart for His purpose, sanctification, cleansed, purified. And that's exactly what Jesus has done for us, of course, as the bride. Redeemed us, regenerated us, justified us, sanctified us.

And He's done this through the working of His word. In John chapter 17, it says this, it says, "Sanctify them by your truth; your word is truth." Set them apart by your word. Your word is what sets us apart. In Psalm 119, verse nine, it says, "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed to your word." This is how God cleanses us: through the washing of the word. And so as husbands, one of the ways that we demonstrate this love, this sacrificial love, is we wash our wives with the water of the word of God. Do you speak the word to your wife? Do you share with her scriptures that minister to you? I suppose the question would first have to be: Are you a man of the word yourself?

If you're not a man of the word, it's really hard to impart the word to somebody else. The best thing you can do for your wife is be a man of the word of God, to be in God's word daily. Not once in a while, not when it's convenient, but every single day, just being in the word of God. The first thing that you do is grab your Bible, get alone with Jesus and just say, "God, I need you. Speak to me, Lord." And allow Him to impart His word to you.

Now there may be some husbands here today who say, "Listen, all this is great. Yeah, I get it. Loving my wife, loving my wife, that's really cool. I love that exhortation. That's really great, but you don't know my wife. You don't know what's going on, Pastor John."

You say, "I look at my wife and I don't necessarily like what I see. She has real issues." Well, listen to this passage of scripture, men, if that's where you're at this morning. Proverbs 12:4, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness to his bones." Sometimes our wives, listen to this, this hits me: Our wives can be a reflection of us. The crown, the reflection of her husband. If you're never washing her with the word, if you aren't loving her like Christ encouraged us to do, not living with understanding, if not giving under her honor, not sharing grace and loving her in this way, don't be surprised if she reflects you. She's acting like you act.

And if you haven't washed her in the word... sometimes guys get to this place where they just, "Well, fine, I'm just going to move on." Listen, friend, you'll take that down the road with you. Something needs to change in your own heart so that that relationship can be all that God intends it to be. That ministry is a reflection of what you're putting into it.

Are you a kind of man that's compromising in ways that are causing your wife to stumble and stain her by the world because you seek to gratify your own flesh? Are you the kind of man who is cleansing and washing and reaffirming to your wife the love of Christ? That is what God's calling us to do. That's what He's asking of us.

Are you a guy that leads her into sin or leads her away from it? Are you a guy that models what it is to be godly in your home, or are you just a guy that just kind of depends on where the wind's blowing? You're kind of like a weather vane, just whoever, whatever we're doing, we just go with the wind. What do I do? How do I change? How do I change me? Because I know that I'm a part of the problem. And God requires me to lead. What does God want me to do?

You know, I love the fact that first He says love them like Jesus, but in we're going to conclude here, He makes it even more practical, guys. You know what He says? Ephesians 5:28, "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies." He who loves his wife loves himself.

No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes his flesh and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. I mean, this example of Christ, love her like Christ of the church, like who can do that? I get it. There's the example. That's what we're to strive for. But here's one: Love her like you love you. Let's face it, we love us. We're sensitive to ourselves, aren't we? Guys, if you're hungry, you know it, and pretty soon the world's going to know it if you don't get some food. Like it's just going to happen. I mean, are you that sensitive to where we pick up on the signals with our wife? "Something's happening here. Something's happening. I can tell. Something's not right."

And you're sensitive. Love her like you love you. You're sensitive to it. You're aware of it. If you're in pain, you know it. Do we know her that way? Nourishing her, cherishing her, praying for her. Men, I've told you before and I tell you again today, I am no expert, obviously, but I am growing. And I want to continue to apply these things in my life. We want to be found faithful with the ministry of being a husband. And if we will look to the Lord and ask for His help, don't you know the one who is called the bridegroom will equip us to love His bride, who is also our bride? Yes, He will equip us.

So if you haven't really been doing your part, men, can I encourage you? It's not too late. I would encourage you to take some of these steps, to take these things, to pray these things in and start to apply them. Now ladies, listen. If your man starts to apply it, don't say, "Well, it's about time." Don't do that. That would be so discouraging. Encourage him in it. Pray for him that God would make him into the man that He's called him to be.

You know life is so short. It's so brief. We're with each other, our spouse, for so many years. And I've done memorials for people who have lost their spouse. And it's just, you see the things that they share and the things that they say and what you wish you would have done more of. And you just think, "Man, time is just so brief." So let's make the most of it. Let's praise God for what we have and let's be faithful. Amen?

Guest (Male): What a helpful study today on the role of a godly husband, taken from our series in First Peter. This is A Daily Walk with Pastor John Randall. And I'd imagine some of you would like to hear this message from First Peter again. Maybe you joined us late. Go online to adailywalk.org and have a listen whenever it's most convenient. We're also on oneplace.com. Another way to listen to Pastor John's teachings is through our mobile app. It's free. Do a search for Calvary South OC.

We are super excited about this month's offer. It's a book from our friend in the ministry, Bill Stonebreaker, titled *Spiritual Warfare in Marriage*. Having a good and godly marriage doesn't come easy, and we have an enemy that seeks to kill and destroy it. In this helpful book, Pastor Bill shows us how to win the battle for a good marriage. We're making it available to our A Daily Walk listeners for the cost of $5. You can order online at adailywalk.org or call us at 877-242-0828.

And anything given above that amount will be put to good use and help people all over the world grow in their daily walk as they listen to these daily studies. In some cases, actually enter into a relationship with Christ. Again, you can donate online safely and securely at adailywalk.org or call us at 877-242-0828.

We say it often around here at A Daily Walk because it's true, we want to hear from you. It lets us know where the ministry is having an impact and we also love praying for our listeners. Write to Pastor John by email today at adailywalk@gmail.com. That's adailywalk@gmail.com. Next time on A Daily Walk, get prepared to give an answer for the hope that is within you as our study of First Peter continues with Pastor John Randall.