A Daily Walk

Guest (Male): Today on A Daily Walk, the role of a godly husband.

John Randall: I was thinking about husbands and wives and the wife being a vessel. And this is what I thought to myself: if our wives are vessels, as the Bible says that they are, the question is, what are we pouring into those vessels? Are we pouring in encouragement? Are we pouring in love? Are we pouring in compassion? Or are we pouring in criticism, insensitivity? Whatever we're pouring into that vessel is so often what will be coming out of that vessel.

Guest (Male): So guys, how well do you know your wife? Do you have to think long and hard to come up with her likes and dislikes, talents, goals, and giftings? Can you identify her strengths and weaknesses? If not, you've got some work to do. Today on A Daily Walk, we get into the husband's role in marriage. Now, as you may recall last time, we looked at the wife's role. Today we notice that a husband should know his wife very well, and that knowledge should affect how we view and treat them. Here's Pastor John Randall to take it from there in 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 7 through 9.

John Randall: In chapter 3 of his epistle, Peter provided some very practical wisdom for the marriage relationship. And he began by addressing the women in the fellowship that were married to non-believers. And he encouraged them to submit to their husbands, to live out the gospel in front of them, so that even without a word, their husbands may turn to Christ for salvation. He also reminded them that their beauty was more than their outward appearance and presentation, but it was an inward cultivation of beauty that was a work of the Holy Spirit that was very precious in the sight of God.

Now Peter turns his attention to the brothers, to the husbands. And found within the scriptures collectively that speak on the subject of marriage, what you will discover is that the Lord has more to say to the husbands than the wives. There's a greater responsibility that we carry as men because we are called to be the spiritual leaders in our families. One day we will stand before the Lord, and we will give an account for the stewardship of our ministry and our leadership among our family. The Bible says to whom much is given, much is required. And if you have been married for any length of time, you realize that this task of spiritual leadership is too great for you to do on your own.

Thankfully, there is the power of the Holy Spirit provided to make us into the men that we want to be and the men that God has called us to be. And there are several things that Peter points out. But let me reiterate to you, if I may, that God has a plan for marriage. And that plan is found in his Word. Really, the Word of God is like the manual for marriage. Problems arise in a home between husband and wife when we begin to drift away from God's Word.

The connections that we have as husbands and wives begin to subtly loosen when a husband's hobbies take precedence over his relationship and personal devotional life with Jesus. When a wife replaces God's Word with fitness, when the parents replace God's Word and fellowship for sports. What it does is it sends a message to the spouse, to the kids, what our priorities really are. But here's what God desires. God desires in a marriage, first of all, unity. One man, one woman for life. That was God's original intention. There in the Garden of Eden, it made it very clear. God said that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, and so he brought the woman to the man in order that they could become one.

By the way, if you're single here today, listen: be like Adam and just keep serving the Lord. He was resting in the garden when he brought his mate. He wasn't out beating the bushes, climbing trees. God brought him the woman in the right time. Unity in marriage is required. But also intimacy in marriage. The Bible says for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And when you are married, you're leaving your family, beginning your own family. And the word "joined" means glued together. It speaks of intimacy in the marital relationship.

Unity, intimacy, also permanence. For the Bible says what God has joined together, let no man separate. According to God's ideal, he wanted the man and the woman to stay together, not to be torn apart, to take seriously the commitment that they had made before God and before man. A commitment for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, for sickness and in health, till death do us part. It speaks of the permanence in the vows.

Now, in addressing the husbands, there are several things that we can glean from God's Word. And men, I would encourage you to write these down. I've done my best to make these bullet points because I know how we are. So, borrow a pen from your wife and perhaps a piece of paper. Maybe I'm not kidding as I look around. I'm not looking at you, but here's the first thing if you're taking notes. I even put it on the board: living with your wife.

Number one, verse 7: "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding." The word "dwell" means to live with, to reside together, to cohabitate. It doesn't say to live lives apart, but to dwell with. And that would imply not sleeping in separate rooms, platonically, or ordering bunk beds for Christmas. But living and doing life together, living, dwelling. The Bible says in Psalm 133, verse 1: "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." Dwelling, united.

Jesus, when he wrote to the churches there in Revelation, in Revelation chapter 3, verse 20, this is what he said. He said, "Behold, I stand at the door and I knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and he with me." It's as if Jesus is saying, "Listen, I'm knocking at the door of your life, of your home, and if you will open the door and let me into your house, I will dwell with you. I'll make my home with you."

The Bible tells us in Colossians chapter 3, verse 16, concerning dwelling, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom and teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord." If you, as husband and wife, open the door and you let Jesus into your home and you allow him to be the center of your dwelling place, and you allow his Word to dwell in your heart, that is when you can dwell together and live together in unity.

And husbands, as you live with your wife, as we live with our wives, we are to do so with, notice this important word, understanding. It means according to knowledge. The implication here is to know your wife, to study her, to try and figure out how her mind works. Find out what her gifts are, her desires, her talents, her hopes, her goals. And one of the ways that we can learn more about our wives is to seek to be good listeners. Are you a good listener? Luke chapter 6, verse 45, says this: "Out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks."

Your wife will be speaking out of the abundance of her heart. So the words that she is saying are going to be revealing what's going on inside. And in light of what I'm hearing, if I'm really listening, then I can dwell with understanding. Now, granted, there may be times when your wife may say something that actually means something else. And you need to learn how to decipher the code. There are certain questions that she might ask you that it might be better not to answer that question. It may be a roundabout way of telling you she would like something done without coming right out and asking you to do it.

This happened in my home yesterday, which was appropriate. It was so good because I was coming here and I thought, "Wow, Lord, this is confirmation." And I pointed this out to my wife, so I'm allowed to say it. At least that's what I understood she said to me. I'll find out later. But we got a gift for one of our grandsons and it required assembly. And my wife said, "What is this box?" I said, "Oh, that's Charlie's..." I can't say, he might see this. She says, "Oh wow, that needs to be put together." Which is a way of saying, "You need to put it together." Normally, I might not have picked up on that, but after 30 years, I know that means me.

As men, we often want to be quick to fix things. We don't always want to take time to listen to things. Get to the point. What is it? And there's a story attached so often. And you want to listen to that story and just travel down the road. You don't want to be quick to react instead of quick to listen and respond. Bible says let everybody be quick to listen, slow to speak. And often when you speak to your wife, you may feel like although we are both speaking English, it's like we're speaking different languages. Like we need Google Translate to understand each other on this point.

Because you don't understand, or you're not seeing it from her perspective, and you just have your perspective, you're not even willing to look at it, to even try and understand what this is about, maybe you think volume is the answer. "Obviously, you're not hearing me. Let me just crank it up." And that doesn't help. Oftentimes, people just quickly shut down and nothing is resolved. And so you have to be willing to try and hear it from her perspective. Again, if you've been married for longer seasons of life, here's what you will discover: there are different seasons in your married life with your wife that require greater levels of understanding.

When you're first married, you're just understanding what your wife's saying. She's a new wife, a brand-new bride. What's that about? That's a level of understanding. And then you bring children into your lives. Now you have multiple children and you're trying to understand what she needs. And she's constantly in survival mode trying to keep these kids fed and clothed and bathed, and you're there also a part of it, understanding what the needs are. And then the kids get out of the house and you go to another season of life and there's a whole another level of understanding what's going on.

Song of Solomon, I think, gives us a good passage on this as it relates to understanding our wife. He says in Song of Solomon chapter 4, verse 3, the groom is talking about his bride, really alluding to her mind. And he said, "Your temples behind your veil are like halves of pomegranates." I mean, it makes sense, right? Have you ever opened a pomegranate? Have you looked inside one of those things? You probably had one this morning. When you look inside, there are many sections to the pomegranate. Some are little, other ones are big. That's what a woman's mind is like. It is complex with many sections, big and small.

In fact, modern science backs this up. It backs up Solomon's insight. Obviously, he had a lot of women to deal with, so he really knew. But we know that the brain contains two hemispheres, the left and the right. Neuroscientists tell us women typically have a larger pathway between the two hemispheres so that information flows more freely. To put it simply, most men have a footpath and women have a superhighway. That's why they're able to be generally more verbal, more in touch with their emotions, better at forming deep relationships. Men are better with non-verbal tasks. That's why we have the remote control. There is far more that you could say about how women and men think differently. And the fact is the women already know this. And some of us guys here today are saying, "What is he talking about?"

So my point is this: your wife might say, "You just don't understand." And the truth is, you might not. But this is what I want to encourage us to do, brothers, collectively: try. Try to understand. Try to see it from her perspective. Try to hear what's behind what's being said. What's the real need? Pray for God's wisdom. The Bible says if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God and he'll give liberally to all who ask. "Lord, help me to understand her. Help me to understand what is being said." Ask for insight, how you can be a blessing to her. God knows our wives better than we do, and he is able to equip us to meet the need that she has. And pray for them. Intercede for them. This is how you live with your wife with understanding.

So living with your wife, understanding. Next thing, number two: giving to your wife. Notice what it says: "giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel." The word "honor" here refers to merit. It is the amount at which something is valued. It is a term used to describe the value of a precious gem or stone. Thus, wives are to be treasured for their immeasurable value. Do you see the value of your wife? Do you see the blessing of your wife? Proverbs 31, verse 10, says this: "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far more than rubies."

As you honor her, it is important to remember that she is the weaker vessel. And the weaker vessel does not imply inferior. Don't misunderstand. Primarily, it refers to the difference between physical strength between men and women. Most men are biologically stronger than women. That's not always, but oftentimes that is the case. But the word "weaker vessel" is similar to our word "vase." It's a particular word that is used of something that is priceless. It's also a word used of sacred vessels that were used in the temple for the worship of God.

Therefore, when Peter calls the wife the weaker vessel, he is not referring to moral character nor intellectual ability or spiritual perception. He's saying she's different than you. Honor that. She's precious. She's valuable. Immeasurable worth is attached to your partner for life. In other words, don't treat your wife like a guy. She's not a guy, thankfully. She's not a dude. Up top, it doesn't always work that way. That doesn't go well with her. You can't talk to her like a guy and it's just different.

But when I think of the word "vessel" that Peter speaks of here, it takes me to other passages of scripture. For example, 2 Timothy chapter 2, verse 20, where the apostle Paul writes and he says, "But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor." There are different vessels in a house. Listen, your wife is a vessel for honor. Furthermore, in 2 Corinthians chapter 4, verse 7, it says this concerning vessels. It says, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." So there are vessels of honor, which is what your wife is to be. And you are giving her that respect, that honor. You're understanding who she is as a person, who God's created her to be. And there's a treasure there in that vessel.

I was thinking about husbands and wives and the wife being a vessel. And this is what I thought to myself: if our wives are vessels, as the Bible says that they are, the question is, what are we pouring into those vessels? Are we pouring in encouragement? Are we pouring in love? Are we pouring in compassion? Or are we pouring in criticism, insensitivity? Whatever we're pouring into that vessel is so often what will be coming out of that vessel. We are to live with our wives with understanding. In giving to our wife, we honor them. We pour into them our love and concern and care.

But then Peter adds now, thirdly, we are to share with your wife. Sharing with your wife. It says, "as being heirs together of the grace of life." Husbands are to share with their wives. It says that we are heirs together. We're sharing something. What are we sharing? The grace of life. That's what I'm to share with my spouse. The Bible says in Romans chapter 8, in verse 16, it says that the Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God. And if children, then heirs, and heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ.

In other words, everything that belongs to Jesus, he is going to share with us throughout eternity. We are joint heirs with Christ, which is an amazing subject in and of itself. But here, Peter tells us that we are heirs together with our wives. We are one with them, and thus we are to share with them grace. If there's one thing I know about myself, and maybe you know this about yourself as well, I need grace. I am saved by God's grace. I am able to serve God only because of his grace. I am, and you are as well, sustained by the grace of God.

I need God's grace. And that grace that I am, it says concerning Jesus that he ministered with grace and truth. Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. And more grace, he gives more grace. I realize that and I say, "Oh yes, God, I need your grace." Well, so does your wife. She needs that grace. And what I am receiving, what is being imparted to you by way of grace, is to be shared with, poured into, your wife. For marriage to be a blessing, you need a lot of grace for one another. We really do.

It's not like, "Well, I need grace for me, but not for her." No, she needs grace also because we let each other down. We fall short of expectation. Sometimes we say things we probably shouldn't have said. Or we do something, that wasn't a good call. And so there needs to be grace, forgiveness, because we're flawed. Grace is defined as God's favor toward the unworthy. God's benevolence on the undeserving. In his grace, God is willing to forgive us, to bless us abundantly even in spite of the fact that we don't deserve to be treated so well or dealt with so generously. I don't deserve his grace, but he consistently pours his grace upon me.

Do I have that kind of grace for my spouse? You might ask yourself. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 4, in verse 32, listen to what it says: "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." How important this is to apply this as it relates to sharing with our wife: a tenderheartedness, a forgiveness. And I am on the receiving end daily of God's grace and his forgiveness and his tenderheartedness. And that needs to be something I share with my spouse, something you share with your wife. Are you sharing with her God's grace?

Guest (Male): And guys, we'll leave you to think that one over. You can always ask your wife that question and see what she says. Today on A Daily Walk, we've been learning how to live with our wives with understanding and also how to be giving to and sharing with our wives. It's part of Pastor John Randall's study in 1 Peter. You can listen to our recent programs on our website at adailywalk.org or wherever you get your podcasts. We also offer an app, too. To download our app, do a search for Calvary South OC. And check out a Daily Walk devotional video there at our website as well for daily encouragement from Pastor John. That's adailywalk.org.

So, you're a Christian and married a Christian too. So what happened to happily ever after? Perhaps you've wondered that. At times, achieving a good marriage seems like a real battle. In his book, Spiritual Warfare in Marriage, Bill Stonebreaker pulls back the curtain and reveals who is very often behind the conflict and struggle: our enemy, Satan. But there is a way to win the battle for a good marriage, and this book points the way. We'll send it to you for the special price of $5. Call us at 877-242-0828 or go online to adailywalk.org. And thank you for your prayerful and financial support of A Daily Walk. It really is having an impact. With your help, we're able to reach thousands with the truth and love of Christ at a time when they really need to hear it.

If you'd like to donate to the ministry, please go to adailywalk.org or call 877-242-0828. And we're very grateful to the Lord when we hear back from our listeners. Write to Pastor John today by email at adailywalk@gmail.com. He loves to read listener letters and emails. Let him know what's going on in your life and how we can pray for you at adailywalk@gmail.com. Maybe you're one of our new listeners. Let us know what you think of A Daily Walk when you write to us at adailywalk@gmail.com. We hope you can join us next time when Pastor John Randall will have more biblical direction and encouragement for us husbands. That's coming up here on A Daily Walk.

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