A Daily Walk

Guest (Male): Are you married to someone who doesn't know the Lord? Pastor John Randall on how best to reach them.

John Randall: You know, the best option for witnessing in a home where a spouse is unresponsive to the gospel is to live your Christianity in front of them. To just live it out. Let them see it. Pastoring them is not always the best thing to do. "Come on, get up! Let's go to church," you know, set their alarm at 4:00 and then just shake them and that doesn't work. It might cause them to become more obstinate. Just live it, live it out in front of them.

Guest (Male): All around us, marriages are struggling. Divorce is occurring at an alarming rate, and that includes Christian marriages. But God has given us everything we need to succeed in the marital relationship in His word and by His spirit.

Today on A Daily Walk, Pastor John Randall unveils God's heart for your marriage through a study of 1 Peter chapter 3. We'll take notice of the structure in the home that God has come up with, and as you'll soon see, many have strayed away from it. This passage has a great deal to communicate to husbands and wives, and over the course of the next two programs, we'll take a good look at it together. Here's John.

John Randall: Chapter 3 this morning. And if you are here for the first time, I want to welcome you. So glad that you are here. And let me just give you a little insight so you know, by way of preface, and that is this: we just go through the Bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. So this wasn't like the husbands put me up to it and said, "Hey, could you around Christmas time teach from 1 Peter 3 just so we can get it all together?" Wives, submit to your husbands. I know some of you men have been waiting for this message a long time, and you've wanted to get here in scripture. But there's more to the Bible than just 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians chapter 5. But this is important. So we're going through the word, and that's where we are today. Praise God. All God's word is inspired. You don't want to miss any of it.

1 Peter chapter 3, beginning in verse 1, if you'd follow along with me. "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear or reverence. Do not let your adornment be merely outward arranging of the hair, wearing gold or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, even in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are, if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Shall we pray?

Father, today, thank you for your word, all of it. Pray that you would speak to us today, God. We ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen. Last week in our study through this epistle of 1 Peter, we entered into a very practical section of this letter where Peter is writing concerning a believer's conduct, their lifestyle, in the midst of unfavorable circumstances. And we considered many things. How does a Christian live in the world that is opposed to Christ? The Christian lives a Christian life. He lives to honor the Lord. She lives to glorify God. And by doing that, prayerfully, those who are speaking all manner of evil against you falsely will turn to Christ because they'll see your example as a believer.

Then Peter talked about how should a Christian live under civil authority. I mean, if we have a different king and we're living for a different kingdom, and the Roman Empire is basically bludgeoning the world into submission, are we supposed to just disrespect civil authority altogether? Peter said no, you're to be an outstanding citizen, an example for others to follow. You should pray for those who are in authority. You should live your life in such a way that you honor all people, you honor the king, and never use your liberty in Christ as a license to pursue a life of the flesh.

What about vocationally? We applied that text to employer-employee. What if you've got a boss that isn't very kind and isn't very nice? What do you do? Peter said listen, work in such a way as to glorify God and allow the Lord to use you there in that place. We talked about our workplace being like a mission field and seeing it that way, being a light there on the job. But now Peter moves from looking at what goes on on the outside of the home to how we live on the inside. How should we live as husbands and wives? Now, let me begin by saying this: that often in the home is where your Christianity, my Christianity, is often tested.

Can I get an amen? You know it. It just happens. That's where it becomes real. You let your guard down. You are who you are. Who you are when you're there, well, that's who we are. And here Peter is writing in the first six verses addressing the wives and then in verse 7 addressing the husbands. It's important to remember that marriage is God's idea. He designed it, He blessed it, and He has provided instructions on how to have a fruitful and successful marriage in the Lord.

There was a pastor who was ministering to some young kids in the fourth grade, and he was asking them, "Hey, who knows here what the Bible says about marriage?" And a little boy said, "I know what the Bible says. It says, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" And for many of us, that's kind of how marriage began. You're not fully prepared for all that marriage entails. We're unaware of the challenges that we would face. You think that you just ride in on a unicorn and float through clouds and rainbows your whole life as a married couple, just utter bliss.

But there's a challenge in two becoming one. And the truth is, you can't fully know what marriage is until you're actually married. You can read books, you can attend seminars, you can go on marriage cruises, you can go to counseling. There's so many things available for us today, but you're never fully prepared. You don't know what you don't know. But you will find out very quickly. I remember over now 32 years ago standing in my tuxedo. I remember my wife walking down—and by the way, this is before we were looking for venues. That's a new thing. Like, you've been around for a while, kids are like, "We're looking for a venue." What do you mean, like for a concert? No, for a venue for our wedding.

And it's great, it's so much more creative. And we were looking for churches at that time. So we got married in a church, our home church there in Costa Mesa. I remember my wife walking down the aisle. I'm 19 years old, we've got it all figured out, and he hands her over to me. We ascend the staircase, we get up there on top of the platform, we go through the vows of love and faithfulness. It's amazing. We take communion. One of my best friends faints, falls down the stairs. They dragged him off, and we just kept—I said, "Just keep going." I didn't even turn around. I said, "He'll be fine. Let's go." So we kept on going.

After you've said the vows and the rings and you're pronounced husband and wife, it's so surreal, it's wonderful. You walk out, you exit church, you have your reception with your friends, you go to the honeymoon, it's so wonderful. You come back, you return, and your life begins. At that time, I only knew on the surface, really, what marriage was about. And presently, I am not an expert on the subject. Yet over the last three decades, I have learned a few things by experience. I will say that school is still in session. I'm still learning what it means to be a godly husband, a spiritual leader in my home.

You say, "Well, John, what are some of the lessons that you're learning? Could you just impart some of your pearls of wisdom to us because we're just on the edge of our seats? We want to know how you do it. What have you learned in all of your time? Share with us." All right, write this down. I am learning how selfish I can be. I am learning how prideful I can be. I am learning how stubborn in my flesh that I can become. I have discovered how long bitterness can live in an unrepentant heart. It has the shelf life of a Twinkie. You've got to be careful.

I am learning that although I communicate for a living, I am not always the best communicator. I can easily lack sensitivity. I'm learning that not always as much of a servant as Jesus would have me to be. I'm not as godly and as spiritual as I want to be. Ultimately, this is what I'm learning, bottom line: I need the power of the Holy Spirit if I am to love my wife, if I'm to be a husband, if I'm to be a father in the way that God requires me to be. To be a husband, to be a father, to be a grandfather, to be a Christian is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit indwelling me. I agree with what the Bible says: in my flesh dwells no good thing and that apart from Jesus, I can do nothing.

I'm learning that this relationship called marriage is the deepest, the most intimate relationship you can have next to your relationship with Jesus Christ. In this relationship, we have to follow what God's word says, obey what He has revealed, follow His example, or else it won't be what it should be or it won't be what God desires it to be. Tragically, in some cases, those that disregard God's design for marriage and His plan and guidelines end up becoming a statistic of the divorce rate being somewhere around 60%. That's not just out there, I will say. It's also made its way into the church. There is an all-out attack on the marriage, and some people, frankly, they're just looking for a way out.

I want to talk to you just for a little bit about what God's word says on this subject, and we begin with the wives. "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands." The word that Peter uses here for submission is a word that describes a maintaining of order. God is a God of order. You look at creation and you realize it's not a God of chaos. There are things that are in order that operate according to God's plan. The Bible says that in Him, that is in Christ, all things consist, meaning they are literally held together. He's a God of order.

Thankfully, He's given us instructions not just for order in the cosmos, order in the church, but also order in the world and in our marriage. And so Peter uses this term, and it's actually a military term. It describes soldiers that come under the leadership of the officers that are over them. In Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22, Paul used it this way. Paul said, "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the church, and He is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

For many, the very word submission just frightens you. You think of submission today and it's like somebody's got somebody in a chokehold, and when they submit, that means they're tapping out. "Let go of me." It's like a scary thing, submission. It carries a negative connotation. We live in a society that values individual rights, especially those who are pushed down by the system, and we're constantly encouraged: stand up for our rights and fight back when you're wronged. In many ways, I would say that self-fulfillment is a supreme virtue in America. We are encouraged to do whatever we have to do to seek our own personal happiness.

I believe that the reason why there is such a strong aversion to submission is that we're unclear of what God means by it in His word. Submission does not mean inferiority. That because the wife is called to follow the leadership of her husband, that somehow she is inferior to her husband spiritually, intellectually, or otherwise. No, that's not the case. Submission has to do with structure, order, that God has given for the family within the home. A husband's role is not the same as the role of the wife, and a wife's role is not the same as the husband's.

A husband is to love and be submitted and surrendered to Jesus in his own personal life. That should be the first priority of every husband here: to love the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength. And then as you submit to the leadership of Jesus Christ, the wife then who is also submitted to Jesus then comes under the leadership of her husband. Then what follows is you have children growing up in an environment with parents, although in no way perfect, they do love the Lord, they love one another, and the child is then submitted to the Lord as to being submitted to the parents.

That's God's plan. That's God's plan for the family, God's plan for marriage. Ladies, submitting to your husband is really about protection for you. Submitting to your husband doesn't mean that you are not a part of the decision-making process. "Don't talk to me right now. Don't make me turn to Ephesians right now because I know where it is somewhere. I think it's in the Old Testament." No, it's in the New Testament. You want to tell her to submit rather than have an input. Submitting doesn't mean she doesn't have the opportunity to say something or speak into the situation or that her opinion doesn't matter. It does matter.

It's just simply God's order for the family, and according to scripture, it's important, ladies, for you to allow your husband room to grow in the area of leadership. We need room. You say, "Amen." We need room. We do. It's very true. And the responsibility and privilege of leadership in a home is not a dictatorship. Husbands and wives are partners. They're not competitors. Typically, every time—and this is important too—don't have the attitude that some couples have. Michelle and I were in a premarital counseling class one time with a bunch of other couples.

This couple was there, and I've shared about them before. I hope they're together. They got there, and they look like the typical gym couple. He was yoked, she was really thin, and the guy raised his hand up, his bicep. He's wearing a tank top, obviously. I mean, why wouldn't you? Suns out, guns out. He raised his hand up and he said, "I have a question." He said, "What's your question, sir?" He said, "What about my money and her money?" Yeah, that's exactly what we did in class. We were like, oh, they're going to have problems. Michelle and I, we didn't have any money, so it really didn't matter. That wasn't our issue.

But the pastor said listen, it's not yours and hers, it's ours. We have to understand that. Now, typically every time I comment or teach on a passage of scripture that talks about marriage, I get countless questions and examples after the fact. Everybody has a scenario. Everybody has different things that have happened. "Well, if this is the case, well what about this? Well, you didn't talk about this, John, what about that?" It can't cover every single scenario that I've seen over the last several decades. It would be impossible. Everybody's got their thing.

So I'm just going to focus on what it says here. It's difficult to teach on the subject of a wife being submitted to a husband who's a believer. Peter is writing to women who were married to non-believers. He's encouraging them: how do I live in my home? Because many women were coming to faith in Christ. You know there were many women that followed Jesus and served Jesus. The first person to get the news of the resurrection of Jesus—the greatest news ever—Mary Magdalene. First person. As you're looking at this, Peter's writing to women who were married not to men who loved the Lord. These men weren't even saved.

How then does a woman live if married to a non-believer? That is what the text is talking about. First of all, I'll say this: don't marry a non-believer. Don't think that you're like a missionary marriage dater. "I'm going to lead him to Christ. I'm going to lead her to Christ." Are they a Christian? Are they born again? Do they read their Bible? Do they go to church? Do they love the Lord? Do you see the evidence of their faith? If you don't, pump the brakes. Don't go into it. "Well, I don't think I'm ever going to find anybody else that's like this." Well, trust God. If he's not a Christian, don't get into it.

Don't be unequally yoked together with non-believers. So many people would save themselves heartache down the road if they would just take that to heart right there at the very beginning. Don't marry a non-believer. Don't date a non-believer. Don't do it. And don't date these guys that say they're a Christian and aren't. You'll know by the way they treat you. You're tracking with me. Now, in the case where you have husband and wife, maybe neither of you were saved when you got married. That happens, and you got saved afterwards. And still maybe your spouse—this could be applied to men or women in this case—but maybe your spouse hasn't come to Christ yet.

How do you live in a home that is divided? Well, Peter tells us. In the ancient civilization, women had no rights at all. If you look at under the Jewish law, a woman was kind of like a thing to her own husband. It's not right. The same way like he owned a sheep or he owned a goat. There was no account that she could leave with him. He could dismiss her at a whim if he didn't like the way she cooked, if he didn't like what she said about his mother. He could say, "That's it, I'm writing you a bill of divorcement," and he could send her on her way with her dowry, and that's how she would survive.

If you go to the Greek civilization, women were to remain indoors. They were to be obedient to their husbands, and it was a sign of a good woman, they said, that she must see as little, hear as little, and ask as little as possible. Kind of an independent existence and no mind of her own, and her husband, again, could divorce her for any reason. Under Roman law, it was worse because a woman remained a child forever. When she was under her father, she was under this thing called patria potestas. The father's power gave the father right even to life and death of the daughter.

When he handed her over to her husband, that right belonged to him, and she was at the mercy of her husband. Ladies, can I say this to you? It was the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ that elevated women to the proper place of equality with husbands, with male-female. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, all are one in Christ. The gospel did that. And so here you have these women who have now found this freedom in the Lord. They're born again, they're saved. They want to go to church. But for a woman in that culture to change religion, as it were, or go from paganism to following after Christ, that was a huge sacrifice, and not everybody was excited about it.

Yet Peter, in speaking to these women in difficult situations, says to them, submit to your husband, follow his leadership. Why? Why should she do that? First of all, notice this: it's a command from the Lord. I mean, that's the first thing. It's a command from the Lord. And God's commandments are not to be burdensome. This is God's word to us. And so He's saying to the sisters, to the ladies, to the wives: submit to your husband. Not only is it a command from the Lord, but did you know it was also an example that was modeled by the Lord?

In the area of submission, Jesus submitted to the will of the Father. That is why Peter says here "likewise," or in the same manner. That is a reference to Jesus. In the same way, in like manner, how Jesus submitted saying, "Not my will but yours be done," you follow that example and follow God's will by obeying His commands. Not only is a wife encouraged to submit to her husband, commanded to submit to her husband, and followed the example of the Lord, but also the reason for it is that there's a great opportunity for the wife to lead her husband to Christ.

Peter tells us right here in the text that you might end up leading him without a word by the way that you live in front of him, bring him to the Lord. As a wife goes home perhaps to a non-believing husband, respects his position as the head of the home, gives him that place of leadership, serves him like she serves Jesus and loves him in the way that Jesus has loved her. He said if they're not obeying the word in their life, as they observe your conduct, without a word, they can be won over to Christ. Without preaching at him, a non-believing husband can see the example of his wife.

Even if he's not walking with the Lord—maybe you've got some backslidden husbands in here—you can win them over by your conduct. You know, the best option for witnessing in a home where a spouse is unresponsive to the gospel is to live your Christianity in front of them. To just live it out. Let them see it. Pastoring them is not always the best thing to do. "Come on, get up! Let's go to church," you know, set their alarm at 4:00 and then just shake them and that doesn't work. It might cause them to become more obstinate.

But you can—listen, it says "without a word," but not without the word of God. You can pray over them. "Hey, honey, I'm going to pray for you. I am praying for you." And maybe if they don't—"Don't pray for me!" Well, pray for them anyway in quiet. Pray for them. Take opportunities to witness to them. Maybe even invite them to church. Tell them you're praying for them. Change all of the radio stations in their car to only Christian. Put sticky notes on their coffee cup that say, "Repent." That always works well. Sock drawer, "turn or burn." Who put this in here? No, don't say that. That's not good. I'm kidding. I'm joking. Don't do that. Just live it, live it out in front of them.

Guest (Male): Pastor John Randall is leading us through the Bible right now on A Daily Walk. And I'd imagine some of you would like to hear this message from 1 Peter again. Maybe you joined us late. Go online to adailywalk.org and have a listen when it's most convenient. We're also on oneplace.com. Another way to listen to Pastor John's teachings is through our mobile app. It's free. Do a search for Calvary South OC.

We are super excited about this month's offer. It's a book from our friend in the ministry, Bill Stonebreaker, titled Spiritual Warfare in Marriage. Having a good and godly marriage doesn't come easy, and we have an enemy that seeks to kill and destroy it. In this helpful book, Pastor Bill shows us how to win the battle for a good marriage. We're making it available to our A Daily Walk listeners for the cost of $5. You can order online at adailywalk.org or call us at 877-242-0828.

And anything given above that amount will be put to good use and help people all over the world grow in their daily walk as they listen to these daily studies. In some cases, actually enter into a relationship with Christ. Again, you can donate online safely and securely at adailywalk.org or call us at 877-242-0828. We say it often around here at A Daily Walk because it's true: we want to hear from you. It lets us know where the ministry is having an impact, and we also love praying for our listeners. Write to Pastor John by email today at adailywalk@gmail.com. That's adailywalk@gmail.com.

Well, our time together sure goes by quickly, doesn't it? We'll pick up where we left off in our through the Bible study next time. This has been A Daily Walk with Pastor John Randall, where you'll never have to walk alone.