A Daily Walk

How do you deal with a gossip? Just live your life for Christ and let the Lord deal with that person. God will take care of your reputation if you take care of your relationship with Him. He’ll handle it. Let Him defend you.

If you try to get on social media and fight every single thing, you’re going to waste your time. It’s going to be a mess, and it’s never going to come out right. Then they’re going to screenshot it and send it to the world, and now you’re really bombed.

So I’m very careful with how I respond in text form or email form because people will just send it to their entire list. It never comes out right, and they could edit it. Just be mindful of that. Sometimes you just have to ignore it.

Guest (Male): We’ve all had things said about us that just aren’t true. Maybe it was a post on social media or someone talking behind your back at work. But how do we handle it when people are spreading these lies and starting rumors?

We can learn a thing or two by turning to Third John. That’s where we’re headed today on A Daily Walk as Pastor John Randall presents part two of Dealing with Difficult People. As we pick things up at verse nine today, we’re introduced to Diotrephes. His life was marked by gossip. He was unteachable and was out to protect himself. Here’s Pastor John with more.

John Randall: John says here in verse nine, "He does not receive us." The Apostle John? The guy that walked with Jesus, the disciple whom Jesus loved, the one who took care of Jesus’s mother, the one who was there when He died and resurrected from the dead? That John? You can’t receive from him? Apparently not.

He wasn’t teachable. Diotrephes not only rejected the itinerant preachers by not allowing them to come to the church, he even rejected the Apostle John. The audacity and the arrogance of Diotrephes is beyond surprising. But it appears that he had no one to hold him accountable, and he wasn’t teachable.

He was going to do what he wanted to do regardless of what anybody else said. Someone could call him out and he would keep doing it. No one was holding him accountable. I do believe that it is important to have people in our lives who we trust, who can speak into our lives, those who will hold us accountable.

And I am grateful, and I’m sure that you are also, for those people you have personally in your life who can speak into your life to encourage you and also hold you accountable, hold your feet to the fire if necessary because they love you. Husbands, wives, usually it’s a person sitting right next to you. They have a way. They know you like no one ever. Or other friends that you can talk to. We need that.

And in that accountability, there needs to be an attitude that is teachable. Diotrephes was not teachable. You couldn’t tell him anything. "I already know what that passage means. I already know what that is. I’ve heard that before. Let me tell you something. You should see what I saw on YouTube. Let me just fill you in on everything." And you listen, and then you just think, okay. You don’t want to argue with Diotrephes because it never gets you anywhere.

Diotrephes was marked by preeminence. He was unteachable. But another piece of rotten fruit that was growing out of his ungodly life was gossip. He was a malicious gossip. It says it here in verse 10. "Therefore," John says, "if I come to you, I’m going to call to mind his deeds which he does," one of which, "prating against us with malicious words."

John informs Gaius that when he comes for a visit, he is going to confront Diotrephes. "When I get there, I’m going to call to mind his deeds." That’s a nice way of saying, "I’m going to deal with Diotrephes when I come there." And I don’t think John was saying it in, "I’m going to fight this guy." He’s the oldest living apostle, for one thing, but that’s not what he’s saying. He’s saying, "I’m going to have to confront it."

And that’s the worst part of the ministry, truthfully. Nobody likes to confront people. If you do, then you’ve got to check your heart. What’s your ministry in the body of Christ? "I just like to confront people. Feel like it’s my gift, confrontation. I’m an expert. Watch this." Confrontation is not your main thing. So I don’t think this is something that John’s looking forward to getting there to see you so I can deal with Diotrephes.

Nonetheless, sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes you have to. Confrontation is something that we find in the Bible. For one thing, we’re called to confront ourselves. To confront our fears with faith, to confront our sin with repentance, to confront temptation with God’s Word. We all face confrontation. But we also read of confrontations even within ministry.

In looking through the Gospel of Mark on Sunday nights, we have seen already and it’s going to continue and escalate, Jesus’s confrontations with the religious leaders. The apostles, the prophets in the Bible, often forced into confrontations as well. Most of us would like to avoid confrontation, but there are moments when it’s unavoidable.

As believers, when we have to confront something, it’s important to keep a few things in mind, one of which is humility. The Bible says in Second Timothy chapter 2, verse 25, "In humility correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God will grant repentance so that they may know the truth." If you have to come into a situation where you have to confront something, do it in a way. Make sure you’re prayed up and you come in humble.

"I’m going to come in hot." No, come in humble. It’s much better. Just come in with a spirit of humility and seek to reason. The Bible says, "Come, let us reason together." Let’s talk about this for a second. Let me explain why I’m saying what I’m saying. A soft answer turns away wrath. There are just ways of dealing with situations that are more effective than others.

So there’s a need for humility. And the reason that John was prepared to confront this rogue leader within the church was because of the lies that he was spreading that were hurting other believers in the body of Christ. When he says that he was prating against us, it means speaking nonsense, bubble over, boil over. His talk was fluid and it was empty.

So he would not only not receive John or those whom John sent, but he would slander them and he’d speak ill of them among the church. The word gossip is translated in the Old Testament as one who reveals secrets or goes about as a talebearer. Gossips often have the goal of building up themselves and making others look bad.

And so often a gossiper will start a rumor with a partial truth or no truth at all. And the rumor that he begins to spread is unconfirmed. And then the story is widely spread and it’s out there for everyone, and you don’t know if it’s true or not. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." So we have to be careful what we say and how we say it.

"Is this true? Is this accurate?" "Well, if you must know, I heard that somebody..." What’s the source? If ever there was a time when we have to check the source, it’s today. You hear things. "Did you hear about?" "Yeah, I heard about that." And then before you post it and start spreading it, make sure you check it out before you just go on blast because a lot of times you can be inaccurate and not really have the whole story.

You have part of the story and not the whole story, and suddenly it shapes the people’s mentality or mindset. The Bible tells us this concerning gossips in Proverbs. It says, "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends." It’s perverse. God hates it. It’s divisive. Many a friendship has been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip.

Proverbs 21:23, "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from trouble." If you could just put a lock on your lips, how much trouble would we save ourselves? James talks extensively on the tongue. It’s tiny but mighty in its dangerousness. It’s like a fire. It sparks something and before you know it, the whole thing’s ablaze.

Be careful what you say. Take every thought captive. Make sure that you think about it before you speak it. We’d save ourselves so much trouble. And every one of us could say, if we were to honestly confess, "Boy, I wish I hadn’t said that. I should have thought that through. That came out wrong. Sorry." You just be careful.

Diotrephes, starting rumors, spreading lies. For what purpose? To protect himself. Well, how do you deal with a gossip? It’s very difficult, especially nowadays. How do you protect yourself against rumors that circulate that are not true? Again, Proverbs, lot to say about this subject. 26:20 says this, "For lack of wood, fire goes out, and where there’s no whisperer, quarreling ceases."

Don’t put another log on the fire, friend. Don’t keep fueling it. Just step away from it. How do you deal with a gossip? Let’s say someone, for example, is gossiping about you, your life. What do you do? Just live your life for Christ and let the Lord deal with that person. God will take care of your reputation if you take care of your relationship with Him. He’ll handle it. Let Him defend you.

If you try to get on social media and fight every single thing, you’re going to waste your time. It’s going to be a mess. It’s never going to come out right. Then they’re going to screenshot it and send it to the world, and now you’re really bombed. So I’m very careful what I respond in text form, in email form, because people just will send it to their entire list.

And it never comes out right, and they could edit it. Just be mindful of that. Those are the days in which we’re living. Just sometimes you just have to ignore it. Shake it off, just ignore, and just, "I’m going to live for Jesus and say what you’re going to say, and I’m going to live my life for Christ. I’m going to trust that God’s got this under control, and He’ll work that part out."

Well, to make matters worse, John said he isn’t content with maligning us and being first, but he’s also, and this is how far this guy went, he starts excommunicating people who receive others whom we send to him. He challenges the church and says, "If you receive them, you’re out of the church." This is getting really bad now. What do you do with a man like Diotrephes?

John says, "Well, I’m going to handle it when I get there. I’m going to deal with it because he’s going to have to." But the sad thing was John was sending people to the church and Diotrephes, what he was doing is he was telling believers in the church, "If you bring those people in that John is sending, just know this. You’re not welcome here. Don't come back here."

He’s excommunicating people from the church. At that point, it’s like, you need to go somewhere else. Or actually, you should probably remove that guy and so there can be health to the body once again. It’s like a cancer, and it’s just spreading and it’s hindering people. And here this guy has a position of authority and leadership.

And I’ve watched people over, again, over the years in my experience. I’ve watched people live under the rule of a Diotrephes-kind of leader. It’s a tough place to be. And you feel a sense of loyalty to them and loyalty to the perhaps the church that you’re in. This is my experience. And because, "Well, if I step away from this even though I know it’s not right and I know it’s uncomfortable and I know this isn’t exactly right, how can I step away from it? Because who’s going to do my job? And I love these kids."

Whatever the thought is. And they just sit there and sit there until they’re pounded into the pavement, and then finally they just crawl away, so beat up, so wrecked because Diotrephes just has to have the preeminence and "this is what we do."

Years ago, and I think perhaps it’s resurfaced in different places, but years ago when I was a child, before we ended up at Calvary Chapel back in 1974 as a little toddler, my parents, when everybody was getting saved in the Jesus People movement, that revival that broke out so many years ago, such a powerful work of the Spirit.

But there was some weirdness floating around in the midst of that. And one of the things that was weird and unhealthy was a movement called Shepherding. The Shepherding movement. Basically, shepherding, it had to be the leaders, the pastors, the shepherds. And their shepherding was basically controlling. Before you make a decision, you need to check with your shepherd.

"Oh, you’re going to buy that car? Well, let me help you out there. I don’t know that that’s a good idea. Oh, you’re going to marry her? Well, I don’t know that that’s." Suddenly, this controlling, weird, manipulative kind of thing. Praise God my parents in their hippie selves got out of that. But it was weird.

And I’ve seen people, not to that extent, but I’ve seen signs of that. And I watch as people crumble beneath that and are controlled by it, and it’s unfortunate. And that was Diotrephes. And you can hear even in these few verses that the heart of a true shepherd was breaking for the people. And so in light of this, this is what John tells Gaius.

"Gaius," verse 11, "beloved." Again, he calls him beloved. "Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God." John exhorts Gaius, "Don’t imitate that. Don’t follow. I don’t care if he’s a leader. That’s not the right kind of leadership. Don’t follow that example. Don’t do that, Gaius."

"He isn’t an example of Christ because he’s doing evil, and you know that’s not of the Lord. So don’t follow that." It’s so sad, isn’t it, that John had to actually mark this man who was a leader in the church as a poor example and said, "Don’t follow that guy." How tragic. That’s the worst thing that anybody could say.

I think of what Paul said in First Corinthians 11:1. He said, "Imitate me as I imitate Christ. Follow my example as I follow Jesus." I think of what Philippians 3 says, "Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern." Not everybody’s a pattern to follow.

There might be some things you can glean. I’m not going to pattern. I’m looking at the fruit of that kind of Christian walk. I’m looking at where that’s leading. I’m looking at what they’re involved with, and I’m thinking, "That’s not a pattern for me. That’s not the pattern that I find here. So I’m going to pattern myself after those who so walk."

I don’t want to pattern myself after the carnal. I don’t want to pattern myself after the compromise. That’s not what I want. I don’t want to be like that, nor do I want people to look at me and be that for them and stumble them through my behavior. And so here he’s saying, "Don’t imitate what is evil, but rather, hey, do what’s good. Do what’s right. God will bless that."

In the midst of a poor example, oh, praise the Lord, there’s one final name that’s mentioned in this small epistle, and that is Demetrius. And here was a man mentioned in this small letter in verse 12. "He would be a good example to follow." He says, "Now Demetrius, he has a good testimony from all, and from the truth itself. And we also bear witness, and you know that our testimony is true."

Saying, "Listen, don’t follow Diotrephes. Check out Demetrius. Look what he’s doing. Now this guy, the exact opposite, polar opposite. He has a good testimony." Diotrephes, an example to ignore, but Demetrius, an example to emulate and follow. Why? Three things he says. First of all, he has the testimony from all.

It means everybody in the church knows this guy. He’s been proven, he’s been tested. You could ask anybody, and they’ll tell you about Demetrius and the kind of life that he lives. What a good reputation that is to have among God’s people. He’s got a great testimony among God’s people.

And then not only that, but the truth itself is the second testimony, meaning his life harmonized with the teaching of Jesus. He sought to live according to the Word. He didn’t preach it and then not live it. This guy was the real article, the genuine article, walking with the Lord, sincere.

And then thirdly, John says, "I’m giving you my own personal recommendation." That’s a pretty high recommendation. The Apostle John saying, "Hey Gaius, I’m giving you my recommendation as an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ. This guy is solid. This is the guy. Receive him. Don’t listen to Diotrephes when he says, 'Don’t let Demetrius into your house.' Don’t listen to him. This guy’s got a great testimony, good reputation. You welcome him."

His testimony among all, in accordance with the Word and John’s personal experience. He said, "This guy, he’s a good one to follow." Now in closing, as John concludes this letter, he says in verse 13, "I have many things to write, but I do not wish to write to you with pen and ink. But I hope to see you shortly, and we shall speak face to face. Peace to you. Our friends greet you. Greet the friends by name."

John was happy to correspond with Gaius through letters, but he would much rather be with him in person. There’s only so much fellowship, friends, that you can have through email, through text, through Zoom. Right? It’s limited. There’s only so much you can get out of it. Much better to see you face to face. Amen?

That’s why we fellowship. That’s why the church is essential. John said, "I want to see you face to face. None of this. I’m tired of the screen. I need to see you. I want to see your face. I want to talk to you. I want to give you a hug." That’s why we’re here. Folks, I think it’s probably true that there may be a Diotrephes in every church.

Those who would try to gain a following for the wrong reasons, those who perhaps have the desire for preeminence and notoriety, but they lack love. They step on people to further their agenda, and it’s unfortunate. And they need to be rooted out or repent. But I also believe that every church has those like Gaius and Demetrius who stand for truth, who love God’s people.

They serve, they protect, they look out for the flock of God. Let me say this to you, and I was really just meditating upon this particular passage today as we’re concluding this. As I see these three names mentioned, 14 verses, these three names, I wonder as we look at those names and we see what’s said about them, if we’re honest before the Spirit of God, there may be a little Diotrephes in all of us from time to time.

And we want to have preeminence or we want to be first or we want to have the last word. We lack grace or mercy or love for one another. But better to be like Gaius, to be faithful, laboring in love. To be like Demetrius, to have a good testimony among the world and before the Lord. So I turn this text onto my own heart and I say, "God, if this is in me, then root that out of me."

Those moments when that desire for preeminence, "Lord, shut that down. I repent of that, Lord. I don’t want that in me. I don’t want to hurt anybody in the body of Christ. Lord, forgive me of that. Lord, help me to be that faithful servant who loves Your people, who loves the lost, who lives for Christ." In Jesus' name, amen.

Guest (Male): That is Pastor John Randall on A Daily Walk. He’s highlighted two very different people today, Diotrephes and Demetrius. Which of the two do you most resemble? Don’t go away. Pastor John will be right back. We’re finishing Third John today and hope you got a lot out of the study.

If so, we want to know. Email us when you drop by our website, adailywalk.org. You can also visit that same site for a replay of this message called Dealing with Difficult People. Again, it’s at adailywalk.org. You can also hear John’s messages through our free app. This is a great way to listen to current and past teachings from Pastor John. Just search for Calvary South OC.

Here in the month of May, we’ve picked out a resource we think moms will benefit a great deal from. It’s A Mom After God’s Own Heart: 10 Ways to Love Your Children, authored by Elizabeth George. She writes, "God has put you in a unique situation where you have tremendous influence in the lives of others. Be a mom after God’s heart. Help your children, no matter what their ages, experience God’s love, God’s blessings, and God’s provision."

We’re making it available for the cost of 12 dollars. Ordering is really easy online at adailywalk.org or just call 877-244-0828. Please remember us in your prayers and your giving to the Lord. We want to help as many people as possible in their daily walk through the teaching of God’s Word, and you can help to make that possible through either a one-time gift or ongoing monthly support.

Donations can be made online rather easily at adailywalk.org or call 877-244-0828. Let’s go to the Lord in prayer now as we close.

John Randall: Let’s pray together. Heavenly Father, we do thank You for Your Word, for Your love. Lord, we thank You for the examples found in Scripture. Lord, You know there are times when we desire to have the preeminence, if not in the church then our home. Lord, change us. God, make us more like Jesus.

You are the pattern, Lord. You’re the one we want to imitate and follow Your example. The moments we fall short of it, Lord, convict us and Lord, we repent of it. Lord, if there are times when we gossip when we should be quiet and pray, Lord, help us to be sensitive to the Spirit. Help us to build one another up here, God, to encourage and strengthen one another. Thank You, Lord, for what You’re doing in our midst. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Guest (Male): Tomorrow on A Daily Walk, Pastor John Randall begins a new study in Jude. We’ll be encouraged to contend for the faith. That all starts next time right here. This program is brought to you by Calvary South OC and made possible through your generous support.