A Daily Walk

Narrator: We're learning how to deal with difficult people next on A Daily Walk.

John Randall: If you have to come into a situation where you have to confront something, do it in a way, make sure you're prayed up and you come in humble. "I'm going to come in hot." No, come in humble. Come in humble. It's much better. Just come in with a spirit of humility and seek to reason. Perhaps come let us reason together.

Narrator: Yes, we all have those difficult people in our lives. You know, the type of person that is argumentative, quick to gossip, and hurts others with their lies. So, how do we deal with them? Well, the book of Third John will provide some much-needed guidance, and that's where we're headed on A Daily Walk.

Pastor John Randall will introduce us to Diotrephes, and you guessed it, he was one of those difficult people and the Apostle John would need to confront him. Let's see what we can learn from it all.

John Randall: Let's open our Bibles this evening now to the book of Third John. Third John this evening, and we will be picking up tonight in the eighth verse of Third John. And it says in verse eight, "We therefore ought to receive such that we may become fellow workers for the truth. Now I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to have the preeminence among them, doesn't receive us. Therefore, if I come, I will call to mind his deeds which he does, prating against us with malicious words and not content with that, he himself does not receive the brethren and forbids those who wish to, putting them out of the church. Beloved, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God."

The small yet very personal letter of Third John was written by the Apostle John to a faithful servant whose name was Gaius. Gaius was known for being spiritually strong in his faith, extremely generous in his giving, consistently faithful in his serving, and completely committed to living and walking according to the truth of God's word.

The ministry of Gaius consisted of housing the itinerant preachers who would travel from church to church. He would take them in, he would provide for their needs, and then send them on their way. As they traveled, many came into contact with the Apostle John, and they would share the testimony about their time spent with Gaius and the ministry there.

John was so blessed by the consistent reports about his friend that he sent him a message to commend him and to encourage him to continue in his efforts because they were making a difference. God was doing something special through the life of Gaius. He was just faithfully serving, but God was uniquely working through him, and John was saying, "Hey, keep doing what you're doing. You're a blessing to many people."

There are many people today who need a word of encouragement. When the Lord brings someone to your mind, I would encourage you to send them a text, to send them a message, to give them a call, to let them know that you're praying for them, that you want to encourage them. That's basically what John does here. He writes his friend a letter and tells him, "I'm so proud of you. I'm so excited to see what God's doing through your life. Keep going, keep doing what you're doing. Your labor is not in vain."

There are people today that need to know that. There are parents that need to know that their labor in the life of their children is not in vain. God's doing something, encourage them. There are men that need to know, "Hey listen, you keep loving your wife and serving her and being an example to her." That's important. Wives need to know that what they do matters. We need to encourage one another, folks. That's what the body of Christ is. We are to build one another up.

There's so much tearing down, there's so much tearing apart. We need to be helping one another, reaching out to one another. It's encouraging. Gaius also serves as a great example of a faithful Christian serving to the glory of God. But not everyone associated with the church was as generous and hospitable as Gaius. And that brings us to the second name mentioned in this epistle.

In verse nine, John says, "I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to have the preeminence among them, does not receive us." The letter of Third John was so encouraging up to this point. Then you come to the middle of the letter and you're blindsided by a complete contrast to the godly character of Gaius with an individual named Diotrephes.

We know very little about this hostile character other than a few details in a brief description that John gives to us. But the name Diotrephes comes from two words, one being Zeus and the other trepho, meaning to nourish, nourished by Zeus. It wasn't uncommon when Greek believers or Greek individuals were born again to drop the pagan names and actually take up Christian names.

It didn't always happen, but sometimes it did. Diotrephes never changed his name, and there seemed to be very little change within his heart. The backstory about this man, again, we're not told how this happened, but apparently from John's description, it's safe to assume that Diotrephes was a leader or at least an influential member within the congregation in the local church where Gaius was a member.

And you'll notice that John mentions here that we had written to the church. There was some letter that John had written to the church. We don't have a copy of it. It is possible that the letter he's referring to is the letter of First John, but more than likely it was a different letter that has actually been lost. We don't have it. Another letter? Fourth John? Second and a half John?

There was some other letter out there that never got to the church. John said, "We've written to them, but Diotrephes doesn't receive us." How did the letter get lost? John's language here seems to imply that instead of reading it to the church as a form of continued instruction from an apostolic leader, instead Diotrephes intercepted the letter. And because he didn't accept what the apostle and his messengers said, it's likely that he actually destroyed it and threw it away. Tragic.

Diotrephes was clearly abusing his position of authority. Instead of modeling the qualifications that are laid out for an elder or an overseer in the pastoral epistle of Timothy, which were to be hospitable and not quarrelsome, Diotrephes was inhospitable and contentious. He was the exact opposite. He wasn't meeting the qualifications. Instead of seeking to be a servant to all, Diotrephes loved to be in charge and wanted to be served.

His behavior was divisive to say the least. And Diotrephes' divisiveness manifested itself in several actions that are cited here. Not only had he disregarded the apostle's letter to the church, but also notice what he says here. John writes, "Diotrephes loves to have the preeminence among them." It means he loves to be first. He loves to be first. Do you love to be first? Do you always have to be first?

When you're a child, you always have to be first. Children fight and whine and cry over not being first. "I want to be first." When they're children, although it is unfortunate, it is correctable. But when it's adults, it's embarrassing. That's Diotrephes. Me first. It's the exact opposite of Christ. It's selfish. He loves to have the preeminence.

He was a shameless self-promoter who wasn't satisfied with the official position he held and the scope of its power. He had to be in control. He had to have his name attached to everything, his fingerprints on everything. The ministry, sadly, it was basically about Diotrephes. He loved to be first. He loved to be in control of all things.

Does that describe you? Don't answer that out loud, please. But are you one of those control people? "I have to be in control of everything." You micromanage everything: your wife, your husband, your children, your job. Everything's got to be just so. Is that you? If that's you, ask Jesus to change you to be more like Jesus.

I guarantee your wife's praying that. Ladies, I'm sure your husband's praying that too. In the book of Colossians, it says that Jesus is the one to have the preeminence. There's only one person who has the preeminence in the body of Christ, and that's Christ. He's the one. He's in charge. He has the preeminence.

So when you think about it, the fact that John says that Diotrephes was taking preeminence, he is taking away from the position of the one who alone deserves preeminence. That's a frightening thing. You are going to step in front of Jesus? I wouldn't do that. Jesus was to be first and then others are to be preferred before yourself.

Remember what the Bible says? Philippians chapter two, verses four and five, it says this, "Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but for the interest of others. And let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus." And then Paul goes on to describe, and I encourage you to read it, the mind of Christ. Of humility, of service, of gentleness.

Someone who comes into a fellowship of believers with a bad case of the Diotrephes can ruin any ministry or any church they get involved with. Why is that? Because like Diotrephes, they're hungry for a title and not for truth. They're thirsty for position or authority. They want to be seen and to be known.

If you're discerning, it doesn't take long to recognize the unhealthy symptoms of Diotrephes. Oh, you've got it bad. Yeah, don't tell me, Diotrephes. Not COVID, Diotrephes. It's bad. You need the blood of Jesus to change this. And sometimes you find those that come in and again, you don't want to be suspicious.

You don't want to be judgmental. You don't want to be critical. But sometimes, over the years, I've observed those with the Diotrephes kind of mentality. In a matter of minutes, in the first conversation, who they are, where they're from, what they do, what their everything. "I've also been in charge of and if you need to know, there was a time," and you just sit there and listen.

Because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And you realize there's a couple things that could happen here. One, either this person is going to come here, they're going to learn, they're going to grow, and God's going to do a work in their heart through the word to bring a cure to the Diotrephes kind of spirit or attitude.

Or they won't last. They'll move on and go somewhere where they could walk in and lay out their pedigree. It could be the worst thing for them and the worst thing for that congregation. You have to be mindful of this. The Bible says don't lay hands on any person quickly. Be patient. Watch. Watch their life.

We've studied together in the book of Acts on Sunday mornings that people who were serving tables had to be of good reputation, filled with the Holy Spirit. To serve tables? To hand out food? Yep. So think about it. Sometimes in the church we just—"I just need somebody. You're alive. Could you do this? Just be in charge of this. Take it." Have you prayed about that one? No. It's dangerous.

So he comes in, loving to be first. Yet not only was Diotrephes self-focused, wanted to be first and preferred preeminence, but secondly, and this is something that is also something to watch out for right here, he wasn't accountable to anyone and he was unteachable. John says here in verse nine, "He does not receive us." The Apostle John?

The guy that walked with Jesus? The disciple whom Jesus loved? The one who took care of Jesus' mother? The one who was there when He died and resurrected from the dead? That John? You can't receive from him? Apparently not. He wasn't teachable. Diotrephes not only rejected the itinerant preachers by not allowing them to come to the church, he even rejected the Apostle John.

The audacity and the arrogance of Diotrephes is beyond surprising. But it appears that he had no one to hold him accountable and he wasn't teachable. He was going to do what he wanted to do regardless of what anybody else said. Someone could call him out and he would keep doing it. No one was holding him accountable.

I do believe that it is important to have people in our lives who we trust, who can speak into our lives, those who will hold us accountable. And I am grateful for those people you have personally in your life who can speak into your life to encourage you and also hold you accountable, hold your feet to the fire if necessary because they love you.

Husbands, wives, usually it's a person sitting right next to you. They have a way. They know you like no one else. Or other friends that you can talk to. We need that. And in that accountability, there needs to be an attitude that is teachable. Diotrephes was not teachable. You couldn't tell him anything. "I already know what that passage means. I already know what that is. I've heard that before. Let me tell you something."

"You should see what I saw on YouTube. Let me just fill you in." And you just think, "Alright, alright." You know? And you listen and then you just think, "Okay." You don't want to argue with Diotrephes because it never gets you anywhere. Diotrephes was marked by preeminence, he was unteachable, but another piece of rotten fruit that was growing out of his ungodly life was gossip.

He was a malicious gossiper. It says it here in verse 10. "Therefore," John says, "if I come to you, I'm going to call to mind his deeds which he does," one of which is, "prating against us with malicious words." John informs Gaius that when he comes for a visit, he is going to confront Diotrephes. "When I get there, I'm going to call to mind his deeds."

That's a nice way of saying "I'm going to deal with Diotrephes when I come there." And I don't think John was saying it in a "I'm going to fight this guy" way. He's the oldest living apostle, for one thing. But that's not what he's saying. He said, "I'm going to have to confront it." And that's the worst part of the ministry, truthfully. Nobody likes to confront people.

If you do, then you've got to check your heart. What's your ministry in the body of Christ? "I just like to confront people. Feel like it's my gift. Confrontation. I'm an expert. Watch this." Confrontation is not your main thing. So I don't think this is something that John's like, "Man, I'm really looking forward to getting there to see you so I can deal with Diotrephes."

Nonetheless, sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes you have to. Confrontation is something that we find in the Bible. For one thing, we're called to confront ourselves: to confront our fears with faith, to confront our sin with repentance, to confront temptation with God's word. We all face confrontation.

But we also read of confrontations even within ministry. In looking through the gospel of Mark on Sunday nights, we have seen already, and it's going to continue and escalate, Jesus' confrontations with the religious leaders. The apostles and the prophets in the Bible were often forced into confrontations as well.

Most of us would like to avoid confrontation, but there are moments when it's unavoidable. And as believers, when we have to confront something, it's important to keep a few things in mind. One of which is humility. The Bible says in Second Timothy chapter two verse 25, "In humility correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God will grant repentance so that they may know the truth."

If you have to come into a situation where you have to confront something, do it in a way, make sure you're prayed up and you come in humble. "I'm going to come in hot." No, come in humble. Come in humble. It's much better. Just come in with a spirit of humility and seek to reason. The Bible says "Come let us reason together."

Let's talk about this for a second. Let me explain why I'm saying what I'm saying. A soft answer turns away wrath. There's just ways of dealing with situations that are more effective than others. There's a need for humility. And the reason that John was prepared to confront this rogue leader within the church was because of the lies that he was spreading that were hurting other believers in the body of Christ.

When he says that he was prating against us, it means speaking nonsense. His talk was fluid and it was empty. He would not only not receive John or those whom John sent, but he would slander them and speak ill of them among the church. The word gossip is translated in the Old Testament, it means one who reveals secrets or goes about as a tale bearer.

Gossipers often have the goal of building up themselves and making others look bad. And so often a gossiper will start a rumor with a partial truth or no truth at all. The rumor that he begins to spread is unconfirmed. And then the story is widely spread and it's out there for everyone and you don't know if it's true or not.

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." So we have to be careful what we say and how we say it. Source? I mean, if ever there was a time when you have to check the source, it's today. You hear things, "Did you hear about?" "Yeah, I heard about that." And then before you post it and start spreading it, make sure you check it out before you just go on blast because a lot of times you can be inaccurate and not really have the whole story.

You have part of the story and not the whole story, and suddenly it shapes the people's mentality. The Bible tells us this concerning gossips in Proverbs, it says "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends." It's perverse. God hates it. It's divisive. Many a friendship has been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip.

Proverbs 21:23, "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue, keeps his soul from trouble." If you could just put a lock on your lips—I mean, that would be how much trouble would we save ourselves? James talks extensively on the tongue. It's tiny but mighty and it's dangerous. It's like a fire. It sparks something and before you know it, the whole thing's ablaze.

Be careful what you say. Take every thought captive. Make sure that you, before you speak it, you think about it. We'd save ourselves so much trouble. And every one of us could say, if we were to honestly confess, "Boy, I wish I hadn't said that. I should have thought that through. That came out wrong. Sorry." Just be careful.

Narrator: We've been learning how to deal with difficult people today on A Daily Walk. The need for humility is so critical in all of this. We'll save the rest of the message from Pastor John Randall for next time.

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Well, since Mother's Day falls within this month of May, we picked out a special book for you moms. It's "A Mom After God's Own Heart." Written by Elizabeth George, you'll learn ten powerful ways to love your children. It contains easy-to-implement principles for enjoyable and effective parenting, specific tools for teaching your kids about God's love for them, and biblical insight to encourage you along the way. The cost is just $12. Order it today at adailywalk.org or call us at 877-242-0828.

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By the way, I also want to mention Pastor John is on X and Instagram. If you are too, start following him on X at @PJRandall7 and on Instagram @JohnPRandall. Come back tomorrow when we'll finish up our study in Third John, again learning how to deal with the difficult.

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