FamilyLife Today®

Guest (Male): There is an event that took place in 2015 in Charleston, South Carolina, that I don't think anyone will ever forget.

Guest (Female): I remember that too. Devastating.

Guest (Male): Nine people killed by a young man, 21 years old. A white male in his early 20s walked into the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and began shooting.

Guest (Male): Mr. Roof is charged with nine counts of murder and one count of possession of a weapon during the commission of the crime.

Guest (Female): He hurt me. He took a lot of people.

Guest (Male): Roof showed no emotion as relatives of the victims addressed him over a video link.

Guest (Female): Every fiber in my body hurts. I will never talk to her ever again. I will never be able to hold her again.

Ann Wilson: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.

Dave Wilson: And I'm Dave Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Ann Wilson: That was a day our country was rocked. I remember it because it had an effect on me, it had an effect on people that were there.

Dave Wilson: We've got a gentleman in the studio today who was personally affected. Chris Singleton is with us today. He travels the country as an inspirational speaker and is a former professional baseball player.

Chris, I've heard you speak. You're a YouTube phenomenon. Did you know that?

Chris Singleton: I didn't know that. I appreciate that.

Dave Wilson: I've watched you in front of little kids and high schoolers and even businessmen and women. One of the things I'll never forget, and I'd love to hear you talk about this, is what you call your five numbers: 1, 70, 50, 9, and 1. I didn't even have to look at my notes.

When I first heard you say those numbers, I thought you're a baseball guy, you're talking about your average. Then you walked through those numbers and it's really life-changing. Help our listeners understand what those numbers mean.

Chris Singleton: I call it my struggle moment. Those numbers keep me going every single day. There was one person that was misinformed and misled to hate people that looked like me. Unfortunately, this one person walked into my church, Mother Emanuel AME, and fired over 70 bullets.

During Bible study that night, over 50 of those bullets entered bodies. He took nine lives, and one of those lives happened to be my hero, my mom. Those numbers, when it gets tough being on the road, when it gets tough being away from my family, those numbers lock me back in and they keep me going to keep spreading the good word.

Dave Wilson: Take us back. You get a phone call. You're 18 years old?

Chris Singleton: 18 years old. I just finished my freshman year of college. I had a pretty good freshman year playing at this mid-major school.

Dave Wilson: Pretty good? You even beat Clemson. That was the first time in school history. Did you do anything in that game?

Chris Singleton: I did. I had a great game. We beat Clemson. I had four hits and a diving catch. The coolest thing for me was my mom was such a baseball mom. She was a teacher at my high school. She's on the intercom the next day: "Did y'all see my baby last night? He had such a good game."

A phenomenal freshman season, but I call it the unthinkable what happened to me and my family. We see stuff like that on TV and in the newspapers or on our phones as we're scrolling, but we never think it'll happen to us. That's what that night, June 17, 2015, was for me. I get a phone call to come down to our church because something bad happened. Ultimately, I get down there and I realize it wasn't just something bad, but it was the unimaginable that my mother and eight other people were shot and killed.

Ann Wilson: Chris, you have two younger siblings. Did they go to the church with you or the hospital?

Chris Singleton: I went straight to my church. This was fresh and somebody said, "Chris, get down here." I went down to my church and they put us in this hotel, which was like a conference room in the hotel.

At this time, you see all the social media stuff coming to your phone. Everybody's calling you, but nobody's telling you anything. You just know something bad has happened. I didn't tell my brother and sister to come down there because I had no idea what the severity of it was. Ultimately, that night I had to tell them that Mom's gone. It wasn't just me. I had my high school sweetheart, my wife now, who was there with me to help me break that news to them. It was really rough for us in that moment.

Dave Wilson: If I remember right, you got a call from your mom's phone, so you almost think it's her. But it's not. You have no idea. You get down there and they say your mom was gone. Nine were killed and she's one of them. Do you remember thinking, "What do I do?" or what was your first thought?

Ann Wilson: Were you angry? Were you sad? Walk us through your emotions.

Chris Singleton: When I got down there, I was just extremely anxious. I didn't know what was going to happen. We're in a conference room in the hotel. Everybody in there is screaming and all this stuff is happening. Police are in and out.

This guy walked in with eight magazines of bullets with hate in his heart. His mission of starting a race war was why he fired all those bullets in my church, because of the color of their skin. That's what happened. That night, I didn't know why it happened or what was going on. I just knew that my mom went to Bible study.

Later that night, there was a coroner there. I always mention that I hope people are privileged enough to not know who the coroner is. I was 18, and I didn't know who she was. She said, "Chris, can you describe your mom?" as what she asked me to do. Ultimately, I thought, "Is she asking me to describe this because my mom is hurt so bad, or is she asking me this because she's trying to confirm that my mom's okay?" I described my mom and finally, she said, "Chris, it's confirmed your mother's been taken away." When I heard that, you go numb. Telling my brother and sister was probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to do in my life.

Ann Wilson: How old were they at the time?

Chris Singleton: Little brother was 12. Little sister was 15. Middle school and high school. Telling them that our hero, our mom, was no longer with us.

Ann Wilson: And your dad?

Chris Singleton: Dad wasn't there that night. He wasn't doing too well. I called him and called other people. I actually called my high school basketball coach. That's why I have such a great relationship with him. As educators, sometimes you think you're doing what you're doing and maybe you're making an impact. When my dad didn't answer, my friends are calling me and I called my coach.

For me, that night was rough. There was no sleep. My little brother, who was 12, actually slept in the bed next to him. He's crying himself to sleep. For a period there, I didn't give myself any time. I just started to think, "What do I have to do for them?" We always hear, "Chris, be strong, stay strong." I thought being strong meant never crying. I thought being strong meant never showing any emotion. There was a small period of time where I thought strength was being a robot. Life has a funny way of letting you realize that's not strength, that's just being fake. I'm grateful that God gave me the wisdom to be a real man and show emotion and finally come back down to Earth and figure out that we're all human. We all go through things and showing emotion doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're a human being.

Dave Wilson: You had to keep it together. In some ways, were you the dad to your siblings?

Chris Singleton: I always say I was like a father figure, but I realized really quick that being a father figure wouldn't work for them. I'm saying, "Make sure you do this, do that, straight A's." They're like, "Chris, if you don't get out of my face." I realized I just had to be a big brother because father figure wasn't going to cut it. I was taking care of them and always told them we want to make Mom proud. We can't let Mom down. Let's just do what she wants us to do, whether she's here on Earth or not. We know she's rejoicing in a better place.

Ann Wilson: Did you know the other victims that were killed that night? Did you know any of them?

Chris Singleton: Absolutely. Mother Emanuel is a small church. I always joked that the average age at Mother Emanuel had to be 65. It was an old church. The young families, we stuck together. Everybody was like a grandma, grandpa, auntie, or uncle. When you did well at your game, everybody at the church knew. When you got a scholarship to play in college, everybody at the church knew and they celebrated. It was a family. I knew everybody that lost their life that night.

Ann Wilson: Here you are, this young man. This person walks in to start a race war. How are you not enraged? Did you get to the point where you were sad? You said you were in shock. Did you get angry?

Chris Singleton: Sometimes people ask me, "Chris, would you change a thing?" Absolutely, I would. I want my mom here with me. But I know for a fact that God put forgiveness in my heart because there's no way in the world that I could have said that I forgave my mother's killer.

The way that I describe it is when I forgave my mother's killer, a reporter rushed me and asked, "Chris, how do you feel about it?" She was from the BBC. She said, "How do you feel about all these things happening? What do you think about the killer?" I said, "I already forgive him. Our family already forgives him." My sister looks over at me like, "We what?"

For me, I describe it as being on autopilot. You're driving home sometimes and you don't even know if you turned left or right, but you just get into your driveway. You think, "I don't know what stoplight I was at, I don't know what stop sign." I was on autopilot. That's what it was for me when I forgave my mother's killer. I know why now. Forgiveness wasn't just for me that day. It was for so many people that were like, "If this guy and these families can forgive, how can I not?" I've seen so much good come from it. I was upset then that my mom was no longer here and I'm still upset that my mom won't see her grandsons play T-ball. I'll forever be upset, but having anger? I don't feel that in my heart right now and I haven't ever.

Dave Wilson: Do you remember a process of walking through the anger to the forgiveness? Was it instantaneous or did it take a while?

Chris Singleton: When I first lost my mom, we didn't know that she was killed because of the color of her skin. We just knew that a guy walked in and did that. It was a mass shooting. I was just devastated that my mom was gone. I thought it was just a mass shooting that happened. I didn't know the reasoning behind it.

I immediately looked at my brother and sister and said, "Our mom is who feeds us. What are we about to do?" I had no idea. I didn't know anything about car insurance, didn't know anything about healthcare. I didn't know anything. I was blessed to have a mom that took care of all that stuff. Immediately, I'm trying to figure out how we're eating on Tuesday night. Who's driving them to school for the next five years? What's going to happen?

That was the process for me initially. When things died down, the media went away, and all that stuff happened, then I was able to sit down and think, "My mom was really killed because she's black." That's a terrible way for somebody to go. I'm so grateful that in that time, God was molding me. If it was just up to me, I would have been like, "This happened, I want to play my sport, and that's it." But God had other plans for me. I didn't see that at the time, but I see that now.

The process for me with forgiveness is simple. I think you have to say it out loud. I forgive Dylann Roof. I forgive him for taking my mother's life. I think there's got to be something on the other side of that forgiveness. As a believer, there's something on the other side of salvation for us. When we die, there's eternal life. For me, on the other side of forgiveness, now I don't have to think every single young white male is racist. On the other side, now I don't have to be nervous when I walk into a room. I can have the door behind me and not be scared. There's got to be something on the other side of it when you talk about the process of it. Initially, God put it on my heart. I'd be giving myself way too much credit saying I did this and that. God put it on my heart, that happened, and now I know why.

Ann Wilson: I'm listening to you thinking you're 18 years old and yet you had this foundational faith. How did that come about?

Chris Singleton: I was raised in the church, but being raised in the church doesn't mean anything. It just means you don't have a choice. I went to church like any other kid would, but there's a crossroads when you go through something really tough. Especially when your mom is murdered while she's praying in church. In Bible study.

You can say, "My mom's murdered in church, there's no way God is real." You could say that, or you could say, "God, I don't know how in the world this happened or why it happened, but I know only you can get me through it." I went with the latter. Because I've gone with the latter, that's where my faith has been strengthened tenfold. I'm super practical about things because if your mom is murdered while she's praying, you could say, "Chris, how could she be killed if she's praying to the God that you serve?" I said, "God, I don't know how, I don't know why, but I know only you can get me through this mess." God has come through time and time again.

My faith is definitely strengthened after it. I used to read my mother's Bibles. She used to read from cover to cover. She was one of those types of people. Every year, read cover to cover. She would highlight things. For me, finally reading the Bible by myself, not just trusting my pastor to do it or my mom to do it, reading her Bibles and reading those scriptures, that's when I found my faith. I found a relationship for myself.

Dave Wilson: Was there ever a moment where you struggled with how in the world my mom or anybody goes to a church, sits in a Bible study, prays, and loses their life? Did you ever struggle with, "God, what are you doing?"

Ann Wilson: Or did your siblings?

Chris Singleton: I never struggled with the how because there's obviously good in the world, but there's some real bad in the world. There are some people that want to do evil things. I realized that. We have the gift of free will, so some people are going to use it and it's going to be a curse. I never struggled with the how, but I always struggled with the why. Why did my mom have to go? She would love everybody. She was a track coach, she would take you home from school after practice and say, "Did you get a meal? If not, let's go to Wendy's or Hardee's or something real quick." I struggle with why my mom.

As far as my faith, I'm so grateful that I didn't go the other way. My brother had a point in time where he said, "Chris, I see you're real strong in your faith, but come on now. Mom was praying and that's the same God that you're praying to?" He really struggled with that for a while. I struggled with it being a big brother. If my brother gets in a car accident, I don't know where he's going right now. I really struggled with that. There was a guy who is a chaplain for the Patriots. He said, "Chris, don't push him right now. You push him right now, he's never coming back." He definitely had that struggle of, "Chris, I understand your faith has been strengthened because of it, but Mom was praying and she got killed, so it's tough for me to believe." He definitely had that.

Ann Wilson: I'm interested in when you called your basketball coach. What did he say to you?

Chris Singleton: This is a guy that has been there through everything for me. He's actually the first white person I ever heard say "I love you" to me. And he truly meant it, too. He poured into us. We still have that relationship to this day. But talking to him, it was all about encouragement. Sometimes it's not about what you say, but it's about being able to pick up the phone and just hear someone's voice. Even today, I'll text him every now and then just say, "Thank you for all you've done for me in my life." He's always like, "I love you, Chris." We still have that relationship. Being present sometimes is more important than figuring out the right words to say. Sometimes the words aren't going to cut it, but just being there lets them know that you care about them.

Dave Wilson: You were still in college at the time? You're going back to school and playing baseball.

Ann Wilson: I'm still worried about how did your brother and sister get to school and how did they get fed? Your dad just wasn't part of the picture?

Chris Singleton: He struggled. In my mind, my dad struggled with alcohol pretty bad. I thought this is going to get my dad back on track. Losing my mom, he's got no choice but to step up to the plate. It'd be a wake-up call is what I was thinking. But it was too much for him. He was really sick.

My aunt actually stepped up to the plate and they moved with my aunt for a year. It was rough for them. They didn't want to be in Atlanta. They wanted to be in Charleston where we're from. For about a year, year and a half, they lived there until I got drafted by the Cubs. My whole college career after that was, "I'm going to make my mom proud." She was always the baseball mom. I'm going to get drafted for my mom. I always have this hashtag: "can't let mom down." Every post that I make says "can't let mom down." That was my goal being an athlete in college. All I wanted to do was play sports. I would get all the interviews. Chris, you want to do this, do that? I'll do it, but baseball is my thing. That's what I do. And that's how life was for a couple years after I lost my mom.

Dave Wilson: Tell us about getting drafted. You're playing baseball, you're married. Do you have any kids at home at that time?

Chris Singleton: I had my little man, CJ, Chris Jr.

Dave Wilson: He's at home. You're on the road trying to make it to the bigs. You're not playing baseball now. Walk us through the end of that.

Chris Singleton: I always say anybody that is married to an athlete, they have to be superwoman because you're gone a lot. I was gone seven months out of the year. At home, it's not just our son, it's my little brother and my little sister. They lived with us.

My wife is literally like superwoman. She's 20 at the time and they're teenagers. It's hard, but we got through it. I'm guessing you get a phone call or two from your wife. I got the phone calls. "Chris, this happened, that happened." I'm always trying to be man in the middle. "Let's just love everybody, okay?"

I was chasing my dream playing baseball. I played a couple seasons. The first time I ever went to a therapist was when I was playing in the minor leagues because I struggled with my sport. Everybody's like, "Chris, you're letting your sport get you down? You've been through so much and you let baseball hurt you?" Baseball had been the one thing that I could have an escape from all the stuff I was going through. When I wasn't having the success, it was tough for me mentally.

I started seeing a therapist. It was free therapy, which was super eye-opening for me. I went for about a year. Then ultimately in 2019, I got released by the Cubs. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was speaking in the off-season, I was getting opportunities. When I got released, I immediately made a social media post: "I'm done playing ball, but I'm going to continue this mission of teaching love, teaching how we can come together in practical ways." That's what I started to do and God has blessed it ever since.

Dave Wilson: You've been doing 150 or so engagements a year.

Chris Singleton: I toned that down to about 100 pretty soon. My wife and I sit down every year and we talk about how many days I can be gone. I want to make sure that I don't become a public success and private failure. One of my favorite mentors, Inky Johnson, said that and that stuck with me. I never want to become a person where I'm speaking on a stage one day and somebody asks my wife, "Chris is a great guy," and my biggest fear is that she says, "Well, no he's not. Maybe he's a good guy to you, but he's not a good guy to us." That's a fear that I have. I have nightmares about that, so I will never let that happen.

Dave Wilson: I always say when a guy says to me, and this happened hundreds of times, "God's number one in my life, my wife and my family is number two, and my job's number three." I never look at the guy. I always look at his wife. When he's saying that, her face, her countenance will tell you this is true. She'll be smiling like, "Yeah," or she'll be looking off or maybe even rolling her eyes like, "Yeah, he's saying that, but it's not real." So you're saying it's really your wife that determines if your marriage is good.

Chris Singleton: Absolutely. Everybody says the cliché answer, "Why do you do what you do? My family." Everybody says that. But being gone 150 days a year, I'm not with my family a lot. So for me, I always say, "Baby, this is the mission." If she didn't see fruit from that mission, she'd be like, "No, you staying home." But I take screenshots of every DM that I get from somebody saying, "Chris, what you did today changed my heart. What you did today makes me think I can keep going." I'll save all those so she knows he's not out there twiddling his thumbs. He's trying to do the good work and she believes in my message and my mission.

Ann Wilson: You can't do it without her, either. You guys are a great team. You're in a team ministry and I love that you're sending those to her because you're saying, "Look what we are doing for the kingdom and for unity in the body." I love it.

Dave Wilson: What a journey we've had today with Chris Singleton. Again, his book is called *Your Life Matters*. It's a kids' book and you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at familylifetoday.com. We're going to have Chris back with us tomorrow.

Ann Wilson: Our vision at FamilyLife is every home a godly home and we need your help to get there. When you become a FamilyLife partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible.

Dave Wilson: You can go to familylifetoday.com and read more about it and become a partner. Just click the donate button at the top. Again, you can go to familylifetoday.com. Audio clips at the beginning of today's episode came from Charleston County Government and Voice of America. FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru ministry, celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.