FamilyLife Today®

Quina Aragon: Maybe when JL, my daughter, was a little younger, we had more time to take walks together. If you're in a place where you can take a walk, I love doing this with little kids. "You see that tree over there? You see that bird?" And depending on the age, it might just be, "Who do you think made that? Who made that?"

"Oh, God made that. Did you know he made—" "Wait, Mommy, did he actually make the sky, too?" And you just continue. When you see an item, like maybe a bird or whatever, "You know the story in the Bible that's like that?" It kind of always goes back to storytelling.

Dave Wilson: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann Wilson: And I’m Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave Wilson: We’re going to talk about ways Christian parents can help their children find Jesus and grow. This is a big thing because as a parent, we’re like, "How do I do this? I want to do this. I feel like I’m failing. I feel like culture is pressing in on our family." How can we bring Jesus into our home in a way that our kids are like, "What are we doing?"

Ann Wilson: Yeah, practical, maybe even surprising, maybe creative. We’ve got a creative. Quina Aragon is back with us. Spoken word artist, author, speaker, mom, wife. Welcome back.

Quina Aragon: Thank you again for having me back.

Ann Wilson: Quina, you have a daughter, and I’m sure you have a lot of friends that you’ve been talking to, and you’re discussing, "This is how we’re bringing Jesus into our home and our family, to our kids."

Dave Wilson: You can kick us off.

Quina Aragon: The first one I got from my older sister because she had kids before me, and that is normalize apologizing to your kids. Normalize saying, "Listen," even if they don't understand, they're one or two years old, you get on their level, you get on your knee, you get eye to eye and you say, "Hey, when Mommy raised her voice just now and Mommy got impatient, that's on me. That was Mommy's heart issue and I should have been more patient and I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?"

Because if it's always them seeing us as the superhero, then they're going to miss the fact that Jesus is the superhero in the story of our family. So normalize, "Hey, Mommy doesn't have it all together either and I need your forgiveness, too."

Ann Wilson: Don't go to yours yet. I was just going to say that was part of mine. That was one of the things that I had written down, too.

Dave Wilson: You’re saying Quina stole yours?

Ann Wilson: Ridiculously, she said that. But I think I put down letting them see me repent to them, but also to Jesus. Let them hear my prayer. I think that creates an openness in the house of saying we’re not perfect and we’re going to mess up and we can talk about it. And isn't it good news that Jesus forgives us? And he gives us do-overs.

Quina Aragon: Yep.

Dave Wilson: I love that because when you think of practical ways to bring Jesus into your kids and your home, you think Bible, church, Christian school. You guys both went to a totally different place. I guess I’m sitting with two creatives.

Ann Wilson: That’s because I had to apologize constantly. I'd get mad and angry. "I'm so sorry. Mommy shouldn't have blown up like that." But there's a good thing in that of that repentant heart. But sometimes the enemy would take that to the point of saying, "What kind of mom are you?"

Because Jesus is saying, "I already forgave that," but the enemy likes to keep bringing it up. Have you found that?

Quina Aragon: Oh, yeah. He calls you names. "You're going to mess your kids up so bad. They'll never walk with Jesus. You're just going to repeat that cycle. Generational sin, you're not changing." That's like one of my biggest fears. And then I feel like Satan does capitalize on that moment and say, "See? See, that was just like when you were a kid? You saw the fear in her eyes? You just did that to her. She's going to be scarred for life."

Ann Wilson: So how have you dealt with that? When you get to that point, what do you do?

Quina Aragon: I’ll pray, but I’ll also talk to my husband. He is a great place to softly land and to be like, "I feel like I'm the worst mom in the world and I'm just turning into this monster." I'll say the dark things, and he’ll be like, "I'm not afraid of you." Because I'll be so self-loathing in that mode of, "If you hear what's really going on in this dark mind, you're going to be out of here."

And he'll go, "I'm not afraid of you." And he doesn't mean that in a mean way. He means that in a, "I welcome that because I'm here to remind you who you actually are in Christ, that you are not these things and that your repentance is showing the gospel. It is ministering." Not that we want to be hurting our kids, but when it inevitably happens.

Dave Wilson: What is the best thing we husbands can do when our wives are expressing the two things you two are talking about?

Ann Wilson: I think your husband just modeled it.

Dave Wilson: Is that it?

Quina Aragon: He models it a lot, but we've also learned—and I'm not trying to stereotype all men or anything—but he wants to fix it a lot of times. And so we've had to learn for him to say, "Do you want me to just listen right now or do you want me to speak into this?"

Dave Wilson: So ask the question.

Quina Aragon: He’ll ask, "What do you need right now?" And it’s a little uncomfortable at first to exercise that muscle, but then I see that as, "Oh, well, he's being very gracious because he naturally—his heart is, 'I want to help my wife.'" But what would help her right now? Is it just listening, holding her? Is it speaking life into that? And sometimes it’s just, "I want you to listen right now." And I think God is a great listener. We see that in scripture, but God can also speak into things. And so I feel like him offering that question helps out a lot.

Dave Wilson: That’s great.

Ann Wilson: I have found myself, too, where in scripture when it says to take every thought captive, I think I was in captivity because I would let those thoughts linger and I would play with the thoughts of, "I am terrible and this will happen." It doesn't do any good. That's not from the Father. And so I've learned to give those thoughts to the Father.

Dave Wilson: One of the questions that we get most often this time of year, and I get it personally, is when women come up to me and say, "What study should we do with our small group this year?" Have you gotten that?

Ann Wilson: Yeah, I get it from guys, I get it from couples. And here’s the thing: you can pick. We’ve got *The Art of Marriage*, we’ve got *The Art of Parenting*, we’ve got *Vertical Marriage*. We’ve got all kinds of video studies and workbooks tailor-made for you and a group of couples in your home that literally can change their life. We’ve done this, and you want to do it as well.

Let me tell you right now, the FamilyLife videos and workbooks are 25% off right now through the end of August. So you can go to FamilyLife.com/shop. You don't need a discount code. You just go there, pick the one you want to do, you put it in, you hit play, and you watch God work.

Dave Wilson: It’s so good. I really hope you’ll take advantage of this sale. Again, it’s 25% off. Just go to FamilyLife.com/shop.

We’ve got one: normalize apologizing. That’s one. You got another?

Ann Wilson: I’m going to you.

Dave Wilson: Well, mine feels so lame compared to that. That was deep. One of the first things I thought is if you want to share your faith, lead your family, bring Jesus into your home, one of the things I’ve done over the years that I feel like has been helpful is when I’m listening to a sermon, when I’m listening to a podcast—and I’m really thinking like when I’m in church and there’s a message being given—I take notes on my phone.

When I preach, I get on people like, "Why is nobody taking notes?" Because 80% of the congregation will sit there. So I shame them. And I know I’m shaming them. I’m like, "Do you realize you’re going to remember more just if you write something down?" That's true. Today, obviously, I do it on my phone, and I go to my notes, and I’ll take notes on it.

And why am I telling you this? Because then I share it. So, I sat like Sunday, I was at church and I’m taking notes and I’m like, "This is powerful." And okay, I’m sending this to my boys. I’m sending this to men that I know. But again, it’s just a way to say, "This isn't just about me learning and growing. If I’m a dad or I’m a husband, a wife, a mom, I’ve got people that I can share this with."

And I’ve done that with—when I was Detroit Lions Chaplain, I would even say to the guys at Chaplain, "Anything I’m saying that you want, I’ve got my notes. I’ll text it to you." So everybody in the room would say, "Text me that entire message." And so it was a way to just take what I’m learning and what God’s saying to me and teaching me and sharing it. We live in a digital world where that makes it so easy. That’s why I don't write notes, because it’s so much harder unless you take a picture and then send it, but I’m always doing it digitally.

Ann Wilson: Mine was super similar to that. Is this the third one? Because we’ve got two out of five.

Dave Wilson: Well, no, it’s kind of the same because mine was talking to the kids about everything Jesus is teaching me. So it’s basically the same thing. And when I’m not overflowing and talking about something God’s done or Jesus said or he’s doing in my life, I realize, "Oh, I’m not tapping into him." Which is so easy for all of us to do, but for me, it was a little bit of a temperature gauge like, "I’m not connected to the Father."

And I think one of the things that I’ve really liked doing is sharing with them stories of what God did that day. Whether I paid for someone’s lunch or I paid for someone’s groceries, I want them to see that our love for Jesus is something that’s active. It’s not passive. It’s something that compels us as we love people and we see them, we notice them, we say things to them that God would say. I wanted that to be a normal part of the Christian life. See, I get teary talking about it.

Dave Wilson: Is this all we’re doing here today? We’re just crying and talking.

Ann Wilson: I think it’s one of the greatest joys that God can give us is when we love and see people the way he would do that. And I don't feel like I was good at that growing up because I was so self-centered that I couldn't be other-centered and see the beauty in the people around me. Whether they’re Christian or not, doesn't matter. Even if it’s a homeless person sitting on the street and saying, "I see you," and letting our kids see that that’s normal in the Christian life.

Dave Wilson: We’ve got two.

Quina Aragon: Well, that’s kind of two and a half.

Ann Wilson: We’re halfway done.

Quina Aragon: I have one that I was thinking about when maybe JL, my daughter, was a little younger, but when we had more time to take walks together. But if you’re in a place where you can take a walk, I love doing this with little kids. "You see that tree over there? You see that bird?" And depending on the age, it might just be, "Who do you think made that? Who made that? Oh, God made that. Did you know he made—"

"Wait, Mommy, did he actually make the sky, too?" And you just continue. I think about in Deuteronomy where he talks about as you rise, as you sit, as you walk, the word of God. So I’ve taken that a bit to heart. Literally we’ll go walk, and I love nature, so walking and being able to talk about, "Can you believe God made all these different kinds of leaves or these kinds of—" depending on where you live, you could point to anything. So I like that.

And then also with that, maybe this will round out the point five, but when you see an item, like maybe you see a bird or you see whatever, "You know the story in the Bible that’s like that?" And it kind of always goes back to storytelling and, "That reminds me of this story." And making it not about, "I teacher, you student. You must now listen and receive my wisdom." It’s not like that. That was my authority voice. So I’m saying don't do that. I’m saying come side by side and say, "Man, that reminds me of this one story in the Bible. Have you heard of—"

Ann Wilson: You’re such a good storyteller. Your voice is so good. When she was reading parts of her book, weren't you like, "Oh, I wish she would read like that to me every night"?

Quina Aragon: If someone wants me, I would love that. We’re reading through *Chronicles of Narnia* right now at night. Maybe that’s the other is read through some good literature that will spark that conversation.

Dave Wilson: Well, you know, I’ve got one. Get Quina’s book and read them with your kids.

Ann Wilson: Number four? I’m not mad at that one. Okay, let’s say that. That could be one, reading.

Dave Wilson: I did it and whenever we were home, every single night we would do this with our boys. Lay in our bed, sometimes all three were in my bed or I’d take turns with them, but especially reading some literature like *The Chronicles of Narnia*. Those are so good.

Quina Aragon: I know, and then I cry and then I’m like—we just finished *The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe* and when it talks about when Aslan dies and how Susan and Lucy felt the darkness and the pain and like you’ll never be happy again. The way C.S. Lewis describes it, of course, I start crying while I read. I was like, "Baby, I'm sorry. I just started crying."

And amazingly, as a seven-year-old, she was like, "It's okay. You can cry." And I was like, "Wow, something that we've been trying to teach her is actually settling in." And that's encouraging. But being able to have those resources is such a privilege to have the literature that we have—just a wealth of, whether it's picture books or storybooks, whatever it may be. Those things again keep going back to story.

Dave Wilson: I could throw in movies as well. Same thing. Utilize video. You’ve got a phone, you can pull it right up on your phone any day and say, "Let's talk about that."

Ann Wilson: That’s really good. Okay, you got another one?

Dave Wilson: Do you? It’s your turn.

Dave Wilson: Live it. That’s good. We wrote about it in our *No Perfect Parents* book, but faith is caught rather than taught. You can teach all you want, and that’s good, and we should, and we should open the Word. But they’re going to follow what you live. And so it's not, "I’m having to do this because I’m supposed to lead my family." It’s like, "No, this is just who I am, and it’s coming out, and I’m in the Word.

Because I’m in the Word, God’s speaking to me and I have something to give." You cannot give away what you don't first possess. So I would just say, man, that is the greatest thing you could ever do: live it. And instead of looking at your kids like they’ve got to get this, look in the mirror and say, "Am I getting this? Because if I’m getting it, it’ll get passed on."

Ann Wilson: That’s good. All right, I guess we only have one more left. Joy. Bring joy into your home. I know that I could say Jesus, but Jesus is joy. So bring joy in Jesus into your home. I mean, in James when it says consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the—I’m thinking of you, Quina, because you’ve gone through a lot—knowing that the testing of your faith will produce endurance, you’ll be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

But there's something about when our kids see us even through trial, there's a contentment and a joy that we're looking to Jesus. So that's part of it. But the other part is just having fun as a family. We had fun. We would do things that our kids, our neighbor kids, would hang out at our house all the time because we were doing crazy stuff. We'd have these water gun fights where we're running down the street. You were playing sports with the kids, we were playing street hockey, capture the flag. We would toilet paper our friends' houses as they got older because they want to do something risky.

In a modest way, we didn't destroy their house. Shaving cream slip and slide, last day of school with shaving cream slip and slide.

Quina Aragon: I want to go to your house.

Dave Wilson: When I used to drive around our cul-de-sac in our car just going around and around—one time I parked the car sideways in the driveway. So it’s turned sideways, and the kids are like, "What are you doing?" I’m like, "Let's go in the house and see which neighbor calls first to say, 'What are you doing?'" So we were in the car for maybe three minutes. It was immediate. And we all guessed who’s going to call. "What's wrong with your minivan? Why is it parked sideways?"

And this is bad. This is when they got into middle school and high school, where we’re going through a drive-through. This is super late at night, so the lines aren't very long, but I took this sticky note—this is terrible, I’ll probably get in trouble for this—sticky note and wrote on the sticky note—I had a Sharpie with me—it said, "Speak loud" right where the sticker said "Speaker broken, speak loud." She put it on the microphone for the drive-through and then they went inside to listen to people.

And so we go inside. This is 10:00 at night. And they’re screaming, "I want a hamburger!" And the people, the workers are like, "What is—Why are they screaming?" And we’re shaking, we’re laughing so hard. And so there's parts of that that I wanted our kids to know. We love Jesus and this isn't this boring place. We have joy. We want this to be a place that attracts everybody because that love and the joy that Jesus brings is something that's contagious.

Quina Aragon: Yes. That same hospitality that the family where I first heard the gospel, that they showed me, that’s something that I’ve been trying to emulate as well in the neighborhoods we’ve lived in. And one of the biggest privileges to me is when one of the middle school girls in my old neighborhood called me—multiple ones of them saying, "You're like my neighborhood mom. I can talk to you about my stuff."

And our doors are open. My husband and I have had a big hospitality policy, like if they’re neighbors, you’re welcome in. We might have a messy day, we might have a rough day, we might have a great day, but you’re welcome into our space.

Ann Wilson: And I think what happens as our kids get older—we’ve shared this a few times—but their friends are hurting. And they have stories. And when you’re open and as you’re watching your kids' friends just to sit down and say, "Hey, you know, it seems like life feels heavy to you. Am I correct? Can I pray for you? Is anything going on?"

Man, these teenagers will cry. And they may not pour out to their parents, but sometimes they’ll pour out to you.

Quina Aragon: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s so true. I know I was like that.

Ann Wilson: Really?

Quina Aragon: Yeah, my mom could have been telling me the same exact thing that you told me, but when you said it, I’m like, "Do you realize? This is a good point." And just open up to others.

Dave Wilson: I’d like to live on your street. Isn't she cool? I want to do the water gun fight. That would actually—I’m going to take some of these ideas.

Ann Wilson: We had one little girl that lived on the corner, I think maybe they're in the fourth grade. She comes to our house and we're going, "We're going toilet papering tonight. Everybody get in the car." And she raises her hand, she goes, "Um, could I come with you?" And so I'm like, "Well, we have to call your mom."

And so she gets on the phone and she goes, "My mom doesn't believe me because Dave's the pastor." So I get on the phone and I'm like, "Hey, yeah, we're going to go toilet papering." She goes, "I thought you guys were nice, like Christian people." Like, "Yeah, we're just going to toilet paper our friend's house. We do this to each other all the time. It's really fun. Your daughter will be safe." She goes, "Okay, I guess."

Dave Wilson: That’s hilarious. I love it. Joy is contagious. And you want people to come to Christ. If you have real joy, not fake, but it’s an overflow joy, they’re going to be drawn to that. That’s true.

Okay, this is a big ask, but we would love it if you could read to us *Love Can*, the whole book.

Quina Aragon: I would love that. That would be my honor. Okay, ready kids?

Dave Wilson: We’re ready.

Quina Aragon: Before God made the heavens and the earth, he lived in perfect joy. He delighted in himself, one forever existing, perfect being. Father, Son, and Spirit, all one. But God wasn't done. The Father made us with love, but we turned away. So he gave us his Son so we could be saved.

Then before Jesus died and rose and went back to heaven, he promised his friends he'd send a superhero helper to live inside of them: his Spirit. The Holy Spirit is God, just like the Father and the Son. You can't see him, but he's not hiding from us.

Have you ever felt the wind blow on your face? Have you seen trees bend in a hurricane? You can't see the wind, but you can see what it does. And you can't see the Spirit, but you can know he's around. How? The superpower of love.

Now, if you're anything like me, you sometimes dream about having a superpower or two. Or three. Like super strength, or super speed, or invisibility, or jumping over buildings, flying, mind reading, time traveling. But what if you had the superpower to love? And I mean to love so much that your love made you look a lot like Jesus.

You see, the Spirit's got a super huge superhero job. He's been doing it from the start. The Holy Spirit connects us to God's loving heart. Can you imagine the love God has for his Son? It's deeper than the ocean, wider than the sky, it's higher than mountains. But here's the surprise: that same love God has for his Son, Jesus, he has for every one of us who believes in him.

Don't you see? God is love—the Father, the Spirit, the Son—and love loved so much, love came to live in us. The Spirit helps us believe in Jesus and tell others about him, too. He gives us the superpower to show all the things love can do.

Love can be patient when waiting in line. Love can be kind when no one is nice. Love can share even when it's hard. Love can be honest and not tell a lie. But perhaps the toughest thing love can do: love can forgive when others hurt you.

So, what do you think? Can you love like that all by yourself? Or do you think you might need some superpower help? I know I can't, and neither can you. But God is love, and love can. It's true. That's why God gave us his Spirit, so with love in us, we can love, too.

Dave Wilson: Another great day with Quina, and again, her books are *Love Made*, *Love Gave*, and *Love Can*. They’re three kids' books, and you’ve got to get them. Here’s how you get them: go to FamilyLifeToday.com, just click on the link in the show notes, and you can buy them there.

Ann Wilson: We know life is full of challenges, and families today need biblical truth more than ever. And as a FamilyLife partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources.

Dave Wilson: So let’s make a lasting difference together. Become a partner today. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the donate button. FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru ministry celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.