FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

Actually, it was pretty silent after we shared the news. And then there were tears and just the discernment to be silent in the moment, thinking about all the times where Jesus was in a pressure cooker situation and he remained silent.

We can be like Jesus sometimes in those moments, to just let the moment be and let God work through the other people in the room, including our own kids, who are early in their process of trusting Christ.

Speaker 2

Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.

Speaker 3

And I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us@familylifetoday.com this is Family Life Today.

Speaker 2

Well, we have the new president of Family Life back with us in this chat.

Speaker 3

Well, he's not that new now. He's nine months in.

Speaker 2

Yeah. But he has never been with us on Family Life Today. First time ever, Luke and Christina Mittendorf. And if you've ever had a big change happen or maybe a big decision.

Speaker 3

That you have to make, you haven't. You're gonna have one.

Speaker 2

But I think this episode's gonna be really helpful just to help you think, like, how do I make this decision and discern God's voice?

Speaker 3

Yep. When you got married, you came right on staff, right?

Speaker 4

We did. We were on staff with the campus ministry, the small school in Minnesota for three years.

And then God called us to Athletes in Action for the last 12 years at the University of Minnesota, which is our alma mater.

And we were living the dream. We thought we would live in Minneapolis our whole life. We had family in town, friends in town. Our kids were thriving. We loved everything.

Speaker 1

Yeah. It's where we went to school. It's where I proposed to her. That's where our kids were born. It's where we saw many people come to Christ and students and neighbors in our home. And then we got a call, and.

Speaker 2

Then the phone rings.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 3

So what happened? You know, you get a call and what?

Speaker 1

We got a call from someone who had nominated us for this open position in a ministry called Family Life. Initially, I kind of chuckled under my breath as I heard this person sharing. You know, this is why we could see you being a great fit. The ministry you guys are leading with students who have graduated and who are now newly married, they're having kids. This is just a part of who you are.

Even though you've been serving with a different ministry, you should really consider interviewing. I was sort of chuckling because of what Christina said. We're so happy. We're content and we don't want this.

Yet, over time, God really started to shift our hearts and reveal, I've been preparing you for this all along.

Speaker 2

Okay?

Speaker 1

You just need to trust me.

Speaker 4

And it wasn't even that we didn't want it. It was also we just kind of felt like us. We have not written a book on parenting. We don't have kids out of the house and grown. And we're looking back at life with wisdom to share. We are in the trenches of marriage and parenthood.

Surely you want someone older and more experienced than us. And we kept saying that throughout the process. And they're like, what we want is you.

And we said, all we have to offer is we can come alongside people and say, you're struggling. Me too. Let's look at Jesus and walk towards him together. That's what we have to offer and bring.

And apparently that's what family life wants in this season. And we can do that. We can do that.

Speaker 2

So, Christina, when Luke comes to you and you're so satisfied with your life, like, everything's going great, and he says this, what are you thinking?

Speaker 4

I thought, this isn't going to go anywhere. Like, this is just. That's out of left field that we thought those moments where you're like, I think I need to pay attention to this because this is not the story we're writing for our life, but maybe this is God. I don't know. So we will pray. We will commit to praying about this.

And as we... I mean, it wasn't a fast process. This was months of prayer. God loosening that tight control I had on our family lives in Minneapolis. We go to this school, we do life with these people. And God just started to open our hands, too. But what if there's more? What if I have more for you in your story?

And we began to see that our trajectory really was pointing us towards this family ministry that though we were working day in and day out with college athletes, those athletes graduate and they get married and they have kids. And we've done it long enough that we've seen that happen a couple times through. Luke would officiate those weddings. We would do the premarital counseling. They would come back and say, okay, I've got toddlers and babies and I'm pulling my hair out. What do I do? I'm like, I only have a few years ahead of you, but I'll give you what I can.

And so we started to see how our ministry really was family centric. And we've always believed really strongly in doing ministry out of our home and having our kids be a part of that and bringing the athletes to our house, not just going to them on campus, but integrating those two worlds. And so we just started to see, okay, this might not be as far-fetched as we initially thought.

Speaker 1

We didn't know many people who serve full time with family life on staff, but we had a number of really positive moments with the ministry as we were married. We've been to two weekend term members that really were impactful in our marriage as we started to have kids. Those were really important moments for us.

We've read through a number of the resources in our married life, the resources about biblical manhood, resources about marriage, and even Family Life Today has been meaningful to us. I remember being in the car, driving around our first year of marriage and listening to Family Life Today on the radio for you as well when you drive to Bible studies.

So there are moments along the way where, as we look back, we can tell God had been preparing us and giving us what we need. But certainly in a place and a posture of we need him more than ever, we're fully dependent on you, Jesus, for this next step and we trust you.

Speaker 3

Now, how did you get to the place where you were sure of this call? Because this is God's call for us.

Speaker 2

Because our listeners are like, how do I know God's will? How do I make a decision and know this is what God wanted?

Speaker 4

That was what we were saying. We asked a lot of people. I feel like we had months of information and wisdom and input and prayer. And yet we were. It's just like to make that jump and cross that line.

It's like for us, the cost was so high, right? This wasn't like, take the role and stay where you are. This was, take the role and uproot your entire life and kids and move to this new place. And so we were really slow to make that decision.

In the end, we went to our pastor and basically said what you just said, like, how do I discern God's voice? Here's all the information. We kind of verbally volunteered dozens, hundreds.

Speaker 1

Of students over the years to do that same question as they're thinking about career and do I end my sport? All these things. We've led Bible studies on that, but it's different when you're in it. Like, how do we do this again? This is really big.

Speaker 4

And of course he didn't have, you know, a prescriptive answer necessarily, but what he did say was, through the Bible, we see that when God calls people, there is a clear external call and an internal call. The external call in your case seems to be very clear. All the signs are pointing towards this is where you're going. But we are trying to now discern the internal call. Is God actually asking Luke and Christina to say yes to this?

He shared part of his own story in a moment where he was discerning a decision. God said to him in a moment of prayer, "What if you could have more of me if you said yes to this thing that you did not want to say yes to in your flesh?" When he said those words, I felt something shift in me internally. My perspective is not my comfort, my home, my friends, my family—all these things that are good. Those are good desires that God wants to satisfy.

But as a believer, more than that, I need to want Jesus. If more of Jesus is promised when I get out of my comfort in that mushy middle place, I have to depend on Him because we don't yet have friends here. We don't know what school our kids will go to. We don't know where we're going to live in this new city. All these things are question marks. That's where we need God, where we are dependent on Him.

When I framed it that way, it was like the answer was just obvious. All of a sudden, it was like, this is more of God. Okay, that's what we'll step into.

Speaker 3

Was the same for you, Luke.

Speaker 1

It took me a little bit of time after that conversation, and I think it was the next week when we had been offered the role. So there were some signs towards the external call. And then it came, and I just took some time in solitude, fasting, and prayer. It wasn't long, but even just a day focused on, "Lord, what are you saying?"

For me, what happened was connecting with more of God and seeing that He's been leading us in this direction. To go the other way would be disobedient to Him. I still had a choice; He gave me the choice to make, but I'm choosing Him. I'm choosing His call and the unknowns of what that might mean in the next year.

Speaker 3

Yeah, you know, in some ways, I'm listening to your story, and I think Peter in the boat, the disciples in the boat. I don't know if you've ever read John O. Burke's book. If you want to walk on water, you got to get out of the boat. That was a book that changed me because it's like, so often the mission middle is the boat. It's comfortable. You got to take that step. So that's the step you took.

And I love what John said in the book. He says there are boat potatoes and there are water walkers. Are you a boat potato? Meaning I'm going to hold onto my boat because it's comfortable, what the salary is, and I know what the 401k is, and I know what my future looks like, and my kids will be okay in this school and this.

And it's like, no, Jesus is over here and he's saying, come, and it's scary. And you've just done that. How are you feeling?

Speaker 4

There are days where it is exhilarating, like, oh, we're following Jesus. I know that in my gut for sure.

And then there are days where I lose sight of that and feel that I'm down. Now I'm treading water because my eyes are not on Jesus; they're on all that is still not where I want it to be.

Nine months in, or all that's still unsure, or looking back on what was and what we don't have. So it's up and down. It's up and up and down.

Speaker 1

Honestly, we were in the airport with our kids just a few days ago flying back to Orlando. And our gate, you know, the sign said Orlando. The gate next to us said Minneapolis. Wow. And one of our kids kind of whispered in my ear, "I want to get on that plane to Minneapolis. Really, I don't want to go."

And honestly, part of me felt like I kind of agree with you because that's the mushy middle, that's the comfort zone. We have family there. We know what it'll look like. And it was. The obedient path isn't a one-time thing. It's the daily moments.

It's that moment to say, and I acknowledge with her, "I do feel that too. I would like to get on that plane." But we're going to go together, and I'm going to be here with you. We're going to be together as a family. God has good things for us.

Speaker 2

I would say probably the top three things that has changed our marriage the most is when we have led a small group.

Not just being in a small group, like that's amazing. But when we have led a small group, our marriage changed more than anything else.

Speaker 3

I mean, anytime you have couples in your home or you're in their home talking about marriage, your marriage is going to get better. And you know the thing we always want if we're thinking, "I'm going to have couples in, I want to help them," is I need help helping them.

So guess what? That's what we're about. Family Life has tools to help you lead a small group. We call it our small group kits. In our workbooks, they are plug and play and they are on sale right now, 25% off through the end of the month.

You can go to familylifetoday.com and get any one of the studies that you'd like to lead. And again, it's plug and play. We'll help you change the world.

Speaker 2

And who would have thought that being on mission together is one of the things that makes our marriages better? You know who thought of that?

Speaker 4

God thought of that.

Speaker 2

It just happens. It's the gospel again. Familylifetoday.com.

Take us back to the conversation with your kids, because I know that as listeners with kids, maybe you feel this call and your kids are like, what? How did you serve that up?

And how did you talk about it with them?

Speaker 1

I had very little experience as a kid thinking about moving or having those types of conversations with my family.

We've had that as a couple processing decisions.

But Christina actually had firsthand experience from when she had to move as a kid that she reflected back on, right?

Speaker 4

Between the age of our kids. Currently, when my parents said, we're moving from Washington state to Wisconsin, which might as well have been another country to me, I didn't know where it was on a map.

Speaker 2

It seems like a different country.

Speaker 4

I just knew cows were there and I didn't want anything to do with that. And so that was honestly, that was a traumatic move for me. I was entering middle school. I was so angry for a really long time and angry at my mom and dad, angry at the circumstances. I believed in my 6th grade mind that if I was miserable and angry enough, my parents would change their mind. They'd be like, oh, we're so sorry, Redo. We'll go back. That didn't happen.

And so I, when this came about and our kids are this age, I just had this moment with God of like, what are you asking me to do? Like, there's no way with my story that I would do that to my children. And they are that like just all. It was too much. It felt like too much to handle. And yet God walked me through that and helped me see because of that, I've actually equipped you to parent them through this moment where you experienced deep pain.

And I didn't yet know the Lord at that age. And I've equipped you with what you need to do this a different way. And so we let our kids in on the process somewhat early on. They knew this was happening. They knew he was flying to interviews. They knew when he would make it to the next round. It was an open conversation we had with them because we didn't want to spring it on them. And yet I don't think they believed that this was ever going to happen.

So the moment we sat them down was...

Speaker 1

It was really hard.

Speaker 2

What did it sound like?

Speaker 1

Actually, it was pretty silent after we shared the news. And then there were tears and just the discernment to be silent in the moment, thinking about all the times where Jesus was in a pressure cooker situation and he remained silent.

We can be like Jesus sometimes in those moments, to just let the moment be and let God work through the other people in the room, including our own kids, who are early in their process of trusting Christ. But we knew this was a decision God had led us to.

We're going as a family, but God will have something uniquely for each of our kids. And it may not be in the same timeline. This is a daily walking it out of obedience.

Speaker 4

I think the temptation as parents is to fix it right or to be like, "We're gonna be okay." God has us. It's easy to say those platitudes and kind of put a band-aid on it. Instead, we tried to be really intentional, to give them space to feel whatever they were feeling and even to let them see, "I feel that too."

We are making the decision to say yes to what God is asking us to do. At the same time, the cost is really high, and I don't like that. So we wept with them—not just in that moment, but in the months to come as the waves of grief hit, as we experience the lasts of things.

It has continued in our move as we've grieved what we don't yet have here that we had there. It still comes in waves. But to let them see those emotions does not mean that we're disconnected from God. In fact, God meets us in that, and he walks with us. He can handle our pain, our anger, our fear—that's okay.

Speaker 1

It's given us an opportunity to keep our eyes open in the months after we move. For how is God going to show up here? We don't know. Like, for kids, it's, who are my friends going to be when I move? Who am I going to hang out with in the neighborhood or who is going to be on my sports teams?

There was a moment in those first couple of weeks where we had put our kids in some camps right when we moved. We were unpacking boxes, and they got to try to meet some kids at these camps where they didn't initially know anyone. But the next week, the first time we checked out a church in Orlando, we opened the car doors. The first noise we heard was Brooks, and that's our son's name. There was a boy who he had met at that camp who was calling out his name.

Certainly, that was a special moment for him that we talked about later. But it was almost as if the Lord was calling out to us, saying, I'm here. I've got you. It's going to be okay. So the Lord ministers to us through our kids in these processes.

Speaker 3

Debbie, what great wisdom you've just shared for parents listening.

Like how to process a hard decision with your kids: you can't control them. You can't tell them how they should respond. You let them respond and be there, be what they need. If they need a hug, you're hugging.

You know, can you imagine if they came over to hug and you turned away? Some parents do that. It's like, no, they need a hug—hug. And guess what? They're turning away and they're mad at you.

Let them be. Let them have that time. Where to go?

Speaker 2

I think as parents, I'm just gonna say this personally. My kids can become my idol, where I'm making all the decisions of my life theologically based on them, based on what they will feel about it. But I'm gonna tell you, I want my kids sometimes to be in the mushy middle, to not feel pain, to just be happy, just be happy. I want you to be happy. I think that's just a part of who we are as parents.

But it's not the best place for them to be. I want them to be clinging to Jesus just like I am. But it's easy for me to do than to watch them struggle is one of my hardest things.

And so for you guys to be obedient to God, what an example to your kids. Like mom and dad don't even necessarily at times feel really happy about this, and yet they just want to follow.

Speaker 3

I mean, Christina, when you look back on your move as a middle school girl now, do you look at it.

Speaker 4

Like, yes, definitely, like seeing all that God did provide. But, yeah, it doesn't take away that it was hard in the moment.

Luke just said to our daughter the other night, hard isn't bad. It's just hard. It's just hard.

And sometimes we think anything hard is bad and it means I shouldn't do it. But that's not true. Hard can just be hard.

And God calls us to do hard things often. Often.

Speaker 3

Okay, so you're sitting here nine months in, talk about what you think is the future.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Your hopes and dreams.

Speaker 3

You're dreaming about family life. You know, where are we headed?

Speaker 1

For those of you who are familiar with family life, what an incredible history.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Some people have said, "Do you know the size of the shoes you're stepping into?" And maybe they haven't seen me in person yet. I was gonna say 14s they're speaking to. Of course, we've had incredible staff and leadership in family life—speakers, authors, and creators of content and conferences. Family Life is a global ministry reaching people all over the world. And here are Luke and Christina. I'm a Midwest boy stepping into this global organization.

It has been tempting sometimes to think more about who I think others might want me to be instead of who I know God's calling me to be. A unique part of us in this stage of life is that we are a family with kids at home. We are younger leaders, and that's not accidental by the Lord; it's actually intentional. So, as I'm months into the role now, I'm starting to integrate that more into decision-making and conversations about where we're headed. God has prepared us for this moment as we're dependent on Him, and we have perspective about the next generation of families that need the gospel just as much, if not more, than the previous generation.

There are families and marriages we've ministered to over the years. We can bring those experiences into this role and say, "Hey, what about this new resource we might create?" Or, "How might we create a new experience?" Or, "What about taking families on mission trips all over the world, just like we've gotten to do?" So we're bringing that in, and we're learning so much through staff who have served here, through our partners who give and pray for the ministry.

Even just a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to meet some volunteers who help lead events like the Weekend to Remember. These are dedicated people who have full-time jobs and give of their weekends so that more marriages would trust in Christ, grow in oneness, and be equipped to impact more people.

What gets us excited is that we've had lots of moments and years—really—of seeing flourishing marriages and flourishing families. We’ve felt that it’s not always easy; we don’t feel that every day. But we know what it does feel like to flourish with the Lord, with each other, and with others. That’s our dream and our vision for more marriages and families in the US and around the world.

Speaker 2

I really love that we had Luke and Christina Mittendorf, the new president of Family Life, with us today.

Speaker 3

Yep. You're listening to Family Life Today. I'm Dave Wilson.

And before we're done today, let me just say this. We meet a ton of couples who say family life helped them when they needed it the most.

And that's what being a family life partner is all about, helping others find that same encouragement and tools that you found right here.

Speaker 2

And we'd love for you to join us. So click the donate button@familylifetoday.com and become a partner today.

Speaker 3

Family Life Today is a donor supported ministry of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.