FamilyLife Today®

Portia Collins: I lived growing up and then even into my college years in this seesaw of on good days when I didn't cuss or do anything, I am going to heaven. And then on bad days, I'm going to bust hell wide open. Which is crazy.

Dave Wilson: Welcome to FamilyLife Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.

Ann Wilson: And I'm Ann Wilson and you can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. Well, this is fun today. I'm pretty excited to have...

Dave Wilson: Because we're on a couch? That's what makes it fun?

Ann Wilson: That's different and fun, but we have Portia Collins with us and I know that today is going to be a great day because Portia, you're here.

Portia Collins: I am so excited to be here and I love the setup. This is beautiful.

Ann Wilson: It is, right?

Portia Collins: I feel really comfortable.

Ann Wilson: And it looks like you were made to be in this setup with your colors. It's perfect.

Portia Collins: Providence. That's always it.

Ann Wilson: Providence, you're right.

Dave Wilson: Well, as we were studying you, we found out some unique things about you. Two I want to ask you about: Gamer, Marvel movies. You pick. Which one?

Portia Collins: Start—no wait, start with the gamer because you also say that you're a Bible nerd.

Dave Wilson: I am.

Portia Collins: So the gamer, the Bible nerd, do those go together? What do you think?

Dave Wilson: Sometimes, because if I'm playing solo, sometimes I will be listening to the Bible while I'm playing.

Ann Wilson: Really? When did that start? How old were you when you started gaming?

Portia Collins: Oh, I started gaming, I probably was seven or eight. My mom introduced me to gaming.

Dave Wilson: What? Your mom?

Portia Collins: My mom is a gamer. Still. Today, my mom is still a gamer. She's at home, at my house now, holding down the fort with my husband, and she is likely going to be playing my PlayStation at some point today.

Dave Wilson: Who's better? Who wins between you?

Portia Collins: Me.

Dave Wilson: Who's your favorite Marvel character, superhero?

Portia Collins: Okay, so this is a tricky answer because I really, really like Thor, but I feel like that's the default answer. Everybody's like, "Yes, Odin's son, Thor." But actually, it's Doctor Strange.

Ann Wilson: Oh. See, that's pretty unusual. There's a lot of power there, though.

Portia Collins: Yes, Doctor Strange is so cool. And then his origin story and all of that. You really see him go from being arrogant to way more humble and relatable. So, yeah, Doctor Strange. Who's yours?

Dave Wilson: Thor. Thor can be a little more self-centered at the beginning. But you know who was the most self-centered was Iron Man. I think I'd pick Iron Man.

Ann Wilson: Okay, that's a good one.

Dave Wilson: Because he's a genius. He's not one of the gods, but he's a genius. I like his humor.

Portia Collins: I like his humor.

Dave Wilson: And he wants to help. He's always saving people.

Ann Wilson: And I say, he was selfish at first, but at the end, he made the ultimate sacrifice.

Portia Collins: Yes, he did.

Dave Wilson: Is this what we're going to talk about all day?

Portia Collins: I could. I love Marvel movies. I've seen all of them.

Ann Wilson: So have I.

Dave Wilson: All right, talk about Bible nerd. We're going to talk about your book about the book of Galatians. How did this start? Were you always a Bible nerd?

Portia Collins: No, I was not. I grew up going to church. My grandmother was the pianist and my mother was the organist of my childhood church. And so, church culture, particularly black church culture, was something that I was very familiar with. We were always at church because if the musicians are there, then you're there. Exactly. And so, I was always there.

I grew up with an understanding of parts of who Christ was, but not a full understanding. My understanding of the gospel was that Jesus had cleared the plate and it was in my mind, "Okay, now it's time for me to put something back on the plate." I lived growing up and then even into my college years in this seesaw of on good days when I didn't cuss or do anything, I am going to heaven.

And then on bad days, I'm going to bust hell wide open. Which is crazy. Even in scripture, it talks about a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways and that's exactly what I was. I had such a warped understanding.

Ann Wilson: And probably fearful.

Portia Collins: One hundred percent fearful.

Dave Wilson: That's a lot. I think a lot of Americans—majority, maybe—everywhere in the world, but I know here, I felt the same way too.

Portia Collins: But the book of Galatians is where my life changed. I grew up having this understanding. I knew of God, I knew of Jesus, but I didn't really understand what the work of salvation was.

When I got to college, I was a religious girl, but as soon as you get from under the thumb of your mama and your grandmama, you just start doing whatever you think you're big and bad enough to do. That was me. When I got to college, the crazy thing was outwardly, I had this outward persona of I was a president scholar, I graduated summa cum laude, student government association, all these outward things that were like, "Oh, she's great."

Ann Wilson: And she's got it all together.

Portia Collins: And she's got it all together. But you pull the curtain back a little bit and I was a hot mess. I was a hot mess.

Dave Wilson: What did the hot mess look like? I want the dirt.

Portia Collins: I'm real about keeping that. I mean, let's just be honest: fornicating, living by the beat of my own drum in relationships that I had no business being in. I was the god of my life.

There were times when I felt justified in that because I had this outward persona of checking the boxes. But inwardly, I was struggling because I still knew that something in the water ain't clean and it was really breaking me down.

Dave Wilson: What did you feel?

Portia Collins: I think what God allowed me to come to a place where I had to grapple with my sin and it was brokenness, despair. Because here's the thing: the point that we end up in with sin is never where we start and we can't see just how big, bad, and deep it goes.

Dave Wilson: It always takes you further than you wanted to go.

Portia Collins: Yes.

Ann Wilson: So you had probably guilt and shame along with that.

Portia Collins: One hundred percent. Once I got to that point where there was so much guilt, so much shame, it felt like my good stuff was no longer outweighing my bad stuff, I lost it. I was so broken. I remember feeling like my life was not worth living anymore.

Ann Wilson: Was this your freshman year?

Portia Collins: No, this was after I graduated. I went all the way through college, just partying hard in college and still making good grades, doing all these things. After I graduated, I hit the real world. The same school that I graduated from, my first big girl job was there. I was an admissions counselor. And that's when life hit me in the face.

I'm paying bills, I've got an apartment, now all my friends are scattered across the country. All of the things that I felt like I was using to hide or even not let my mind go to the reality of what my life was, it was gone. I had been stripped.

Ann Wilson: And you kind of felt lonely.

Portia Collins: One hundred percent. Lonely, broken, "What is my life?", confused, all of these things. I went back to a fundamental principle that I learned as a church girl: read your Bible, pray. I'm desperate. Lord, I'm broken. I'm just going to read my Bible and pray.

Dave Wilson: Isn't it interesting how we never want to be where you were: lonely, at the end of the rope. And yet it's the most beautiful place because it's when we finally look up. It's as if everything else that we've looked toward is empty. It's not fulfilling me. There's got to be something else. And there you go back to your roots.

Portia Collins: And I didn't even know what I was doing. This just shows the sovereignty of God and how He works through things. Because I was just going back—it was as if I needed hope and I was like, "This is the only place that I know because ain't nothing else giving it to me. My job is not giving it to me, my relationship, none of that."

And so I go back and I just started every night when I would get off work from my big girl job, I would read scripture.

Ann Wilson: Did you pray?

Portia Collins: Yes, I would pray.

Ann Wilson: Had you been to a point of repentance at that point or were you just praying?

Portia Collins: I definitely think I was at a point of repentance because I had already started cutting off things that I was like, "I don't want this. Lord, whatever You don't want from me, I don't want for myself." And so I had reached that point. It was almost finally coming out of the hole, out of that sunken place.

And so I'm reading scripture. I remember being so hungry. And even things that I didn't understand, I remember during the work hours, as I'm working, I would be listening to sermons from John Piper and Tim Keller. I feel like I cut my teeth on the New Living Translation because I grew up King James Version and couldn't understand: who speaks Old English? None of us.

I remember seeing some YouTuber talking about getting a Bible that you understand. So I got a Life Application Study Bible in NLT and I would read every evening. The notes in it were so good. This particular evening, I decided to read Galatians for no other reason other than it was six chapters and I knew that I could finish it in one sitting.

Dave Wilson: That's what I was wondering: why Galatians?

Portia Collins: That's the only thing.

Dave Wilson: But this was the providence of God.

Portia Collins: Yes. I picked this just because I had been hearing people say, "Read scripture in context, start from the beginning." I was like, "Oh, this is six chapters. I can definitely read this one tonight in one sitting." I tell you, hand up, when I finished, my face was to the floor.

I was laying on the floor weeping because for the first time ever, I truly understood the gospel. It was as if a weight had been lifted from me because I finally understood that Jesus doesn't just clear the plate, He is the plate. He puts it all on the plate.

Dave Wilson: You got all that in one reading of Galatians? That is God because I was like, "How'd she get that? How's she on the floor with Galatians?" That's it.

Portia Collins: One hundred percent. And then from there, I just kept drilling in. The book gripped me so much that I feel like I spent the next 10 years, of all the books in scripture, I would reread Galatians over and over and study it more and it became more profound.

But that very first reading was like I saw it so clearly. I am not justified by all this stuff. Jesus justifies me. Period. If you really read the book of Galatians, Paul is making that so clear. His whole first half is a case study on "This work is Christ's." There's nothing that you can add to it or take away.

Dave Wilson: He keeps—you know better than anybody, you wrote a book on it. But again, as we're getting ready to interview you, I'm like, "I've got to read Galatians again." I was in seminary, I studied it, I studied it in Greek, but it's been a long time. I'm reading it yesterday and Paul, from the first verse, is hammering these people. Like, "What are you doing? You've added." So was that something that really got your attention?

Portia Collins: It was as if he was talking to me. Maybe because I was reading the New Living Translation, it felt more clear. Prior to that, I'd been reading King James Version. But it was as if he was talking to me: "Girl, you are out here and you are trying to add. You're vacillating from legalism to lawlessness. Either you're living in a way where you feel like you're just justifying yourself through your good grades and your job and who your mama and them is..."

Dave Wilson: ...or what you're not doing anymore.

Portia Collins: Yeah.

Ann Wilson: Read that in the Bible. Parts of it. Just take us to the scripture of what you read. Look at your beat-up little Bible there.

Portia Collins: I know, isn't it? This one is an ESV. As I grew into being more of a Bible nerd, I started exploring translations more.

Ann Wilson: Getting closer to the original text.

Portia Collins: That's what I like, word-for-word translations. I like some that are what I consider an optimal balance like CSB. But ESV...

Dave Wilson: Bruce, CSB!

Portia Collins: Bruce, CSB! They're our sponsor.

Dave Wilson: Oh, really? I love me some CSB. They know it too. We just got five points for that one. You can find out more about that at csbible.com. There you go, Bruce. Perfect. Or as Ann always says, csbbible.com. No, csbible.com. Well, I've got an ESV here as well. By the way, there's some listeners and viewers saying, "What's the difference? Should I do an ESV? Should I do an NIV?"

Portia Collins: I love to talk about these. First and foremost, God's Word is God's Word. Also, there aren't many of us out here reading Greek, Hebrew, or Aramaic as the original manuscript.

Dave Wilson: Like I always do.

Portia Collins: Oh, I know. You're fancy.

Dave Wilson: No, I don't. Just in case you're wondering.

Portia Collins: If you're not, there's no reason to feel like, "I've got to read the King James Version because that's how it was written." Actually, no. It was written in Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic. So if you're reading anything other than those things, then you're not reading in the original languages.

That kind of gives us a little bit of humility to start with in picking our translations. And then from there, my advice is always if you are new to Bible study, I personally think that you need to get the easiest translation that you can understand to start. And then from there, you can move to word-for-word translations.

Ann Wilson: But Portia, I will say, I remember I was 16 when I surrendered my life to Jesus and I hadn't grown up in a church. I had tried to read it: "This thing doesn't even make sense" before I was a believer. And when I was a believer, when I had first started reading it, I'm like, "Are you kidding me? This is unbelievable!"

Portia Collins: One hundred percent. That's exactly how I felt. I was like, "I've been in church all these years and just could not see it." I had such a disjointed view of scripture. I could cherry-pick and I could quote John 3:16 if somebody asked me, "What is the gospel?" and I'm quoting John 3:16.

But when God really showed me the fullness of His Word, and even now, at the big age or little age of 38 now, I know I still don't have all of it, but there's so much there now that was not there before. It never gets old.

Ann Wilson: Me neither. I'm on year 20 of reading the Bible through every year, and every year I'm like, "Are you kidding me? I never saw this before." It just keeps getting better and richer.

Dave Wilson: And I'll add this because I want you to jump into it. But think about this: if you want a great marriage, this is your foundation. What would happen if you and your wife, you and your husband—and if they won't, you do it—but what if we built our life on the Word of God? It's going to change your marriage, going to change your legacy. All right, enough of that. Where do you want to go?

Portia Collins: This is going to be very interesting, but this is probably one of the...

Dave Wilson: Everybody expects you to go to Galatians 2:20.

Portia Collins: No, I'm going to Galatians 3. Galatians 3, when Paul is one hundred percent not pulling his punches and he says, "O foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?" Which is interesting because as I've studied more and more, this word "bewitched," you don't see it mentioned anywhere else.

Ann Wilson: I can't remember hearing that anywhere.

Portia Collins: It is not. It's not mentioned anywhere else, I know specifically in the New Testament, but I definitely don't think anywhere else. So he's using some language where he's like, "Y'all are crazy."

Dave Wilson: You should do your own version. People say this all the time: "The Portia Bible," the PSV.

Portia Collins: But he's saying, "O foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. Let me ask you only this: did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"

I wish I had my NLT because it sounds even plainer in the NLT. But it's as if he's saying, "Are you crazy? Did you actually work or make yourself have the Spirit, the work that happened? Did you do this? Are you now trying to..." And I think that word "perfected" hit me too because I am—hi, I'm Portia, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. And so when I read this, I'm like, "This is me. He is talking to me. And I am foolish and I have been bewitched."

Dave Wilson: I mean, here's the NLT: "Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you? For the meaning of Jesus Christ’s death was made as clear to you as if you had seen a picture of His death on the cross. Let me ask you this one question: did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not! You received the Spirit because you believed the message you heard about Christ."

Portia Collins: That word "believed," it was like, "Okay." And then I start reconciling things that I knew, like John 3:16. We don't see anything else in there that says "whosoever believes."

And so I'm thinking, and you've got to take the totality of this book because as I'm reading this, it's almost as if Paul is anticipating what questions are arising as he's saying this. So even as I was reading this at the time, I'm saying, "Okay, so all it is, I believe in Christ, what He has done, His work on the cross is sufficient." And I'm saying, "Then it's like now what?"

And then Paul says, "I got your now what. Now, this is how you live in light of that. Not because you're doing anything to save yourself. It's because of your salvation that you now live in a way that pleases God, that glorifies God, that really was the way that He intended from the beginning."

Dave Wilson: The amazing thing about what Paul's writing to the Galatians is he could say the exact same thing to us today.

Portia Collins: One hundred percent. We are bewitched. We do it today in the church, in ministry. Even now, I recently just wrote a blog on my Substack and the title of it is "I'm Not That Great."

The reason why I wrote it: because I realized how much I still even now struggle with perfectionism and how particularly that is exposed when there are areas where I realize I'm not that great. That I can be forgetful, that I can miss, that I'm not always operating in this sense of excellence, even though I want to.

There are moments when my humanness is exposed and in those moments, it has been such a hit that I've even struggled: "Did I really hear You clearly, God?" And God is constantly showing me, "Girl, you're not putting anything on this plate. Yeah, you missed the mark on this. But guess what? I'm Jesus."

Ann Wilson: That's a good reminder too.

Portia Collins: Every—and I need it. Because like I said, especially when you have a Type A personality, you are high-functioning, overachiever, always want to make—love it when people are like, "Great job, Portia, you came through for us."

And when you have a moment when somebody's like, "You didn't come through for us this time. You missed it this time." I cannot take that and then begin to let that inform my identity. Christ informs my identity. So much of Galatians is about identity in Christ.

Dave Wilson: We'll get into that tomorrow. In fact, teaser for tomorrow: give us one thought on—you're a mom, you're a wife—is there a thought based on everything you've just talked about that informs you as a woman of God and as a wife or as a mom?

Ann Wilson: Don't answer it. No, no, just teaser.

Portia Collins: Now you know I'm not a lady of few words. I would say freedom. That would be the teaser: freedom in my role as a wife, freedom in my role as a mom, freedom.

Ann Wilson: All right, that's enough because that's a good one because we don't always associate freedom with being a mom or a wife or a dad or a husband.

Dave Wilson: That's really good. So, we're going to hit that tomorrow. And by the way, her eight-week Bible study is called Finding Freedom, and you can get it at familylifetoday.com. Just click on the link in the show notes.

But tomorrow we're going to take that concept, this book of Galatians, and say, "Okay, how's it impact marriage, family, legacy?" It's going to be a good day.

Ann Wilson: All right, let me just say: we know life is full of challenges and FamilyLife Today needs biblical truth more than ever. Isn't that true?

Dave Wilson: That is true.

Ann Wilson: And as a FamilyLife partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources. So let's make a lasting difference together. Become a partner today. Just go to familylifetoday.com and click the donate button.

Dave Wilson: FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru ministry, celebrating 50 years of God's faithfulness as marriages grow stronger and families flourish in Him.