FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

We need to know what we're prioritizing in our life because we all are prioritizing something, even if we haven't determined. These are my priorities. Our life indicates what we're prioritizing. But is it in line with what we want to be prioritizing?

Speaker 2

Welcome to family life today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.

Speaker 3

And I'm Ann Wilson. You can find us at family life today dot com. This is family life today.

Speaker 2

Question for you. Do you think I'm good with my time, that I manage my time well? Okay, you paused way too long.

Speaker 3

No, I think you do, actually.

Speaker 2

I'm not looking for a positive response. You do? Yeah.

Speaker 3

I think that we don't live on the same internal time clock. Mine's always going really, really fast, and yours is slower, which is really good for me. Frustrating, but good for me. But, yeah, I think you manage your time well. Do you think I do?

Speaker 2

I think you manage it a lot better than I do. You get a lot more done.

Speaker 3

I don't think so.

Speaker 2

In a day than I do. And I honestly think I waste a lot of time.

Speaker 3

But sometimes my attitude can be determined by how much I get done in the day. And that's not always a good thing.

Speaker 2

Well, we all need help with time, and we've got the time saving mom, Crystal Payne in the studio with us today. And I call you the time saving mom. You're really known as the money saving mom. But welcome back.

Speaker 1

Thank you so much for having me. And you were talking about not being good with your time. And I just.

Speaker 2

I want to hear what you have to say.

Speaker 1

I just witnessed you. She was saying, you know, you were the one that. You were saying, we got to kind of get along. We gotta get the interview.

And you were back just talking with people.

And so I just wanna encourage you that talking with people, that is using your time intentionally.

Speaker 2

So you've written a book. You've been thinking about this, I'm guessing, for decades, right?

Speaker 1

Yes, I actually opened the book talking about my high school graduation speech. Yep. I was not the valedictorian. I was homeschooled. Let's clarify that.

So I graduated at the top and the bottom of my class, but I got to give a speech. And my whole speech was, time is short. Because that's something that I'm really passionate about for years and years.

Speaker 3

Well, let's talk about what the book is called. Your book is called the Time saving Mom. And the subtitle is how to juggle a lot, enjoy your life, and accomplish what matters most. Every mom hearing that wants that.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

I mean, if we're going to be wise about our time. Here we go. We started yesterday with, I thought, a great discussion, and I'm so inspired even now to go home and be more thankful.

But you talked about this four-step process, which I guess is your way to say, okay, you want to redeem your time, you want to do what God says. Here in Ephesians 5, it looks like this.

So just remind us of the first p and then let's go further down the list.

Speaker 1

Yes. So it's to start your day with the posture of prayer. Prayer is step number one, and the second is to prioritize. This really goes along with the first step because we need to know what we're prioritizing in our lives. We are all prioritizing something, even if we haven't explicitly determined what those priorities are. Our lives indicate what we're prioritizing, but the question is: is it in line with what we want to be prioritizing?

In my book, I talk about my 6 times 2 priority system. This is where I have six priority areas that I wrap my time, my life, and my energy around. I don't prioritize them every day because if I were to try to do that, I would feel completely overwhelmed. There’s no way humanly possible to focus on all of them every day and do a good job of it.

Instead, I pick two priority areas per day and then rotate them. Over the course of the week, I ensure that I spend intentional time in each priority area at least twice. This approach frees me up to be fully present where I am, while also knowing that I will address the other areas at different points throughout the week.

Speaker 2

That makes way too much sense.

Speaker 3

And for those who haven't been listening or who didn't listen yesterday, let's just reiterate, Crystal, that you have six kids.

So you could be thinking, well, she must have all kinds of time and must have all kinds of ways to prioritize her time, but you are living a fast-paced life with a lot going on.

So give us an example of what this looks like to prioritize.

Speaker 1

Yes. So, for instance, your marriage, it would be amazing for you to be able to have a date night every single day, but that's not realistic for most families.

For my husband and I, you know, we have teenagers who oftentimes have things in the evening, but twice a week we can have intentional time. So maybe that's an hour of us talking, or that's an at-home date night, or that's us going out with another couple.

So twice a week.

Speaker 3

Some people are like twice a week with six kids.

Speaker 1

You know, I think a lot of times if you determine that something is important to you, you're going to make time for it. Our marriage is really important to us, and we know that someday we're not going to have these kids in our home. And so what's going to be the glue that binds us if we don't intentionally prioritize our marriage? Right. We're gonna pay for it soon.

For us, that means saying twice a week we will have intentional time together. The same thing goes for our kids; you know, every day, obviously, they are a priority. But twice a week, maybe it's a family movie night, or perhaps I’ll take one child out on a one-on-one date. That twice a week, I’m going to do something very intentional with my kids.

As for the business, every day I'm working, but twice a week I'm going to spend intentional time on that as well. So, what are the six priorities? They include spiritual, emotional, and physical health, along with my marriage, the business, our home and friendships, and my kids. And just to clarify, the kids aren't last; that's just how I said it.

Speaker 3

So as a listener, I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to prioritize these areas and this is what it's going to look like this week. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1

So a lot of times people who have read the book get a little bit hung up on the idea that they need to plan everything ahead of time to ensure they hit all of these areas perfectly. I approach it one day at a time. Each day, I decide what that particular child is struggling with, and if I have a free block in the afternoon, I’ll take them out for a one-on-one date.

Additionally, my laundry really needs to get caught up, so today those are the two areas I’m going to focus on. Yes, I’ll do some other things, but those will be the big priority areas that I want to accomplish by the end of the day. The next day might look different; for instance, if my husband and I haven’t really connected much, I’ll make sure that tonight we watch a show together before bed. I might also plan to get together with a friend in the morning for a walk while we push our kids in strollers.

It’s really about deciding each day what the priorities are. There will be some things that I know ahead of time, so there are days where it’s already predetermined. However, on other days, I just take it one day at a time. I don’t stress out about doing it perfectly every single week; instead, I try to rotate the priorities so that I’m spending good, intentional time in each area at least twice a week.

By the way, there are seven days in the week and only six priority areas, so you get a free day!

Speaker 2

It's called Sabbath.

Speaker 3

And I like that we've already talked about prayer.

So even as you've been making that a priority, you're praying all day long about everything.

So you're praying like, "Lord, what should they be today?"

And God will highlight. It sounds like he highlights the things that need attention that day. I like that.

Speaker 1

Yes. Oftentimes when I'm starting my day with prayer, like I talked about, just starting my day, praying over my day.

As I'm doing that, something will come to mind, like a friend. He'll just really impress this friend to reach out to and offer something, or this child that really needs to have a conversation or just connect with.

Or I'm just realizing my soul and my body are weary today. I'm just going to take some time to go on a walk and breathe or do something that's just going to really refresh me.

In that time of prayer, oftentimes that's when it will come to me of this is what I need to prioritize today.

Speaker 2

Okay, I have two questions. I don't know which one to ask first. The first one I guess would be what if your spouse. This is not personal. What if your spouse isn't on the same page like you are intentional? They're not.

Speaker 3

You mean like spending time together?

Speaker 2

Yeah, I mean, you have these six and you're going to try and rotate, and you sort of have a plan. We're going to get to that in a minute. But these are your priorities.

And your spouse either maybe is totally against it or just doesn't go along with the plan or interrupts the plan and messes it all up. I'm guessing that happens quite a bit, or it could be a child.

But I'm thinking in your marriage, how do you navigate that?

Speaker 1

I think first off, you know, what is the time during the day that you have that you are in charge of. For a lot of women, if your spouse works, there's time that you have that you get to decide how you're going to spend it. And so whether that's okay, I'm going to focus on the kids during this time, or a friend or the house, or my health, doing it during the time that is your time.

So that maybe when your husband comes home from work, if he works outside the home, you know, that you just don't plan anything then, because that's just okay, I'm going to go along with whatever because he likes to be spontaneous. And so deciding what are the time blocks that I have that I am in control of. And that's what I'm going to focus on versus being frustrated because I made this plan.

Most evenings I don't really plan out. I leave them free. Because once my kids come home from school, they have plans and they need to talk and we just need to hang out as a family. And so for me, leaving those that free, there might be a few nights a week, you know, the kids have activities or there's something planned.

But for the most part, I try to have blocks of time where there's just. It's just free so that I'm not making my family feel like, you gotta follow my plan. This is during my time. When I get to choose how to spend the time, I'm gonna be intentional with it.

Speaker 2

And I know you've got a good answer for this. Interruptions, you know, the water heater breaks, the AC goes out, you have a fender bender. And so the plan that you.

Speaker 3

One of your kids is sick or throwing up all day, those are the things women are thinking about.

Speaker 2

And a lot of times we just. We get derailed and we're done, we give up. I'm guessing there's a way to get derailed but not be done.

Speaker 1

So the great thing about this system is that if you just are focusing on one day at a time and if you're rotating your priorities, let's say you get into a fender bender or a child is sick, that's your opportunity to be like, you know what? We are just gonna move this to the next day.

And today it's going to be, I'm gonna focus on my child because they're sick and they need me.

And so I love that it's not, you know, every Monday it's this. Every Tuesday, it's this. It's as you go about your week, that's good.

Speaker 3

That is good.

Speaker 2

And you have that extra Day to push one into, I guess.

Speaker 3

Hey, have you ever wondered how to help your kids really connect with the story of Easter during Lent?

Speaker 2

I have.

Speaker 3

And one thing we've loved in our home is using resurrection eggs. Each of those 12 eggs has a little symbol that helps kids see and then touch the story of Jesus, journey to the cross and the resurrection.

And it just naturally sparks these great questions and conversations, and there's no prep needed, which is always great.

Speaker 2

Yeah. We actually recently did this with our grandkids, and you talk about questions and conversations. It was awesome.

So if you're looking for a gentle, meaningful way to walk through Lent with your kids or grandkids, this is a beautiful place to start.

We've also got a fun storybook and a coloring book, great with resurrection eggs or on their own if your family already has a set.

Speaker 3

Can get your bundle or set of resurrection eggs@familylifetoday.com. Let's go to the next step of the four steps.

Speaker 2

I like it. You know I'm a preacher. You do?

Speaker 3

So we've hit pray, we've hit prioritize, and now plan like planning using the system that you're talking about.

Speaker 1

Yes. So I have what I call a hybrid planning system. So I use Google Calendar and I use a time block to do list. Now this is where it gets to some people could feel like this is overwhelming. I don't want to do this.

Speaker 2

I felt that when I read this, I'm like, I don't know if I even understand this.

Speaker 1

So and so I am just sharing what works for me. But I don't want anybody to feel like I'm saying this is how you need to do it. For me, I found that the less I have in my brain, the more I can just breathe. Google Calendar is where I brain dump everything. Anything that I think of that I need to remember, any blog post I need to write, anything I need to do with the business, or anything for the kids' activities, I brain dump it all as all-day tasks in Google Calendar. This way, it's out of my head and in a safe place.

My time block to-do list is my brain on paper for that specific day, and that is my time budget. I look at my Google Calendar before I go to bed at night, check what is on the all-day task list for the next day, and then I write out a time block to-do list. You were talking about interruptions, and one thing I do is pad my schedule with a lot of extra time because interruptions are going to happen. If I make my schedule so packed that there's no space to breathe, then when a child spills milk, when there's a poopy diaper, or when a teen needs to talk, I'm going to feel frustrated because this is my plan, and you're interrupting it.

However, if I have padded my schedule with extra time and allow usually two to four hours of completely free time at the end of the day, then when interruptions come, I can say, "I planned for this." I can totally stop and take care of the situation and be present because I have the time to do so.

Speaker 3

So you have that. You've just unloaded this dump of all these things you need to do. It's on your calendar. And how are you figuring out what you're gonna do?

Speaker 1

So as I'm thinking of something, let's say it's, oh, I'm supposed to bring treats to that thing in three days.

Okay, well, as I go to put it on Google Calendar, I'm just thinking, okay, I need. When do I need to have them by?

And I put it on that day.

Speaker 3

I see.

Speaker 1

So I just put it on whatever day I need to rem it by.

And if it's a project that needs to be broken up over a few days, I will break it up over those few days.

Now, this has taken me a long time to kind of get into the system of doing this, and it usually takes me just maybe five minutes of my day as I go throughout the day to just dump the things into Google Calendar.

Speaker 2

And obviously it leads you to the last part of your process because you can't do that in the morning. You actually do it the evening before the prep.

Speaker 1

So, yeah, prep is not only your evening routine and your morning routine, which I talked about, like, setting my day up for success starts the night before, writing out my time locked to-do list and really doing things the night before. Just a few things that kind of calm your body down, get yourself to sleep well, and then start your day with intention and then having a simple morning routine.

But prep is not just that. It's also the mindset. We talked yesterday about that mindset shift about not saying, "I can't do that" or "I'm not that," and really recognizing that so much of our success happens between our ears and what we tell ourselves, whether it's negative or positive. That's going to impact how we actually live and the motivation that we have.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I think, at least for me, I waste. When I read your process and especially the prep, I thought that's one of my weaker areas. I want to relax at night. I want to watch something. I want to drink a Diet Coke. All the wrong things.

Speaker 3

Those aren't all wrong.

Speaker 2

I think about tomorrow, but I'm like, I'm going to wait till tomorrow and get up and jump on it. And that just was like, no, no, no. And it doesn't take a long time. Right.

Speaker 3

Pretty quick.

Speaker 1

And a lot of times it's like, could you do it early and then go drink your Diet Coke and relax?

And so getting it done, maybe it just takes you 15 minutes, a few things that you can do to set yourself up for success the next day and then go relax.

Because relaxing is also setting yourself up for success for the next day. But you're gonna relax a lot better when you know that you set tomorrow up for success.

Speaker 3

I mean, I'm imagining your calendar right now with six kids. You're working. Your kids are working for you as well, your older ones.

There has to be so much going on just to survive the day and to feel like, yeah, we're getting all this done. There's got to be so much.

Do you ever feel like I'm so overwhelmed?

Speaker 1

I don't often feel overwhelmed because I usually live fully present where I am.

Speaker 3

And so that made me think, like, are you on social media? Are you scrolling a lot? I'm guessing you're not.

Speaker 2

Of course she's on social media. She's the social media.

Speaker 3

That is true, Mom.

Speaker 1

I am on social media a lot because that is my job. I'm the Manisa B mom on Instagram. But I don't scroll very often. I do allow myself to scroll sometimes because that's relaxing for me. I have a few people that I follow who really inspire me with what they do. There are times when I think, okay, I did the things on my list, and now I can just enjoy sitting here and scrolling on my phone a little bit.

Like we were talking about enjoying relaxation, that's the thing for me. Budgeting when it comes to money is not this restrictive thing; it's freedom. Because I've predetermined how I'm going to spend my money, I can enjoy spending on something that someone might think is extravagant. But it's like, we budgeted for it.

The same is true with our time. If we budget it and spend it well, predestining how we're going to use our time, we then have time to invest in our marriage, time to relax, time to do fun things, and time to be present and show up with a friend. We can do these things because we've been intentional on the front end.

Speaker 3

As a listener is tuned in, how would they start? Maybe they haven't had any sort of plan, any sort of strategy. They're looking at these P's. How would they get started?

Speaker 1

I think the biggest thing is starting with prayer and starting with recognizing that you cannot do this life well on your own.

And so just starting your day, this is not gonna take you any extra time. While you're brushing your teeth in the morning or getting your coffee ready, just pray over your day.

Like have that spirit of prayer, that posture of prayer. Instead of worrying about what's gonna come today, worrying about this or that, use that energy to pray over your day.

So start with that.

Speaker 3

I like that too. And I would add, if you have time, even as you're brushing your teeth, I've done this too. I'm listening to scripture sometimes, which now I'm getting the hang of.

Sometimes I would do it in the car too, so that my kids are hearing it. And that's a good thing too.

So I like that. Starting with prayer, we're starting with God.

Speaker 1

Yes. And, and really it's that principle of tithing, how giving the first fruits to God. One of the things when my husband and I were in really lean years and we committed that we were going to tithe, we were going to give 10% even though the 90% didn't make sense. Like we couldn't figure out how it was going to pay all the bills. It always did; it always stretched.

It's the same thing with starting our day with God and saying, I'm going to trust you, that even though I feel like I don't have time for this, this is one of the most important things that I can do. I'm going to give the first fruits of my day to you and I'm going to trust you for the rest of the day. And he is always so faithful.

Then I would say just a simple second step is instead of trying to do a full-time block to-do list or Google Calendar, just either. If you feel completely overwhelmed, sit down and just brain dump everything in your head. Then pick just a few things that you're like, this morning, I'm going to do these three things. This afternoon I'm going to do these three things, and tonight I'm going to do these three things.

Just start with that. Start with just being intentional with those things and just see what happens. If you just start with prayer and a little bit of intention, change your attitude and your perspective, and see life as a gift. I bet you will decide that you not only have more time, but that you also enjoy your life a whole lot more.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I mean, when you said a minute ago, freedom, that's the word you often don't think of. When you think of a money budget, you think restriction. And even when you think of a time plan, you sort of think everything's going to get restricted. And it's the opposite. Right. You actually experience freedom because it's controlled in a sense.

And again, we don't have control of our lives. God does. But the plan gives you a sense of. I mean, I'm sitting there going, no wonder you've got a thankful heart. It's an overflow. It's a fruit of some of this plan.

Because I'm not kidding, when I got to your final chapter and I read about, you thought David was going to be adopted, right? By somebody else. And that did fall through. And then it comes back to you guys. I thought, who would say yes to this? Because you know better than anybody the huge responsibility that's going to be not just for a few years, but you called it saying yes to forever.

And part of me, you know, this part of me is like, you were able to say yes, you and your husband, because of the plan, right?

Speaker 1

Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's because of being intentional with time and money. And we see like the years of that foundation of walking through hard things and learning to trust God and struggling and the foundation that God has built and given us and seen him be faithful.

And that's what gave us the courage. It's not because we're incredible people, but because we serve an incredible God and we've seen him be so faithful, and we know that he will continue to be faithful.

And so when he called us to say yes, stepping into that and knowing that I don't know what the future is going to hold. There are some days when it's hard. It's hard to think of the future. But I know I keep going back to and just reminding myself again and again and again that God has been faithful and he will be faithful.

Speaker 3

And I think that's a good reminder for every listener. God sees you. He has been faithful and he will be faithful.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. I think it's easy. Like I know a mom sitting there in her kitchen or a dad, and it's easy to think you people on the radio, on a podcast, you pastors, you have these special lives that God blesses in a special way and that's why Crystal's ailing.

And say he's faithful. Guess what? He is faithful to you the same way. It's no different. We don't have a special he is faithful.

So, man, I'm not a mom, but I watched you and it's so overwhelming. All the things you moms carry, we dads are amazed. We could never do it.

So I just want to say to that mom that is overwhelmed right now, he's faithful. Trust him. He will meet you right there and he'll get you through today.

Speaker 3

Moms are pretty remarkable.

Speaker 2

They are. Another great day with Crystal Payne. I love her getting our life organized.

And her book is called *The Time Saving Mom*. And let me tell you, this applies to dads, too. The subtitle is "How to Juggle a Lot, Enjoy Your Life, and Accomplish What Matters Most."

It's so good, and you can get it by clicking the link in the show notes at Family Life Today.

Speaker 3

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Speaker 2

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Speaker 3

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Speaker 2

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