First Love

Announcer: Welcome to First Love with Dr. Robin Cassis and Dr. Nathan Cassis, where faith meets real life. In this weekly broadcast, you'll discover practical and spiritual keys to reclaim God's story in your life, deep in your relationship with Jesus, and encounter him as your first love, whether for the first time or all over again. No topic is off limits as we make Jesus real, relevant, and relational. Stay with us. Your journey back to First Love starts now.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Well, Dr. Robin, it is Friday.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes, another day and then the weekend.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: And it's been a week of tears.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes. Well, it's been a week of learning about tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yes.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And you know, the opposite to doing that is coping, isn't it?

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Wait, wait, wait. Let me get the introduction first cuz if you're going to start talking about coping, we got to go deep. So hi, I'm Dr. Nathan and this is

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Dr. Robin.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: And welcome to First Love on this beautiful Friday. We are talking about the valley of Baca in the Bible and what that represents in your life as a journey and a timeline and a season that you go through. The valley of Baca, just so you know, it means the valley of tears.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: So that is an important thing because that rounds off with something we really want to talk about and I hope that you've understood what we've been saying about tears and tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: You've got when you have tears, you will have tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, and they reveal where the tears are. The tears in your eyes reveal where the tears of your heart lie.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And that's not a bad thing. That's a very good thing.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: That's your heart being healed in such a way and you know, trauma leaving your body and your body becoming whole and made like it was the original plan in the first place.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. And I'm going to do something very prophetic and very probably silly, but this is what the Jews do all the time, the Hebrews. They take words that sound alike and they make them have a connection. So remember when Jesus said the wheat and the tears

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: You say it.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: The wheat and the tears yes.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Have to grow together.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: They have to grow together. You can't pull one out. You might pull something that's very precious out. But there is a time when they will be reaped.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And so rather than wait for that time when God gives the opportunity through his timeline, respond to what the Holy Spirit is saying about the tears in that valley.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yes. And here's an important thing. Your tears don't just water the valley, they transform it and the valley itself.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes, and at the end of that journey, there's a doorway of hope.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. And so because the wheat and the tears grow together, we're encouraging you. You know, there might be a tear. Let's talk about tear. There might be a tear of the past, but maybe now is the time to reap the tear.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And maybe when you're journeying through that and you do shed the tears, you'll recognize where the tear is.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: This is it for this time, for such a time as this. Maybe you haven't been able to cry over that certain, you know, occurrence because there hasn't been enough wheat that has grown. But now the wheat is at a place in you where God can say it's time to release, not the tear, the tear, so that the tear can be healed and put back together.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And that's an important thing. And there are other things now that we want to mention that get uh caught up and keep us from experiencing this. These are coping mechanisms and they cause us to do foolish things.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, and if I could put it into layman's terms, what is coping? Okay, let's put uh into our let's put it into our terminology again aligning with with this whole week. Coping is when you're torn but you pretend

Dr. Robyn Kassas: you're not.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Whoa, here we go. Are you ready? The roller coaster ride has begun. So when I try to put something back together that's been torn, but I haven't put in the tears that the tear requires, I'm actually coping.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: That's right. And this coping mechanism, it consists of underlying beliefs

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yes.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: and spiritual consequences.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And one of the statements we'll say when we're so strong emotionally, we really think we are

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yep.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: if I cry, I am weak.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. Yes, that's the prototype coping mechanism one, the strong one. Someone that always emotionally suppresses because they believe and confuse vulnerability with failure.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes. Number two, the controller.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: If I lose control, I'll fall apart.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Ooh.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And they struggle to surrender.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yes. They're hyper controlling all the time.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: We had the performer for number three.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Number three. Here we go.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: I must appear strong to be accepted.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. Protects the image rather than revealing their heart.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Number four. You can have a turn.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Okay, I'll say it. The spiritualizer. I'm spiritually bypassing my own pain and hurt. If I have faith, I shouldn't feel pain. That's what the spiritualizer says. They use spiritual language to avoid human experience and grief.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And the next one.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: The intellectualizer. Overanalysis. If I can explain it, then I shouldn't have to feel it.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Wow, that's a heavy one.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: They know about the wound without engaging in its own emotional impact.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Number six. Number one thing is that you want to shut down.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. And this is called the numb one.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Oh, the numb one.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: You certainly don't cry because you're numb.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. Mm. And their their thought is if I can explain it sorry, feeling nothing is safer than feeling everything. So I don't want to feel anything cuz if I feel everything, I'll just be overwhelmed by it. So I'd rather feel nothing.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: So I can struggle to recognize emotional needs.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yep. This is what they struggle with.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: We have a few more that we want to share too. These are all coping mechanisms and that stopped you from having the tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. And so the tears actually in between the tears, they help to bring the tear back together. So the tear actually acts like a sewing in, a susha that brings the tears back together. But what we do, Dr. Robin, is in between the tears, we insert the reasons why, but they're not the why of God. We develop our own whys.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yeah.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: So coping is when you've developed a wrong why. You've given yourself a wrong why.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: You give yourself a reason why you do what you do.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Absolutely. Yes.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And uh it it is so uh so empty coping, so empty.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. And this kind of happens with ASAP. You know, we learned this in communion with God. He doesn't reason outside of the presence of the Holy Spirit. You know, he says in his Psalm, I went into the house of the Lord and then I understood. Cuz he's looking around at the nations around him and he 's going, why are the wicked, you know, prevailing? Why do the wicked triumph? And then he says, guess what? I couldn't reason outside the presence of the Lord. I had to go into the presence of the Lord and then I actually was stopping my coping and I was stopping my human reasoning.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Do you know one of the coping mechanisms is quite here. It's number 10 and it's very much distraction and overwork. If I stop moving, everything will catch up with me.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. Avoiding stillness.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: I've got it. I've got to keep going. I've just got to keep going, you know? And then you have the ashamed one, emotional intimidation.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: My feelings are embarrassing or unacceptable. This person hides the very experiences needing the compassion that they seek.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Then the martyr. The the identity is built around suffering. If I heal, who will recognize what I endured?

Dr. Nathan Kassas: So they may struggle to imagine identity beyond the wound.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: These are all coping mechanisms that will stop you recognizing the tears through seeing your tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. And when you reason to cope, you will do what ASAP didn't do. You will look around and you will create reasons for your seasons. But God does not give you reasons for your seasons. He brings the season and through your tears, he will reveal the reason. This is the key. You've got to back the front. Let's go to number seven. We didn't mention that one. The rescuer.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Oh.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Compulsive caregiving.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Oh, yes.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Other people's needs matter more than mine.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Oh, I've got that one. I've had to repent of that because I've done that.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Serving others while neglecting own personal grief.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And that causes you to miss out.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: And finally, let's go to the last two, the isolated one. Avoiding attachment. Nobody will come if I cry. Rejecting comfort before it can be offered. And then the defender. Hypervigilant. Vulnerability gives people power to hurt me and treats connection as danger.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: These are all minus tears.

Announcer: Looking for a real relationship with Jesus? Join Dr. Robin Cassis and Dr. Nathan Cassis every weekday for First Love, where prophetic insight meets real theology. Learn how God's voice activates your mind, body, soul, and spirit, helping you renew your mind, transform your life, and return to the one who loved you first. Catch First Love Monday through Friday, 5 to 5:30 p.m. Learn more at torcc.org.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: The one who loved you first is still loving you best.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: is still loving you best.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: All right, Dr. Robin, we're back after that fire that you just spat literally. The tears

Dr. Robyn Kassas: There was no tears in any of those fake statements, none at all. There was a lot of tears there but and a lot of wrong belief.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: No, they're just tears. Martyr.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: But there was no tears there. And if I recognize any of those things in my life, I am going to shed tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Oh my Lord. And those are tears that you filled with reasoning instead of filling them with tears.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yeah.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: If you feel them with tears, you might actually become a spring and turn into a place of nourishment and not a place of arid dryness,

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: which is what the valley of Baca tells us. The dryness has to turn into being a spring. So you got some key statements that you want to add to this, Dr. Robin, on this Friday.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Go for it.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: You cannot receive comfort for an emotion you refuse to let anyone see.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: That I felt that one in my gut. I think I got torn just then by that statement.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And confront uh sorry, control can protect your appearance while imprisoning your emotions.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. Here's another one. You can become so experienced and skilled at explaining your pain that you never give yourself permission to experience the pain.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Here's some real statements. Some people have mistaken the absence of tears for the presence of peace.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Oh, let's let's stop there for a second. That 's a big statement. We do that as believers. We think we've got peace because we 're not crying.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yeah. And some some people do that continually. They do it.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, that's how they measure the peace of God in their life.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And that's And that's wrong belief systems.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. Mm. My Lord.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Tell us another one now.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Faith is not pretending the wound doesn't hurt. Remember Jesus wept two lines. Faith is trusting God enough to bring him the wound.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Wow.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, he says, cast all your cares, cast all your burdens upon me. Don't pretend like it's not.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And I'm going to share this one. Being needed by everybody can become the perfect perfect distraction from admitting you need someone.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Oh my Lord. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I've probably done that one, Dr. Robin. I'm going to admit I have probably concentrated more on being needed

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Oh, I'm sure.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: than actually needing people. So this goes to another statement that I've been saying lately. Being needed is not being nourished. You can be needed but you always have to be nourished. Otherwise, it's not a ba boom of the heart. It's just a boom. Go to the next one.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Oh, the yeah. When vulnerability was resulted in rejection, the nervous system may begin treating openness as danger.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. My Lord. Wow. So this is the biological costs that we talked about. When you don't allow the tear to be healed with the tear.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: That's right. So you share the next one.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Well, this is an important one here. The defender may win every argument while never allowing anyone close enough to comfort their wound.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Wow.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Keep defending. You might win but you're not getting comfort.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: That's right.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: And this is why you're in an endless loop of defense back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Business can become socially celebrated form of emotional avoidance.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. My Lord, these statements are flying out from heaven.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And shame can tell you to hide what love is inviting you to bring into the light.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Ooh. Wow.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: When suffering becomes your identity, freedom can feel more unfamiliar than the valley.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Wow. That's the clincher right there. We get so used to living in the suffering that we forget we're passing through the valley.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yeah, and we re forget that we were only passing through, not staying there.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. So here is an important revelation. The Holy Spirit is not only addressing the tears that we refuse to cry, he's confronting the belief system that convinced you it was dangerous to cry in the first place.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And he's also confronted and exposed the coping mechanism

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: and the belief system that we have convinced ourselves of, which is sheer poison.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. You know, there's a woman in the Bible who used her tears in the correct way cuz I think she came to the end of coping with her life.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: She washed his feet with her tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. Sorry, Luke 7 36 50. Okay, it's an extraordinary extraordinary account. The most powerful conclusion to the valley of Baca because this woman demonstrates something extraordinary. She enters carrying a history of shame but at the feet of Jesus, her tears become the expression of love, faith, and surrender.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And she demonstrated something extraordinary.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. She did not need to explain her history before she could encounter him. She let him come close enough to wipe away the tears from her eyes.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And to surrender.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm. My Lord. So here's the first step. Ready? As we bring this to the end, she brought her tears to the right person. Oh, sometimes we bring our tears but we bring them to the wrong people. We bring them to people that have wounded us and we bring them to people that can do nothing about it.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And that's something that we should learn that we need to go to the right people.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Oh.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Cuz if we don't, we will be traumatized and rewounded again.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Oh my Lord. Oh my Lord. Luke 7 38 says, and stood at his feet behind him weeping and began to wash his feet with tears and did wipe them with the hairs of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. So there's a progression here. She came

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And let me say it. She came, she wept, she washed, she kissed, and she anointed.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: So her tears are not the end of her encounter.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: No, they were the beginning

Dr. Nathan Kassas: of her love.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Of her love.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Oh my Lord. Wow. So the valley of tears changes when you stop only crying about what happened and begin bringing what happened into the presence of the one who loves you.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: If you don't bring it to him, you'll be crying about it forever.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: So her tears became the water for his feet.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: My Lord. Come on, talk about that, please. That's important. We need to understand the prophetic significance here.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Her tears, they became the the water that washed his feet.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yes, absolutely. Her tears are the connection to Psalm 84. In Baca, the pilgrims make a place of springs. But in Luke 7, the woman's tears become water with which she washes Jesus's feet.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: But you need to know the the what flowed from her sorrow became an offering of love.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: She didn't bring a basin of water with her.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: No, she brought her tears.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: That's right. And he accepted her act of devotion.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: She came to the right person with the tears and here's the key. Not only did she come to him, she let him come close enough to wipe them away.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yeah.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: See, the key is, Dr. Robin, sometimes we come to the Lord but we don't let him come close enough. And then sometimes we don't come to the Lord but we want him to come close to us and wipe the tears away.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: She broke the agreement with shame.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. Wow.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: She washed his feet with her tears.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: That meant there was a lot of tears

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: for her to wash his feet.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, absolutely. It's a lot of drenching taking place.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: So that broke the agreement with her shame, the sorrow that she felt washed his feet. That took a lot of water.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: All the years that were held in those tears. She let him see all those years.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And that's something we need to think about. How many tears did she shed as she washed his feet with her tears?

Dr. Nathan Kassas: And to go back to the coping, all those years, Dr. Robin, in those tears, she probably played every coping role. She probably was the defender. She probably was the martyr. We go through every just like we go through the good stuff, we go through all those roles. We can't just say, oh, I'm the martyr, I'm the defender, that's me. No, you're all of them. You go through all of them, all 12.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: See, when shame it can produce withdrawal, she didn't withdraw. She wept at his feet and wiped and washed his feet. And she could have had fear of judgment.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, absolutely. And they did judge her.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes, they did. And Simon the Pharisee focused on her reputation.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: But that did not stop her. The tears flowed. Jesus acknowledged her love and addressed her with dignity.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. And so here's an important key statement. Okay? She didn't need to conceal her brokenness to express her love. Sometimes you and me, we believe that we need to conceal our brokenness to be able to see and ship to be able to show God our love but he wants us to come as we are but not stay as we are. He wants us to leave as he is.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yeah, shame told her to hide but love brought her in to his presence.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. So the place where she expected rejection became the place where Jesus acknowledged her love. That is powerful. That is so powerful.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And do you know what? I want to say Jesus didn't tell her to stop crying. He allowed her to continue to cry. Why? Because not only was she washing his feet, she was getting healed of all the traumas that she had all through her life because you have to see how much trauma had to be released to be able to wash his feet with her hair. Wow. Again, I said before, she did not bring a basin with her of water. It was her tears that washed his feet.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah. Which goes to show that Jesus considered her tears so special, not because they held special keys for her transformation. Here's the key, ladies and gentlemen. It's because they were an expression of her love. And when you don't cry and when you don't let God into those places that bring the tears, you're holding back an expression of love.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: He didn't rebuke her for her emotional expression.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Yeah, that's right. This is going back to what you said before, Dr. Robin, about the valley of tears and God collecting them. When he collects them, it's not because they're for some great principle, it's because they are as an expression of love and he wants all your love.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: And she continually kissed his feet. That's how much she loved him in that way

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Mm.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: cuz she was being healed.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Absolutely. So when we give the Lord our tears, it's an expression of our love towards him. Simon saw a sinner making a scene but Jesus saw a woman expressing extraordinary love.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: She loved him enough to give him her tears.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: Yes. And Jesus recognized what Simon overlooked.

Dr. Nathan Kassas: Wow. So she left with more than just an emotional change or relief. You know what she left with? She left with an inner peace.

Dr. Robyn Kassas: She left with him saying, thy sins are forgiven.

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