Running To Win

Dave McAllister: Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking to Jesus, the founder and proctor of our faith. Each of us has a strong desire for intimacy, but keeping our sex drives under control is one of our biggest challenges. Sex in its proper place is a great gift, while passions out of control can ruin one's future. That's why God gave us commandment number seven. From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is running to win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, some say that God designed strong drives into humans and then expects people to stifle them.

What say you?

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: Well Dave, that's a very interesting way to put it. Let me try to explain. That originally the sex drive was of course ordained by God. It is still ordained by God, but at the same time sin has corrupted everything. So that is what often times brings about great temptations. And one of the ways in which we can prove our love for God is to live up to this commandment, thou shalt not commit adultery, not only physically, but in our hearts. I've written a book entitled Why Holiness Matters, and of course it goes into these kinds of issues in more detail.

For a gift of any amount, we're making it available for you. Here's what you can do. Go to rtwoffer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337. In an age in which sensuality has taken over our culture, God still calls us to purity and grants us grace as we continue to strive to serve him. Once again, go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. And let us make sure even as Peter said that we should abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul. When you talk to people today, they'll tell you that the Ten Commandments are basically out of date.

There's one commandment especially that receives a lot of criticism and ridicule today. It's the seventh commandment, which says thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not commit adultery. But of course we're living in a day and age when our nation is inundated with sensuality. Consequently, we have things such as pornography that tell us that relationships with anyone at any time, under any circumstance are okay, just as long as they are pleasurable. And then of course we have movies, movies that teach that the rich and famous are involved in wife swapping and all kinds of evil and sensuality.

And people think that's just the way it is. J. Alan Peterson in his book entitled The Myth of the Greener Grass says that there was a woman who was attending a class to learn French. She was with 11 other women, and one of the women said, all those of you who have not been unfaithful to your husband, in other words if you've been faithful to him, how many of you have been? Raise your hand. Only one out of 11 raised her hand. Later on, this woman was telling her husband that, and he said, well did you raise your hand?

And she said, no. He said, you mean you've been unfaithful? She said, no, I've been faithful. He said, why didn't you raise your hand? She said, I felt ashamed. Can you imagine that? We're living in a society where people are actually feeling ashamed because they're living a life of moral purity and fidelity. Television, that box that is in homes today that produces messages that are so damnable. One of the writers of TV scripts said that his goal is to get people to laugh at adultery, homosexuality, and incest. He said, if you can get people to laugh at these things, it breaks down their resistance to them.

But nonetheless, regardless of what people say today, the Bible says thou shalt not commit adultery. And that means to have a sexual relationship with a partner who belongs to somebody else. Now what I'd like us to do today is to look at some reasons why God gave that command and why we should obey it. Why should we look at the seventh commandment and say, even though it happens to be the 20th century, this command is still valid for today. Let me give you some reasons. First of all, because God gave the command because of the command.

I can imagine there's someone here who says, you know, I always thought that the pastor belonged to the 20th century, but apparently he doesn't. Do you mean to tell me that we should obey this command just because God says it? And I say to you, yeah, we ought to just because God says it. Isn't that reason enough? God says it, I believe it. That's good enough for me. But of course today we want to pry behind God's thinking and we want to find out why he says what he says. Well first of all, let me say that God gave this commandment first of all so that there might be stability in the family, the stability of the family.

If there's anything that a child craves, it is a mother and father who are committed to each other. Nothing causes more emotional hurt, more instability, more of a sense of the ripping apart of the security and the emotions than to know that father has run off because he has found someone else more attractive. But not only is it because of the stability of the family, God gave this commandment also because of our own emotional stability. Because there is something within us that says if we engage in sexuality apart from marriage, there is an inner destruction that takes place within.

The Bible says in Proverbs that adultery destroys the soul. There is something within us that dies. Now of course all of us who have been pastors, and even those of us who haven't been, know that there are people today who say, but you have to understand I am involved in a relationship that is meaningful to me. I remember a woman telling me she said, you mean to say that this is wrong? She says, I live with an alcoholic. If I didn't have this affair on the side, I would have lost my sanity, she said. I finally find someone who understands me.

A man told me one time he says, finally I have found an oasis and now you're telling me to go back to the desert. Well let me simply say flat out that I do believe that there are some adulterous relationships that are very loving and caring. There's no question about that. The problem with an adulterer is that he breaks six of the ten commandments in order to have his relationship. You say really? Yeah, really. Well he certainly breaks the seventh, thou shalt not commit adultery. But what is the first commandment? Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

And an adulterer is somebody who says, I have found something that is more precious and more meaningful to me than God. I have found this relationship and I don't care what God says I need it. So he certainly breaks the first commandment that says thou shalt not have other gods before me. Another commandment says thou shalt not bear false witness. An adulterer pledged his allegiance in the presence of God and witnesses that he would be true to that one particular person. And of course he not only breaks that vow, but I have yet to see a case of adultery where the person doesn't lie to cover up his sins.

And the Bible says thou shalt not bear false witness. Furthermore, another commandment is thou shalt not steal. Do you remember when Nathan came to David, he said, David, you have stolen another man's wife. She belongs to another man and you have taken her. You're guilty of stealing, David. The Bible says honor your father and your mother. Almost always an adulterer dishonors his father and his mother. And he most assuredly breaks the commandment thou shalt not covet, which says thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor that which belongs to thy neighbor. That's actually where it begins.

Do you see now why it is that a relationship outside of marriage that is so loving and so caring and so beautiful is actually so evil? It's because somebody who says that and lives that way has to shake his fist at God in order to have what he wants. Because God says thou shalt not commit adultery. The command of God. There's a second reason and that is the consequences. And for this I do want you to turn to Proverbs chapter five and also Matthew chapter five. But I want you to notice it says in chapter five in Proverbs, my son give attention to my wisdom, incline thine ear to understanding that you may observe discretion and your lips may reserve knowledge.

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, smoother than oil is her speech. But notice in the end she is as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Now let me say this, that those of us who have now been hooked on drugs, we can at least identify with people who have that sensation because all of us understand the awesome power of sexual temptation. All of us have passions that are explosive and given the right context with the right person, it's like throwing a match on a can of kerosene. And we can understand that there is nothing that promises as much as sexual fulfillment.

There is something within us that says if I have this relationship, it really doesn't matter what the consequences are. One day I happened to be flipping stations on a radio and just caught a song that I forget the words, but the idea was something like this, I'll fulfill my desire today and I'll deal with the devil tomorrow. In other words, it doesn't matter what the consequences are. I will do my own thing. But I want you to notice that the Bible is very clear that when we give into our passions, several things become true. First of all, there is an inner defilement.

That is one of the consequences. It says in chapter five verse 21 of Proverbs, for the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord and he watches all of his paths. You know, I think of all the things that couples have done to hide their sin, the elaborate plans that they make, that they might not be found out. They have had telephones tapped and they've had this and that and their secret locations and and leaving in different directions and going in different cars and all that thing because they want to say, we want to hide our sin from the eyes of men.

But notice what the text says. The ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord and he watches all of his paths. God sees. God sees. God sees. And therefore you can't escape the inner inner deadening and defilement. The text says it goes down to shield, down to the grave. I remember a young woman who was 29 years old who came to me and she said that she was single and a virgin until the age of 29 and then she became mad at God. You know, if you're 29 and unmarried, that's the time when you begin to think, here I am saving myself for somebody and God isn't giving me a husband.

I'll show him a thing or two. This young woman had a relationship with a man she didn't even respect. And it's very interesting. She said these words to me. She said, you know, when it was all over, it was almost as if. And she said, pastor believe me, this wasn't a voice inside of me. It seemed as if there was a voice outside of me that said, now you're defiled. Now you're defiled. Probably the voice of a demon. Now of course I was able to explain to that young woman that of course there is forgiveness in Christ and it doesn't mean the end of the world.

Immorality isn't the unpardonable sin. But isn't it interesting that if there's anything that Satan wants to do in our lives to cause inner defilement, often times it has to do with that realm of sexuality, that the conscience that bothers us in the most intimate of old relationships and there's been a violation of the word of God. And there is that inner destruction. You know, it's interesting. David said, my sin was ever before me, ever before me. I thought of it when I woke up in the morning. I thought of it in the evening. I thought of it at noon.

I thought of it when the telephone rang. I thought of it when a friend showed up at the door. I wondered whether or not he knew. And there are people who have been involved in immorality who say that they are sitting in church singing the songs of Zion and in what they want to be a most holy moment. All those thoughts come washing over the mind. There's an inner destruction and inner defilement is one of the consequences. But then the other consequence is the outer destruction. The outer destruction. And that's when the whole thing blows up and it gets found out and the truth becomes known.

That's what happens. And then the rejection and the hurt is beyond belief because the scriptures indicate that you can take physical illness, but the wounded spirit who can bear. And the Bible says in Proverbs chapter six verse 29, so is the one who goes into his neighbor's wife, whoever touches her will not go unpunished. The hurt of the person rejected and all of the consequences are as bitter as wormwood, the Bible says. I think of a friend involved in immorality who said that he had often prayed that he would die, prayed that when he'd go to bed at night he wouldn't wake up in the morning.

The hurt, the devastation to his wife and his family, unbelievable. Now God says thou shalt not commit adultery. And in the New Testament it says that warmongers and adulterers, referring to all forms of immorality, whether you're single or married, God will judge. God will judge. And it can't be overlooked because it happens to be hidden, no matter how skillfully and brilliantly it is hidden. One day I was on a talk show in Canada, you know, one of those call-in programs where you get lots of interesting questions. And I received a phone call from someone who said this.

Now they said Mr. Lutzer, hmm. Boy when somebody says that I know I'm in trouble. They said, what would you say in the case of a man who's married to a woman and either because of some accident or some physical disability she's in the wheelchair for the rest of her life? Are you really telling me that even that man can't have an affair on the side? Asked in such a way as if to say, can you really be that stupid Mr. Lutzer as to say no to that? You know, we're living in a day and age when it seems as if our passions rule us, right?

A man has a need. He's got to fulfill it. He can't be true to a marriage commitment just because he can't have his sexual needs fulfilled in a certain way. The obvious answer to that is of course a man like that should be true to his wife because if you make an exception for him, then what about those who are single? What about the widows? What about all the divorced people? Don't they have sexual desires too? Does God's word only apply in certain situations? All of the things that I've said about the consequences, all of the things that we have said about violating all of the commandments apply to every single situation.

Your passions lie when they tell you they must be fulfilled regardless of what God's word says. You know what God says about marriage? He says that the relationship in marriage is so special. And I'm so sorry that my message today is negative because the commandments are rather negative. You know, people talk about the power of positive thinking. I want to preach a message entitled The Power of Negative Thinking, frankly. Tired of positive thinking. Now the point is, speaking more positively, sure we throw it in for extra measure. God says that the marriage relationship is so special.

It is so sacred that there is no condition under which it should ever be violated. Cuz it's special. That's why. It's not just that God wants to rain on our parade. Do you know what it's like doing? When you commit adultery, it's like burning down a beautiful cathedral because you want to fry an egg because you happen to be hungry. You're demolishing something that God says is special all because you think that there are some needs that have got to be fulfilled. The Bible says they don't have to be. There are all kinds of people who are living in prison today for the cause of Jesus Christ who do not have any sexual intimacy at all.

And they are living. See, we are living in a society today where everybody says, well if it's really a meaningful relationship and if it feels good, then do it. But God says fornicators and adulterers I will judge. That's God's saying it. So it really doesn't matter whether or not you get found out. God sees.

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: Well my friend, this is Pastor Lutzer. And of course what I've just said, very strong words indeed. But at the same time we have to understand that our culture is so awash with sexuality. We are still in the midst of it called to purity. If you want to investigate this further, I've written a book entitled Why Holiness Matters. Yes, the book is based on the Ten Commandments, but it expands on some of the issues that you've been listening to as we go through this series of messages. We're making it available for you. We believe it will help you in your journey so that as you and I continue to try to be faithful to Christ, we will have strength and we will have encouragement.

Well very quickly, here's what you can do. Go to rtwoffer.com. That's rtwoffer.com. Of course rtwoffer is all one word. rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Thank you in advance for helping us because we desire to get the gospel of Jesus Christ around the world. And you are a part of the running to win family. Running to win exists to win souls to Jesus Christ and to edify believers on their way to the heavenly city.

Dave McAllister: It's time now for another chance for you to ask Pastor Lutzer a question about the Bible or the Christian life. Sometimes marriages have to weather some really tough storms. An anonymous husband has written asking for help. Here's his story. Because of surgery, my wife has lost all interest in sexual intimacy, but my desires have not changed. I don't want to sin mentally, so what should I do? We love each other and divorce is out of the question. I'm heavily involved in Bible study and the church. Dr. Lutzer, what's your advice?

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: Well my brother, a couple of comments. First of all, I'm sure that you've talked to your wife about this many times, but maybe you need to speak to her again because biblically she does have an obligation to you. The apostle Paul makes that clear in First Corinthians. So maybe even though at this point she has absolutely no interest, it is very important for you to discuss it, to talk about it. And maybe there is a way that the two of you can accommodate each other. Now having said that, I do need to emphasize that if you go through life from this point on without sexual intimacy, millions of people have had the same experience as you have.

There are those who have never married, who have desired marriage. There are those who because they are widows or widowers uh do not have the opportunity of any kind of sexual contact. And they survive. Now you say to yourself, well you're struggling with lust in your mind. I can understand that. But at the same time I've always taken the position that God gives us as many resources as we need to glorify him in the midst of our situation. I'm glad to read that you are involved in church, you are involved in Bible study. Those are the kinds of directions and vocations and emphases that you need to continue to follow.

But at the same time, give yourself, your marriage to God and remember God is with you. Others have persevered and been victorious in the same state where you find yourself and keep moving on. Don't let this become a stumbling block in your walk with God.

Dave McAllister: Thank you Pastor Lutzer for your answer to his question. If you'd like to hear your question answered, go to our website at rtwoffer.com and click on ask Pastor Lutzer or call us at 1-888-218-9337. That's 1-888-218-9337. You can write to us at running to win 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois 60614. It's dangerous to get too close to a fire and to a possible sexual sin. That's why the seventh commandment teaches us to avoid all forms of such sin. The result, a life free of entanglements that can stop us in our tracks. Next time on running to win, more on the great damage done when sex is not kept within the framework of marriage.

Don't miss the conclusion of living with your passions. Running to win is all about helping you understand God's road map for your race of life. Thanks for listening. For Pastor Erwin Lutzer, this is Dave McAllister. Running to win is sponsored by the Moody Church.