Running To Win

Dave McCallister: Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking to Jesus, the founder and proctor of our faith. Long ago, God gave the Ten Commandments as a blueprint for living. Our failure to follow commandment number six is a big reason for the dismal state of many families. Today, the key to having happy and stable families. Stay with us. From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is running to win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, earlier cultures cared for their elderly with no need for nursing homes.

The family was the long-term care our parents needed.

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: Yes, Dave. I think that you are correct. At the same time, of course, it raises a host of issues, especially when parents sometimes might have dementia. But there's no doubt that the family today does not see its responsibility as it one time did. I've written a book entitled Why Holiness Matters. I hope that you have a pen or pencil handy because I'd like to give you some contact info so that this resource can be yours because I believe it will help you in your spiritual journey. You can go to rtwoffer.com. That's rtwoffer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337.

The title of the book Why Holiness Matters. We hope to hear from you.

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: All of us know that in our land today, there is a scourge seems to be affecting homes everywhere, and that is, of course, the breakup of the home, the tearing apart of what God has put together. And the commandment honor your father and your mother is one that is centrally located within the heart of God's social program for the world because he's very concerned that the family be strong. That's his emphasis. And when the text says honor your father and your mother, it's God's way of affirming once again if it needs affirmation, the great responsibility that there rests with parents as well as children.

Before I begin to discuss that commandment because obviously on the face of it, it seems as if it applies to children, I want to say first of all a word to parents. Why is it that God says honor your father and your mother? Why does he say that to children? Well, the answer is because God invests in parents an awesome responsibility. Did you know that so far as God is concerned, parents really represent him to their children? You are God's representatives to your children, parents. You say, well, I don't like that. I want to back out.

You can't. God has appointed you to be his representative to children, the children that you have born. And And there's no way that you can back out. Now, that's why parents have such a tremendous amount of power in the lives of their children, awesome power. The father particularly has power. In fact, there are those children whose father has been dead, who still exercises authority over them from his grave. They can be 30 years old, they can be 50 years old, and they are still spending a great deal of their time trying to overcome either the good influence, in which case, of course, they would not have to overcome it, but to respond to it, or the evil influence of a father who perhaps rejected them, beat them, hated them, and said awful things about them.

And so let's remember that God invests that kind of authority in parents. And I'm reminded of a college student who was dying because of a car accident who said to her mother, mother, you have taught me how to hold my cigarette. You have taught me how to be popular. You have taught me how to dress. You have taught me how to use contraceptives, but you have not taught me how to die. Tell me, how do I die? And so you have parents all throughout the country to whom God has given this awesome authority, but they are not doing what God appointed them to do.

But the Bible says children honor your father and your mother. And the question that I want to answer today is how is this done? How can those of us who are children who still have parents that are alive, how can we fulfill this commandment which God has staked out with clarity? What I want you to do is to begin by turning to Ephesians chapter six, Ephesians chapter six, because one way that we can honor our father and our mother is by obedience, obedience. I'm speaking here of obeying them by our actions, by our actions. That's one way that we can fulfill the commandment.

This is what the text says. Ephesians chapter 6 verse 1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise. And here is the promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long upon the earth. Children, obey your parents. You fulfill the commandment by your actions. Now, young people and others that are here today, when do we obey our parents? Well, first of all, we obey even when it hurts, even when it hurts. Even when the will of our parents seems to be contrary to our own desires, our own inclinations, the text says obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Wasn't it Mark Twain who said that his parents learned an awful lot after he became 20 years old. What he meant was that even though before he was 20, he thought that his parents were out to lunch. He discovered that the older he got, the more wisdom he discovered his parents had. Isn't that true of all of us? All of our parents seem to become incredibly educated sometime after we became 25 or 30. Now, let me say this that as someone who has done some marriage counseling in my life, when a couple comes to me and they say we've got problems and we are really thinking of splitting or whatever the problem may be, I very frequently ask them a question because I'm interested.

The text says that if it isn't well with you, it may well be because of some disobedience in your life. And so I will say to them, now, when you got married, did you get married with your parents' approval? And so often, not all the time, but so often, the answer is yes, you're right. We didn't have our parents' approval. My mother told me not to marry that guy. There was something about him that she didn't like. And I thought that she was just prejudiced or that she was narrow-minded. But mother was right. Father was right.

Why? Because the text says that it may be well with you. Your parents may have much more wisdom than you are willing to give them credit for. And so the Bible says children obey your parents. You get married without their approval. You'll spend a good part of your life trying to prove them wrong, and you're going to try too hard. All kinds of problems will develop because the Bible says this is right, that it may be well with you. And that you may live long upon the earth. You obey them even when it hurts. You also obey them when they're wrong, by the way.

Now, there's nothing in this text that says in a footnote children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right, parents, except when they happen to be wrong. My Bible doesn't say that, and neither does yours. Parents sometimes are wrong. No question about it. Parents are sometimes inconsistent. But the Bible says that if you wanted to be well upon the earth, you obey them even if what they might be asking of you may be a little bit harsh. And you may not think that they are reasonable. They may even be wrong. The Bible says obey them that it may be well with you.

Jesus, the Bible says in Luke chapter 2 verse 51, he came to his parents. This was of course when he was there in Nazareth and then made the trip back. You'll notice it says and he was subject to them. He put himself as the son of God under his parents' authority, even though he was the son of God and certainly eventually had more insight, I should say, than they did. Oh, I can imagine somebody meeting me at the door, and that why I have to say this next part. And they'll say is there ever a time when a child should not obey his parents?

And the answer I think is yes. If your parents ask you to break some commandment of God, if they ask you to steal or to commit adultery, if they tell you not to believe on Jesus Christ, then I think you should disobey them. I have a friend who's a very successful pastor, and I admire him because God has greatly blessed him. And he told me one time he said that if I were to have obeyed my parents, I would never have accepted Christ as Savior. They were opposed to me believing in Jesus. But he says today I'm a Christian.

And he says then God called me into the ministry, and they didn't like that either. But the call of God and the will of God in his particular circumstance enabled him to see that he did not have to obey his parents in that respect. But he honors his parents. No question about it. He He gives them honor. He is willing to do all that he possibly can to mend the fences. And isn't it interesting that years after his decision to go into the ministry and accept Christ as Savior, his parents now have mellowed a great deal and they have accepted that.

And now they're open to the gospel in a way that they weren't many years ago. But he gives them honor. But he realizes that there is a conflict between the higher will of God and the will of his parents. But those are very rare circumstances. They do exist, they do happen, but the Bible simply says children obey your parents. Why? That it may be well with you. And some of you here today can testify that it isn't well with you. And the reason may be because a rebellion against your parents. Second, we can obey not only in our actions, we can obey in our attitude, in our attitude.

You know, all of us know the story of the little boy who was asked by his parents to sit down, and then he said later, I'm sitting down, but in my heart, I stand up. There is such a thing as obedience just because mom and dad are bigger than I am, the boy says, like a father who really whipped his child and said, remember, I am doing this in love. And the little boy says, I wish I were big enough to return the favor. And so there are children who say I am obeying my parents, but just wait till I become old enough to do my own thing.

How do you have the right attitude? First of all, an attitude of thanksgiving, an attitude of thanksgiving, gratitude. Your parents do a whole lot more for you than you can possibly remember or appreciate until you have your own. And then you find out how much they do for you. Somewhere I read that it takes a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child today from point zero to past college. I don't know if that's right or not. But I do know this, that it takes a tremendous amount of work and effort to rear children.

And appreciation is so important. And those of us who are older and now know that we have the responsibility of thanking our parents and giving gratitude to them as I did last night when I called my mother in preparation for Mother's Day. So what we should be responsible for doing is to have hearts that are filled with gratitude. But you know that another thing, young people, and I say this particularly to those of you who are still in your homes and in that sense directly under your parents' authority, not only an attitude of gratitude, but honesty, honesty.

If there's anything that your parents appreciate, it is the knowledge that when you speak, you speak truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So many times what happens is young people develop lives that their parents don't even know about. So they say to mom and dad, I'm going to John's place tonight, and they may even speak the truth. But John's place is just a stopping off point to go to somewhere else. And there are young people who live such schizophrenic double lives where they are developing a whole secret network of relationships and sins independently of their parents' knowledge.

And what a tragedy that is. As I was thinking about that this past week, I was reminded of this true story that has happened more than once back on the farm. You know what farmers used to do is they would take a hen that was setting on eggs, and they would put duck eggs under her, and she didn't know the difference. She had not done any research into the nature of eggs, I guess, and she thought that they looked like chicken eggs. So she hatched little ducks, ducklings. And And mother hen would would go around, and she would find them food.

And she thought that she was taking care of her own kids, mind you. And then one day as they would come to what is called a dugout, a little pond of water and I saw this with my own two eyes. It was It was something to be hold. Suddenly those little ducklets would ducklings, I guess. I hope they don't criticize the way I 'm talking about them. They would suddenly hop into the water and swim. And mother hen would be absolutely incredulous. She'd be having an identity crisis. They're on the shore. She'd be running around and and she'd be clucking and making all sorts of sounds and and trying to figure out.

These are the kids I bore, and look at what they're doing. You know, I've often thought of that story because there are many parents that are like that. They are rearing these children, and they think that they're training some chickens, and suddenly they find out they've been rearing ducks. Suddenly they find out that this child whom they thought they knew and understood is very different from the truth of what they believed. There's a whole world out there that the child is getting involved in. And as soon as that child is old enough to say goodbye to mom and dad, and as soon as he comes to the point where dad is no longer physically stronger than he, he says goodbye, and he does his own thing, and the parents can't understand it.

And I plead with you parents today and young people, would you get together in your home so that you understand one another, so that you can deal with issues that arise with honesty and integrity and transparency so that you know who you have in your home and both of you are responsible for that. You know what the Bible says in the Old Testament? God says whoso curseth father or mother, let him be put to death. It also says he that striketh mother or father, let him be put to death. God is saying honor your father and your mother that it may be well with you.

You say, but my parents are so strict, they are so harsh. They belong to the previous century. Listen, young people, God may know that you needed parents just like that to keep you out of evil. You know, he just might know what's best for you. And since we don't have any opportunity to choose our parents, God has placed us under their authority, and we ought to recognize that they are accountable to God even if they mislead us certainly, but that we are subject to them. Why? That it may be well with us, says the text of scripture.

Now, honor them with our actions, with our attitude, but also with the attention that we should give them, with the attention that we should give them. And here I speak particularly of those of us who are older children who have a responsibility for aged parents. In fact, I think that when God gave the Ten Commandments, he very probably had in mind the responsibility of young people taking care of their older parents as they approached old age. The Bible says in Leviticus chapter 19 verse 32, it says honor the aged and revere God. That's interesting. Leviticus 19:32, God places those two together in the very same verse.

He says the person with the gray head should be honored. Says that in a number of places in the Old Testament and that passage in Leviticus says that. God says respect them, honor them, and revere God.

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: Of course, my friend is a pastor. I've encountered many difficult issues, especially as it relates to older parents and their children. I think what's important is that children honor their parents even if they cannot do everything that their parents might expect. But of course, the family is such an important unit. And today, of course, unfortunately, we see disintegration everywhere. I 've written a book entitled Why Holiness Matters. And as you've possibly heard me say before, the reason I wrote it is because I do believe that holiness matters. And what we need to do is to see God's law, interpret it correctly, and to apply it correctly.

That's why I believe so deeply that this resource will be of tremendous blessing and help to you. Here's what you can do. Go to rtwoffer.com. That's rtwoffer.com or you can pick up the phone and call us at 1-888-218-9337. And I want to thank you in advance for helping us. It's because of your investments that the ministry of Running to Win goes around the world. Remember the title of the book Why Holiness Matters. You can go right now to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Thanks in advance for your prayers and for your partnership.

Dave McCallister: It's time now for another chance for you to ask Pastor Lutzer a question about the Bible or the Christian life. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two issues that are often misunderstood. Today, we have a question from Karen, a listener clearly upset by a sense of injustice. She writes I've listened to your messages about harboring pain, resentment, and past hurts. I've experienced much hurt. But why do those who have done the hurting not have to say they are sorry to your face? Everyone always makes it sound like the person grieved is the one that must, quote, forgive and understand and act like everything is just normal again without any act of responsibility or accountability on the transgressor's part.

Pastor Lutzer, I'm struggling in my heart.

Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer: Karen, my heart goes out to you because I understand your letter very, very well. Of course, the transgressor should be the one to ask forgiveness and to do it to one's face. But most perpetrators don't do that. I read somewhere that 80%, for example, of child abusers deny it when they are confronted with it. So that's the problem. So that leaves you, the victim. And what are you going to do? The reason some of us stress the need to forgive is for your benefit. Now, there is a kind of forgiveness that I believe that does not bring about reconciliation.

I mean, there are people who perhaps have hurt you. Some of them may have already died, and you can't be reconciled with them. As a matter of fact, you can't be reconciled with some people who are alive because reconciliation involves three things, forgiveness, respect, and also trust. So if you don't have those elements, you can't really be fully reconciled to someone. And we just need to accept that. But I stress one-sided forgiveness where you lay down all of your bitterness even though you've been wronged and even though the person responsible refuses to own up to it or to ask for his side of forgiveness.

Now, let me give you a verse of scripture, Karen, that I think will help you. It says in 1 Peter chapter 2 verse 22 regarding Jesus that he committed himself to God when he was reviled, he reviled not again but kept committing himself to him who judges righteously. The Bible says he did no sin, neither was any evil found in his mouth. And then it goes on to say what I just quoted. Karen, the injustice done against Jesus has not yet been answered. Justice has not yet been brought to him. That still is going to happen at the time of the resurrection and the final judgment.

But notice Jesus, instead of lashing out, he kept committing himself to God, believing that God was just and that eventually justice would be brought to his situation. Now, let's speak about you, Karen. You need to get rid of that bitterness and to trust God in such a way that you believe that he is the righteous judge and that someday he'll set the matter straight. You give your need to the Supreme Court of the universe so that you can walk away without being bitter because the bitterness will hurt you. It will not hurt the person who wronged you, but it will hurt you.

I pray today that you will be free.

Dave McCallister: Thanks, Karen, for sharing your story. Thank you, Dr. Lutzer, for those wise words. If you'd like to have your question answered, you sure can. Just go to our website at rtwoffer.com and click on Ask Pastor Lutzer or call us with your question at 1-888-218-9337. That's 1-888-218-9337. You can write to us at Running to Win 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois 60614. The race track of life is smoother when things are right with mom and dad. Next time on Running to Win, more teaching on God's command designed to ensure stable homes and well-adjusted families. We'll underscore the reality that in the Bible, failure to honor father and mother brought serious consequences.

Also, we'll focus on why learning to submit to parents when we're young makes it easier to submit to God when we grow up. This is Dave McCallister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.