Open the Bible

Colin Smith: The first question is always, how can I be a better friend to other people? Proverbs gives us a very simple profile of the true friend.

Steve Hillary: You're listening to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith, and we're continuing a message simply called Friends. Colin, as you look back at a lot of the friendships in your life, are there certain characteristics or qualities of friends that really stood out to you?

Colin Smith: Where would we be without our friends? I think of over my life and how at key moments that have been most difficult, the presence of a friend, the wisdom of a friend, the wise words and encouragement of a friend have just been life-giving for me. I think, this is a gift from God, and where would I have been without this?

We're looking at a really important and very practical subject today, and one that God addresses directly in the Bible. Not only how can we have friends, but then how can we be better friends to other people? You think about the blessing of a good friend in your life. As I think about that right now, the blessing of friends in my life, it makes me say, how can I be a better friend to others? How can I give to others what others have given to me? And of course, the best friend, and this is where Proverbs goes with us on the subject: there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and that of course is fulfilled wonderfully in the Lord Jesus Christ, who never fails us, knows us completely, is always present with us. We want to be more like the Lord Jesus Christ, and since He has made us His friends, that means that if we're becoming more like Him, we'll be better friends to other people as well.

Steve Hillary: We're going to look at this today in Proverbs chapter 27. If you have a Bible around, I hope you'll join us there. We continue our message called Friends. Here is Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: Proverbs commends to us two particular ways for guarding good friendships. You'll find in the book of Proverbs, if you haven't discovered this already, some of them make you smile and some of them are absolutely hilarious. Here's one that might at least make you smile. Chapter 25 and verse 17: Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.

Be considerate of your friend's time. The easiest way to kill a good friendship is to become too demanding. Here is a person who becomes friends with one of his neighbors, and the problem is that he then overdoes it. He keeps coming around, and when he does, he stays too long. Eventually, the neighbor has had enough. He has had his fill of you. The bell goes in the neighbor's house and the neighbor says, "Oh, no, not again. Always showing up on the doorstep. It is just too much." And then the friendship becomes lost.

Proverbs is full of practical wisdom. The point to observe here is that you need never worry about wearing out your welcome with God. There will never be a time when you will come to the Lord and He will say, "I've had my fill of you." Charles Bridges says, "Blessed be God, there is no need for this caution or reserve in our approach to Him. Our earthly friend may be pressed too far. Human kindness may be worn out by frequent use, but never can we come to our Heavenly Father too often."

God will always welcome you. "All that the Father gives me," Jesus says, "will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away."

In guarding your friendships, be considerate not only in regards to your friend's time but also in regards to your friend's mood. Look at this from Proverbs 25 and verse 20: Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day and like vinegar on soda. Here we have a marvelous description of someone who very simply is insensitive to the feelings of other people.

Here's someone who has a heavy heart. She's grieving, or maybe she's depressed, and her so-called friend decides to go on a mission to cheer her up. She arrives at the house and at the top of her voice, she's singing "Joy to the World." That isn't going to work so well. Notice the effect. Singing songs to a heavy heart is like taking off a garment on a cold day. In other words, this will have a chilling effect on the friendship because the one who has a heavy heart will say, "You have no idea about the reality that I am presently facing." It will create a distance.

Guard your friendship by being sensitive to the feelings of others. More than creating a chill, notice the last thing that's said in this verse: it will produce an explosive reaction. It is like vinegar on soda. You can try this one at home in the kitchen under supervision. If it's done in a compressed environment, it really will cause an explosion. You'll get a reaction. Vinegar on soda.

The point here, of course, is that trying to cheer up by singing hearty songs—the insensitivity of that—actually aggravates the sorrow of the person who has a heavy heart. It actually makes their sorrow worse. If you want to keep your friends, be sensitive to their time and be sensitive to their feelings. Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice.

How wonderful it is then that our Lord Jesus Christ knows us completely. Think about this. For anyone who has a heavy heart, try and take this in: the Lord Jesus Christ knows what it is to have a heavy heart. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He was sorrowful to the point of death. If you are overwhelmed by the sense of a heavy heart today, the Lord Jesus Christ is the best friend you can have because He understands and knows you completely. He's been there. He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities.

Guard your friendships by being discreet. Two proverbs here. First, chapter 16 and verse 28: A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. Then very similar, chapter 17 and verse 9: Whoever covers an offense seeks love. What a beautiful statement that is. Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter again separates close friends.

Notice what separates close friends. Remember, by definition, a close friend is someone who has opened their heart up to you, given you access into the deeper thoughts and feelings of their own heart. There's a trust that is involved in that relationship. They have given you this access. Nothing kills the trust on which friendship is based more quickly than repeating to others what was given in private conversation by your friend to you. Honor the trust of what was spoken to you by a friend in private.

How can you have good friends? You must seek them intentionally. You must choose them wisely. And you must guard the friendships that God has given to you very carefully.

Steve Hillary: You're listening to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith and a message called Friends. We have to pause here, but we'll get back to this message in just a moment. If you joined us late, have to leave early, or you ever want to go back and listen to a broadcast again or one you missed, you can do that at our website. Come to openthebible.org. There you can stream the program or download an MP3 for free. Again, that's at openthebible.org. If you did join us late, we're in Proverbs chapter 27. Here is Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: More briefly, here's the second thing that I want us to draw from Proverbs today. It's this question: how you can be a true friend? You read these things in Proverbs and you say, how good a friend am I? How can I become a better friend to other people?

I could have framed this as what you should look for in the friendship of others, but the reality is that what we want to receive from others, we have to be able to give ourselves. The first question is always, how can I be a better friend to other people? Proverbs gives us a very simple profile of the true friend.

First, you can be a true friend by your presence. Chapter 27 and verse 10: Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.

The contrast here is between a neighbor who is near and a brother who is far away. The word neighbor and the word friend in Proverbs are often interchangeable. They're different translations of the same Hebrew word. The contrast is between a neighbor or friend who is near to you and a brother who is far from you.

The point of the proverb very simply is that when the day of calamity comes, when you're in trouble, you can't simply show up at your brother's house if all you have is a very remote or distant relationship with him. What you have to do is cultivate friends who are near. They are the ones to whom you can go in the day of trouble.

These friends may be old friends. Your father's friends, by definition, would be folks you have known and have been interested in you since early years in your life. Or they may be newer friends that you have made in your own adult life. But the friends who are near—and they may include family, of course—the point is the people who are near, the people to whom you have opened your heart, the people you walk with. They are the ones who will be there for you when the day of trouble comes.

A good friend—here's the first mark of a true friend—will be present in times of trouble. There for you. Which reminds me of the wonderful statement about our Lord in Psalm 46: God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. You become a good friend by being present, and especially when things are hard.

Second, you can be a good friend by your words. Chapter 27 and verse 9: Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend—notice that, the sweetness of a friend—comes from his earnest counsel. The joy, the blessing, the sweetness of a really good friend is that you have confidence that this person will always do you good, that the words that come from this person will always build you up. You see this in the marvelous friendship between Jonathan and David where we're told that Jonathan strengthened David's hand in the Lord. That's what a true friend does: strengthens his hand in the Lord.

Because the true friend always speaks to do you good, that's his or her sweetness. That's why it's a joy to be with them. You speak heart to heart, and you're always helped by it. Because this friend has deep access into your life, this friend is able to tell you things that others would not and could not say. That's why we read from chapter 27 and verse 6: Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Because when this friend speaks to you, even if he or she says something uncomfortable and hard for you to hear, you know that this person always speaks with love in their heart and always seeks your best interest. When they speak words that wound, it is always to heal.

We are living in a time where more and more across our culture, people are choosing only to listen to what they want to hear. We are seeing in our time one of the distinctives of our time: the emergence of what are described as safe spaces. The reason surely that this has become so prominent in our society is that the world has become so angry.

Friends, this is a world in which we live. In such a world, it is very easy even for Christian people to filter out from the Bible what we do not want to hear. If you do that, if you filter out from the Bible what you do not want to hear, all you're left with in the Bible is an echo of your own voice. You know what you lose? You lose the friendship of Jesus.

You lose the sweetness of one who loves you and is so close to you that you would allow Him to speak into your life even when it hurts, because you know He loves you in such a way that even when His word hurts, it is always to heal.

You can be a good friend by your presence. You can be a good friend by your words. And you can be a good friend by your love. Chapter 17 and verse 17: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Here, by the way, we have a brother who's not far away. Here's a brother who really is a true friend. You can go to him, therefore, in time of calamity. He loves at all times and he is born for adversity.

How can you be a true friend? By your presence, by your words, and by the consistency of your love. You love at all times. How can I become that kind of friend to other people? If you are to become that kind of friend to others, you need someone who will be that kind of friend to you. And if you walk with Him, you will become like Him.

That is why you should seek the best friend. This is the last thing today. Let's come back to Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 24: There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. The Lord Jesus Christ is the best friend you can ever have. A true friend is present, and the Lord Jesus Christ will always be with you.

Jesus Christ is the only person in all of the world who can say to you, "I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. I will be with you always." Your best friend in this world may say to you, "I will love you till death parts us." Jesus says to you, "I will love you and death will never part us."

He will always be present. When He is done being present with you here, you will be present with Him there. A true friend brings sweet counsel. The words of the Lord Jesus are so sweet. When lots of people were leaving Jesus—and lots of people are moving away from Jesus today, for sure—Jesus said to His disciples, "What about you? Do you want to go away too?"

You remember what Peter replied to that? He said, "Lord, to whom shall we go? Only you have the words of eternal life." That's why you want Jesus as your friend. Not only will He be with you always, but the sweetness of His friendship is that He brings you into life itself.

Jesus is the friend who will love you at all times and never let you go. He says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Think about this. He's loved you with an everlasting love. That means that before the world was created, He knew that one day you would be, and He loved you even then. He will love you forever. His love had no beginning, and His love has no end. It is eternal, as God Himself is eternal. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness, O Lord. Great is your faithfulness.

Consider what a friend Jesus can be to you. It was love that caused Him to come into the world in order to take His stand with us in our adversity. He came from far in order to bring us near and to make us His friends. It was love that caused Him to take our human flesh, to enter into even what it means to have the heavy heart, and then to go all the way to the cross in order to give His life. Greater love has no one than this, than that a man should lay down his life for his friends.

For his friends. And now in heaven, He intercedes for you, which means that you have unrestricted access. You will never wear out your welcome with God. I say to you today, open your life most fully to the friend you can trust most deeply. Here's the thing: the deeper your friendship with Jesus becomes, the more like Jesus you will be. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. Whoever walks with Jesus becomes like Jesus. There is a friend who loves at all times, a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and His name is Jesus.

Steve Hillary: You're listening to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith and a message called Friends, part of a larger series, Wisdom for Life. If you've missed any broadcast in our series, you can come and listen online. Our website is openthebible.org. Open the Bible is a listener-supported program. It's your generosity that allows us to bring you Pastor Colin's teaching each day. As you give a gift of any amount this month, we want to send you a copy of Pastor Colin's brand new 30-day devotional book. It's called Grow in Hope. Colin, who is this book for?

Colin Smith: This is for everybody who wants to have hope. I think that's absolutely every person. We all need hope. If you would like to have hope drip-fed into your life for 30 days, then Grow in Hope is a devotional that will do just that. It's full of the promises of God. It shows that hope comes from God. It comes to us through the Lord Jesus Christ, and it comes to us by His marvelous grace. 30 days of hope—I think that's something that everyone can use, and I hope it's going to be a blessing to everyone who reads it.

Steve Hillary: We'd love to send you a copy of this as our way of saying thanks for your financial support. You can give online at openthebible.org or when you call 1-877-OPEN-365. That's 1-877-673-6365. Or again, the website is openthebible.org. For Pastor Colin Smith, I'm Steve Hillary. Thanks for listening, and I hope you'll join us next time. This program is a listener-supported production of Open the Bible.

Guest (Male): Everyone has questions about heaven, but the question that matters most is how do you get there? Many people have the idea that if a person was to get into heaven, they'd get there by living a good enough life. The thief on the cross hadn't lived a good enough life, and he wasn't in a position to start living a good life. But Jesus said to him, "Today you will be with me in paradise." If the thief could get into heaven, so can you.

"Heaven: How I Got Here" is a compelling 60-minute film in which Stephen Baldwin portrays the thief on the cross in a one-person play. Many have found that this story opens their eyes to the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and to the hope of heaven. You can watch the "Heaven: How I Got Here" film for free on the Open the Bible website. For more information, visit openthebible.org/heaven. That's openthebible.org/heaven.