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Colin Smith: Friendship is a wonderful gift from God. God did not intend any of us here today to live in isolation, and so we must seek friends intentionally. Now, how do you do that?

Steve Hiller: Welcome to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith, and we're in a series where we're taking a look at wisdom for life. That's the name of our series, and we're looking at the Book of Proverbs.

Colin, I think it's fascinating how many times in the Book of Proverbs the author actually talks about the topic of friendship.

Colin Smith: That's right because this is a spiritual issue, and God speaks to us directly on it. It's easy to get the idea that the Christian life is about the Bible and prayer and about going to church for worship and, well, friends, that's just part of ordinary life and it's in a different kind of category.

But as we're in the Book of Proverbs, what are the major themes in which God speaks to us about wisdom for life? Well, friendship is one of them, and I think that's a very significant fact in and of itself.

God speaks to us about how to make friends. He speaks to us about how to keep friends, and he speaks to us about how to be a good friend. How can I be a better friend to other people? The one who would have friends must show him or herself friendly. How can I do that more? Well, all of that is in the Scriptures as God speaks to us about wisdom in regards to our friends. I'm so glad we have the opportunity of looking at this very important theme together today.

Steve Hiller: Well, we're going to look at that in Proverbs chapter 27. So if you have a Bible around, I hope you'll grab that and join us there as we begin our message simply called "Friends." Here is Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: Last week we said three things by way of introduction that are important to remember. The first is that the Proverbs are proverbs. They are wise sayings that describe the normal pattern that prevails in this world.

The Proverbs are not promises. That's very important to remember. They are proverbs; they describe the normal pattern that prevails in this world.

Second, the Proverbs assume a relationship. They are spoken in the first instance by a father to a son, King Solomon speaking to his son Rehoboam. There's a relationship of love there, and because these Proverbs are in Holy Scripture, we are to hear in these words the voice of our loving Heavenly Father speaking to us, his children, and imparting his wisdom to us.

Thirdly, the Proverbs point to the Lord Jesus Christ. All Scripture, as we saw throughout last year, points to the Lord Jesus Christ. This book particularly points to Jesus in this way: we're told that in Christ are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and of knowledge. All wisdom is hidden in Christ. Christ is our wisdom.

So to follow Jesus is to follow wisdom. To listen to Jesus is to listen to wisdom. To grow in Jesus is to grow in wisdom. The way of wisdom is always the way of Jesus, and the way of Jesus is always the way of wisdom.

Proverbs declares to us what a life of wisdom, or a life of following Jesus—it's really the same thing—what a life of following Jesus really looks like. Here then is a map for a life of discipleship.

Now, in this series, it's going to be very practical. We're going to look at the way of wisdom, the way of Jesus, in relation to five areas of our lives. Today we're going to look at friendship, then we're going to look at family, words, work, and wealth.

We begin today then with the subject of friends. I do want to recommend an excellent resource, a book that I have mentioned before, and that is Drew Hunter's excellent book entitled *Made for Friendship*. Drew Hunter is a pastor in Indianapolis. This is the most helpful book that I have read on the subject of friendship. It is full of insight, and I warmly commend that to you.

Now, today I want us to focus from the Book of Proverbs on three main areas. The first is how you can have good friends. Very important and practical subject, we'll spend most of our time there. Second and more briefly, we will look at how you can be a good friend. How can I become a better friend? And then thirdly, and just very briefly at the end, why you should seek the best friend.

So first then, how you can have good friends. Three things here drawn from the Proverbs. The Proverbs are not arranged by theme, so throughout this series, we'll be drawing Proverbs from different parts of the book. Altogether, we'll look at 14 different proverbs in the course of our time together this morning.

First then, seek friends intentionally. If you want to have good friends, you have to seek them intentionally. Proverbs 18:1 says, "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound wisdom."

It is a very striking statement. Whoever isolates himself—I just want to be a loner—that person seeks his own desire, the Bible says. In other words, he's only concerned about himself. And if you're only concerned about himself, you break out against all sound judgment.

Now, why is that? The answer is because you are made in the image of God, who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God enjoys relationship within the triunity of his own being, and you are made in his image.

Drew Hunter says this very well in the book I referred to a moment ago. He says to be made in God's image means to be wired for relationship. And that's very true. You are wired for relationship. That's part of what it means to be made in the image of God.

And again, Drew Hunter points out that the first human problem, the first problem in the world, was not actually sin; it was solitude. You remember on the days of creation, at the end of each of the days, God looked at what he had done and he said, "It is good. It is good. It is good." But after he made the man, for the very first time, he said, "It is not good." What he said was not good was, "It is not good for the man to be alone."

So, Proverbs says, because it is not good for the man to be alone, whoever isolates himself breaks out against sound judgment. We are wired for relationship, and therefore friendship is a wonderful gift from God. God did not intend any of us here today to live in isolation, and so we must seek friends intentionally.

Now, how do you do that? Well, very practically speaking, the way that you do that is by taking an active interest in the lives of other people. There's a wonderful reference in the New Testament Scriptures in Philippians chapter 2 where Paul speaks about Timothy.

Paul says about Timothy, "I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare." Here's Timothy, and what's outstanding about him is that he takes a genuine interest in the lives of others. If you would have friends, well, the old proverb says, he who would have friends must show himself friendly.

Now, how many friends do you think you should have? There's an interesting question. Well, here's Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 24: "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

We'll come to the last part of that proverb a little later this morning, but I want you to look at the first part: "A man of many companions may come to ruin." The point here, of course, is that it is possible in life to have a very wide circle of acquaintances or companions and no real friends.

And the higher your profile and the faster-paced your life, the harder it is to make good, deep, and lasting friendships. You can easily end up with many companions, many acquaintances, many people that you know and that know you, but only at the shallowest level, and no real friends. And then you can find yourself feeling very lonely in a crowd.

So remember the wisdom of Proverbs: that the quality of your friendships is more important than the quantity, that character among your friends is more important than their number, that depth is more important than breadth. The important question is not how many friends do you have, but how deep are these friendships?

Steve Hiller: You're listening to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith and a message called "Friends," as today we're really focusing on how you can have good friends. Now, we're pausing here, but we'll get back to the message in just a moment.

Our message is part of a larger series called Wisdom for Life as we're taking a look at several chapters in the Book of Proverbs. If you ever miss a broadcast, you can come and listen online. Our website is openthebible.org. You can stream the program or download an MP3 for free. Again, that's at openthebible.org.

Another way to listen is to get the Open the Bible app. It's a great way to listen on the go as it fits your schedule. The app is free at your app store; simply look for Open the Bible.

Another thing I want to mention here just briefly is our newest podcast. It's called *A Hike Through the Bible*, and it's a 50-episode journey all the way through the Bible story. This would be a great podcast to listen to that will help you understand the Bible story better, how it's one story from Genesis to Revelation, and it will help you to love Jesus more.

You can find the *A Hike Through the Bible* podcast anywhere that you get your podcasts, or you can even watch the video version at our YouTube channel. Simply look for *A Hike Through the Bible* anywhere you get your podcasts, or you can find out more when you visit our website openthebible.org/hike. Again, that's openthebible.org/hike.

Let's get back to our message from Proverbs 27. Again, here is Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: Now, I suppose thinking today about the subject of friends, that there's no place where the word "friends" is more frequently used today than in connection with Facebook. How many friends do you have on Facebook?

I did Google this just to check, and the average number of friends on Facebook across the world is 380, which since that's the average, means that some people at the top end have a very large number of friends indeed.

Now, the important thing here, in which the word "friends" has popularly become used in connection with the widest circle of acquaintances, the important thing here is for us to remember that there are different levels of friendship.

You see this in the life of the Lord Jesus. He ministers to the crowd, but then Luke chapter 10 speaks about a circle of around 70 who are sent out on a mission. They're clearly closer to Jesus. Then, of course, there are the 12, and even within the 12, there are three who have the deepest access to Jesus, and they, of course, are Peter and James and John.

They are the ones, and the only ones, of the disciples who are there when Jesus raises Jairus's daughter from the dead. They're the only ones who are there with Jesus on the top of the Mount of Transfiguration, where his glory is made known. They are the ones who are invited in the Garden of Gethsemane to come a little further with Jesus and to watch with him and to pray.

Now, let me suggest to you, we need different circles or levels of friendship or depth of relationship in our lives. So let's suppose you have 380 friends on Facebook. Who are the 70 in your life? Who are the 12? And who are the two or three to whom your life is most open, to whom you are the closest?

There are levels of friendship, and to miss that is to miss the very important principle that is being taught to us here in the Book of Proverbs. Now, what then does it look like to have an inner circle of friends? What does it look like to have two or three people who are really in your life and are the closest to you?

Well, our Lord Jesus gives us a description of what that looks like. In fact, one might even call it a definition of true friendship. I wonder if you've ever noticed this. It's in John's Gospel in chapter 15. Here are the words of Jesus. He says this: "No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for..."

Now, we're going to get the explanation. Here's what it looks like to be a friend of Jesus: "For all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." So here is at least a description and probably even a definition of friendship. Jesus is telling us that his closest friends are the ones to whom he opens himself up most fully.

And the reason that they are his closest friends is that he has made known to them, notice the word "all," all that he has heard from the Father. Jesus opens himself up to his closest friends.

Now, from that, we can derive this very clear principle: that you open your life most fully to the friends you can trust most deeply. Open your life most fully to the friends you can trust most deeply. Remember, Jesus opened his life to people in different degrees. And if you're following his example and walking in his way, you will be wise, and you will open your life to different people in different degrees.

To the crowd, he spoke in parables. To Herod, who was antagonistic, he said nothing at all. To the disciples who were his friends, he opened up all that the Father had spoken to him. And for this reason, because of this deep opening of life, he calls them his friends.

How can you have good friends? You must seek them intentionally. Then here's a second thing: if you would have good friends, you must choose your friends wisely. Here's a wonderful principle from Proverbs chapter 13 and verse 20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."

Now, here we're being told very clearly that the people you become closest to, that is, the ones that you open your life most fully to, the ones who become your real friends, they will have a great influence on your life. The character of those closest to you will rub off on you. That's a principle that prevails in this world.

And the deeper a friendship becomes, the more like your friend you will be. So you will see from that, that friendship has the potential to do us great good, and also if we choose the wrong friendships, it has the potential to do us great harm.

So choose your friends wisely. Notice that the companion of fools will suffer harm. That's the normal pattern that prevails in this world. Bad company ruins good character, and it would be naive for any of us here in the service today to think that we are an exception to that normal principle that prevails in this world.

Now, when you grasp this very powerful principle, that the people to whom you give the deepest access into your life will exercise a profound influence in your life, then you will see that good friends are a wonderful gift and a marvelous blessing from the Lord. Think about it: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise." So get close to the kind of people you want to be like.

And then on the other side, Proverbs exhorts us to exercise great restraint in getting too close to people you don't want to become like. For example, did you know Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 24? It says, "Make no friendship with a man given to anger."

So you see this person, and you notice that they are habitually angry, given to anger. Don't make that person your friend. If you give that person deep access into your life, you will become more angry yourself. It will rub off on you.

You may, of course, have to work beside such a person for 20 years of your life. But what Proverbs is saying to you is don't give him deep access into your heart. Choose your friends wisely.

And of course, part of that, part of that wisdom is to allow friendships to develop slowly. Good friendships are always like fruit; that is, they take time to grow, and they take time to ripen. And over time, you will find that the true character of people you know begins to emerge, and you will begin to discover the people that you want to become more like and the people that you do not want to become more like.

And you will be able to discern if this friendship is one that should go deeper or if it is not. And always beware of friendships that seem to spring up very quickly. Some friendships, you know, they're like the plant that gave shade to Jonah. Remember Jonah's plant? It sprang up so quickly, "Oh, this is the most wonderful thing," and then it withered as fast as it came up. There are some friendships like that, and remember Jonah's plant, and you'll be warned with regards to the danger of impulsiveness. Choose your friends wisely.

Steve Hiller: Pastor Colin Smith here on Open the Bible with a message called "Friends," really helping us take a look at how we can have good friends. Next time, we're going to see how we need to guard our friendships carefully and how you can be a true friend.

Well, if you ever miss a broadcast in our series called Wisdom for Life, you can come and listen online. Our website is openthebible.org. You can stream the program, you can also download an MP3 for free. Again, that's at openthebible.org.

Another way to listen to Pastor Colin's teaching is to use the Open the Bible app. It's free at your app store, and you can listen to this daily radio program, our weekend broadcast, our daily devotional, and there's a lot more available on the app as well. So again, look for the app at your app store, or come and connect with us online at openthebible.org.

Well, Open the Bible is listener-supported. It's your financial generosity that allows us to bring you Pastor Colin's teaching whether you listen on the radio, online, through the app, or however you've connected with this ministry. And as you give a gift of any amount this month, we want to send you a copy of Pastor Colin's new 30-day devotional book called *Grow in Hope*. And Colin, what's one thing that you'd like people to take away from this book?

Colin Smith: Well, it would be very practical because every Christian knows what it is to go through dark times when we feel discouraged, we're down, we don't know how to move forward. And when these times come in your life, you need to know how to handle your own soul, how to encourage and strengthen yourself.

David, of course, speaks about this; he knew what this was like. In Psalm 42, he speaks to himself. He says, "Why are you cast down, O my soul? Why are you in turmoil within me?" And then he says, "Hope in God."

So I hope what people will take away from this is that they'll be helped and encouraged in being able to speak to their own soul in the way that David did in Psalm 42 and to find hope in God because there is hope in God for every circumstance of life, and it comes to us in and through the Lord Jesus Christ.

Steve Hiller: Well, we'd love to send you a copy of this brand-new 30-day devotional from Pastor Colin called *Grow in Hope*. It's our thanks for your financial support this month. You can give online at openthebible.org or when you call 1-877-OPEN-365. Again, that's openthebible.org or call 1-877-673-6365. For Pastor Colin Smith, I'm Steve Hiller. Thanks for listening, and I hope you'll join us next time.

Colin Smith: This program is a listener-supported production of Open the Bible.

At Open the Bible, we're grateful for like-minded organizations committed to sharing the Gospel around the world. And to that end, I'd like to commend the work of Global Fingerprints. You know, in the Book of James, God calls us to help orphans in their distress. That's a clear command, but it's not always clear how we should obey it. And this is where Global Fingerprints comes in.

Through Global Fingerprints, you can sponsor a vulnerable child to help meet their physical needs and ensure they hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I want to commend Global Fingerprints to you. They're focused on equipping the local church to care for children, and where there is no church, they help to plant one. If you'd like to help a vulnerable child, you can find more information on Global Fingerprints at our website openthebible.org/gf. That's openthebible.org/gf.