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Colin Smith: The book of Proverbs, it is full of wisdom. And particularly we are given wisdom in relation to sibling relationships, your brother and your sister, in relation to marriage, husband and wife. But by far the largest number of Proverbs that relate to family life are directed towards the relationship between parents and children.

Steve Hiller: Welcome to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith. And we're continuing our series in the book of Proverbs. It's called Wisdom for Life. And, Colin, we began last time by taking a look at wisdom as it relates to families. And interesting that one of the big focuses is that relationship between parents and kids.

Colin Smith: Yes, and there really is something here for everyone. If you are raising young children at this point in your life, if you have teenage children with all of the particular challenges that that stage of life brings, or perhaps your children are now raised and away from the home. And then for others who don't have children or not parents, all of us were raised and we all have experience of home life. And maybe your experience was good, maybe your experience was very, very far from good.

God speaks in the book of Proverbs to how the relationships between parents and children should be and how by God's grace they can be. And so this is a wonderfully, wonderfully redeeming and helpful and practical theme that we're going to look at in the book of Proverbs today.

Steve Hiller: Well, we're in Proverbs chapter 3 today. So if you have a Bible handy, hope you'll join us there as we continue our message called Family. Here is Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: The book of Proverbs has an abundance of wisdom for parents. And I want to draw out three themes today that are especially important. And the first is that you have more influence than you may think. I want this to be a real encouragement to moms and to dads and to grandparents as well, but especially to mothers and fathers who are raising children. I want you to receive this encouragement from the scripture that you have more influence than you may think.

Perhaps the best known of the Proverbs in regards to children: Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Now, remember as we recognized right at the beginning of this series that the Proverbs are proverbs. They are not promises. They are wise sayings that describe the normal pattern that prevails in this world.

And this proverb describes the normal pattern. It does not promise a particular outcome. We recognized this, choosing this verse as an example, right at the beginning of the series as we recognized that Proverbs are proverbs. They describe the normal pattern that prevails in this world. But when all of that has been recognized and said and given its due weight, Proverbs here is making a stunning statement.

Your influence in the lives of your children, mom, dad, go deeper than you may often think. It will still be with them. Your influence will still be with them even when they are old. There may be times, of course—and this is the common experience of all parents—there may be times when it seems to you that your children are not listening.

There may be times when in exasperation you say to your husband or your wife, "Does anything I say ever go in in the life of this child?" And when you find yourself exasperating that way, I want you to remember this: that more goes in than you see, and more will remain than you think. That's the point of the proverb. Now, let me give you an illustration of that that's very striking to me.

The thief on the cross, the one who was crucified right next to Jesus. Remember there were two, one on either side. The thief on the cross had lived his life in open rebellion against God. He was a thief. And from the penalty that he suffered, being crucified, it's very clear—this wasn't petty theft—this man was a robber and in all likelihood a violent one at that.

This is the kind of man who would have assaulted a traveler on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho and then, having robbed him, leave him bleeding and wounded in the road. So here is a man who quite clearly has had absolutely no place whatsoever for God in his life. And yet in the last hours of his life, he looks from where he is on the cross to the other side of Jesus where there's another robber who presumably was his companion in crime, and he says to that man, "Do you not fear God?"

Where did that come from? Some awareness that there really is a God to whom we must all one day give an account had been planted in his soul. And he'd suppressed it. And he'd rebelled against it for years. But even though the truth was suppressed, the conviction remained. So I want to say as your pastor to a troubled father or mother today, if you have a rebel son or daughter, a son or daughter who is far from God today, do not despair.

The living seed of the Word of God has been planted, and who knows what God may yet do with it? You have, mother, father, more influence than you may think. So be encouraged by this wonderful proverb: Train up a child—notice that word, by the way, emphasizing the importance of early years—train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

That's the first piece of wisdom that I want to draw out for us today from the book of Proverbs. Here's the second: Your child needs restraint as well as affirmation. Your children need restraint as well as affirmation. Here, let's begin with Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 15, where we're told: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Now, our secular world, as you know well, has largely bought into the idea that if you just follow the impulses of your own heart, they will lead you into life. But Proverbs says very clearly, not so fast. There's a problem with that. And here's the problem: Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. So if you follow every impulse of your own heart, there will be impulses in your own heart that will lead you to your own destruction.

Now, parents, you see, who have bought into the philosophy of the culture and have come to believe that everything, everything in your child's heart is good, well, if you really believe that, then you will see the entire job of parenting as simply being encouraging and affirming, bringing out what's there because you believe that everything that is there is good.

But parents who believe the Bible know something else. Parents who believe the Bible know that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. In other words, that sin is deeply rooted in all human nature. And when a parent understands that, this wise parent will therefore know that their calling is not only to encourage and affirm—which it certainly is, to surround with love—but that a significant part of the love with which you surround your child is to exercise restraint in regards to the impulses in your child's heart that otherwise would be destructive.

Proverbs speaks in this regard several times about the rod. Chapter 29 and verse 15: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself—very striking phrase, a child left to himself—brings shame to his mother. Now, let's confront this directly. Is the Bible telling us that we are to beat our children with sticks? Answer: No.

Now, that may be how these verses have been understood in past centuries, but I think that there is a better way for us to understand what is being said here. When we were studying in the book of Lamentations a couple of years ago, I was greatly helped by what Bible scholar Christopher Wright says about the rod, which also appears in the book of Lamentations.

He points out that the best-known reference to the rod in all of the Bible is in Psalm 23, where David says, "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Now, that raises an obvious question: Why in the world would David say that God's rod comforts him? And the answer, of course, is because the shepherd did not use the rod to beat the sheep.

The shepherd used the rod to fend off the wild animals that might otherwise attack the sheep and kill them. The shepherd carried the rod in order to fend off the wolf. And the sheep had the comfort of knowing that they would not be left at the mercy of enemies that otherwise would consume them. Now, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Foolishness is bound up in the hearts of your children.

And you will bring them great comfort if they know that you will not allow them to follow the destructive impulses of their own hearts. A child left to himself, as the Proverbs puts it, is in a very scary place indeed. See, your little girl, your little boy, as they grow up, they're going to find impulses within their own hearts of pride and selfishness and anger and laziness and much else besides.

And they need the security of being restrained by rebuke, of incurring some loss, or by bringing some penalty to bear. And with that restraint, you will bring comfort. Now, don't expect your children to say, "Your restraint comforts me." But without it, they would be in a very scary place indeed.

Steve Hiller: You're listening to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith and a message today where we're focusing on wisdom from the Proverbs for families. If you've missed any part of this program because maybe you joined us late or you have to leave early, you can always come to our website and you can listen online. Our website is openthebible.org.

You can also listen if you have the Open the Bible app; that's free at your app store. But whether you listen to Open the Bible on the radio, online, or through the app, it's all made possible because of your generosity. And as you give a gift of any amount this month, we want to send you, as our way of saying thanks, a copy of Pastor Colin's brand new 30-day devotional called Grow in Hope.

You can give online at openthebible.org or when you call 1-877-OPEN-365. That's 1-877-673-6365, or openthebible.org. Back to the message. Here's Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: So here is wisdom for parents. You have more influence than you may think, so please be encouraged. Second, remember that your children need restraint as well as affirmation. And then here's the last thing today: Never underestimate the power of example. Never underestimate, mother, father, the power of your example.

And here we come back to chapter 3 and verse 1 that was read for us earlier. Solomon says to Rehoboam, his son: My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments. If you look back to the beginning of chapter 2, you'll see that that personal pronoun "my" is repeated there and it's also in chapter 7, verse 1: My son, keep my words, treasure up my commandments with you, keep my commandments and live.

Now think about that. Keep my commandments and live. The only commandments that are life-giving are the words and the commandments of God himself. So what we have here is a father who has made God's commandments his own commandments, God's teaching his own teaching, God's word his own word. And so what he commends to his son is what he has made his own. In other words, he is exercising the power of example and he is leading his son, leading the daughter in exactly that way.

Most of you know that I very rarely speak in a personal way from the pulpit, but speaking of the power of example, my father worked two jobs when I was young, and on top of that, he was a deacon in the little church in which we grew up in Edinburgh, Scotland. And I have to say that these deacons' meetings were evidently not well-organized or run in the way that our meetings of the church board are at The Orchard because they often went on well after midnight.

And my father worked shifts, which meant that there were often times when he was up at 4:00 in the morning and he was at a deacons' meeting until past midnight and was up at 4:00 the next morning for the work of the next day. And I remember thinking as a boy, he thinks that serving the church is that important. And I remember very vividly him telling me when I was a teenager about a time when he was put under great pressure to bend the truth.

And he wouldn't do it. And it cost him greatly. And I remember thinking as a teenager, the truth is that important to my dad. And now after all these years—I have my own grandchildren now—I look back and I see that the very things that I've tried to pursue in my own life, to serve the church and to hold the truth, they were planted in me very early by the example of a godly father.

So if you are a parent, a great motivation for living a godly life is to give your children a credible example to follow. God's words are the words that I believe, son. God's way is the way that I am committed to follow, son, daughter. Now, how are you going to do that? Well, the only way to walk in obedience is to walk by faith.

And that is why it's so significant and so beautiful that in Proverbs in chapter 3, which was read to us, Solomon begins speaking to his son about the commandments of the Lord, and then he goes next to say what? Trust in the Lord with all your heart. That's the only way you can do it. You have to receive from the Lord what you need in order to pursue the way in which he calls you to live.

So trust in the Lord with all your heart, verse 5, and do not lean on your own understanding. Now, you see, you can only call on your children to trust in the Lord if you clearly are trusting in the Lord yourself. So I want to say to parents especially today, trust in the Lord with all your heart and especially trust in the Lord with all your heart in relation to your children.

The wisest counsel that I ever heard in regards to raising children came from a man, strangely, who never had the joy and privilege of being a father. William Still was a Scottish pastor, now many years with the Lord, and he remained single throughout his entire life. But this was his counsel to parents: Bring your children up in faith, not fear.

That has helped me so much. Bring your children up in faith, not fear. In other words, trust the Lord in regards to your children. Trust him with all your heart. You fear what sin can do to them; trust what the Lord can do in them. You fear the pressures of the world and of the schools and of the media and of the culture; trust what God can do in your children through his Spirit and by his Word.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and give your children reason to think, my father and my mother trust the Lord even when it comes to me.

Steve Hiller: That's a great challenge from Pastor Colin Smith today as we wrap up our message entitled Family. It's part of a larger series that we're calling Wisdom for Life, taking a look at a number of different proverbs and pulling out lessons that we can learn and apply to our lives. And you might want to go back and listen to this practical teaching once again.

You can do that by coming to our website; it's openthebible.org. You can stream the program or you can download an MP3 for free. Again, that's at openthebible.org. You can also listen through the Open the Bible app, which you'll find for free at your app store. Or you can order a copy of this series on CD. Ask about Wisdom for Life when you call 1-877-OPEN-365. That's 1-877-673-6365 or you'll find ordering information online at openthebible.org.

Well, we're able to bring you Pastor Colin's teaching because of your financial generosity. We really are a listener-supported ministry, and as you give a gift of any amount this month, we'd love to send you a copy of Pastor Colin's brand new 30-day devotional. It's called Grow in Hope. And Colin, why did you write this book?

Colin Smith: Well, Grow in Hope is the second of three books that we are putting out from Open the Bible this year: Grow in Faith, Grow in Hope, and Grow in Love. And the reason for all three is that as Paul says in 1 Corinthians and chapter 13, everything else will pass away. I mean, that's quite a statement, isn't it?

Everything else will pass away, but these things will remain: faith, hope, and love. So these are things of supreme importance. I'm absolutely persuaded that our greatest need is to have a stronger faith, to have a more certain hope, and to be renewed in a resilient kind of love. If that happens in the lives of Christian believers, some very, very good things will follow.

Steve Hiller: Well, we'd love to send you a copy of this book. Again, it's called Grow in Hope, and it's our thank you for your financial support this month. You can give at our website, openthebible.org, or when you call 1-877-673-6365. That's 1-877-OPEN-365. And again, the website is openthebible.org. For Pastor Colin Smith, I'm Steve Hiller. Thanks for listening, and I hope you'll join us next time. This program is a listener-supported production of Open the Bible.

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