Open the Bible

Colin Smith: The book of Proverbs gives wisdom for husbands and for wives, for parents and for children, and for brothers and for sisters. So whatever your situation in life, there is something here for each and every one of us today.

Steve Hiller: Welcome to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith. We’re in a series we’re calling Wisdom for Life. Today we take a look at the wisdom we find in the book of Proverbs as it relates to our families.

Colin Smith: Yes, and I suppose that Proverbs would not be the place that we would look first in regards to wisdom and family life. There are other places in the Bible that come, I think, much more quickly to mind. But what I’ve found in delving into this book of Proverbs is that God has given us a treasure trove of wisdom for all the relationships of family life.

Do you have a difficult relationship with a sister or a brother? Are you struggling in some way with a father or a mother or a son or a daughter? All of the relationships within family life are addressed very specifically. The wisdom that is given to us because it’s the wisdom of God in scripture, you just read it and then you find yourself saying, "Oh, God knows what it’s like to be in this particular relationship, and he’s giving me wisdom as to how to handle it well." So I’m so glad that we have the opportunity of being in the book of Proverbs and looking at these really important relationships of family today.

Steve Hiller: Well, we’re going to start in Proverbs chapter 3. So if you have your Bible handy, join us there as we begin our message, Family.

Colin Smith: Now, Proverbs gives us wisdom for the whole of life, and we’re looking at five themes in particular. Last week we looked at the theme of friendship, and today we are looking at the theme of family. The book of Proverbs gives wisdom for husbands and for wives, for parents and for children, and for brothers and for sisters. So whatever your situation in life, there is something here for each and every one of us today.

We’re going to begin with wisdom for brothers and sisters. I want to draw your attention to Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 19, where we learn that close relationships are vulnerable to deep wounds. Proverbs 18:19: "A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle."

The reference is to a sibling. If I were to ask how many of us here in this service have a strained relationship with a sibling, a brother or a sister—I’m not going to do this, but if I were to ask for a show of hands—I think there would be plenty. If you have a sibling, how do you get on with your brother? How do you get on with, what is your relationship like with your sister?

What we’re being told here very clearly is if you have a good relationship with your brother or your sister, cherish it and guard it. Proverbs reminds us that close relationships are especially vulnerable to deep wounds that don’t heal easily. "A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city."

Of course, you see this throughout the Bible. You remember that the first two children born into the world were both boys, Cain and Abel, and one of these brothers was jealous of the other. You know that story didn’t end well. Then you have Jacob and Esau. Then you have Joseph and his brothers.

In the Gospels, you have a man who comes to Jesus asking if Jesus can settle a dispute that he has with his brother over inheritance money. How often has that happened? Squabbling and quarreling in families between brothers and sisters over who gets what. Then we are told in regards to the family in which our Lord Jesus was raised, that the family of Jesus—that is his brothers and sisters—said that he was out of his mind.

So if jealousy of a brother or sister is a trial in your life, then know that the Lord Jesus has been there and he knows what living with this is like. "A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle."

Now, what that’s telling us is that when quarreling takes root, it locks a person in so that it’s as if you’re behind the bars of a castle on the one side and your brother or sister is behind the bars of a castle on the other side. The closer the relationship, the stronger the bars can be. So close relationships are vulnerable to deep wounds, and so we are to handle them with special care and to be very careful not to quarrel with a brother or with a sister.

Another of the Proverbs, this is Proverbs 17:14, says that "the beginning of strife is like the letting out of water; so quit before the quarrel breaks out." Wonderful wisdom from the Word of God. Guard these relationships that are vulnerable with special care and especially be careful not to quarrel with your brother or with your sister.

Second, wisdom for husbands and wives. There’s so much here in Proverbs, I want just to touch on one thing, and that is to remind those of us who are married that your spouse is a gift from the Lord. Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."

Remember, these are the words of wise King Solomon to his son Rehoboam. Here you have a wise father commending marriage to his son as a good thing. "It’s a good gift from the Lord, son," this father says. This is very important for us to remember because we live in a culture that often flaunts what it calls freedom. You get a question like, "Well, who wants to be tied down?"

But the Bible has a very different view of marriage from that—a much higher view of marriage. Solomon says to his son in chapter 12 and verse 4, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband." The book of Proverbs ends with a poem composed by a wise husband in praise of his good and godly wife. Proverbs 31:29, here’s what the husband says of his wife: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."

From this we learn: husband, tell your wife where she excels. Build her up with this kind of appreciation. A wise husband expresses the praise of his wife. Ray Ortlund, a pastor who has a very fine book on the book of Proverbs, points out that the meaning of the word husband—wonder if you’ve ever thought about this—what does that word mean?

Well, when the word husband is used as a verb, "to husband," it means to cultivate. Think of this: husbandry. Husbandry is about the art of caring and cultivating. So if God has entrusted you with a wife, your job is to husband her—that is, to create the conditions in which she can flourish. That is by definition what it means to be a husband.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So we read from chapter 3 this morning: "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck." In other words, let your love and let your faithfulness be evident to all because it’s visible. Bind them around your neck, but also let it be in your heart; "write them on the tablet of your heart, then you will win favor and good success in the sight of God and of man."

Steve Hiller: You’re listening to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith and a message called Family. It’s part of our series Wisdom for Life that is coming from the book of Proverbs. We’re going to get back to this message in just a moment. If you ever miss a broadcast in the series, listen online at openthebible.org.

Open the Bible is listener-supported. Your financial generosity allows us to bring you Pastor Colin’s teaching whether you listen on the radio, online, through the app, or however you’ve connected with this ministry. As you give a gift of any amount this month, we want to send you a copy of Pastor Colin’s new 30-day devotional book called Grow in Hope. Colin, what’s one thing that you’d like people to take away from this book?

Colin Smith: It would be very practical because every Christian knows what it is to go through dark times when we feel discouraged, we’re down, and we don’t know how to move forward. When these times come in your life, you need to know how to handle your own soul, how to encourage and strengthen yourself.

David, of course, speaks about this. He knew what this was like. In Psalm 42, he speaks to himself. He says, "Why are you cast down, O my soul? Why are you in turmoil within me?" And then he says, "Hope in God." So I hope what people will take away from this is that they’ll be helped and encouraged in being able to speak to their own soul in the way that David did in Psalm 42 and to find hope in God. Because there is hope in God for every circumstance of life, and it comes to us in and through the Lord Jesus Christ.

Steve Hiller: We’d love to send you a copy of this brand new 30-day devotional from Pastor Colin called Grow in Hope. It’s our thank you for your financial support this month. You can give online at openthebible.org or when you call 1-877-OPEN-365. Again, that’s openthebible.org or call 1-877-673-6365. Let’s get back to the message. Again, here’s Pastor Colin.

Colin Smith: The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom. Particularly, we are given wisdom in relation to sibling relationships, your brother and your sister, and in relation to marriage, husband and wife. But by far the largest number of Proverbs that relate to family life are directed towards the relationship between parents and children. I want to focus in especially on that today.

First, for us to see together the wisdom of God that is given to us here for children. Two things for all who are younger, but also all of us who are older as well, that I want us to see clearly. The first is always seek to bring joy to your parents.

I have the privilege of speaking especially now to those who are younger, to the children and young people who are here in the congregation today. I want you to take this in, that the Word of God calls you to always bring joy to your father and to your mother. Look at this: "A wise son makes a glad father," a glad father, "but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother." Or Proverbs 23:25: "Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice."

Now, of course, this is very simply an application of the Fifth Commandment, the commandment in which God says to us, "Honor your father and your mother." And that is a commandment that speaks to children, but not only to children. There’s not a time limit that’s put on it throughout life. Here is the commandment of God that you honor your father and your mother.

What does that mean? Very simply, the word "honor" means give weight to or regard as heavy. That’s what the word "honor" means. So when your father or your mother tell you to do something, you are to give weight to what they say. In later life, your father and mother may have needs; you are to give weight to their needs and to their circumstances. That’s what it means to honor, give weight to, your father and mother.

To put this as simply as I can, especially for the children and younger folks here this morning: if your father or your mother tells you to do something and you don’t want to do it, here’s what you should say to yourself. You should say to yourself, "The person who told me to do this is my mother." You’ve got to give weight to your father and mother. We need to practice this. Together, please: "The person who told me to do this is my mother." If it’s your mother who says it, you give weight to that. If it’s your father who says it, you give weight to that. That’s what it means to honor your father and mother. When you do that, you will bring joy to your parents. "A wise son makes a glad father. Let your father and your mother be glad."

Since we’re in Proverbs and there are some that are very memorable, if there should come a time where you are ever tempted to look at your father as if you despised him, or to look at your mother as if you were going to defy her, then just remember this from the book of Proverbs. This is Proverbs 30:17. What do you think of this? "The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures." I think that means don't ever defy your father. Don't ever despise your mother.

Always seek to bring joy to your parents. That’s the wisdom of the Word of God. Here’s the second thing, especially when we’re young, but really it is a principle to keep with us all through our lives, and it’s this: always be willing and even eager to learn. Chapter 15 and verse 32: "Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence." Or chapter 13 and verse 1: "A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."

One of the things that’s often true when we’re young is that we can easily feel that we know it all. Hopefully, as we grow older, we become a little more humble in realizing that we don’t know as much as we used to think. There’s a great comment that I believe Mark Twain made and it was something to the effect of: "When I was 14, I was convinced that my father knew nothing. By the time I was 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in the last seven years."

We read earlier from Proverbs chapter 3 and verse 7, "Do not be wise in your own eyes." That theme of the danger of being wise in your own eyes is repeated throughout Proverbs. For example, chapter 26 and verse 12 takes it up: "Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than there is for him." Solomon was a teacher. He was a king, but he was also a teacher of wisdom.

As a teacher, he discovered what all teachers know—that there are some students who learn and others who don’t. And what Solomon observes here is that those who don’t learn are those who think they are wise already. They’re wise in their own eyes and so they don’t think that they need to learn anything.

Solomon says there’s more hope for a fool than for that person. Why? Because the fool at least has the advantage of knowing that he needs to learn. And the very first lesson for all of us in the school of wisdom is that all of us need to learn. And that is why the Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Wisdom begins when I come to see that I don’t have it. I need to receive it, and I need to receive it from the Lord and I’ll receive it through his Word. In other words, the greatest barrier to gaining wisdom is the conviction that you already have it. That is why in Romans chapter 1 and verse 22 we read that people who thought themselves wise became fools. Here are men and women who say, "We don’t need God. We’re wise; we’ve got all that we need." And so they push God away and thinking themselves wise, being wise in their own eyes, what happens? They begin to live as fools.

That’s why in 1 Corinthians chapter 3 and verse 18, Paul says, "If any of you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool in order that he may become wise." In other words, the only way to really learn is to begin by recognizing your own need.

So recognize that you need to learn. Listen to those God has placed around you. Especially when you are young, listen to your parents. Take in all that you can from the Word of God so that you will grow in the path of wisdom because we are not born with it, we need to receive it, and to receive it from the Lord.

Here are some things especially for children, but clearly they remain with us all of our lives. Always seek to bring joy to your parents. I’ve spoken to so many folks in middle life who are caring for older parents. What a wonderful thing to be able to say the smile of God is upon you as you are doing this. It is a reflection of the wisdom and the very heart of God, the way of Jesus, the way of a disciple. Always, always be willing and eager to learn.

Steve Hiller: Pastor Colin Smith here on Open the Bible, a message called Family, where we’re taking a look at wisdom from the Proverbs for families. If you joined us late or if you ever have to leave early, or you want to go back and listen to any broadcast again, you can do that when you come to our website, openthebible.org. You can stream the program or download an MP3 for free. Again, that’s at openthebible.org.

Another way to listen is with the Open the Bible app. You’ll find that for free at your app store. It’s a great way to listen to Pastor Colin’s teaching on demand. You can also listen to the entire series on CD. Ask about Wisdom for Life when you call 1-877-OPEN-365 or you’ll find ordering information online at openthebible.org. Colin, it’s Friday and the weekend’s coming.

Colin Smith: Yes, and I want to encourage you to get to church on Sunday. Across the country, people who love Jesus will be gathering to praise him, and if you love Jesus, that’s something you’ll want to be part of. So find a church where the Bible is opened. And if you live in the Chicago area and you don’t have a church home, I’d love for you to join us at the Orchard. There are six locations in the northwest suburbs. For more information, go to theorchard.church. That’s theorchard.church.

Steve Hiller: Thank you, Colin, and thanks for listening. I’m Steve Hiller and I hope you’ll join us next time. This program is a listener-supported production of Open the Bible.

Colin Smith: Hi, this is Pastor Colin again and I want you to know about Watch Your Life. Watch Your Life is a six-session course that is geared for leaders but accessible to every believer. The six sessions will show you how to grow in godliness, how to feed on Christ, how to pray in the Spirit, how to battle temptation, exercise faith, and discern God’s will. There are questions at the end of each session and you can use them on your own or you can discuss them with a friend. For more information, visit openthebible.org/courses. That’s openthebible.org/courses.