Love Worth Finding

Adrian Rogers: Adrian Rogers said God made men and women equal, but He certainly did not make us alike. Why did God make us so different? That He might make us one. Not just to sing in unity, but to sing in harmony. That is the music of marriage. God made them in the beginning. Male and female. A home is not really a duet, it is a trio. A man, a woman, and Jesus Christ.

Host: Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring the insightful lessons of Pastor, Teacher, and Author Adrian Rogers. As we just heard, in the music of marriage, husbands and wives sing different parts of the same song. Just as harmony can turn a monotonous piece into a symphony, it can also bring fresh life and excitement to the home. Scripture shows us how to use our differences to glorify God in our marriages. If you have your Bible, turn now to Genesis chapter 1. We will begin in verse 27 as Adrian Rogers shares how to have harmony in the home.

Adrian Rogers: In order to prepare these messages, I have been thinking a lot about music. I have just decided it was time for me to sing a solo in church. And so I went to Brother Jim Whitmire and I said, Brother Jim Whitmire, may I sing in church? He said, yes, you may, Pastor, you are the pastor, so if you say so, you may.

And I said, well, Brother Jim, what would you like for me to sing? He said, why don't you sing on a hill far away? Well, in all seriousness, I do not know a whole lot about music. I know something about music. And I know that music is made up of three parts. There is melody, there is harmony, and there is rhythm.

Now, melody, you sing the same song. And husband and wife need to do that. But harmony, you sing different parts. And that is what we are going to be talking about today. Husband and wife may sing the same song, but they do not sing the same parts. But in rhythm, they sing it together. So it is so important that we sing the same song. We sing it in harmony, and we sing it together.

Now, look, if you will here, in Genesis chapter 1 and verse 27. So God created man in His own image. In the image of God created He him, male and female created He them. Male and female. God thought up the idea of boys and girls. We did not think it up. The unisex idea was not created by God, it was born in hell.

God made man and women, male and female. God did that by divine design, as we are going to see in a moment. And you are going to see in this verse that both the man and the woman are in the image of God. A woman is absolutely as valuable and as important, as gifted, and all of the other things as any man could possibly be.

The Bible teaches that God does not value one sex above another. Galatians chapter 3 verse 38 makes that plain. There is neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, neither is there male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Now, he is not talking about in society. He is not saying that there is to be a blurring of the distinction between the sexes. But he is saying in Christ, male and female, bond and free, we are all one.

Now, but in spite of that, God has made us different. God made us different that He might make us one. And I thank God for the difference. I want us to celebrate the difference today because it is our differences, not our likenesses that bring us together as husband and wife. And how important it is that we be brought together as husband and wife, for the Bible says in Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 9, two are better than one, and that is so true. So, I want you to think about what I am going to call the divine design. The divine design.

Now, God made by design the difference in the sexes. And He did this for a purpose. And He tells us what the purpose is. Go on over to Genesis chapter 2, and look if you will, at verse 18. Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. Now, He had created all of these things, and He says, it is good, it is good, it is good, it is good. Everything God created, He would say, that is good, that is good, that is good. And then God made man, and He said, that is not good.

He said it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him an help meet for him. And right there, my dear friend, in that verse, you have the divine design. You have why God created male and female. And let me give you the three reasons very quickly. First of all, for companionship. It is not good that man should be alone. None of the animals could satisfy the hunger in Adam's heart. And not even God Himself.

Adam, think about it, it is incredible. Adam had a face-to-face relationship with Almighty God in the Garden of Eden, and yet that could not satisfy the deepest need that Adam had. And so God created woman first of all for his companionship. And I thank God for the precious companion that He has given me. But not only for companionship, but also for cooperation. Notice what he says, I will make an helper for him. A help meet or fitting for him.

Now, the word helper there is a noun, it is not a verb. He is not just saying, I am going to give him some help. God could have given Adam a friend to help him pick fruit, a buddy or somebody. No, that is not the idea. The idea is someone who is going to cooperate with him. Someone who will become a part of a team with him, someone that will make him more than he could have been without that particular person. Someone to help Adam to reach his full potential. Adam could not have been what he ought to have been, in my estimation, at all without Eve, any more than I could be what I ought to be without Joyce that God has given to me.

And Joyce has been this, this helper to me throughout my life, our married life and our ministry. When we were dating in high school, I was playing football and she was a cheerleader. And one of the pictures that hangs on the wall of our home is a picture of her in her cheerleading outfit with these words inscribed on it, to Adrian, I will always cheer you on. So God made woman for companionship. God made woman for cooperation. And God made woman for completion.

You see, the Bible says in verse 18, I will make a help meet for him. That means a fitting helper. Someone to make up that part which is lacking. And it is not just mere folklore that God took Eve from Adam's side. It is that there is something missing until she is returned. And it is not by mere happenstance that we speak of our husbands or our wives as the other half. And they are. We are half a person without our mates. And that is the way God designed it.

Now, if we are thinking about the music of marriage, you think of Adam as a violin. You think of Eve as the bow. And it is together that they make the music that they are supposed to be. She is to complete Adam. Now, lady, you are to be his completer, not his competitor. You are to complete him, but not to finish him off. Now, you are husband and wife together. Now, this is God's divine design.

I am going to move from there to talk about not only a divine design, but a definite difference. It is because of that design that God made a difference in the sexes. Genesis 1 verse 27, God made them male and female. Men and women are different. And we do not need the Bible to tell us that. My dear friend, it is and the difference is more than the physiological differences. There are deep emotional and spiritual and psychological differences. And the psychologist tells us that.

For a long time, the radical feminists have been trying to tell us that all of the differences, the emotional differences and the psychological differences are only cultural. They are not only cultural. They are creational. And there is a difference, for example, in the way that the brains of men and women are wired. Little boys have a predominant proclivity in the right side of their brain, and girls in the left side. And that is the reason that boys tend to be a little more manually dexterous, and women tend to be more verbal. Have you noticed that?

Well, they are. Little girls will begin to talk quicker than little boys. James Dobson and other psychologists have taught us it is the way their brains are wired. You send a little boy off to a birthday party, and what will he do? He will rip and tear and pull the girl's hair and smear the cake and so forth. Little girls want to play the games like they are supposed to be played. That is because the boys by nature are more aggressive. You give the little girls a jigsaw puzzle, and they try and put it together. Give it to a boy. He will sling it across the room. A little boy, I am talking about. Maybe a big boy, I do not know.

But anyway, you, you give a little girl a doll. She wants to caress that doll. She wants to cuddle that doll. You give a little boy a doll, he will make a hammer out of it. And he that is just the way he is. I mean, he thinks in those realms. And there is nothing really wrong with that. Sometimes the feminists of today have tried to change those natural proclivities. But I am going to show you that they are built in of God. They are part of the way that God made us.

Go to the high school and watch the way boys carry books and girls carry books. Next time you are around a high school, watch. The boys will put their books under their arm. They will carry the books like this. You know how the girls will carry the books? Like this, like it is a baby. The girls will actually cradle their books in their arms. That is just the way that they are built. Nothing wrong with either way. But my dear friend, there is a divine design and a definite difference.

Why? Because of what God made the man to do and what God made the woman to do. For example, God made the man to be the provider, and God made the woman to be the helper, a help meet for him. Now, I am certain today that we have some members of this congregation where the wife is the provider, the husband because of physical illness, or because of the mere fact of the matter he does not have a job and she provides. And that is God's provision, and we are grateful for that.

But whenever possible, the husband should be the breadwinner, the provider. And if it is a two-income family, and the woman perhaps works out of the home or has a side job and she can still take care of her babies, the husband's income should be used for the food, the shelter, the clothing, the transportation. And the woman's income, if possible now, should be that supplementary income, but not the main support. If not, there can be bitterness and division, and she herself can become tough-minded in a way that God did not intend for her to become.

The man, secondly, is to be the protector. The woman is to be the nurturer. Now, God made the man to protect the woman. You know, when Eve sinned, God blamed Adam. Did you know that? When Eve sinned, God blamed Adam. In Genesis chapter 3 verse 17, and unto Adam, He said, because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee saying, thou shalt not eat of it, cursed is the ground for thy sake. Not for her sake. For your sake, Adam. You are to blame, Adam. Cursed is the ground for your sake. In sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life.

And Romans chapter 5 verse 12, when the Bible says that sin came into the world, it does not blame Eve, it blames Adam. Romans 5:12, wherefore as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin, so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. The husband is meant to protect his wife. And a wife needs a husband who will protect her. And children need husbands who are protectors. We need husbands who will set limits for children. Not drop out dads, but dads who will say to boys and to daughters, that is a no. You may not do that. I do not mean a Tarzan no, but just a no. You cannot do that.

God made the man to be the leader, and God made the woman to be the enhancer. For example, in Genesis 3 verse 16, God said to the wife, thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. The husband is the leader. But the woman is the enhancer. She is to be the nurturer.

Now, I am going to talk to you about some things that are tendencies. I am not talking about hard and fast rules. What I am going to give you now are tendencies between the male and the female. For example, as a tendency, the man is stronger than the woman. Is that right? That is that is just one of the tendencies. The man is physically strong. Now, not always. I mean, there are some women in here who can beat up some men in here. I mean, and do not mess with them. I am telling you, there are some who can do that. I am just talking now about tendencies. I am saying as a tendency, if we put all the men in one side of the room and all the women on the other side and had a fight.

Well, I am getting in too deep here. But anyway, the Bible says in 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7 that the woman is the weaker vessel. Why? Because of what God made man to do, which was what? Tend the garden. Man has to be able to dig and to chop and to carry and and to protect and to provide. What did God make the woman to do? She is the mother of all living. She is to be gentle. She is to be tender. She is to nurture and to take care of.

Now, the men tend to approach problems head first. Women approach problems heart first. That is just the way they are. A woman, her emotions come more to the surface. When you get into the male and female battle, the battle of the sexes, it is generally, not always, but logic versus emotion. And when I say this, some women get angry, and they think, well, he does not think I know what is going on. Well, you you do. But the thing that always astounds me is that women know what is going on without knowing what is going on.

I mean, that is a woman's intuition. I mean, very frankly, my wife is a scholar. She made top grades in school. I would hate for you to see her report card and my report card. She was a better scholar than I was. And and a very intelligent person. But I am telling you something, my dear friend. I am not talking about her intelligence. I am just talking about the way she comes to problem. I come to problem head first, she comes to problem heart first. She just thinks emotionally.

You see, men are goal-oriented. They say, I am going to do this. And they do not think about who may get hurt. But the women say, now wait a minute. Before you do that, if you ever thought about so and so? Who is right, who is wrong? Neither is right or wrong, it is just simply the way that people come at the deal. I mean, they think about emotional problems, and those are good. We we need that.

Men tend to be more success-oriented. Women tend to be more security-oriented. For example, a man, he will think of something, he said, man, I am going to go for it. I am just going to try it. I am going to take our nest egg. I am going to invest in something in a project. But she wants to get everything right. She wants everything in its place. She wants the furniture just right. She wants the the accoutrements on the wall of the home just right because God gave her a nurturing instinct.

She wants to create beauty. She wants to create a home, a nest. You see a man sees his work as an extension of himself. And if a man's work is not going right, he is not happy. But a woman sees her home as an extension of herself. These are generalizations now, generalizations. But a woman sees the home as the extension of herself. And therefore, if her home is cluttered, her life is cluttered. She is interested, not primarily in success, but in security.

Men tend to look at the big picture. Women on the other hand, look at details. Being goal-oriented, a man will say, well, four, five years, I am going to do so and so. And the woman will think, but what is going to happen in between? And many men announce the big plans to the woman without letting her know that he has thought about what is going to happen in between. As a matter of fact, I do not even think about what is going to happen in between. If I see a goal, I just say, somehow I can do that. By God's grace I can, and I will. And I will meet the problems when I get to them. But I am going to reach that goal. The woman sees it one step at a time.

The fellow comes home and he says, guess what? She says, what? He said, I found a product we can make for $1 and sell for $2. I have sold everything, we are moving to Cincinnati next month. She begins to cry. He says, what is the matter? Listen, this is the best deal we have ever had. He tells her again, and she tells him off. She is no longer crying. He says, I just do not understand you.

Well, when he talks about what he is going to do, you know what she thinks? Do you realize the kids are in braces? And our doctor is right here. And do you realize it is it is four weeks to graduation? Or do you realize this or do you realize that? She thinks about these things. He does not even think about those things. He just says, hey, we are going to do it. Now, if she becomes an adversary rather than a companion, rather than a completer, she becomes a competitor because he has not taken time to recognize her instincts of security. If he were to say to her, now, honey, I realize this and this and this and this. And therefore, let us talk about it and see if we can do this and at the same time meet your needs for security. And first thing you know, he has her now as a helper and as a companion. But men just tend to be that way.

Men tend to be insensitive, and women tend to be sensitive. Well, why is that? Men are not really insensitive, they are thick-skinned. They have to be. I mean, they are out there in that workaday world where God put them. God put Adam out there to earn the bread, and it is a world of competition, and a world of danger, and a world of unpleasantry, and a world of decisions. And he is the provider, and he is the protector, and he is the leader.

She is the nurturer. She is sensitive. And sir, she could be a great help to you if you will allow her to be sensitive for you. Men, and I am almost finished now, and I will finish this message tonight, but men tend to be more suspicious. Women tend to be more trusting. The reason that men are more suspicious is they are the protector. They do not know whether that person may be there to do damage, so they say, now, woman, lock the doors, do not do this, do not do that. I find myself just protecting my wife and my daughters and my grandchildren and just having a protective nature.

But sometimes women are more trusting. They trust their children. They believe the little things are telling the truth always. They they they trust their husband. When nobody else believes in him, they will believe in him. They just are that way. This, my dear friend, is the difference that God brought into us. Why did God make us so different? That He might make us one. Not just to sing in unity, but to sing in harmony. And I want to tell you something. The girl named Joyce needs me. And I sure need her. And that is the music of marriage. God made them in the beginning, male and female. But may I say this, dear friend, that a home, a home is not really a duet, it is a trio. A man, a woman, and Jesus Christ. Let us bow our heads in prayer. Heads are bowed, eyes are closed.

Adrian Rogers: Father God, I pray in the name of Jesus that You would give us godly, Christian homes. Thank You, Lord, that You made us different, that You might make us one. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Host: What a wonderful truth to dwell on today that God made us different so that He could make us one. You know, at Love Worth Finding, we love hearing how the ministry and the messages of Pastor Rogers have inspired you in your faith journey. If you can, go online to lwf.org/myLWFstory. There you can submit your testimony, read others who have shared their stories. We often select these stories to be shared throughout our Love Worth Finding community, and we always will protect your privacy if that is what you desire. Let us hear from you today. Go to lwf.org/myLWFstory.

Now, if you would like to order a copy of today's message, call 1-877-LOVE-GOD and mention the title, Harmony in the Home. This message is also part of the insightful series, The Music of Marriage. For that complete collection, all six powerful messages, call 877-LOVE-GOD or order online at lwf.org/radio. Or write us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. You can also purchase our new Bible studies, much like this message, in our online store. To find that, go to lwf.org/radio.

Do you have harmony in the home and share a loving duet with your spouse? Consider God's divine design and the definite differences between you and your partner, and see how you can use your marriage to glorify God. We hope you will join us again next time for more timeless truth from Adrian Rogers, right here on Love Worth Finding. I love this note we received recently from a long-time listener, I grew up listening to Adrian in the car. I am grateful his messages live on, and I love how they are still relevant to today. Truly timeless. We love to hear that these messages have taken root and helped you grow in your faith from an early age. It is our goal to equip believers with tools to cultivate faith for the whole family. And when you donate to Love Worth Finding right now, we want to thank you with a copy of our new book, The Music of Marriage. In this profound new book from Love Worth Finding, Adrian Rogers analyzes the melody, harmony, and rhythm that make up the symphony of our homes. Request a copy when you call with a gift at 1-877-LOVE-GOD. 1-877-568-3463. Or give online at lwf.org/radio. And thank you for your generous support of Love Worth Finding.