Teaching Your Children About Pornography
This subject is not a happy one, but a needful and pertinent one. My heart is broken; an open sewer has engulfed America. Men and women are being submerged in an ocean of filth. Today you cannot escape hardcore pornography. It assaults us via cable television, movie theaters, magazine racks, and especially the internet.
Parents must teach young people three truths about pornography if they are to escape its soul-killing, conscience-numbing effects.
Dad, it is your privilege and responsibility to do this for your son. Mom, if there is no dad in his life to do it, then you must be the one. And daughters should not be overlooked.
If you’re a dad, first teach yourself and then teach your son, because you cannot teach what you do not know any more than you can come from where you’ve not been.
God spoke a wonderful truth into the lives of young men and women in Psalm 119:9-16. The problem of pornography is addressed right here.
How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You. Blessed are You, O Lord! Teach me Your statutes. With my lips I have declared all the judgments of Your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, As much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts, And contemplate Your ways. I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word.
The first thing you must teach your son is the danger he must see.
“How can a young man cleanse his way?” verse 9 asks. “Cleanse” indicates it’s necessary, and the Hebrew word “way” means “a rut, a well-travelled path, a groove.”
That is, we get patterns of thought. The devil puts a groove in our mind. We have a one-track mind, a muddy mind. The Bible tells us that a young man can take unclean way and have it cleansed. But the very fact that God would tell us it needs to be cleansed speaks of great danger.
This isn’t imagination or speculation. It’s actually scientific. We now have studies by neurologists proving the physical effects of pornography on the brain. The habitual use of pornography literally lays down tracks within the brain. Investigate this for yourself in these two resources. Each is footnoted with additional sources you can review.
There is much information, but consider: What is the basic message of pornography? That sex may be divorced from love, from commitment, from morality, from responsibility.
Pornography Is Psychological Poison.
Psychologically it will affect your mind. Dr. Victor Kline, clinical psychologist and expert on pornography, has seen four progressive effects young men and women:
- The addiction effect. When people see pornography, they become addicted, much like addiction to a narcotic. Getting hooked, they keep coming back.
- The escalation effect. What satisfied the first time causes them to want the same thing, only more deviant, because they don’t get the same kick as they got the first time, again like a narcotic.
- The desensitization effect. What used to shock, what used to be abhorrent, now becomes normal, even incest, or brutal rape, or injury to women. Rap songs—a multi-million dollar record industry—talk about brutalizing women. People become desensitized.
- The activation effect. He begins to act out these fantasies in life. A man comes home after reading pornography and urges his wife, even sometimes at her harm, to participate in sexually deviant behavior or tries to force that deviant behavior on someone else.
Trained policemen say, “Not everyone who reads pornography is a sexual deviant. But every sexual deviant reads it.” In the 1980s, some may remember, Dr. James Dobson interviewed infamous serial killer Ted Bundy just before his execution. Bundy said, “I take responsibility for the things I’ve done.” But he said, “They were the result of a fantasy life fueled by hardcore pornography and alcohol.” Again, he said he felt the full range of guilt and remorse, but that he had it compartmentalized in his brain and that hard-core pornography guided and shaped what he did. The role of pornography in cases like this is undeniable.
Tell your son what pornography will do to his marriage. God meant the sexual relationship between a husband and wife to be an act of love. But if a man saturates his mind with pictures and stories of rape, torture and murder in connection with sex, how is that man likely to treat his wife? Any counselor can tell you the heartbreak that has come into homes.
James 1:14 says, “Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death…Do not err, my beloved brethren.”
Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)
God warns clearly and plainly that the thought life must be cleansed. And it is the Word of God that cleanses. Jesus said, “You are already clean because of the Word which I have spoken to you.” (John 15:3)
The Decision He Must Make
Note verse 10 of Psalm 119:
“With my whole heart have I sought Thee: o let me not wander from Thy commandments.”
Deuteronomy 4:29 promises, “…you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”
The scourge of today’s church is half-hearted Christianity. There has to be a decision: “I will, I will, I will live clean.” If he doesn’t make that decision early, firmly and strongly, he will fall. When I was a college boy, I put this motto on my desk: “He who would not fall down ought not to walk in slippery places.”
As a parent you must say, “Son, you’re going to have to make a decision—a whole-hearted decision.” The apostle James warned,
“A double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.” (1:8) “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (4:7-8)
Are you double minded about pornography? If so, you’re not going to make it.
Daniel, a wonderful young man, was taken to licentious, wicked Babylon. Yet Daniel kept himself undefiled. How did Daniel do it?
“But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself…” (1:8)
Have you “purposed in your heart”? Every young man must purpose with all of his heart, “I wilI, I will be pure! I will!”
The Dynamic He May Use
But we cannot do this by sheer grit and determination. It’s not enough to show him the danger. Not enough even for him to resolve, “I will be pure.” He needs help! That help is the Word of God. In Psalm 119, verse 9 speaks of the danger, verse 10 speaks of the decision, and
Verse 11 speaks of the dynamic: “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”
We must have the power of the Word of God. Your protection—and your child’s protection—will be the Word of God.
Memorize the Word of God
“Thy word have I hid in my heart...” (v. 11)
God’s Word is to be hidden in your heart, not in your dresser drawer! Do you make it a practice to memorize the Word of God? When you have God’s Word in your heart, you’re going to find yourself thinking God’s thoughts after Him!
God wonderfully made us so that we cannot think two things at one time. If you’re thinking what is right, you cannot possibly be thinking what is wrong. But you cannot be thinking a thought you don’t have, so you must put God’s Word in your heart.
You can choose your thoughts just like you choose your friends. “Whatsoever things are lovely…think on these things.”
The problem in American homes today is not juvenile delinquency, it is dropout dads. It’s time some of you dads got your Bible, sat down with your son, and said, “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way.” May God help our dads to be men of God.
Lord, help us to restore the years that the locusts have eaten. You said, “And when the enemy shall come in like a flood, then shall the Lord lift up a banner against him.” We pray that your banner will be lifted over our homes. In the Name of Jesus, amen.
 See “Issues Analysis: The Effects of Pornography on the Male Brain,”published by the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention at http://erlc.com/article/issues-analysis-the-effects-of-pornography-on-the-male-brain