Love Worth Finding

Narrator (Male): Have you felt the strain of tension in your home lately? Listen to Adrian Rogers.

Adrian Rogers: Now, I think one of the major obstacles to the music of marriage is tension in the home. It is stress and strife. Stress is related to raising your voice, raising your pulse, and raising your children. I mean, if you've got children, you have stress just built in.

Narrator (Male): Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring profound messages and practical insights from Adrian Rogers. When husbands and wives play the parts God has equipped them to play in their marriage, there's not mere melody, but wonderful harmony. But sometimes tension can disrupt the music of marriage. Too much stress is dangerous to the home, our health, and our happiness. Proverbs 15 reveals four things to relieve family stress. If you have your Bible, turn there now, as Adrian Rogers shares what to do when the string snaps.

Adrian Rogers: Turn to Proverbs chapter 15. We're in a series of messages entitled, The Music of Marriage. And you will remember in the very first message, we talked about Dad, the leader of the band, and how the Father sets the tune in the home. He is the leader of the band.

And then last week we talked together about harmony in the home. Husbands and wives are to sing the same song, but they sing different parts. That's what makes it harmonious. Not mere melody, but wonderful harmony when we play the part that God has equipped us to play.

So husbands and wives are singing the same song, different parts, hopefully, they're singing the right rhythm so they sing it together. But now today I want to talk to you on this subject, When the String Snaps. I'm really talking about tension in the home. Now look if you will, beginning in verse 13.

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken. The heart of him that has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness. All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he that is of a merry heart has a continual feast. Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox that is filet mignon and hatred therewith.

A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he that is slow to anger appeases strife. The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns, but the way of the righteous is made plain. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother. Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom, but a man of understanding walks uprightly. Without counsel, purposes are disappointed, but in the multitude of counselors, they are established.

I'm going to stop reading there, but I want you to notice some words, just if you don't mind marking your Bible, verse 13, sorrow. Verse 15, afflicted. Verse 16, trouble. Verse 17, hatred. Verse 18, strife. Verse 22, disappointed. Now all of these are almost synonyms for strife. Just strife or tension or stress, I suppose. All of these are times when the fiddle string gets too tight.

You know, I become quite a musician preparing these messages. And I found out, what I already knew really, that when the violin string is not tight enough, then the music is flat and dull. But if the string is too tight, then the music is shrill and high-pitched. But if the string is even yet more tight, the string will snap.

Now, I think one of the major obstacles to the music of marriage is tension in the home. It is stress and strife. Stress is related to raising your voice. It is related to raising your pulse and raising your children. I mean, if you've got children, dear friend, you have stress just built in. And look at these words again. Sorrow, affliction, trouble, hatred, strife. All of these are stress words. And being in today's home, dear friend, I want to tell you, the string can get mighty tight, and sometimes it can snap.

Did you know that domestic violence is a major problem in America? An act of domestic violence, I'm talking about horrible violence in the home, happens every 15 seconds in America. 15 seconds. About half of all married couples have times where they have absolute violence in the home. And in one fourth of all marriages, violence is a common occurrence. And 20% of all murders in America are inside the family. 20%. 13% of those are committed by spouses. We used to say when we come home, it's a jungle out there.

Friend, it may be a jungle in here. But not only is it a damage, this stress to our homes, but also to our health. You know, stress is a terrible thing. Stress will do the same thing to you that sand will do to machinery. I read something interesting the other day. These boys who land these fighter jets on the decks of aircraft carriers. Would you think that's stressful?

Friend, I'll guarantee you that's stressful. It would be to me, to land one of these jets on the deck of an aircraft carrier. The pilots who land those aircraft on the decks of that ship, have a much higher cholesterol level. Isn't that something? You see, that's stress. Now, not all stress is bad. I mean, it takes certain tension to make the violin play at all. You've got to have some stress. But I'm telling you, dear friend, that too much stress is dangerous to the home, it's dangerous to the health. And obviously then, it's dangerous to our happiness.

So I want to give you four things. Four things now just to relieve stress in your home. Just to put the music of marriage back there when the string gets so tight, when the upright gets so uptight that the string snaps. Now, if you're so stressed up that you don't know what to do, that is, you're all stressed up and nowhere to go. I want you to pay attention, because we're going to go to the Word of God.

And this passage that I just read to you from the book of Proverbs, that deals with stress, has four very wonderful, wonderful, wonderful admonitions for your home, my home, your heart, and my heart. Number one, you'll be surprised at this, learn to laugh. Just learn to laugh. Look if you will in verse 13, a merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance.

You ever seen people they claim to be saved but they look like they have a gallbladder attack? I mean, if they have a merry heart, the Bible says it's going to show up on the face. A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken. Now when it says the spirit is broken, what it means is, the string snaps. The spirit, that's the wellspring of life. That is the true inner man. And when that spirit is broken, the zest, the enthusiasm, the spark, the thrill, the fight is gone out of life.

Now, you'd better, dear friend, learn that having a merry heart is wonderful medicine. A merry heart is the sign of happiness. Now, happiness and joy are not the same thing, but they are related, they're first cousins. Joy is that constant presence of God no matter what happens. But a merry heart is the ability to capture and enjoy those wonderful times of life and let it turn to laughter. Windom said that laughter is the mind sneezing. I like that.

Did you know that there are three things that animals don't do that human beings do? Well, many more things, I mean, they don't make war and a lot of other things, but three things that animals can't do. Animals don't blush. Man's the only animal that can blush, if you call him an animal, and he's the only one that needs to. Second thing animals don't do, they don't cry. Animals don't weep. No animal weeps. You might think your dog is weeping, that's just matter in his eyes, that's all that is. Dogs don't cry. Third thing animals don't do is they don't laugh.

They don't laugh. They don't blush, they don't weep, and they don't laugh. That tells me that man, made in the image of God, reflects the character of God, and God is a God of joy, and laughter is a gift from God. Now, there's nothing wrong with laughter. As a matter of fact, laughter comes innately. You don't have to teach children to laugh. You have to teach children when not to laugh. And if you really have the joy of the Lord in your heart, it's going to show up on your face.

Look at it again. A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance. What's another word for a cheerful countenance? A smile. Let me read something about a smile. This was written by an anonymous author, but I think it is incredible. It costs nothing but creates much good. It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it away. It happens in a flash, but the memory of it can last forever. No one is so rich that he can get along without it. No one is too poor to feel rich when receiving it. It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something of no earthly good to anyone until it is given away willingly. I love that. Hey, listen, folks, when you dress up in the morning, don't forget to put on a smile and don't be ashamed of your sense of humor. Listen, your sense of humor is a gift from God. And it has been documented. I mean, psychologically documented that laughter along with a well-rounded sense of humor is one of the surest signs of intelligence.

So now everybody's going to go around smiling. Listen, I'm not talking about unwholesome laughter. I am not talking about cheap, coarse, degrading humor. The Bible warns against that. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 4, we are warned against filthiness and foolish talking and jesting, which is not convenient. Crude jokes, sexual innuendos and all of these things, they have no place.

But good, wholesome laughter is a gift from God. And Abraham Lincoln said one time that God must have meant for us to laugh, or else he would not have made so many mules and parrots and monkeys and human beings. God wants us to laugh. God gave Sarah a little child. And God taught Sarah to name that child, laughter. We call his name Isaac. But the name Isaac means laughter. Genesis 21, verse 6, and Sarah said, "God has made me to laugh so that all that will hear will laugh with me." Laughing at what God did when he gave that home a little boy that brought such joy that they called his name laughter.

Here's a verse on laughter I want you to put down. Luke chapter 6 and verse 21. Jesus is looking at people who are downtrodden and sorrowful, and he says, "Blessed are ye that hunger now, for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now, for ye shall laugh." That's what Jesus said, "Ye shall laugh!" Yes, there's a time to weep. We don't have to go around like sanctified buffoons and morons with no serious thoughts. There's a time to weep. But, my dear friend, you had better put some laughter in your home. And especially when times get tough.

Laughter is God's way just to break the tension when the string gets too tight. God here speaks of a merry heart. Again he says a merry heart does good like a medicine. I thought to myself, well, I'll illustrate this about some laughter in our home. And I said, where would I start? And nowhere to start. I mean, it's everywhere, all of the time. And I thank God for that. I was thinking of the kind of a home I was raised in. When I was a kid, I was raised in a home where constantly we were laughing. And home was the most fun place to be that I knew of.

I remember down in Florida one time we had one of those great hurricanes that came through West Palm Beach, Florida. I mean, it was a time when my dad was out with the rest of the men, they were nailing up shutters and boarding up the houses and trying to keep everything we had from blowing away. All of the power lines had been blown down, there was no electricity, we were in the dark. My dad came in, his hair was blown, he was soaked to the bone. He came into the kitchen. I was a little fellow, just watching my dad and wondering really how serious the situation was, you know. Kids key on their parents.

My dad came in and he his shoulders were drooped a little. He was so tired. He's a young man then, I was just a very little boy. He said to my mama, "I'd give $5 for a cup of coffee." Well, the electricity was off and everything, but mama just opened the tap and put some water in and turned on the stove. The gas wasn't off. He'd forgotten that. She turned on the stove. We had a gas stove. And she made him a cup of coffee. And I watched my dad reach in his pocket and pull out $5 and give it to my mama. And I just as a kid, and they both just laughed. I mean, right in the middle of the storm.

I just watched them sit down. My dad gave mama $5 and sat down and drank that cup of coffee. There was something about that that just made a hurricane not seem important at all. Just that act of humor, just that goodwill. Here they are, just laughing in the face of the storm. It wasn't to say that they didn't think the storm was important. It wasn't to say that there may be some danger, but it was just something to a little boy's heart to say, "You know, God's in control and mom and dad can just laugh in the face of the storm." And if in your home, you have tension, may God help you to learn what he says here, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken." You see, a good laugh is just sunshine in the home.

Three things you ought to give to your children: life, love, and laughter. And I can give you three simple rules for raising kids: be fair, be firm, and be fun. That just about sums it up. Just be fair. Be firm. Be fun. That will take the tension out of this awful, awful world that we live in today. Number two, number two, not only learn to laugh, but number two, cultivate contentment. Cultivate contentment.

Look if you will now, beginning in verse 16. The Bible says, "Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." What is this talking about? Well, our Lord is just telling us that so many of us are uptight because our value system is wrong. We always think we have to have more and more and more. And we think that the house, the gourmet food, the toys, the travel, these things are going to bring happiness. But many times, the striving for these things is what brings tension into the home.

I'm not saying that you can't be rich and have love. Some of the sweetest homes I know of have all of those things, and love included. And if you've got it, I'm so grateful for you and it's a gift of God, and enjoy it. God gives us richly all things to enjoy. I'm not against you having nice things. But I'm just saying, dear friend, you better get your values straightened. You better find out what really matters. Listen, "Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a vegetable plate where love is than filet mignon." That's what this verse is saying here in verse 17.

Get your value system straightened out. You beware of the tyranny of things. Listen to 1 Timothy chapter 6, verse 6, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain that we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothes, let us therewith be content. But they that will be rich." Now, it doesn't say they that are rich. But those who have set their mind on being rich. Those who will to be rich. Have you ever done that?

Mister, you are in great danger. "They whose determination is to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil." He doesn't say money is the root of all evil. "It is the love of money, which is the root of all evil." Every now and then some graduation commencement speaker will tell boys and girls, "Now, just make all the money you can, just so you make it honestly." Boy, that's the worst advice I've ever heard. If you're trying to make all the money you can, then you're going to be making money when you ought to be doing something else.

You're going to be making money when you ought to be praying or going to church or be with the children or maybe in the park trying to teach your boy how to fly a kite. Listen, nobody should have a goal to make all the money he can. Sure, he has to provide for his family, but when you, dear friend, determine that you're going to be rich, at that moment you put yourself in a very vulnerable position. Listen, cultivate contentment. Cultivate contentment. "The love of money is the root of all evil." That literally means all kinds of evil. "Which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

Oh, look back at chapter 15 if you will, Proverbs, and look in verse 6, "In the house of the righteous is much treasure, but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble." Look if you will in chapter 15, verse 27. "He that is greedy of gain troubles his own house." You girls who are not yet married, let your pastor give you some advice. It's far better to marry a man who's worth a million that doesn't have a cent than to marry a man who has a million, not worth a cent. You find out what the character of that man is. See if he loves God. Listen. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Having food and clothing, be content.

That doesn't mean that you can't try for more. It doesn't mean that God doesn't want you to prosper. The Bible says God takes pleasure in the prosperity of his servants. But you learn to be content with whatever you have and praise God. And if you don't, I can tell you before long the string is going to snap. And that big house won't mean anything to you, not a thing.

Narrator (Male): And with that we'll conclude this portion of Adrian Rogers' message. Don't miss part two, coming up next time. You know, at Love Worth Finding, one of our great honors is to come alongside you and pray with you and for you. If you can, go to our website at LWF.org/radio, and scroll down to our prayer wall. You'll find the option there to submit a prayer request or pray for others, or do both. This resource is one of our favorite ways to keep the ministry and the community praying continually for one another's needs. Let us hear from you today.

Kerry Von: Hi, this is Kerry Von, and this program has been brought to you by Love Worth Finding, a nonprofit ministry showcasing the powerful preaching and teaching of Pastor Adrian Rogers. We operate solely through the generous gifts of individual supporters just like you. To give a gift today, call 1-877-LOVEGOD. That's 1-877-LOVEGOD. Or write to us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38-600, Memphis, Tennessee, 38183. You can also connect with us online by going to LWF.org/radio. There we offer helpful resources inspired by the timeless teachings of Pastor Adrian Rogers. Additionally, you can sign up for daily emails, donate to the ministry, and learn more about how to become an ambassador of the Word. Thank you so much for listening today. Be sure to join us next time for more profound truths, simply stated, right here on Love Worth Finding.

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