Love Worth Finding

Guest (Male): In the music of marriage, the man takes the lead and the woman takes the harmony. Here's Adrian Rogers.

Adrian Rogers: Now sirs, listen to me. God made us different, that he might make us one. But God gave you one nature and God gave your wife another nature. And God gave you masculinity and God gave you responsibility that you are to assume. All of us are going to have to begin to practice what God's word is saying, that there might be harmony in the home.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring profound truth simply stated by pastor, teacher and author Adrian Rogers. Marriage ought to be a duet, not a duel. We sing the same song, but we take different parts. In part one of today's message, we learned that there are general differences between men and women designed to complement each other. In order to implement our differences, we need some dynamic direction. As head of the household, husbands must assume responsibility.

Guest (Male): If you have your Bible, turn to Ephesians chapter 5. We'll begin in verse 18 as Adrian Rogers reveals more about creating melody in the home.

Adrian Rogers: We have a generation of kids today who are very mixed up. They don't know whether they're being raised by a feminine man or a masculine woman. There has been a blurring today of the distinction between the sexes, most of it brought about by the radical feminist. But the radical feminists are but a tribute to the failure of men to be the kind of masculine men that they ought to be.

Adrian Rogers: We have a generation of miniature men rather than mature masculine men, and what we see today is really a tribute to the failure of men. The divorce epidemic, sexual abuse, promiscuity, social awkwardness, emotional distress and suicide, I think, primarily is laid at the feet of the men. And when Eve failed, God did not primarily blame Eve. God blamed Adam for Eve's failure. And men must assume responsibility.

Adrian Rogers: Now, with that in mind, let me give you five things that we men must do. Number one, number one, sir, you must assume responsibility. Look if you will in verse 22. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife," "even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body."

Adrian Rogers: To be the head literally means that you are responsible. It doesn't mean that you exist to have your needs met because you're the head, it means you exist to meet needs. Now, husbands, we cannot escape that responsibility. Put in your margin, 1 Corinthians 11:3. The Apostle Paul says, "But I would have you to know that the head of every man is Christ." "And the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God."

Adrian Rogers: Now, our problem is today that we have so many men who have not assumed responsibility. They have wanted to have headship without responsibility. Now, when your wife is told to be subject to you, that means she's to look to you. It doesn't mean that she's there to be your servant, but she is there to have those basic needs met by you. The fact that she submits to you means that you have, therefore, the responsibility to take care of her and your leadership is to be servant leadership.

Adrian Rogers: Number two. Number two. This difference between the sexes means that you as the husband are to let your wife know that she is number one in your life. The Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself." Some translations say, "gave himself up for it." Your wife must know that she comes before the children. She comes before your own mother, your own father, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife.

Adrian Rogers: Joyce knows that she is number one of all human beings in my life. She is number one. I know beyond a shadow of any doubt, I am number one in Joyce's life. That gives me a sense of security to think that of all of the people who ever lived today and have ever lived, there's one person who loves me more than any other person on the face of the earth. What a feeling that is to my heart. That she loves me that way, and she is to know that I love her, that she is number one.

Adrian Rogers: I need to treat her, therefore, as Christ treated the church, that Jesus gave himself for the church. And I'm not going to bear on this point very long, but there are some of you men here who are not guilty of sexual adultery, but you are guilty of emotional adultery. You are sharing things with other females that ought only to be shared with your wife.

Adrian Rogers: And emotional adultery before long can lead to physical adultery, and if it never leads to physical adultery, emotional adultery is a crime and a sin against your wife and a sin against God. There is a woman who needs to be absolutely number one in your life. Now, the third thing. Not only do you need to let your wife know that she is number one, but thirdly, you need to protect your wife from emotional trauma.

Adrian Rogers: Look if you will here in this same chapter. The Bible says that he gave himself for it, verse 26, "that he might sanctify it and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish." "So ought men to love their own wives."

Adrian Rogers: Now, this means that you are to protect her from emotional trauma and damage. That's your job and your responsibility, sir. You see the word "spot" that the Lord might present the church to himself without spot? Well, that word "spot" means trash. Refuse. Dirt. It's your job to keep things from being dumped on your wife. Trash being dumped on her. You have to be careful that you're not the guy that dumps on her. That you come in in the evening and just unload on your wife things that maybe she cannot bear.

Adrian Rogers: Now, you have to be very careful here because she does want you to share your hurts with her. She does want to know where you're hurting so she can come in and weep with you and caress you and care for you. But you have to be careful the things that you unload on her. And especially, I would say, sir, one of the things I've learned, the most important time that I spend in the day is the first five minutes after I walk in the house at the end of the day.

Adrian Rogers: I mean, if I go right through the house and go right to my study, or go right through the house and go right to the news or whatever, I have failed Joyce. I need to go right to Joyce. I need to put her in my arms. I need to hold her. I need to tell her that I love her. I need to call her on the phone before I get there and tell her I'm coming and that I can hardly wait to see her. That's so very important. That five minutes that says to her, "You are number one. I've not come in here to dump trash." "But I've come here really to take a load off of you and that I might present you to myself without spot." And then the next word is "wrinkle." Do you see that?

Adrian Rogers: And the word "wrinkle" is an interesting word. It speaks sort of an internal wound, a trauma, that shows itself literally sometimes on the face. I'm not talking about the normal wrinkles that all of us get. And the laugh lines and the crinkly places around the eyes because we've laughed a lot through life. But I'm talking about sometimes the trauma that comes to a woman who has lived with a man who's not really loved his wife as he ought.

Adrian Rogers: I can sometimes spot these women. You see them with their taut faces. The countenance is tense and drawn because of these internal traumas. They've not been loved as they ought to be loved. And you can see sometimes that pain just written on their face. A husband is to protect his wife. My assignment from God, sir, and your assignment from God is to make your wife a more radiantly beautiful Christian.

Adrian Rogers: And so, that's what you're to do. Now, here's the next thing that you're to do, sir. Not only are you to assume responsibility, not only are you to let your wife know that she is number one, not only are you to protect your wife from emotional trauma, but also you are to make your wife feel secure.

Adrian Rogers: Now, look again here. He says here that you are to nourish and cherish her, verse 29. "No man ever yet hated his own flesh. He nourishes and cherishes his flesh." Now, the word "nourish" is obvious, it means to get nourishment. When you're hungry, you want to eat. And when you are thirsty, you want to drink. You want your needs met. And as a husband, it is your responsibility to provide for your wife the physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual nutriment that she needs to grow on. You are to nourish her. You're to help her to grow. But not only are you to nourish her, but you're to cherish her.

Adrian Rogers: The word "cherish" actually means to warm with body heat. An illustration of this is a hen setting on her eggs. And if that hen is sitting on those eggs, you can come along and kind of walk past and she'll peck at you, but she won't move. A snake will come by and she'll peck at that, but she won't move. She will set on those eggs until they're hatched. What she is doing is nourishing them with body heat. And that's really, friend, the way that you can get your wife, as it were, to hatch. You can't just break that shell, but what you can do is to warm her with body heat.

Adrian Rogers: What you need to do is to take her into your bosom and hold her and nourish her and cherish her. Now, last of all, let me say that it is the husband who is to take the initiative. The husband is to take the initiative. I would say primarily, if the home is wrong, it is because the husband is wrong. The husband takes the initiative.

Adrian Rogers: We are to love our wives how? As Christ loved the church. Now, who took the initiative? Jesus took the initiative. We love God because he first loved us. Out of the ivory palaces, into this world of woe, only his great eternal love made my savior go. Jesus is pictured in the Bible as loving us first.

Adrian Rogers: Revelation chapter 3 verse 20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." It's not us knocking at his door, but he knocking at our door that caused us to open the door. Isn't that true? The Bible says there's none that seeketh after God, no, not one. And the husband is to do the same. I've learned this, that the man is the initiator and the woman is to be the responder.

Adrian Rogers: Turn with me for an illustration of that to the Song of Solomon. Would you do that? I want you to see this again speaks of the music of marriage. Here's an entire love poem, actually a song, it's called a song, that talks about marriage as music. And I want you to see how the male lover, who pictures Christ loving his church, is pictured here in, for example, chapter one and verse eight. Here he is speaking to his companion, "If thou know not, oh, thou fairest among women." He's pursuing her with beautiful language. And you'll never find more beautiful language than this. Uh, verse 15, "Behold, thou art fair, my love. Behold, thou art fair. Thou hast dove's eyes. Thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant and so forth." It's incredible language. You say, "Well, why can't I talk like that?" Well, maybe you need to work at it. I don't think Solomon just did this overnight. And then look if you will in chapter four, for example, verse one, "Behold, thou art fair, my love. Behold, thou art fair. Thou hast dove's eyes within thy locks and so forth." And he goes on to speak of his great love for her. And look if you will in chapter 5, verse two.

Adrian Rogers: "I sleep." Now, here she's talking. He's been away. And she says, "I sleep, but my heart waketh." "It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, 'Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled.'" "'For my head is filled with dew and my locks with the drops of the night.'" "I've been up all night just trying to get to you, sweetheart." And so he's knocking on the door. Now, here's what she says. She says to him, "Now, wait a minute, I'm already undressed and I'm in the bed. I have put off my coat. How shall I put it on? I have washed my feet. How shall I defile them?" Now, maybe she lived in a house with a dirt floor, and she's saying that. Look, I'm already in bed and don't bother me now. And he's out there knocking at the door and she's pretending she doesn't want to go to the door.

Adrian Rogers: Now look if you will in verse four. "My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door and my bowels were moved for him." That sure is a poor translation right there. What that says is my heart is stirred. That's really what that means. That's that's my innermost being. What she is saying is he's out there, and he's saying, "Would you open the door, honey? I just want to get you in my arms." And she's pretending hard to get. She said, "Oh, no," she said, "I'm already in bed." And what is happening is her heart is going thumpy thump. And notice in verse five, "I rose up to open to my beloved, and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers were sweet-smelling myrrh upon the handles of the lock."

Adrian Rogers: All the time, she'd been putting on perfume saying, "I don't want to go to the door." I mean, listen, she wants to be pursued. It's the husband who's to take the initiative. Did you know that if you don't take the initiative in loving your wife, that you're going to cause her a trauma if she takes the initiative? Something in her very spirit will be wounded because God did not make her to take the initiative. God made you.

Adrian Rogers: If the woman initiates, she doesn't feel right. Now, I'm not talking about the fact that she cannot be amorous to her husband and and she cannot flirt with her husband. Of course she can. But if the total import of the life is the woman taking the initiative, there's something vitally wrong. I want you to turn to the book of Proverbs here, chapter seven here for just a moment. Remember that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And Christ took the initiative. Do you know what the mark of a harlot is? The mark of a harlot is somebody, a female, who is brazen, who takes the initiative.

Adrian Rogers: Look if you will here in chapter 7 and verse 10. "And behold, there met him a woman with the attire of a harlot." The dress of a harlot. Did you know there is the dress of a harlot? And you let Paris and some of these others design your dresses for you, ladies. There's some women go outside in things they ought not to have even come downstairs in. The Bible calls it the attire of a harlot. You say, "Well, I just want to be attractive." You better ask yourself, "What are you trying to attract?" You know, that's that's not for sale, ought not to be advertised. Did you know that? A woman ought to dress herself beautifully. You read Proverbs 31. But not with suggestiveness. The Bible calls that the attire of a harlot.

Adrian Rogers: Well, why does she address herself that way? Well, just continue to look in verse 11. "She is loud and stubborn." Woman, lady, God never made you to be a loudmouth or a mulish person in public. It is not feminine, it is a form of harlotry. "And her feet abide not in her house, she is now without, now in the streets and lieth in wait at every corner." She's not a keeper at home. She is not under protection. She's out in public on the streets, and notice how she is the aggressor. "She caught him." "And kissed him." "And with an impudent face said unto him," "'I have peace offerings with me. This day have I paid my vows and therefore came I forth to meet thee diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee, and I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry and carved works, fine linen of Egypt and so forth.'" "'I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.'" "'Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning. Let us solace ourselves with loves.'"

Adrian Rogers: That's all the mark of a harlot. Now, God demands as much purity from a man as he does a woman. But we live in a day today where where the feminists have done such a job on us. That it is now the women who in the dress and the manner of a harlot are becoming the one who is the initiator. God never intended that. The man is the one who is to initiate all of this. And you know, the problem with men is, remember I told you that men are goal-oriented? If they're courting, wanting to get married, their goal is to get married. And so they court and court and court until they get married, and then they're married, they're going off to another goal.

Adrian Rogers: And she can hardly wait till they get married because she thinks it's going to be one perpetual courtship, and she wonders what happened. One girl said, "You know, I I don't know what I'm going to do," talking to her mother. She said, "My sweetheart is just spending so much money on me. He's just spending so much money." She said, "I just don't know what to do about it." She said, "Just get married." "He'll stop." Listen, the courtship should not end with the marriage ceremony. As a matter of fact, you need to turn up the heat and just continue in that courtship.

Adrian Rogers: Now, sirs, listen to me. God made us different that he might make us one. But God gave you one nature and God gave your wife another nature. And God gave you masculinity and God gave you responsibility that you are to assume. And in that responsibility that you are to assume, now you may give your wife authority, but you can never get rid of your responsibility. Then you let your wife know that she is number one. And once you let your wife know that she is number one, you move in to protect your wife from trash and those internal traumas. That you can present her to you without spot or wrinkle, to make her more radiantly beautiful Christian. And then, my dear friend, once you have done that, then you move in to encourage her, that is, to nourish her and to cherish her. And it is up to you, sir, to take the initiative. All of us are going to have to begin to practice what God's word is saying, that there might be harmony in the home.

Guest (Male): What an insightful message from the scriptures today, and if we want harmony to be in our homes, we must commit to practicing God's word. At Love Worth Finding, we love to hear how this ministry and the messages of Adrian Rogers have inspired you in your faith journey. We'd love to hear your testimony. Go to LWF.org/myLWFstory. There you can tell us about your life, read others who've shared their testimonies with us. We often select stories to be shared throughout our Love Worth Finding community and will always protect your privacy if that's what you desire. Let us hear from you today. Again, go to LWF.org/myLWFstory.

Guest (Male): Hi, this is Carrie Vaughn, and this program has been brought to you by Love Worth Finding, a non-profit ministry showcasing the powerful preaching and teaching of Pastor Adrian Rogers. We operate solely through the generous gifts of individual supporters just like you. To give a gift today, call 1-877-LOVE GOD, that's 1-877-LOVE GOD. Or write to us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38-600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. You can also connect with us online by going to LWF.org/radio. There we offer helpful resources inspired by the timeless teachings of Pastor Adrian Rogers. Additionally, you can sign up for daily emails, donate to the ministry, and learn more about how to become an ambassador of the word. Thank you so much for listening today. Be sure to join us next time for more profound truth simply stated right here on Love Worth Finding.

Guest (Male): One of our friends sent a letter to Love Worth Finding and shared his story of hope while incarcerated. I was serving a 19-year prison sentence when one day I turned on the radio. Adrian Rogers' voice caught my attention, so I listened, curious about what this was. It was a message on hope. I was already saved, but while I was serving my sentence, there were some days that just seemed hopeless. I've been listening to his messages ever since. And you know what? If you supported Love Worth Finding, you are a part of that. Thank you for your support. At Love Worth Finding, it's our privilege and joy to provide you with resources and give wisdom and hope in difficult times. When you donate to the ministry right now, we'd love to send our brand new resource Hope in Suffering. Request the book when you call with a gift at 1-877-LOVE GOD. Or give online at LWF.org/radio.