Lessons From a Dysfunctional Family | Part 2
In this message, Adrian Rogers reveals lessons from a dysfunctional family and offers hope for those who face unrest in the home.
Guest (Male): Is there dysfunction in your home? Listen closely to Adrian Rogers.
Adrian Rogers: God gave your child a will, and you cannot take credit if your child turns out to serve God, and you cannot take blame if your child does not. You do the best you can. I have already said that dysfunctional families tend to produce dysfunctional children. I have already said that a father of faith can set the standard for the family. All of these things are true. I am not giving you an excuse not to be a godly parent. But I am saying there has to come a time when we understand that God allows children to have a will of their own, and we must love our children and pray for our children and thank God when they turn out good.
Guest (Male): Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring the dynamic teaching of acclaimed pastor and Bible teacher Adrian Rogers. Family was first established by God in the Garden of Eden.
Knowing family is a gift of God. The enemy has waged a war against the home. Hebrews 11:20 recalls the story of twin brothers Jacob and Esau in Genesis 25. They were sons of Isaac and Rebecca, and together they were a family plagued by favoritism, deception, and betrayal.
Yet God was at work in their family. There is hope for those who face unrest in the home. If you have your Bible, turn to Hebrews chapter 11. We will begin in verse 20 as Adrian Rogers shares lessons from a dysfunctional family.
Adrian Rogers: Now a drama is about to unfold. The stage is set, and on center stage are four of the most incredibly unspiritual individuals you have ever seen. They make the core of this dysfunctional family.
I want you to look at them. First of all, enter the sensual father. The sensual father is Isaac. Now he is going to bless the wrong son, and he is going to bless the wrong son for the wrong reason. That is the first person in this drama.
Now enter the second person, and that is not the sensual father, but the scheming mother. Rebecca now has been eavesdropping. She is in on the deal, and so she decides that she is going to contravene what Isaac has done. She is not submissive to her husband, and she is outside of the will of God because she is trying this time to do a right thing the wrong way.
Genesis 27 now, begin in verse 6. And Rebecca spoke to Jacob her son. Now remember Jacob was her pet. Saying, "Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother saying, 'Bring me venison and make me savory meat that I may eat, and bless thee before the Lord before my death.' Now therefore my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee. Go now to the flock and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats." That is you go get two real tender little goats. "And I will make them savory meat for thy father, such as he loves."
She is saying, "Look, son, go out there and get two little goats. We will kill them. I know how to fix them. I can fool your father. He will think it is venison when I get finished with it." I know how to do it. Evidently she was quite a culinary expert, and she could take those tender little goats, and he would think it is the best venison he ever had. And so, "Thou shall bring it," verse 10, "to thy father, that he may eat, that he may bless thee before his death."
And Jacob said to Rebecca his mother, "Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver. And I shall bring a curse upon me and not a blessing." And his mother said unto him, "Upon me be thy curse, my son, only obey my voice, and go fetch them."
Now, Jacob was not the last son to ever be hurt by a scheming mother. Now, the birthright already belonged to Jacob. Jacob, Rebecca was trying to do a right thing, but she is trying to do a right thing the wrong way. She has become dishonest. If the devil cannot keep you from doing a wrong thing, he will try to get you to do a right thing a wrong way.
And here is this mother who is scheming. She is trying to protect her son. You listen to me. Listen, mom. She lost the very son that she was trying to protect. Mother, the best thing you can do to keep your child is to give him away to God and to trust him to God and not to your scheming.
So you have a sensual father. Now you have a scheming mother. Now here is the third participant who comes into this drama, and it is what I want to call a shady son. Now if there was ever a guy that was shady, it was old Jacob. Now was Jacob good or bad?
Well, Esau despised his birthright. Jacob wanted it. Jacob wanted the right thing. He had a heart for God, but he could not trust God for it. The blessing was already his, and by trying rather than trusting, he begins to get into all of these deals where he trades stew for the birthright that was already his. And now he tries to deceive his old father to get what was already his.
And he is like so many Christians today who are scheming and trying when they ought to be trusting God and putting things into the hands of God. You see, God has blessed us. We have a birthright. Ephesians 1 and verse 3 says, "Blessed be God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ Jesus."
He was fighting a battle already lost rather than enjoying a victory already won. Now, a sensual father, a scheming mother, a shady son, and now a sorry brother. Enter the last one, and this is old Esau himself.
Genesis 27, verse 30, "And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone from the presence of his father, that Esau his brother came in from hunting. And he also had made savory meat and brought it unto his father and said to his father, 'Let my father arise and eat of his son's venison, that thy soul may bless me.'"
And Isaac his father said unto him, "Who are you? Who are you?" And he said, "I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau." And Isaac, underscore this, trembled very exceedingly and said, "Who? Where is he that has taken venison and brought it to me? And I have eaten of all before thou came, and have blessed him. Yea, and he shall be blessed."
And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me! Even also, oh my father!" And he said, "Thy brother came with subtlety, and has taken away thy blessing." And he said, "Is not he rightly named Jacob?" The name Jacob literally means supplanter or conniver. "For he has supplanted me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold now he has taken away my blessing."
And he said, "Has thou not reserved a blessing for me?" And Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants, and with corn and wine have I sustained him. And what shall I do now unto thee, my son?" And Esau said unto his father, "Has thou but one blessing, my father? Bless me! Even me also, oh my father!" And Esau lifted up his voice and wept.
Now here was a man who was living for the things of this world. He cared not for the birthright. Now, as I said, Jacob at least had a heart for spiritual things. At least he wanted the birthright. At least he cared for it. Esau despised it. Now he is weeping. He is not weeping because he lost the birthright. He is weeping because he lost the influence and the possessions and the power that might go with it. His sorrow is the sorrow of remorse, not true repentance.
What a messed up family this family is, and yet God was at work in this family, and God did something for this family, and I want you to see that God can do something for you. So, what we are talking about first of all is the failure of a dysfunctional family. Now look at the faith of a disciplined father. By the way, if the family is wrong, most likely the father is wrong.
Now notice that when Isaac really realized what has happened. He comes in here, he eats the venison, he thinks it is wonderful. He smells the clothes that are on Jacob because Isaac holds him, "So yeah, there is the smell of the field. He is a man outdoors, there is a woodsy smell on his clothes." And then he feels Jacob's hands, and Rebecca had taken the goat skins of that goat and had put those goat skins on the back of Jacob's smooth hands and on the nape of his neck. And old Isaac now is listening and and feeling and touching and smelling. All of his senses are deceiving him, and he has blessed the wrong son. But then it dawns on him what he has done.
And the Bible says that he trembles exceedingly. That is he is shaken to the core. God now has shown him what a fool he has been. He is tremendously under conviction because God has chastised him. And he realizes how carnally, willfully, deliberately he has tried to override the will of God and for his own selfish carnal reasons to bless the wrong son, and God brings him to repentance and faith.
Now that tells me something right now. That Isaac in his heart really loved the Lord. Isaac was a great man. Isaac was the one who allowed his hands and feet to be bound and laid on the altar in obedience to Abraham. He was the one who saw a ram slain in his stead. But now in his old age, in his dotage, he is getting away from God. Some of you used to love God with a bright, burning, flaming passion, and now you are old and carnal. All you are doing is thinking about your retirement, thinking about your last days, trying to have as much fun as you can have, and you have forgotten the things of God. I tell you, my dear friend, you ought to go out with a torch blazing and with a burst at the finish, and not get like old Isaac did here and become a carnal man and get away from God. But thank God, God brought Isaac back.
Do not mistake the moment for the man either. This episode, this terrible episode of trying to bless the wrong son was an incident, but Isaac comes back. He comes back to his senses, and now he has been disciplined, and he realizes how his senses had deceived him.
Now you listen. You want to know the will of God? You better walk in the spirit because if you do not, your senses will indeed deceive you. Let me tell you how he was deceived. He thought he was going to die. He lived for 40 more years. He thought that goat meat was venison. He thought that Jacob's hands were Esau's hands. Even his sense of smell had deceived him. But God has not stopped working. And where sin has abounded, grace does much more abound.
Now, thank God that God is a God of a second chance. Here is the third and final thing I want you to see. The first thing we saw was the failure of a family that was completely in ruins, a dysfunctional family. The second thing we saw was the faith of a disciplined man. God disciplined the father in this family, and thank God that he did. God may be ready to discipline you. God loves you too much to let you go on, sir, ruining your family. The Bible says if we judge ourselves, we would not be judged, that we should be condemned with the world. But when we are chastened, we are chastened of the Lord. God chastened old Isaac, and he may chasten you.
Now here is the third and final thing, what I want to call the forecast of a determined future. Now remember our text, remember our text back in Hebrews chapter 11 and verse 20? The Bible says by faith, by faith, here was a man who blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. A future here is forecast. Look if you will in Genesis 28:1-4. "And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him." Skip on down to verse 4. "I will give the blessing of Abraham to thee and to thy seed with thee, that thou may inherit the land wherein thou are a stranger, which God gave to Abraham."
Now, here is the point. God is never out of business. In spite of all that Jacob and Esau could do, Jacob got the blessing anyway. In spite of all that Isaac and Rebecca could do, Jacob got the blessing anyway. Now here is the point. Man may rule, but God will overrule. Here is the sovereignty of God. Let me give you two verses here. Proverbs 19, verse 21. "There are many devices in a man's heart. Nevertheless, the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand." And then again in Psalm 33 and verse 10. "The Lord brings the counsel of the heathen to naught. He makes the devices of the people of no effect."
Now this is a strange thing. Were these people responsible for what they did? Absolutely. Were they culpable? Absolutely. Was Isaac wrong to be sensual? Yes. Was Rebecca wrong to scheme? Yes. Was Jacob wrong to connive? Yes. Was Esau wrong to despise the birthright? Yes. But yet over it all is Almighty God. God is working, and God is ruling.
Now, how does that apply to us? God made a promise to Abraham. God said to Abraham, "Abraham, in you all the nations of the world will be blessed." And I am telling you what God has said, all hell cannot annul. Now, what is going to happen is this. God gave the blessing to Abraham. Abraham has given the blessing to Isaac. Isaac is giving the blessing to Jacob. Jacob is giving the blessing to his sons, to Judah. Out of Judah is going to come the house of Jesse. Out of Jesse is going to come David. Out of David is going to come the lineage of Mary and Joseph. And out of the lineage of Mary and Joseph is going to come the Lord Jesus Christ. And God is at work, and all hell cannot stop it and will not stop it.
Have you ever gone on a giant airplane overseas? Say a 747. You get on that airplane, and while you are on that airplane, you can make all kinds of decisions. You can get up, you can sit down, you can recline, you can sleep, you can read, you can watch a movie, you can eat or not eat. She comes to you and says, "Would you like a meal?" And you say, "What are my choices?" "Yes and no." You can eat or not eat. You have all these choices, but while you are making all of your decisions internally in that airplane, that airplane is headed toward one goal.
Now, friend, God has history on one goal. God is going to crown the Lord Jesus Christ, and Jesus shall reign where the sun does his successive journeys run. His kingdom spread from shore to shore till moons shall wax and wane no more. All hell cannot stop it. And what I see is this. The Bible says by faith, by faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. And those things are coming, and they will come.
Now, I said this in my lessons from a dysfunctional family. I am going to give you five lessons. I am just going to tick them off. And I want you to learn them, and I want you to learn them well. Number one, dysfunctional families produce dysfunctional kids.
Number two, a father's priorities often determine the family's function. Sir, if your family is wrong, most likely you are wrong. I have been preaching long enough to see this. I have never yet known a family where the husband from the beginning, the husband loved and served God, whose wife and children did not come along and follow. Now there may be such, I have never known it. I will say this, that it is the father's priorities that determine the family's function.
Number three, parents have great power to bless or to curse. If you only understood the incredible power you have to bless your children. I believe in the power of the blessing.
Next, we cannot always choose for our children. Do not get the idea that you can determine which way your children are going to go. I wish you could, but you cannot. You cannot. God has given your children a will. Sometimes parents take credit for good children when they should not. Sometimes parents take blame for bad children when they should not. If you take the proverbs and try to turn them into promises, you will lose your faith. Just read the book of Proverbs and see some of the promises. The Bible says, "A man till the ground you will have plenty to eat." Well, what if there comes a flood? What if some other thing happens? No, that is a proverb. A proverb is a principle generally applied, brings a general result. It is a proverb.
I have seen parents put themselves under because they have a child that will go wrong and they say, "What did I do?" I remind you that these two boys were born at the same time of the same parents, and they turned out as different as night and day, Jacob and Esau. Cain and Abel, same parents. One of those children turned out to be a murderer. God Almighty had some children in the Garden of Eden. They did not turn out too swift. Was it the problem the environment or the father? Of course not. They were in the Garden of Eden.
God gave your child a will, and you cannot take credit if your child turns out to serve God, and you cannot take blame if your child does not. You do the best you can. I have already said that dysfunctional families tend to produce dysfunctional children. I have already said that a father of faith can set the standard for the family. All of these things are true. I am not giving you an excuse not to be a godly parent. But I am saying there has to come a time when we understand that God allows children to have a will of their own, and I am glad that he does, because had he not, I could have no more fellowship with my children than I could have with that pin. God does not make us robots. God gives us all a will, and we must love our children and pray for our children and thank God when they turn out good.
Friend, here is the next lesson and the thing that I want you to learn. I want you to learn this, that no matter what happens in this world, no matter how society may disintegrate, no matter how families may fail and unravel, man's failure cannot nullify God's sovereignty. God is sovereign. And by faith, Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. And what are those things to come? I will tell you what things to come are, that Jesus is going to reign here on this earth.
Isaac prophesied a coming Messiah. Isaac prophesied the godly line. Isaac prophesied the birthright. Friend, man has been divided from Almighty God. There is a chasm of sin, but the Lord Jesus Christ hung on the cross. The demons of hell mocked, but Jesus brought together my sin-sick soul and the fellowship of the Father. And on his cross, he reconciled God and man.
Did you know that is what Hebrews 11, verse 20 is talking about? By faith, by faith, Isaac blessed these boys of things to come. Now, are you willing to receive by faith what Isaac saw by faith? I want you to pray this way. Dear God, I am a helpless, hopeless sinner. I deserve to go to hell, and I will go to hell if I do not get saved. Jesus, you died to save me, and you promised to save me if I would trust you. You shed your blood to pay my sin debt. I believe that you are the son of God. I receive you by faith into my heart and into my life right now. Forgive my sin. I am sorry for my sin. Forgive me. Cleanse me. Cleanse me from every sin. Cleanse me. Come into my life now. Take control of my life. Begin now to make me the person you want me to be. Save me, Jesus. Pray that friend, and mean it. Save me, Lord Jesus. Did you ask him? Then by faith, thank him. Just by sheer act of faith, thank you, Jesus, for saving me. I believe that you have. I receive it by faith. I am not asking for a strange feeling. I am not looking for a sign. I am standing on your word, and you cannot lie. Now, Lord Jesus, because you died for me, I will live for you. I will not be ashamed of you. In your name I pray. Amen.
Adrian Rogers: Amen.
Guest (Male): Amen. And if you prayed to receive Jesus just now, let us celebrate with you. Go to our Find God's Love page on the website, and you will find answers you may need about your newfound faith. Our website address, LWF.org/radio. Click the tab that says Find God's Love. Welcome to God's forever family. We cannot wait to hear from you today.
Kerry Vaughan: Hi, this is Kerry Vaughan, and this program has been brought to you by Love Worth Finding, a nonprofit ministry showcasing the powerful preaching and teaching of Pastor Adrian Rogers. We operate solely through the generous gifts of individual supporters just like you. To give a gift today, call 1-877-Love-God. That is 1-877-Love-God. Or write to us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38-600, Memphis, Tennessee, 38183. You can also connect with us online by going to lwf.org/radio. There, we offer helpful resources inspired by the timeless teachings of Pastor Adrian Rogers. Additionally, you can sign up for daily emails, donate to the ministry, and learn more about how to become an ambassador of the word. Thank you so much for listening today. Be sure to join us next time for more profound truth simply stated right here on Love Worth Finding.
Guest (Male): Let me share a message we received from a friend who wrote this: As a Sunday school teacher, I frequently used his book of Adrianisms to help cement a thought in the mind. Perhaps my favorite is, "A faith that fizzles at the finish was faulty from the first." I know Dr. Rogers' faith did not fizzle, nor will mine. May his ministry live on with his timeless and insightful preaching of God's Word. We here at Love Worth Finding ministries, our mission is to share the profound truth of the Gospel so simply anyone can understand. And when you donate to the ministry this month, we want to send you the Word Proclaimed Collection. Go deeper into God's Word and grow in your ability to share it with this insightful bundle, combining the Gospel of John, taken from the Adrian Rogers Legacy Bible, and the Preaching for Impact book. If you would like a copy of these resources, call us at 1-877-Love-God. And thanks for your generous support of Love Worth Finding.
Featured Offer
WHENEVER YOU COME TO A CROSSROADS, YOU ARE FACED WITH A DECISION. Whether you realize it or not, the moment you picked up this book, you were at a crossroads. In this book, you will be asked to consider one of the most important decisions you could ever make. The path you choose has the potential to change your life and even determine where you will spend eternity. It's not a decision that is made lightly or quickly, but it is a decision none of us can avoid. Everyone will be asked to make a decision about Jesus Christ. Whether you have been considering Christianity for a while or have a new curiosity about Jesus, this Bible study walks you through this unavoidable decision. With the Bible as our foundation, we will examine what it says about Heaven and Hell, about who Jesus is, and about what it means to be a Christian. Each study follows Pastor Rogers' guide to studying the Bible: Pray Over It. Ponder It. Put It in Writing. Practice It. Proclaim It.
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- Turning Problems Into Possibilities
Featured Offer
WHENEVER YOU COME TO A CROSSROADS, YOU ARE FACED WITH A DECISION. Whether you realize it or not, the moment you picked up this book, you were at a crossroads. In this book, you will be asked to consider one of the most important decisions you could ever make. The path you choose has the potential to change your life and even determine where you will spend eternity. It's not a decision that is made lightly or quickly, but it is a decision none of us can avoid. Everyone will be asked to make a decision about Jesus Christ. Whether you have been considering Christianity for a while or have a new curiosity about Jesus, this Bible study walks you through this unavoidable decision. With the Bible as our foundation, we will examine what it says about Heaven and Hell, about who Jesus is, and about what it means to be a Christian. Each study follows Pastor Rogers' guide to studying the Bible: Pray Over It. Ponder It. Put It in Writing. Practice It. Proclaim It.
About Love Worth Finding
Love Worth Finding began in 1987, as a response to several requests for tapes of messages by pastor and Bible teacher Adrian Rogers. He relates that "soon the requests began to grow to the point that we knew God was leading us into a wider ministry." As an extension of Dr. Rogers' pulpit ministry Love Worth Finding provided that role and continues today.
Dr. Rogers stated, "I believe God wants us to proclaim the message of salvation in the power of the Holy Spirit by every means possible. That’s our commitment at Love Worth Finding."
In response to many who are asking,has that purpose changed since the home-going of Dr. Rogers? No, God wants us to continue to proclaim the message of salvation. The messenger may be gone, but the message must continue. Millions still have not heard the precious name of Jesus or know His redeeming grace.
So our race is not over. We must still run—until Jesus comes. If you believe in what God has called LWF to do,we invite you to help us proclaim God's truth.
Our prayer is that you will join with us in running the race and in broadcasting the Good News that Jesus Christ is truly the greatest Love worth finding.
About Adrian Rogers
He was a devoted family man — husband to his childhood sweetheart Joyce, father to four children, grandfather to nine, and great-grandfather to six. Of all his accomplishments, Dr. Rogers often said his greatest joy centered in his relationship to Jesus Christ, his wife and family, and the church he pastored. The recipient of many honors and awards, the trophy he treasured most was one presented to him by his children one Father’s Day in which he was proclaimed The World’s Greatest Dad.
Under his pastoral leadership, Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee, grew from 9,000 members in 1972 to more than 29,000 at his retirement in 2005. And Adrian Rogers was a leader in his denomination, serving three terms as president of the Southern Baptist Convention.
God’s blessing on Dr. Rogers’ ministry became even more evident with the birth of Love Worth Finding Ministries in 1987. Dr. Rogers was the founder and Bible teacher of Love Worth Finding, an internationally syndicated television and radio ministry. The sun never sets on this ministry which is broadcast on radio, television, and the Internet. You can find LWF declaring the Gospel and changing lives in more than 150 countries around the world. In 2003, Dr. Rogers was honored to be inducted into the prestigious Hall of Fame by the National Religious Broadcasters.
Dr. Rogers was active in national leadership and personally consulted and prayed with five presidents of the United States. He visited and had the privilege of sharing the platform with President George W. Bush in the White House on the National Day of Prayer for America.
Dr. Rogers preached overseas crusades in Taiwan, South Korea, Israel, Russia, Romania, and in Central and South America.
Even though the Lord called him home in 2005, his messages of "Come To Jesus" are still reaching around the world. In fact, every country in the world except for one has visited LWF.org.
Please join us in praying that God's messages will continue to penetrate the hearts of young and old ... and near and far!
Contact Love Worth Finding with Adrian Rogers
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