Love Worth Finding

Adrian Rogers: What is God's design for the home? Listen closely to Adrian Rogers. There's to be harmony in the home. There's to be the music and the lilt of laughter. There is to be lullabies and melodies and the entire home is to be a symphony of praise. But I want to tell you, my dear friend, that the father is the leader of the band.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Love Worth Finding featuring the dynamic lessons of acclaimed pastor and Bible teacher Adrian Rogers. As we just heard from Pastor Rogers, there's to be harmony in the home. The entire household is to be a symphony of praise and worship. And by God's design, the father is the leader of the band.

Perhaps the most difficult and rewarding role a man could ever commit to is being a good dad. God's word gives five ways we can be the kind of fathers that God wants us to be. If you have your Bible, turn now to Psalm chapter 128 as Adrian Rogers delivers an inspired message, Father: Leader of the Band.

Adrian Rogers: Now fellows, listen to me. It is difficult to be a good man. Even more difficult to be a good husband. But most difficult of all, and I think you would have to agree if you think about it, is to be a good dad. And yet most important of all is to be a good dad. May I tell you that this Psalm tells you how you can be a good dad and a happy dad. Notice how it begins: "Blessed." Do you see that? Do you see the word "blessed"?

The word "blessed" there in the Hebrew language is in the plural. It literally means, and I guess our best translation of the word "blessed" would be "happy." And it's double. What he's talking to you about is how to have double joy. "Blessed, blessed, happy, happy." But my dear friend, if you don't do what's in this Psalm, you're going to have double trouble. So if you'd like double joy, if you'd like to be the kind of a dad that the Bible says you ought to be and need to be, I want you to tune in because I'm going to give you from this Psalm five ways that you can be that kind of a dad that you ought to be.

First of all, I want you to see the character that he lives. The character that he lives. Notice in verse 1, "Blessed is everyone," doubly happy is everyone that what? "That feareth the Lord, that walketh in His ways." Prime requisite for being a good daddy is to fear God. And to be happy is to fear God. Now how many formulas for happiness would you think would begin this way, "fear God"?

Most people think happiness comes from marriage, or money, or materialism, or fame, or success, or fitness. But the Bible says happy is the man that feareth the Lord. Now that doesn't mean there's a dread of God. Oh no, the fear of God is pure and clean. The fear of the Lord is just simply love on its knees. The one who loves God the best fears God the most, and a good dad is to have a character so that he fears God. And as a result of fearing God, he walks in the way of God. He shows it by the way that he lives.

Now dads, are you listening, dads? There is nothing more important than your integrity. Now you might fail in a lot of different ways, but oh, if you just simply fear God and live with integrity. You see, you cannot teach what you do not know. You cannot come from where you've not been. You cannot give what you do not have. You must fear God. You must walk in integrity. What do you want to be remembered for?

I was thinking as I was preparing this sermon, what will my children remember me for? First I thought they'll remember my sermons. Then I laughed, I can't even remember them. They aren't going to remember my sermons. Do you know what I want my kids to remember me for? I want them to say, "My dad feared God. My dad walked in the ways of God." That's what I want to be remembered for.

I remember when our first son was born. Joyce and I were in school. I was working my way through school and we were living from hand to mouth and I mean it was God's hand to our mouths, friend. It was so difficult and we had planned to have a son while we were married. We had several children while we were going to school and we planned to have a child. I didn't plan to have a son, but anyway, it was a son. We would have been happy with a daughter. We have now five children. We have one little boy in heaven and we have two sons and two daughters, but our first son was named Steve.

And that night when Joyce gave me that elbow—I don't know why they always come in the middle of the night—she said, "Adrian, I think it's time." Boy, I am telling you, I had played football and done some other things, but I was scared to death. My heart went boom, boom, boom. And she said, "Adrian, you're supposed to call the doctor and tell him that we're on our way." And we lived in a little house trailer. Folks, we didn't have a telephone. We didn't even have a bathroom in that little house trailer.

We had to go to the communal bath there. So I went out to the communal hall there to use the phone. It was about two in the morning and it was locked. I said, "Oh dear God, it can't be locked." I mean, I've got to use the phone. This is an emergency. And I went to my car and got a tire iron and pried open the window. And I said, "Boy, if I get caught doing this, I'm in real trouble." But I mean, this is an emergency. And then I dived in the window and banged my shins and fell on the floor and ran to the phone and it was a payphone. I didn't have anything.

I said, "Oh God." Out the window I went, back in the house looking for a nickel, and back again and dialed with nervous fingers and finally told the doctor. I said, "Doctor, we're on our way." And I remember waiting out there. I didn't have anybody to wait with me. I was just by myself there and after a while they came out. They said, "You got a son." And I remember seeing my wife and that boy as they wheeled past me and I looked at my own flesh and blood.

I went back to that little house trailer, got on my knees, and I prayed like this. I said, "Lord, if I never preach a good sermon, if I never pastor a significant church, if I never have any possessions, that's not the important thing. Oh God, I pray that this boy will know that his daddy loves Jesus." I want my children to think that Abraham Lincoln and George Washington were the Jesse James boys compared to their daddy. I want them to believe in the God that I fear.

And I'm going to tell you something dads, number one, number one, number one in being a good dad is the character that he lives. Integrity, integrity. My kids know I have faults. I have a lot of them and they could stand up and say, "Dad has faults." But I'll tell you one thing they will do: they'll say, "My dad is real. My dad is honest. My dad loves God." I know they'd say that. And my dear friend, your children need a dad that fears God, a dad that walks with integrity.

Now secondly, I want you to see not only the character that he lives, but the contentment that he learns. Look if you will in verse 2, "For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands. Happy shalt thou be and it shall be well with thee." Do you see it? "Happy." Do you see it? "Well." He's speaking of contentment. He's talking here about a working man who goes out and labors, and no matter what his labor may be, whether he works from the neck up or from the neck down, he is a laboring man and he comes home and he eats the fruit of his labor.

There's something very wonderful about honest work. There's something very wonderful about providing for your family and coming home and enjoying what God has given. And God has a way of taking care of the godly. You know the Bible says in 1 Timothy chapter 6 verse 6, "For godliness with contentment is great gain." Do you know the problem with many dads? They're just simply not content. There's never enough. He's making 25,000, he wants to make 35,000. Making 35,000, he wants to make 50,000. Making 50,000, he wants 75,000. 75,000, he wants 150,000. He is never satisfied to just simply come home and to be happy with his family. He's always earning a living and forgetting to live a life.

Again Joyce and I, we've had some heartaches. We've had a lot of heartaches. We had a little boy die and he died one of those crib deaths. Right before that little boy had died, we'd just moved to our first church out of seminary and bought a few hundred dollars' worth of furniture. Our furniture you could hardly call it furniture while we were going through school. And we had bought a little couch and a little coffee table and I was grateful for it. And when that little boy died, I remember coming back to that little house and looking at that furniture.

And when I looked at it, it would have had to have improved to be counted worthy to be called junk. Now I hope you understand what I'm talking about. It was nice, a nice piece of furniture. But I thought how absolutely, abjectly worthless is that? Junk, compared to my baby boy. Compared to my baby boy. And I think at that time, I've had to remind myself about it from time to time, but I saw at that time how absolutely worthless are the things of this world in comparison to the things that really count.

I'm not against having nice things. I want nice things and I hope you have nice things. But Joyce and I made up our mind then and we discussed it with one another and made a vow that we would never get upset over the loss of anything material. And that we would never truly own anything. Now we may have the title to it and someone may say that's yours, but we've made up our mind that it is not ours. We're only stewards. And dear friend, that has given us a freedom and a liberty in life not to own anything.

You see, listen, what is an ideal dad? Number one, there is, my dear friend, the character that he lives. And number two, the contentment that he learns. And then number three, look at it here, the companion that he loves. Look in verse 3, "Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house." Thy wife, like a fruitful vine. Now what does a vine do? Well, a vine just grows up the wall and if it's fruitful, it breaks out in clusters of grapes.

And God describes the wife this way, as a fruitful vine. That means she is a faithful wife because she clings to him, just like a vine clings to a wall. He is her support. And by the way, a husband is to be to a wife what a wall is to a vine. He is to be the support. He is to be the strength. He is to have that rock-like strength and she's to have that tenderness and she's to put out her tendrils and she is to cling to him, to him alone. She is to be a faithful wife and she is to be a fruitful wife.

Does that characterize your wife? By the way, the next time you criticize your wife's judgment, remember she married you. A faithful wife, clinging to her husband, him her strong support, and a fruitful wife. That's what this verse 3 says. By the way, my dear friend, thank God for children. The Bible says, just look in the Psalm before this one. You're in Psalm 128. Look if you will in Psalm 127 verse 3, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward." And then Psalm 128 verse 3, "And thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine."

These two Psalms are put side by side. They're Psalms on the home and what they tell us, oh my friend, the children are not a burden. Children are a blessing. I have been impressed today that those who mostly should be having children are the ones who mostly are not having children. And the reason that a lot of our young yuppies don't have children today is they're trying to accumulate things. And they read all of these things in Good Housekeeping and so forth, how much it costs to rear a child and how much it costs to put one in college and this and that. And friend, it does cost a lot. I mean, you're looking at a guy suffering from mal-tuition. It does cost a lot.

But let me tell you something. The Bible says that children are the heritage of the Lord. That's your wealth. Not your money, not your house, not your car. That's not your wealth. People say, "Well, children make a rich man poor." No, they make a poor man rich. The rich man can't take his money to heaven. I'm taking all my children to heaven. You see, children are the heritage of the Lord. And so here's the faithful father. Not only is the character that he lives and the contentment that he learns, but the wife that he loves. And she's like a fruitful vine, a faithful wife and a fruitful wife.

And then number four, the children that he leads. The children that he leads. Look in verse 3 again, "And thy children like olive plants round about thy table." Children like olive plants. Did you know that the olive is a symbol in the Bible of fruitfulness and righteousness? Psalm 52 verse 8, put that in the margin there. The Psalmist said, "But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever."

You want your children to be like green olive trees in the house of God, trusting in the mercy of God. That's what he's talking about. Like olive trees. Now let me tell you something, dad. Listen to me. Your wife is like a vine, your children are like olive plants. Now what does that tell you? Well, think. Both must be cultivated. That's what it tells you. I mean, they're not like sticks and stones. They're like a vine and like olives, like an olive plant.

Wise is the dad that understands, therefore, that it is his duty and privilege to cultivate his wife's love and her needs and to cultivate his children and their needs. Do you know what the curse of today is? It's not juvenile delinquency. It is not a generation gap. I'll tell you my dear friend what the curse of today is. It is not primarily working mothers. It is not the feminist movement. We guys would like to shove the blame away. May I tell you what the 20th-century curse is? It is dropout dads. That's it. It is dropout dads.

And if you're an absentee dad, let me tell you the effect it's going to have on your daughter for a while. She's going to find it difficult to trust her heavenly Father because she's going to think of her heavenly Father in terms of her own father. One last thing, I want you to see not only the children that he leads, but I want you to see, my dear friend, the contribution that he leaves. The contribution that he leaves. Look if you will in verses 4 and following. "Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord."

Oh, what a blessing this is. "Thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord. The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion. Thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel." Oh, what a blessing that would be. Your children's children, your grandchildren serving the Lord. You say, "Pastor, I just feel so inadequate." Well, so do I, friend. That's the reason I'm glad for the Psalm just above this one, Psalm 127 verse 1 that says, "Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it."

You see, you can't do it. God will do it and he'll do it in you. Listen folks, I don't know what kind of family you came from. I don't know what your background is. There's so many here you were raised in a home where there was child abuse. You were raised in a home where there was drunkenness. You were raised in a home where there was greed and selfishness. There are many of you sitting here that say, "I'd give anything," I mean, you're grown people, "if my dad had just put his arms around my neck and tell me he loves me." I mean, just if my dad would tell me he loves me.

"Well, they're supposed to know I love them." The deepest need of your heart is for a dad just to hug you and say, "I accept you, you're good, I approve you." But you don't have a dad like that and maybe you never will have a dad like that. But you listen to me, my dear friend. Somebody has to break the cycle. You can't do anything about your ancestors, but you can certainly do something about your descendants. I mean, you can say, "Maybe I didn't have that kind of a home, but thank God I've got a church and I've got a pastor and I've got the word of God and I can break the cycle."

And the Bible says in verse 6, "I'll see my children's children." That is, I'm going to see the peace of God upon my children's children, if you'll start in time. One father said, "If I had it to do all over again, here's what I'd do. I'd love my wife more in front of my children. I'd laugh with my children more at our mistakes and our joys. I'd listen more, even to the youngest child. I'd be more honest about my own weaknesses and stop pretending perfection. I would pray differently for my children. Instead of focusing on them, I'd focus on me. I would do more things with my children. I would be more encouraging and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, deeds and words of love and kindness. And finally, if I had it to do all over again, I'd share God more intimately with my family. I would use every ordinary thing that happened in every ordinary day to point them to God."

Dads, if there's going to be the music of marriage, you're going to have to see to it that God has made you the leader of the band. Let's pray. Father God, I've spoken to my own heart now. And Lord, I pray that you would bring this message home not only to me but to us. And God, give us better fathers. In Jesus' name, amen.

Guest (Male): What a powerful, convicting message to dwell on today. You know, at Love Worth Finding, it's a great honor that we have to come alongside you and pray with you and for you. Maybe, dad, today you're really struggling in some area. If you can, go to our homepage, lwf.org/radio and scroll down to our prayer wall. You'll find the option there to submit a prayer request or pray for others. This resource is one of our favorite ways to keep the ministry and the community praying continually for one another's needs. Let us hear from you today.

Kerry Vaughn: Hi, this is Kerry Vaughn, and this program has been brought to you by Love Worth Finding, a nonprofit ministry showcasing the powerful preaching and teaching of Pastor Adrian Rogers. We operate solely through the generous gifts of individual supporters just like you. To give a gift today, call 1-877-LOVE-GOD. That's 1-877-LOVE-GOD. Or write to us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38-600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. You can also connect with us online by going to lwf.org/radio.

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