Love Worth Finding

Adrian Rogers: I've actually had men come speak to me and say, "I want to divorce my wife," and I said, "Well, why?" He said, "Well, I don't love her anymore." He doesn't get a lot of encouragement from me because the Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives." That's not a suggestion, that's a command. Behind every command of God is the omnipotent power of God to carry it out. We are commanded to love.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring timeless messages from beloved pastor and Bible teacher, Adrian Rogers. In part one of today's message, we learned the importance of family faithfulness. First, by recognizing that marriage was made by heaven. It's a supreme commitment, permanent and purposeful.

Yet the image of marriage can be marred by hell. The enemy has waged war against the home because marriage symbolizes how God loves his church. How should we respond when troubles and trials arise? Is there hope for a broken marriage? If you have your Bible, turn to Matthew chapter 19. Again, here's Adrian Rogers.

Adrian Rogers: Would you take your Bibles and turn to Matthew chapter 19? We're going to be talking about family faithfulness, keeping love alive. You know, there's something very sad in today's world, and what it is is this: we have so many who have what I call throwaway marriages. It just doesn't work out, and so they just throw it away. As somebody said, they get married as an ideal. Then that ideal turns to an ordeal. And then they're looking around for a new deal. That's sad.

Well, let's see what God's word has to say. Matthew chapter 19, beginning in verse one. "And it came to pass when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee and came into the coast of Judea beyond Jordan. And great multitudes followed him and he healed them. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him," that means testing him, "and saying unto him, 'Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?'"

That is, if she's not attractive, or if she cannot cook, or if she has mismanaged the finances, or if she's irritable, "Can I just put her away?" And he answered and said unto them, "Have ye not read?" By the way, Jesus expects you to read the Bible, my friend. "Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female?"

And let me say this: one of the most damning things today that the devil has done is to blur the distinction between male and female. He made them male and female and said, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain," that is, they two, "shall be one flesh? Wherefore, they are no more twain but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

They said unto him, "Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?" He saith unto them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you," or allowed you, "to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication," that means sexual immorality, "and shall marry another, committeth adultery. And whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

Well, I'm going to stop reading right there for a moment. Now, there are three things I want to lay on your heart. And I pray God that he will write them indelibly upon your heart. The first thing I want you to understand is that marriage is made by heaven. Marriage is made by heaven. Look if you will in verse four. "Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female and said, 'For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they twain shall be one flesh.'"

Now, marriage did not come from sociology. It did not come from the primordial ooze of evolution. Marriage is not some cultural innovation. Marriage is made by heaven. It is God's plan. Now, if you could take the best carpenter in the world and give him the assignment to build a house, but if that carpenter doesn't know what a house is, there's no way he could build it. No matter how good a carpenter he is.

You can take the best people in the world and say build a home, but if they don't know what a home and a family is according to God, there's no way possible that they can build it because they have no guide. Now God gives us the guide here. And in all marriage problems and all marriage counseling, it's all built around three words here, three verbs. Number one is the word "leave." Look at it. For this cause, verse five, shall a man leave his father and mother. Underscore that.

And shall cleave, underscore that. And they shall be one flesh, underscore they shall be one flesh. And there it is: leave, cleave, be one. That's what marriage is. You leave and you cleave. Now when God says you are to leave, listen to me, that speaks of the priority of marriage. Now if you're making notes, write that down. Leave speaks of the priority of marriage.

Marriage is a romance in which both the hero and the heroine die in the first chapter and a new person comes into being. And that new person is one flesh. Now we're to be one flesh physically. And sex is not dirty or impure. It is a wonderful gift of God. Hollywood has made sex dirty. Sex is a gift of God. When God says "thou shalt not commit adultery," when God says "flee fornication," when God says "marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled, but adulterers and whoremongers God will judge," God is not trying to keep us from sex.

God is trying to keep sex for us. It is God's gift. And so God has put some high walls to protect it and to preserve it. It is God's wonderful gift so that a husband and wife can know one another in the most intimate of relationships. As a matter of fact, when husband and wife would have this relationship in the Bible, the Bible would say they knew one another.

It's a way of saying "I love you" that cannot be put into words. And the devil has tried to take this which is so wonderful and beautiful and to trivialize it. What is the purpose of marriage? That we might be one flesh physically, that we might be one flesh emotionally. Not only should we be sweethearts, we ought to be friends. My best friend is Jesus. And my next best friend still comes behind my best friend, who is Joyce. Who's Joyce? She's my friend.

She's a friend, she is my lover, she is my sweetheart, but she is my friend because we are one flesh physically, we're one flesh emotionally, and we are one flesh spiritually because we love the same Lord. We're members of the same body, his body. My friend, that's what God wants for marriage is that wonderful unity. And so Jesus says, "Here's what marriage is. Marriage is made in heaven." He gives us the purpose of marriage. He gives to us the very essence of what marriage is.

But now, here's the second thing I want you to look at with me today. I want you to see that not only is marriage made by heaven, but marriage can be marred by hell. Marriage may be marred by hell. Look if you will in verses one and two. "And it came to pass that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee and came to the coast of Judea beyond Jordan and great multitudes followed him and he healed them. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him and saying unto him, 'Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?'"

That is just as I said, we're going to be looking for a new deal. Go on down to verse seven. They say unto him, "Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?" He saith unto them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you," or allowed you, "to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication and shall marry another, committeth adultery. And whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

Now God desires that marriage be a permanent union. And the only reason that Jesus allowed divorce was for immorality, for fornication. Put in your margin Matthew 5, verses 31 and 32. Jesus said, "It hath been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement, but I say unto you that whosoever shall put away his wife, except or saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery, and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

Now let's look at this very carefully here. Moses permitted divorce, he never commanded divorce. Jesus said from the beginning it was not so. This is not God's original intent. A marriage may be broken by the continual marital unfaithfulness of one of the partners. The word fornication is the Greek word porneia and it means sexual impurity. But even when a husband or wife has been unfaithful and committed adultery, does that mean that a divorce is called for?

No, reconciliation and forgiveness is called for. To put the family back together in spite of that, to forgive, to restore, to replace. And it can be done. Read the book of Hosea. Hosea the prophet had a wife whose name was Gomer. She finally became a prostitute. She got down to the very depths, to the dregs. Hosea went and found her, bought her from the slave market, restored her, forgave her, and took her back to be his wife.

Now God does allow divorce for marital infidelity, but even if possible—and sometimes it's not possible—but what we try to do even when that happens here at the church is to restore that relationship with forgiveness and grace. And it becomes what I call a Super Glue marriage. You know what the Super Glue is? It's stronger where it's put back together than it was before it was broken. That can happen. That can happen.

We have so many however trivial excuses for divorce in today's world. For example, people say, "Well, the love has gone out of our marriage." I've actually had men come speak to me and say, "I want to divorce my wife," and I said, "Well, why?" He said, "Well, I don't love her anymore." He doesn't get a lot of encouragement from me because the Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives."

That's not a suggestion, that's a command. Behind every command of God is the omnipotent power of God to carry it out. Women are to love their husbands. The Bible says in Titus 2, verse 4 that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands. We're commanded to love. Now part of the problem is the world's definition of love and our definition of love.

Let me ask you guys a question. When you were dating, looking around for a girl, what were you looking for? You won't kid me, I know what you were looking for. You were looking for a looker. You were looking for somebody that was attractive physically. You might have also been looking for somebody who was cute, somebody who was funny, somebody had a good sense of humor, that meant they laughed at your jokes. Somebody who was popular, a face and a body. That's what you were looking for.

And your heart began to boom-boom-boom-boom-boom. And you finally got close to her and finally got in that situation and you leaned over and you whispered in her ear something like this: "I love you. I love you." But you know what you really meant is "I want you." The world calls that love, but you see that kind of love is very conditional. And a person who's loved that way and that way only is going to feel very insecure.

Because I mean, she might, when she's 40, she has what we call a Supreme Court figure, no appeal. And he, he might have been so handsome, but now he's kind of bald and bulgy. And you think about it now friend, if we love people because of this attractiveness, you know what's going to happen? When the attractiveness changes, that kind of love is conditional love. And that's the reason we have so many people who get divorced because they have an emotional conditional love.

A man loves a woman like he loves a sweet orange. He takes a plug out, squeezes the juice out of it and says there's nothing else there for me, and throws it on the ground like a piece of garbage. He loves because of what he can get out of it. Now when the Bible says "husbands, love your wives," it uses another kind of a word for love. It is the word agape. Agape love.

That's the kind of love that Christ has for the church. And it is a non-conditional love. Did you know that God loves you unconditionally? And did you know that's the way you're to love your mate? Unconditionally. You see, if your mate feels that you do not love them unconditionally, you know what's going to happen? This is why we have so many divorces. The very first thing's going to be in a person's mind is fear.

"You know, I've got to perform. I've got to keep the house a certain way. I've got to look a certain way. I've got to lose a certain number of pounds. I've got to do this, I've got to do that, because if I don't, I may lose him. I may lose her." So there's a fear there. And then when that divorce comes, what happens? Guilt. "I didn't live up. I wasn't good enough. I didn't perform enough and so somehow I was not acceptable to my mate."

And so somehow we feel guilt. And then after a while, that guilt turns to what? Anger. Say, "Now wait a minute, he has no right to do this." And that anger says, "I was used, and now I'm discarded." And then that anger turns to bitterness, and bitterness is a living hell. There are a lot of people going through just that kind of a thing because all of that is built on conditional love.

The kind of love that the Bible teaches is an unconditional love. And when you know that you're loved unconditionally, rather than fear, there is peace. And rather than guilt, there's security. And rather than bitterness, there's joy. We have to learn to love as Jesus loved. And that's the reason it takes Christ to make a marriage because, friend, you don't have that kind of agape love. That is not a human product.

The Bible says the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost. And when we learn to love unconditionally, we don't have to listen to the devil's lies. We have so many of these lies today. You know, we think that love is some sort of an emotional experience and, "Well, I love you because you make me feel good." As Gary Smalley said, some people treat marriage like a tick treats a dog.

They're only on that dog for what they can get out of it. The problem in marriage is that there's two ticks and no dog. We're trying to make somebody else satisfy and meet our need. It's basically selfish. Now there's nothing wrong with romantic love, but friend, romantic love is not enough. Marriage is made in heaven. Marriage may be marred by hell. But marriage is always marked by hope.

Now I want you to see this. Look at this if you will. God gives you hope in your home even if you've been divorced, even if you cannot get remarried or whatever the situation—and I believe there are legitimate times for a person to be remarried. But no matter where you are, whether your home seems to be a living hell, whether you've been deserted, no matter what, listen to me, divorce is not the unpardonable sin.

It is not a dead-end street. And if you've been divorced, you are not a second-class citizen. There's something called the grace of God. And we need to hold that up at this church. Forgiveness is always available. The Bible says in Romans 8:1, "There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." The Bible says in 1 John 1:7, "The blood of Jesus Christ, God's son, cleanses us from all sin."

The Bible says in Isaiah 1:18, "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow." I remember reading in the Bible about a woman taken in adultery. Men were saying "stone her." Jesus said, "Woman, where are your accusers? Isn't anybody accusing you?" She said, "No man, Lord." He said, "Nor do I. Go and sin no more." I remember reading about the woman at the well. She had had five husbands.

She became an evangelist that led the entire city of Samaria to Christ. God used her mightily. God doesn't hold grudges. Let's put this scripture down: 1 Corinthians 6, verses 9 through 11. "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived, neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor effeminate," that means homosexual, "nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves nor covetous nor drunkards nor revilers nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Put it down big, plain, and straight. If that's your lifestyle, that's the lifestyle you embrace, you need to get saved. You will not inherit the kingdom of God. But now notice verse 11. I love this. "And such were some of you." He did not say "and such are some of you." "And such were some of you. But ye are washed, ye are sanctified, ye are justified in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Isn't that wonderful? If you're in Christ Jesus, you're a new creature. And I don't care what has happened in the past. Marriages that are made in heaven and marred by hell are marked by hope. And he is the God of grace and the God of forgiveness. And there are many wonderful people who have come out of broken homes and children, families and heartache and tears. Yes, divorce is wrong. And I want to save our kids from it.

And so here's a precipice, a cliff, and we don't want them to fall over. So we're going to build a wall up here as high as we can. But down in the valley, we're also going to put an ambulance to help those who have fallen over. We're going to make sure there's gas in it to help us to minister to these people. Now I must close. But friend, listen to me. If you are married, you make certain that Christ is the head of your home.

If your marriage is not a Christian marriage, give your hearts to Jesus Christ because the devil is working against it. Number two, if you're married, continue to feed your love day by day. Don't take it for granted. Number three, if you're divorced, ask God for forgiveness if it was your fault. If you were divorced because of someone else's wrongdoing, forgive in your heart and don't let bitterness carry you away.

Next, remember that your godly home can perhaps be the greatest testimony you'll have in this world. And if you're unmarried, I beg you, kids, you marry only in the Lord and build a Christian home. The home is the sweetest place on earth, the nearest place to heaven. It's the only part of the garden of Eden that we have left.

Guest (Male): In today's message, if you have questions regarding placing your faith in Jesus Christ, we'd love to offer you an insightful resource on our website. It's our Discover Jesus page. You'll find answers you may need about your faith. There's a response section you can share how this message or others have impacted you. We'd love for you to go there today. LWF.org/radio and click "Discover Jesus" at the top of the page. LWF.org/radio. Let us hear from you today.

Carrie Vaughn: Hi, this is Carrie Vaughn, and this program has been brought to you by Love Worth Finding, a nonprofit ministry showcasing the powerful preaching and teaching of Pastor Adrian Rogers. We operate solely through the generous gifts of individual supporters just like you. To give a gift today, call 1-877-LOVEGOD. That's 1-877-LOVEGOD. Or write to us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38-600, Memphis, Tennessee, 38183.

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