Living Hope

Pastor Philip Miller: In conflict, it’s way too easy to reduce the other person in our minds to the sum total of their failures. That way we can look down on them, write them off, and justify ourselves. In other words, we start to live in self-justification.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: Welcome to Living Hope with Pastor Philip Miller. I'm Pastor Larry McCarthy and we're glad you're joining us today in our series in Philippians. Now, Pastor Philip, the Apostle Paul is talking about conflict. For our listeners who are just joining us now, we can often rationalize and justify the attitude that we're taking. But that's really contrary to the teachings that we're getting, isn't it?

Pastor Philip Miller: Yeah. So, the context we've got Euodia and Syntyche. These two ladies have gotten sideways, and the Apostle Paul is writing saying, "I need you to mend this relationship." One of the things he's addressing is this self-justification posture. When we're in conflict, what we tend to do is start to create a list of all the bad things the other person has done and why we are right to be mad at them.

We start building a list to villainize the other person and self-justify ourselves. We say, "Well, what I did was okay because they hurt me or they started it." The Apostle Paul is going to flip all of that on its head. He's going to say, "I want you to think about each other in categories that will transform the way you think about each other."

Instead of reducing them to the sum total of their failures and villainizing them, I want you to start to look for the glimpses of glory and godliness that are peeking through the cracks of their lives. I want you to focus on what's true and good and beautiful in their life. That will help you see more clearly who they are in the complexity of their being. That will change how you engage with them in relationship. This is really helpful stuff, and I think it will be very valuable for us today.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: Well, let's go now to the pulpit of the Moody Church as we explore how to find unity in Christ amid conflict. This is part three of the sermon, The Basics of Peace. Our text today is Philippians chapter four, verses one through nine.

Pastor Philip Miller: When my heart's desires get frustrated, I have a choice. I can bring forcibly my heart's desires to bear on others, insisting that I get what I want, which will lead to conflict. Or I can bring my heart's desires before God, trusting him with what I most deeply want and need and relaxing in his care, which then leads to peace.

It's a choice between running unrestrained as an anxious orphan through life or resting tightly held as a peace-filled child in the arms of his Father. This is the choice. The first key to peace is remembering our family. The second key is requesting of our Father. The third is refocusing our framework.

Look at verse eight: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there's any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Growing up, I always heard this verse in connection with music and movies—watch what you put in the system. Garbage in, garbage out.

That's a good principle, but it's not what this verse is actually about. Remember, these verses are about peace-filled relationships within the family of God. When we're in conflict, we have a tendency to villainize the other person. We tend to keep a list of all the things they've done wrong. They started it first, and I only did what I did because they did what they did. What they did was worse, and they're not very trustworthy. In fact, they're a bad person and here's all the reasons why. They're always like that. Is this just my brain that does this?

We tend to think about the things that then justify our poor behavior toward them. Maybe I did yell, but they deserved it. Maybe I got angry, but they started it. I may have hurt them, but it's nothing to the wound they inflicted on me. In conflict, it's way too easy to reduce the other person in our minds to the sum total of their failures. That way we can look down on them, write them off, and justify ourselves.

In other words, we start to live in self-justification. We have self-absorption, self-reliance, now self-justification. This is a bad list, guys. Paul is counteracting their sinful tendency to self-justify in these verses. He says refocus your mental framework. Instead of reducing the other person to the sum total of their failures, I want you to look for the glimpses of Christ that are visible in their life. Whatever's true, whatever's honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, praiseworthy. Think about these things.

Look at them the way Christ looks at you. We're all marbled beings. We have great beauty and brokenness all at the same time, marbled together, and Christ sees it all. He could focus on any part of it. What does he focus on? Christ does not reduce us to the sum total of our failures and dismiss us. He sees the potential of who we were created to be, who we are becoming in redemption, and who we will one day be conformed to be like in glory. He sees the glory breaking through.

He looks at us and he sees what is true and honorable and just and pure and lovely and commendable and excellent and praiseworthy. He sees us as sons and daughters of God. How very generous and incredibly charitable. Euodia, I want you to extend the same generous charity to Syntyche. Look for what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Where you see the glorious image of God coming out of her life, think about that.

Syntyche, I want you to extend the same generous charity to Euodia. Think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Focus on Christ in her, the hope of glory. I'm modeling this for you all the way through. Verse nine says: "What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Why do you think I opened this letter with thanksgiving to God for your partnership in the gospel and your abounding love for one another? Why do you think I reminded you that you're beloved brothers and sisters whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, before I said any of this? Why do you think I reminded you of your co-laboring in the gospel, your names written forever in the eternal book of life in Christ?

Euodia and Syntyche, I refuse to reduce you to the sum total of your failures in this moment of conflict. I am fixing my heart and mind on the glories of Christ that are being formed in you. Follow my lead. As I follow Christ, follow me. Whatever you've learned, received, heard, or seen in me, practice it. Model yourself after what I'm doing. Try on for size what I'm patterning for you. Come and learn the way of Jesus.

The God of peace will be with you. You're not alone. As you begin to see what God sees and value what God values and attend to what God is attending to in one another, you will begin to live in peace with peace-filled thinking and peace-filled intentions toward one another. You will have peace-filled wishes for each other, peace-filled tones as you speak, and peace-filled actions as you interact. As you keep in step with the God of peace, you will learn to live in peace.

Paul is again counteracting their sinful tendencies toward self-justification. Refocus your mental map. In Christ, we attend to God's good work in one another. Where do we see Christ in those who are driving us nuts? In Jesus Christ, no one is a lost cause. Where do you see the glory of God leaking out of obnoxious people? Where do you see the good work of God on the job in people who actually hurt you from time to time?

Christ is on the job. It's our job to pay attention to what he's doing. He who began a good work in them will carry it onto completion at the day of Christ Jesus. Brothers and sisters, let us agree in the Lord. I have three quick questions. Write these down and pray about this. Let the Lord do work in your heart about this.

I'm going to do this this week too. It's going to be profoundly uncomfortable, I promise you, but it's worthwhile. First: Who do I need to apologize to? Second: Who do I need to forgive? Third: With whom do I need to make peace? Remember, we're family. In Christ, we're bound together as the forever family of God.

Even in the midst of conflict, we can request of our Father, because in Christ we're learning to entrust our heart's desires to him. We can refocus our framework. In Christ, we can learn to attend to God's good work in one another. The God of peace will be with you. He will be with me. So let's lean on him.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: This is Living Hope with Pastor Philip Miller. We're talking about a refocused framework in conflict. Apologize, forgive, and now who do I need to make peace with? Boy, that's a hard question, isn't it? Who do I need to make peace with? I think it's helpful to do a little inventory. We all have a litany of relationships where we're just not talking with someone or there is water under the bridge. We have regrets and things we wish we could take back. Paul's injunction in Romans is, "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people."

Pastor Philip Miller: That gives us a good balance. Not everything depends on us. Reconciliation and peace doesn't happen unless two parties filled with the Holy Spirit are meeting each other. We don't control that whole arrangement, but we do own our half of that equation. We're responsible to live at peace so far as it depends on us.

That means doing the forgiving, the apologizing, and trying to take ownership of what I can do to foster peace and to build a bridge as far as it depends on me. Then leave the rest in the Lord's hands. Think back over all the things in your life, the people, the relationships, and all the brokenness. Before the Lord say, "What would you have me do? What would peace look like, and how do I make sure I'm doing my part and honor that before you?" That's the question.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: Amen. We never want to be educated beyond obedience. We want to encourage you, even today, is this somebody you need to apologize to? Someone you need to forgive? Take a step of faith and be that ambassador of peace today. When we focus on Christ's work in others, we realize the ground is level at the cross.

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Or you can write to us at Moody Church Media, 1635 North LaSalle Drive, Chicago, Illinois, 60614. Thanks for joining us for Living Hope, where you'll always find gospel truth for the journey of a lifetime. Living Hope is a production of Moody Church Media and is sponsored by the Moody Church.