Living Hope

Pastor Philip Miller: All of our conflict can be traced to a common root, which is frustrated desires. We don't get what we want, and so we get mad. We're toddlers like that.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: This is Living Hope with Pastor Philip Miller. I'm Pastor Larry McCarthy. We're glad you're joining us today in our series in Philippians. Conflict can be traced back to frustrated desires. Pastor Philip, it can't be that simple. Is it that easy?

Pastor Philip Miller: Paul is talking about Euodia and Syntyche and this fight that's happening in the church in Philippi. At the core of conflict, James tells us that the reason we quarrel and fight is because our desires are frustrated. We don't get what we want, and then we fight about stuff.

At the end of the day, there's this kind of impulse that happens in conflict, which is we become really self-reliant. We start to think about our needs and our wants and getting our way. We think, "What do I need to do to get my way in this situation? I'm going to try to hustle and make it happen, whatever it takes." In other words, we tend to start to think the person who's here to make sure I get my needs met is me.

The Apostle Paul is going to push back on that sort of self-reliance. He's going to say, "You actually have a Heavenly Father who loves to give good gifts to His kids, and He loves to bless you and take care of your needs." Instead of living in self-reliance and trying to force and get what you want, why don't you pray and trust that your Heavenly Father is with you? He has resources to help you navigate the situation. Recognize that He is giving good gifts to you all the time.

Pray with thanksgiving. In other words, you're not alone. That truth actually really helps us navigate conflict and become people of peace. That's what we're talking about today.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: Let's go now to the pulpit of the Moody Church as we discover how to move past self-reliance. This is part two of the sermon, "The Basics of Peace". Our text today is Philippians chapter 4, verses 1 through 9.

Pastor Philip Miller: Notice again how Paul's descriptions remind these ladies of the gospel connections that bind them together to one another. He says they have labored side-by-side with me in the gospel. They are co-laborers in the work of the gospel. They've served side-by-side with Paul and Clement, who becomes one of the church fathers, and all the rest of the workers in the work of the gospel.

Remember, Paul says, you're on the same team. This is friendly fire. Your names are written in the Book of Life. All of us here belong to Jesus. We're in His forever family. We're going to spend eternity together. Do you see what Paul's doing here in these descriptions? He's setting their squabble in the larger context of the saving work of Christ, which will echo into all eternity.

He's not minimizing their conflict; he's maximizing Christ. He's saying, in light of the beauty of the gospel and the glory of eternity and the preciousness of your salvation, which has now knit you together as a forever family in the Lord Jesus Christ, what's this fight about again? What are you fighting about?

Paul is counteracting their sinful tendency to self-absorption. Remember, you're family. In Christ, we are bound together as a forever family, and we have far more in common than what separates us. Christ has paid a great price to unify His body, and we dare not tear it apart. One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, one gospel, one family, one body in Christ. We're going to spend eternity together; we might as well learn to get along here.

This is the first key to peace: remember our family. The second key is requesting of our Father. Verse 4: "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." Notice he does not say rejoice in your circumstances. He does not say rejoice in getting your own way or rejoice in coming out on top. Rejoice in the Lord. He said agree in the Lord; now rejoice in the Lord.

I want you to remember that the Lord is your joy. He's your life. He's your everything. I want you to look to Him for fulfillment, look to Him for hope, look to Him for your identity, look to Him for your purpose and satisfaction. Look to Him. Rejoice in Him. Euodia, Syntyche, do not let this conflict steal your joy, your joy in the Lord. Do not let this make you bitter and angry and cynical.

Remember your joy comes from the Lord. Draw deeply from your relationship in Christ and all the resources that are yours in Him. Pursue Him every day of your lives because He is your life, He is your joy, He is your all. Look to Him. Rejoice in Him. Verse 5: "Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand." Reasonableness. It can also be translated gentleness.

Let everyone see how gentle and reasonable you are, how fair-handed, even-tempered, considerate, thoughtful, receptive, and teachable you are. In conflict, character matters. The Lord is at hand. He's coming back at any minute, and He is right now with you in the room. This means two things. Number one: accountability. Everything we think, say, and do is laid bare before the eyes of the Lord. There are no private actions, conversations, or thoughts.

It also means, secondly, availability. The Lord is with you, and He can help you. You're not alone. He's with you in this conflict, providing resources and aid to help you navigate this in a Christ-like way. You can look to Him. You can ask Him for help. Verse 6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

Don't be anxious about anything right now in the middle of this conflict. How many of you get anxious in conflict? I know it's more than just me. We get anxious. Why would we be anxious? Remember, this is not a topic shift. Paul is still addressing relational conflict and peace within the body of Christ. What would Euodia and Syntyche be anxious about? They're anxious about not getting their way. What if this doesn't turn out the way I want?

Whatever they were fighting about, at a heart level, it always comes down to frustrated desires and not getting what we want. James 4:1-2 says, "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and you do not have." All of our conflict can be traced to a common root, which is frustrated desires. We don't get what we want, and so we get mad. We're toddlers like that.

In conflict, not only do we tend to be self-absorbed, we also tend to become self-reliant. We think it's our job to make sure we get what we want. No one else is going to look out for us. We've got to look out for us. Make sure our views are heard, make sure our plan is upheld, make sure our way is followed out. Anxiety is symptomatic of self-reliance because we're trying to control things and control people that we have no control over, and that makes us anxious.

Do you see how Paul is counteracting their sinful tendencies to self-reliance here? He says make your requests known to your Father. Instead of trying to control everything to get what you want, what if you actually made your requests known to the Father? What if you prayed as if you have a good Father who loves to give good gifts to His children and knows exactly what you need even before you ask it?

Instead of living in self-reliance, which leads inevitably to anxiety, why don't you pray in God-reliance, which will lead to peace? Don't forget to pray with thanksgiving, Paul says, because God has already given you so many good gifts. He's already taken care of you in so many ways. Don't forget what He's done. Thank Him for it because He will not stop now.

Verse 7: "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." This word 'guard'. Remember where Paul is. He's under house arrest. This is a Roman sentinel guarding him. This is the picture. The peace of God is like a sentinel, a guard who is keeping you bound and at home.

Our hearts tend to wander off on their own. Our hearts and minds wander off, try to control outcomes, try to argue our point, try to look out for our own interests, and make sure we get our way. We're wandering from home. But the peace of God stands guard to make sure our hearts and minds stay home in Jesus Christ, tethered to Him in every way. The peace of God arrests our self-will.

The peace of God binds our self-interest. The peace of God shackles our self-reliance. The peace of God reminds us that we're not orphans left to fend for ourselves. We are beloved sons and daughters of a good Father who is looking out for our every need. Orphans have to run off and fend for themselves, but sons and daughters stay home and find rest in their Father's care.

The peace of God, Paul says, stands guard. It keeps us at home that we might live as sons and daughters, trusting in the provision of our good Father instead of running off to live as orphans as if our only hope was fending for ourselves. Do you see how Paul is counteracting again the sinful tendency toward self-reliance? He says make your requests known to your Father because in Christ we learn to entrust our heart's desires to God.

When my heart's desires get frustrated, I have a choice. I can bring forcibly my heart's desires to bear on others, insisting that I get what I want, which will lead to conflict. Or I can bring my heart's desires before God, trusting Him with what I most deeply want and need and relaxing in His care, which then leads to peace. It's a choice between running unrestrained as an anxious orphan through life or resting tightly held as a peace-filled child in the arms of his Father. This is the choice.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: This is Living Hope with Pastor Philip Miller. I'm Pastor Larry McCarthy, and we certainly are glad that you're joining us today as we dig deeper into trusting in God regarding conflict. Pastor Philip, we have all kinds of resources, but I think the one that we really need to center on is those resources that come from God.

Pastor Philip Miller: What happens in conflict is we often aren't getting what we think we need from the other person. They're disrespectful. We deserve respect, and they're not respecting us. Or they should be giving us more of our fair share or whatever it is. What we're actually doing is we're looking to the other person to meet some of our deep soul needs. That's why we're mad, because they're not doing the thing that we think we deserve.

If we were all by ourselves as orphans in the universe and we had no Heavenly Father there to help us, all we would have the option to do is just go fend for ourselves. Make it happen. Make sure people treat me right, defend my rights, and all of these things. Buy a self-help book, get a little meditation thing on my app on my phone, and just center myself and try to solve this problem on my own.

The reality is, and this is what the Apostle Paul is reminding us, is we're not on our own. We have a Heavenly Father, a good Heavenly Father, who loves to give good gifts to His kids, who is there to meet us in our deepest soul needs, who's providing security and significance and satisfaction that our souls are longing for. He's pouring into us even right now.

That is why we pray to Him, asking Him to meet us in our deep soul needs. If we're being filled up by our Heavenly Father, it allows us now to go back into the conflict, into the relationship, and I don't need the same things from the other person because the Lord is supplying my deep soul needs. It frees me from living in such demand and neediness out in this relationship, which is leading to all this conflict.

It frees me from it so that I can say, "They were disrespectful. It did hurt. They shouldn't have treated me like that. But I know I've got the honor of my Heavenly Father who loves me always, who cherishes me to the sky, who will never leave me or forsake me." Even though they've not honored me and loved me the way I should, I have a Heavenly Father who is.

I can actually extend forgiveness, not saying what they did was okay, but I can forgive someone because I don't need the same amount of respect and honor and love from them because I've got another source. Paul is saying you have a resource. Your Heavenly Father is with you. You can pray to Him at any moment. He's with you always. His abiding presence is there.

There are resources from the Kingdom of God available at your fingertips. If you would take a hold of those, it would help you tremendously as you move into this conflict. You could actually engage in a very different way that produces health and peace. That's what he's encouraging us to do.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: That's a great reminder. Matthew 7:11: "If you then, being evil, know how to give good things to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give good things to those that ask?" Our listeners, though, are saying, "But you don't know the people I have to deal with." It seems that, to be honest with you, it's just easier to retreat. It's just easier to just cut them out of my life, leave them alone, go into my shell, hit the bunker. I'm running out of metaphors, but that's not an option, is it?

Pastor Philip Miller: Paul says, "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people." I love that statement because it's an acknowledgment it's a two-way street. As far as it depends on you, that's your responsibility. You can't control how they respond. There are times when people just don't meet you. They don't respond with reciprocity. They don't confess and reconcile.

Your job is to do your part. That is to own whatever you can, confess whatever sins, however you made it worse. Try to do the work of reconciliation. That's your part, and then trust the Lord with the rest. Not everyone will respond, and so there are going to be relationships that don't mend properly. That's beyond our control. Our job is to take seriously our responsibility for what we can control, which is to do everything we can to live at peace with others.

That means that we need a desperate amount of dependence on the Lord because we know some people are never going to respond. How do you forgive someone who never asks for forgiveness? How do you treat someone with grace who doesn't treat you with grace back? That lopsidedness relationally requires you have a Heavenly Father who's pouring His grace and resources into your life.

You can spend them in supernatural ways in these relational settings. That's what the Lord enables us to do so that we can extend grace and forgiveness and kindness to people who really don't deserve it. That's what God did for us in the cross. Now we get to be a part of His healing in the world as well.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: I'm so glad you came back to that theme of resources because one of the resources we have is prayer. You reference that we need to pray with thanksgiving when we're in conflict. Why can't I just pray that they go away?

Pastor Philip Miller: Paul says pray, but pray with thanksgiving. Why would he add that? Prayer is often for a lot of us asking God for what we need. "God, would You please do this? Would You please do this? Would You meet me here? Would You add grace to this? Would You help me with this?" In other words, we're asking, asking, asking.

When he says "with thanksgiving," it pushes us into a different modality. It makes us start to think, "Wait a minute, I've already received good gifts." Not only am I asking for good gifts, I'm acknowledging at the same time God's already doing it. I think that is a helpful shift because what God has done in the past gives us confidence to trust Him with what we need in the future.

Paul's saying look back and be reminded with thanksgiving of all the good gifts that God's given you in Christ. There's so much grace He's poured into your life. As you ask Him, you actually can ask with confidence because you've already got a payload of resources from the Lord already. His grace has been poured into your life.

As you ask, you ask with confidence based off the track record that's already demonstrated in your relationship with your Heavenly Father. You can trust Him with the future because He's been faithful in the past. That modality, that mental shift to say, "Not only do I ask God for stuff, for what I need and His grace in my life, but I'm also thanking Him for all the ways that He's already meeting my needs," helps me move forward with even more confidence and gratitude because God is faithful.

That is what I need most as I'm navigating these relationships. I need to know that God is with me and He's never going to leave, He's never going to forsake me, and He will always be enough.

Pastor Larry McCarthy: I hope you've been encouraged by this practical conversation today regarding conflict, to overcome self-reliance and truly depend on God. We need the deep truths of the gospel. That's why we're offering Peter Mead's book, *The New Birth*. Overcoming self-reliance and truly depending on God is only possible because the new birth changes everything.

It's a matter of death and life. Dr. Mead unpacks the deep work of the Spirit of life in making us a new creation. Self-reliance is simply not an option when you realize the extent of your spiritual death and the complete life change that happens when you receive Christ. This book examines how the cross and your heart are eternally linked, demonstrating that the only way to be set free from self-reliance is by understanding the power of the new birth.

The book will transform how you approach your Father in prayer, freeing you from conflict and grounding your identity in Christ. A friend of the Moody Church, Peter Mead wrote this short but deep book on the foundational truth we all were made to live into. Pastor Miller says it this way: "This tiny book conveys a large reality, that Jesus came to raise spiritually dead people into abundant life. Peter Mead's insights into the new birth that Jesus offers are both pastorally wise and profoundly helpful."

And now, for a limited time, we're offering *The New Birth* for a donation of any amount. To request your copy, simply go to LivingHopeOffer.com or call us at 1-800-215-5001. That's LivingHopeOffer.com, 1-800-215-5001. Thank you for joining us for Living Hope, where you'll always find gospel truth for the journey of a lifetime. Living Hope is a production of Moody Church Media and is sponsored by the Moody Church.