In Touch Ministries

Dr. Charles Stanley: The love of God will never, cannot, under any condition, ever flow in the life that is dammed up with unforgiveness. You have all this binding and this this churning going on on the inside, this bitterness and resentment and tension and stress. They've made you a prisoner of their wrongs and you're suffering physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as a result, and you're the one who's hurting the most. It matters not what they've done, I am to be forgiving toward them.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Forgiveness can be defined as giving up your right to be angry at someone for hurting you. Today on In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley, will explore that statement. As Dr. Stanley's message explains what happens when believers are resentful, bitter, and unforgiving. Here's part one of Freedom from Bondage. Let's join Dr. Stanley for his message.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Suppose tomorrow morning when you go to work, you have to go with your hands bound and on both your ankles there's a chain with a big ball weighs about 30 pounds. Well, several things would happen. First of all, whatever your responsibility is, you would have a real hindrance in achieving what you set out to achieve tomorrow.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Secondly, you would feel a real energy drain because your mind would be divided and you would find yourself hampered all day long. We were made to function with freedom and be able to walk where we want to walk, not pulling balls and chains, not having ourselves bound in any form of fashion. And the same thing is true in our own spiritual life.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Well, Satan is very, very smart. He's not omniscient, he doesn't know everything, but he's so smart. He knows how to camouflage and to cloud our minds. He knows how to paint in false colors what you and I have a very difficult time detecting. Because you see, there are attitudes oftentimes within us that bind us and keep us from becoming the person God wants us to be.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Now, if I'm unwilling to look within myself to examine myself, if I always want to be blaming someone else for the problems I face, then I've got a real problem. But if I'm willing to look on the inside, I may just find out what it is that's binding me. Well, when Paul wrote the book of Ephesians, he wrote the book to a group of people and one of those one of those problems that they had was a problem that often times is experienced by people today and don't even realize it. Or if it is there, they refuse to acknowledge, they just repress it, that is, it's not there. If it's there and they realize it, they suppress it, they don't want to deal with it.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And so one of those situations is found in Ephesians chapter 4. And if you'll turn there and let's read two verses, verses 31 and 32. There is a basic form of bondage which results in the actions that Paul mentions here in this 31st verse. So he says in verse 31, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you." What a tremendous contrast.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Look at this. Here's one who's full of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. The other one is tender-hearted, forgiving, and kind. Now, I want us to look at verse 31 to look at those words. He says, "Let all bitterness," that's resentment and harshness. And wrath which is in essence, a violent outburst of anger. That's what wrath is, just a violent outburst of anger. And then simply anger and clamor which is an outcry of passion resulting from anger or bitterness.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And slander which is injurious speech, you want to injure someone with your mouth. Let it all be put away from you along with malice which is an intention or a desire. An intention or a desire to injure someone else. He said, "Put all of that kind of stuff away." Well, that sounds pretty easy, just put it away. Then he says, "What you do is," he says, "bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and malice." He said, "Just put all that away from you and then have this kind, tender-hearted, forgiving spirit."

Dr. Charles Stanley: Well, that sounds good in those two verses. The only problem is, suppose I don't even realize that I'm bitter. And secondly, even if I do, even if I realize it, how do you just put it away? Well, that's what I want us to talk about because you see, one of the primary reasons so many people are in bondage and just can't seemingly can't experience the love of God flowing through them is simply because it's all dammed up.

Dr. Charles Stanley: It's all plugged up. You see, if you have bitterness and resentment in your life, what you do is you have an attitude toward other people and what you're doing is you're building this wall around you. This wall to protect you from any further hurt, any further exercise of bitterness, any further resentments. And you just build this wall until finally you build it so high to protect yourself that you are isolated, you become lonely.

Dr. Charles Stanley: You have those feelings of wondering if anybody cares, if anybody really is concerned. And what you do, you build yourself into an impossible position. You enclose yourself. You hide behind the wall. So you go to work behind this wall and you fellowship behind this wall and you live in a family behind this wall that you've built up because you see, you don't want to be hurt anymore.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And the resentments and the bitternesses and the and the hostility and the rebellion, all of that is a part of the stones in the wall in which you have built to protect yourself from others. Now, what we have to ask is, what is the basic root cause of that? That is, what is beneath my bitterness? What is beneath my resentment? What is beneath my anger? What is beneath it all is the only thing that can get rid of that.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Because you see, when he says, "Put all this away," you don't put it away by saying, "Well, I'm not going to be resentful anymore. I'm not going to be, I'm I'm not going to be bitter anymore. I've just decided I'm not going to be bitter. I've decided that I'm just not going to be angry anymore." Well, you and I know that doesn't work. Here's the root basic problem. My problem, listen, the fruit is bitterness, but my root is I have an unforgiving spirit.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Now, here's what Satan does. Satan camouflages that and Satan's got his own dictionary. Did you know that? Listen, he's got a dictionary, the only problem is all of his words are defined according to satanic definition. Because God says the problem here is an unforgiving spirit. Here's what Satan says. Satan says, "Here are the words you use." You say, and this is what we say, it's a cover-up. It's a camouflage. And you see, it's much easier for us to use Satan's word dictionary than God's because what we say is, "You know, I'm just hurt."

Dr. Charles Stanley: "You know, I'm really disappointed in so and so. You know, I I'm just disillusioned with her." Well, you know, "I I'm just frustrated." All those words are substitutes. The truth is, I have an unforgiving spirit and God wants me to deal with me, not them. Now, my friend, God can never send revival to any place, to anybody, as long as there's an unforgiving spirit.

Dr. Charles Stanley: The love of God will never, cannot under any condition ever flow in the life that is dammed up with unforgiveness. Parents will never be able to enjoy their children as long as there's an unforgiving spirit. Young people, adults will never be able to enjoy their parents unless there's a forgiving spirit. Employers and employees will never be able to work together the way they ought to. Production can never be what it ought to be as long as there is resentment and bitterness in the business. It cannot be.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Because you can't do your best full of bitterness and resentment. The love of God cannot flow through you. You cannot be the person God wants you to be. You won't be that person. You won't be free. You won't soar, but you'll drag through life bound by attitudes that you yourself allow into your life. And God wants these things out of your life so that you can become the person you want to be, that you ought to be.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And likewise, listen, so that you can become the vessel through whom God's love is able to flow. God wants to flow through your life. He says, "His life is our life." But if I'm full of resentment and bitterness and hostility, if I have an unforgiving spirit, then all this tremendous love of God is dammed up within my life. And I cannot reach over the wall because you see, I've built it so high to protect myself. The love of God can't flow through me.

Dr. Charles Stanley: I can't reach over where other folks are. And why in the world am I going to be concerned about somebody else if the only thing I can be concerned about is surviving this hostility and this anger within my life? And I want to say to you, and he says, "Put it away." It's exactly what he means, "Put it away!" For your health's sake, put it away. For your emotions, put it away.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Listen, when a person lives with bitterness and resentment and hostility, when they live with anger and malice toward other people, what is happening is emotionally, there is a continuous drain. There is a continuous drain of emotional energy. There's a continuous drain of mental energy. There's a continuous drain of physical energy. You can never be your peak, you can never reach your maximum, you can never be your best as long as those attitudes dominate your life.

Dr. Charles Stanley: But what we have to ask at this point is this, and that is why do not we forgive others when they wrong us? What is the motivation? Why is it we can't forgive them? Well, I want to mention just two or three reasons and the first one is this. Even though, and let's put it in the category and a context so there's no question about it. Let's say for example that you have been liberally, deliberately, willfully, knowingly wronged.

Dr. Charles Stanley: No question about it. No question about where that wrong has its source. Somebody has wronged you. And let's say that that is the fact, no question about it. Why is it that you and I as believers cannot forgive the other person? Why won't we forgive them? We can, but why do we think we cannot? Well, first of all, the first reason we don't forgive is we are protecting big eye. Somebody has harmed big eye. Somebody has intruded in on big eye.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And so what happens is because big eye's been harmed and because, you see, the problem is that you're selfish. Did you hear that? We are selfish and so whenever big eye's on the throne, we are selfish. And we're expressing selfishness. I don't want to be hurt. I've been wronged. I've got a case against them and I'm looking for other evidence that I'm right and they're wrong. And so that's what we do. So we're trying to protect big eye. That's that's one of the reasons that we can't be forgiving, or we don't forgive.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Because you see, big eye says, "I've been wronged. I have my rights, and if I'm going to survive this, you're going to have to pay." And so first of all, I'm trying to protect big eye. And because Jesus Christ, though he's my life, is not on the throne of my life and because I've not recognized him as my life and as Lord of my life, I'm trying to protect myself. And so that's the way I live. And so what happens? Because I am self-centered and I am I am committed to protecting big eye, how am I going to forgive you?

Dr. Charles Stanley: You see, the second reason we are not forgiving is this. We have a wrong perspective on forgiveness. What we say, we say, "Well, yeah, I forgive you, but..." The problem is, listen, the problem is, we demand justice. You've wronged me and I demand justice. When you've paid off your debt to me, then I'll forgive you. What debt? "Well, you know what you said about me. You know what you did, you know what you did to me. When when you're able to pay that off..." You and I wouldn't tell somebody, "How are they going to pay it off?"

Dr. Charles Stanley: Isn't it interesting that when a person gets bitter and resentful and full of malice, that whatever little thing was done gets bigger and larger, it becomes so grandiose that not even God could pay off that debt in their mind. I mean, it is absolutely totally out of context. And sometimes it's a little old something that maybe the person didn't even mean. And worse than that, is that sometime we think someone has wronged us, who has not wronged us at all, who never meant anything by what was said, whose motivation was pure.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And here we are, full of malice, full of bitterness, full of resentment, and we're just churning on the inside and we're aching on the inside and we're full of old garbage that we've concocted in our minds and we're just full of it. And here's that person. They don't even know we're around. You know what happens when that happens to you? You become the prisoner of your own bondage, of your own making. And listen, even if the person has wronged you and you've not been forgiving toward them, you become their prisoner.

Dr. Charles Stanley: If they've wronged you and they have malice toward you, and let's say they've used you or abused you or whatever it might be, and you're angry in return, and you're rebellious in return, and hostile, and bitter, and vengeful toward them, what happens is they've really got you across the barrel. Because you have all this binding and this this churning going on on the inside, this bitterness and resentment and tension and stress, trying to live, and you're going to get back, and you're going to vindicate yourself. Not only have they wronged you verbally, but they've made you a prisoner of their wrongs and you're suffering physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as a result, and you're the one who's hurting the most.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Listen, one of the reasons he said, "Put all this stuff away," is that God doesn't want us to This He doesn't want us committing suicide by degrees. Bitterness and resentment and hostility is, listen, it's suicide by slow degrees. He says, "Put all this away." But listen, if the only thing, if if my priority in life is to protect myself, I'm not going to have a forgiving spirit.

Dr. Charles Stanley: If secondly, I'm expecting you to pay off. You've wronged me and when you do so and so, then I'll forgive you. You see, what we do is we build ourselves behind this tremendous wall. We make requirements of those who have wronged us, which they'll never be able to fulfill. There's no way for them to fulfill it. How can I be forgiving? Haven't you had people say, "I just can't forgive them"? That's a devil's lie. It's not that they can't, they won't.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Because they are so protective of big eye, how in the world is big eye going to be injured like this? How am I going to be injured like this and then simply be forgiving toward the other person? So, I'm going to protect myself because I'm selfish. I'm going to look at my life and recognize that what's been done to me, they owe me something. Now, listen, the verse of scripture that says, "Owe no man anything but to love him," usually we take that passage and we interpret that to mean, "Don't be financially in debt."

Dr. Charles Stanley: And I don't think God wants us financially in debt. But what that verse really means is that I, listen, I am to hold no debt of any person regardless of what they've done to me, I'm to be forgiving. I'm to owe them nothing but forgiveness. It matters not what they've done, I am to be forgiving toward them. A third reason we're not forgiving is this. Let's say for example, you've seen people who've run from one counselor to the other. They don't want the truth.

Dr. Charles Stanley: They want somebody to tell them that they are right in their sin and their disobedience to God. You don't think people act that way? Friend, you just talk to any counselor. Any counselor and they'll tell you. Folks go from one to the other because they, listen, they don't want to settle their problem. They just want to, they like talking about it. You've seen people who love talking about being sick. They'll tell you all about, they'll tell you some things they have no business telling you about it.

Dr. Charles Stanley: They tell you all the details because they love to talk about it. If they were to get well, you know what happens? They change their conversation. Because they wouldn't have anything to talk about. There's some people who will not forgive because, now, I'm not saying they understand this, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying they've planned it this way. I'm saying that because they're deceived, they get their needs met out of all this attention of how they have been harmed and how they've been wronged and how they've been misused and how they've been abused.

Dr. Charles Stanley: They get all this help and that meets a need in their life. The problem is, it is devastating ultimately. Now, when you and I think about a forgiving spirit, he says, he says, "Let it be put away from you." That is, put it away. And you see, you see, part of the problem sometimes is, we will get in on somebody else's problem and situation, we want to take up offense. Now, you see, there's no way in the world to gossip and to carry on false information. Listen, even if it's true information.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Even if you have been wronged, what good does it do to tell anybody else unless it is somebody in whom you have confidence, who will not take up an offense, but who will pray with you, for you, and for the other person? When you take up somebody's offense, listen, how many times are squabbles, fuss and fights in churches, in offices where you work, because somebody takes up your offense? "Well, I'll tell you right now, if they did that to you, I'm going to get them straight and I'm going to tell them right now."

Dr. Charles Stanley: Then they go to that person, what happens? Then they're churning. Now they got two two people who are mad at them. Then, you know, you can have a whole office full of people who are angry at somebody and hostile and rebellious. You know what happens? Everybody in there is suffering because you had to dump your garbage on them. He says, "Put all that junk away." He says, "That's garbage." Bitterness and resentment and all of these things.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And you see, when you grow up with this, years and years and years in your life of this kind of thing, and you and you repress it, that means you deny it's there. You suppress it, you accept the fact that it's there, but you don't want to deal with it. Listen, no counselor can ever help anybody who represses the truth or suppresses the truth. "No, I am not angry. I've never been angry. No, I'm not angry toward that person." Or, "Yes, I'm angry, but I'm not ready to deal with it."

Dr. Charles Stanley: Then you can't be helped. I don't care who you are, you can't be helped as long as you're repressing or suppressing bitterness and resentment and hostility and rebellion and vengeance toward someone else. So for example, here's what I want you to see. Here are children who grow up in a home where their parents have rejected them. And the kids, I'm not saying the parents intended to, but the kids grow up and they're hostile and they're angry.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Oh, they're bitter and they're resentful. So here's what Satan does. Satan says, "Now, look, what you do is you just push that down." Then just keep it down there because after all, that is your father or your mother and you're not supposed to feel that way. And since you're not supposed to feel that way, you don't feel that way, so you just repress it. "No, I don't feel angry." Right beneath the surface of their of their consciousness, you can get bitter and angry and resentful toward God and live with that all of your life.

Dr. Charles Stanley: And you know what happens? It all takes its toll in your physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional life.

Guest (Female): You're listening to In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley. If you've recognized you have an area of unforgiveness in your life, confess it to God. Ask him for the grace to release it and depend on him to help you develop the same attitude Christ expresses toward you. Tomorrow's program continues this message, explaining the steps to gaining freedom from bondage.

Guest (Female): You can go to intouch.org to review what you just heard by following the link to today on radio. And if you go ahead to our bookstore page and order a copy of today's complete message, it's called Freedom from Bondage. Again, you'll find that and other resources at intouch.org. And to call or text us, the number is simply 1-800-INTOUCH. To write to us, address your letter to In Touch, Post Office Box 7900, Atlanta, Georgia, 30357, or call or text 1-800-INTOUCH.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Some people have rebelled against God for so long that they don't know how to return to him. But there's always a way back to the Father. Assurance is coming up in today's moment with Charles Stanley.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Let your time and your schedule and everything about you revolve around this, that you and I are to develop and continue to develop this ongoing, intimate, wonderful, exciting, satisfying, indescribable, wonderful, incomparable relationship with the personal God.

Guest (Female): Dr. Stanley devoted his entire life to helping us get closer to Jesus, as we all want to do. You can learn how at charlesstanleyinstitute.org.

Guest (Female): Have you ever forgotten something God taught you when you were reading the Bible? When we take note of what God reveals to us, it helps us to apply it to our lives. With the Charles F. Stanley Life Principles Journal, you can keep track of your spiritual journey and be transformed by God's truth. This journal features artwork of Dr. Stanley's 30 life principles, lined pages for writing, a prayer journaling section, and more. To order, call 1-800-INTOUCH or go to intouch.org/journal.

Guest (Female): You're listening to In Touch. Why did the father of the prodigal son take him back after all the terrible things he did? With encouragement for believers, here's a moment with Charles Stanley.

Dr. Charles Stanley: He was always there waiting and hoping and praying his son would come home. And that's true and I I would say that may be where some of you are. You've just had it so bad and you just walked away from God and said you'd do your own thing. And now you think God's just forgotten you and turned you off and rejected you forever. Listen to this. You can't make God reject you.

Dr. Charles Stanley: If you're a child of God, no matter how wicked you may act, the disciplined hand of God's coming and you'll regret it, but it doesn't mean that he's forsaken you. That's the awesome, indescribable, unexplainable love of God that's demonstrated at the cross. When he died on the cross, he paid your sin debt in full and mercy was shared to the whole world. It's a matter of accepting it or rejecting it. And that's my prayer that you'd understand that his mercy is there.

Dr. Charles Stanley: But if you keep heading in the wrong direction, all you're doing is intensifying the pain that's coming your way and I trust that you'll be wise enough not to do that. Let's pray that you won't. Father, open the heart, open the eyes, open the mind of those who are in rebellion toward you. Probably can't even exactly explain why, but they just know it's there and their heart's all messed up for some reason.

Dr. Charles Stanley: I ask that you open their eyes and help them to understand. Your love hasn't stopped. Your mercy is still extended, it hasn't stopped. Your grace is still there. You're waiting for them to repent of their sin, to return to you, ask for forgiveness, and then experience this awesome, wonderful mercy, grace, love, kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness of sin and a new beginning. And that is my prayer, Father, for these in Jesus' name. Amen.

Guest (Female): Anyone who has trusted Jesus Christ to forgive their debt of sin has been adopted into God's family. Learn about becoming a Christian at intouch.org. Has the good news of the Gospel changed your life? If this program has been a part of that journey, we'd love to hear about it. On the next In Touch radio broadcast, what has you bound? Learn how to let Jesus break the chains that hold you when you join us again for In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley.

Guest (Female): This program is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia, and remains on this station through the grace of God and your faithful prayers and gifts.