In Touch Ministries

Dr. Charles Stanley: What kind of person are you drawn to? What kind of person motivates you? What kind of person spurs you on? What kind of person encourages you? What kind of quality must be found in someone that makes your life a greater challenge, inspires you, motivates you, stirs you, and gives you even greater desire to become and do what you want to be or to do?

Guest (Male): In today's social media culture, what it means to be a friend has been redefined. Casual acquaintances and sometimes even complete strangers now carry the label friend, a title that used to be reserved for close companions. But today on In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley, we'll see a different description of true friendship as we look at one of the most incredible bonds in all of the Bible. Let's listen into Dr. Stanley's message.

Dr. Charles Stanley: 1 Samuel 18, I want us to read the first four verses, one through four of chapter 18. And you'll recall at this point David has just killed Goliath, and standing out there with the army somewhere was Jonathan. And the scripture says in verse one, "And it came to pass when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would let him go no more home to his father's house, that is to Jesse."

"Then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword and to his bow and to his girdle." Now tonight, I want to talk about genuine friendship, and I want to talk about the three aspects that are involved in true friendship. And if I should ask you tonight, how many of you have at least one genuine, absolutely genuine super friend? How many of you could raise your hand?

All right, some of you could, but half the people in here could not. Well, let me ask you this. How many of you think you've ever been one of those absolutely super genuine friends to someone else? Less people could raise their hand. The reason all of us couldn't raise our hand the first time is because few of us could raise our hand the second time. Because in order to have a friend, the Bible says we must show ourselves friendly.

And what I'd like to do is to take you through this aspect of David and Jonathan's life because it is a beautiful concept of friendship, and I think there are three things that are absolutely essential to any genuine friendship. So I want you to get a pencil out in case you want a friend, or if you want to be a friend to somebody. And keep your Bible open because I want us to go right through these scriptures here to see what are those three qualities that are found in genuine true friendship.

And it may be that as you examine these scriptures tonight, you might have to ask yourself the question, have you ever been a real friend to someone? Now all of us talk about our friends, but there are different levels of friends. There are many of them out there, "how's the weather, how you doing, come by to see me, glad to see you at church" kind of a deal. But that's not true friendship.

Then there are those over here that we talk to a little bit more often and say a little bit more intimate things. And then there are a few more up here, but then there's just such a very, very few, maybe one or two up here real close where you can open your heart, bare your whole soul to that person. Well, I think that's the kind of friendship that is described here in the relationship between Jonathan and David.

So three things I want you to jot down, several under that. First of all, the first quality that is to be found in real true friendship is respect for one another. If two people do not respect each other, they will never be a friend of one another. If that's a husband and wife, they may be married, but they'll never be friends. If it's two people who work together in business, if they don't have the kind of respect that is essential, they'll never be true friends. Respect for one another, genuine heartfelt respect for one another is absolutely basic and essential to friendship.

And I want you to watch how that developed in the life of Jonathan and of David. So let's go back for a moment to the 14th chapter of 1 Samuel and let me just show you something here because there are, I believe, at least about four bases here of respect that developed between Jonathan and David. And the first one is this, that they had a mutual respect for each other as great warriors.

Now several things I've noticed about friendships and that's this, that oftentimes the person who is the most famous in a friendship, the other person usually gives the most. And that is true in this friendship. As you read the life of Jonathan and David, what you're going to find here, and I'm going to show you at the last point here, the one who almost always is doing the giving is not David.

And of course, he is the most famous of the two, and he's the one of course who became the king of Israel, he's the one of course who slew Goliath. But I want you to notice something here that a friendship that developed here developed on the basis of a mutual respect for two men who were equally, I believe, great warriors. Because before David slew Goliath, Jonathan performed a feat equally as great, if not more so.

So chapter 14 begins, "It came to pass upon a day that Jonathan, the son of Saul, said to the young man that bore his armor, 'Come and let us go over to the Philistine garrison that's on the other side.'" But he didn't tell his father what was going to happen. And so he tells all about where his dad and so forth were. In verse six, and Jonathan said to the young man that bore his armor, "Come and let us go over unto the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the Lord will work for us, for there is no restraint to the Lord to save by many or by few."

He says now look, you and I will just go over and challenge the whole crowd because God could save by you and me, Jonathan to his armor bearer, or he could save by many. He says with God, it's no big deal. He can save Israel by using the two of us or using the whole army. So what they do, they slip over there and they decide they're going to use a little strategy. And so they decide that they will make themselves known, they'll show themselves to the Philistines.

And he says in verse nine, "If they say thus to us, 'Tarry until we come to you,' then we'll stand still in our place and will not go up unto them. But if they say, 'Come up unto us,' then we will go up, for the Lord hath delivered them into our hand, and this shall be a sign unto us." So they showed themselves and the Philistines said, "Come on over and we'll show you a thing or two." That's exactly what he says, what they said.

Jonathan and his armor bearer killed at least 23 of them and in fact, it sent such a fear among the Philistines, they just went flying everywhere. Then when Saul heard about it, he said, "Well, who's fighting the Philistines?" So they had to count off, one, two, three, four, everybody's here except Jonathan and his armor bearer. So what happened that day, Saul and the rest of his army finished up what Jonathan and his armor bearer made a tremendous dent in. They killed 23 within an acre, the Bible says, wiped them out, sent the whole crowd fleeing.

Now Jonathan was a tremendous warrior. On the other hand, when Goliath challenges the nation of Israel, Jonathan was there. Now somebody says, "Well, why didn't he speak up?" I don't believe it was God's will for him to speak up. I don't think it was because Jonathan was afraid of Goliath. And it may have been that he was looking Goliath over and sizing him up and trying to figure out exactly what he would do and David may have beat him to it. I don't know and nobody knows the answer to that, but I can tell you, I don't believe Jonathan was afraid of Goliath.

If he and his armor bearer would tackle a whole host of Philistines with the faith, "who knows, there's no restraint with God, he can take on the whole crowd, two of us or a whole army," I'm confident he wasn't afraid of a big old bully named Goliath. So here are two men who are equally respectful of each other. So I'm sure that Jonathan was there the day that he watched young David walk out there and listen to him make that beautiful speech of confidence. "I'm going to cut off your head, I'm going to slay you today, I'm going to feed you to the fowls because the whole world will know that Jehovah God of Israel is the God of the world."

I believe old Jonathan was standing back there saying, "That's exactly right, amen, tell him David, give it to him." Wouldn't you have been saying that had you not been one of those scared soldiers? Jonathan wasn't afraid. So they had a mutual respect for each other because both of them had performed equally as great a task as soldiers. Each of them had equal valor when it came to fighting.

There's a second basis of that, and that is they each had a mutual faith in Jehovah God. Both of these men tackle their enemies, not in order to heap praise upon themselves, they went to battle in the name of Jehovah God. So you can imagine what developed between these two young men as they saw these qualities. Now you know, when you have a quality within you that gives you some sense of satisfaction, some sense of builds your self-esteem and some sense of accomplishment, then you see that in somebody else.

What does that do? That just does something for you. You're drawn to people who have the same desires, the same devotion that you have. You're drawn to people who have goals equally as big or bigger than yours. And sometimes I see somebody that I think maybe is struggling in life, but I find out what their goals are, I want to get under their shoulder and say, "Come on buddy and let me help you reach your goal."

So all of us are drawn to certain types of people. Now what you have to ask yourself tonight is this, what kind of person are you drawn to? What kind of person excites you? What kind of person motivates you? What kind of person spurs you on? What kind of person encourages you? What kind of quality must be found in someone that makes your life a greater challenge, inspires you, motivates you, stirs you, and gives you even greater desire to become and do what you want to be or to do?

Well, I believe these two men found that in each other, a mutual respect for each other. And I want to say again, you'll never develop a friendship with someone whom you do not respect. So if you and I want to build genuine friendships, the first thing we have to do is to find something in the other person that elevates our respect for them. It may be their walk with the Lord. That may be all that you need to develop a friendship with someone, or it may be that you see in them character qualities that you want in your life.

But you see, all of us need friends. We need deep, intimate, soul friends with whom we can bare our whole inner being, with absolute faith and trust in their confidence to be true to us. All of us need deep friendship. And I want to say to you folks who are young people, you ought to find somebody with whom you can develop that kind of friendship. First of all, mutual respect for one another. Secondly, an emotional love toward one another.

Genuine friendship involves not only mutual respect but a mutual love for one another. And I want you to notice several scriptures here, beginning in this 18th chapter and how that love that Jonathan and David had for each other is expressed, and then how it's demonstrated. Listen to the love that he expressed. Chapter 18 verse one, "It came to pass when Saul and David had made an end of their speaking, and Jonathan was there, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David."

Now the word "knit" here in the Hebrew means to chain two things together. It means to be one. It speaks of unity and harmony. It speaks of it's like pouring molasses out of two buckets into the same barrel. Man, you can't ever separate it, know which was which. God poured those two men's hearts together that day, and the scripture says that the soul not of David but the soul of Jonathan was knit. And I want you to watch something in this. Going through this passage, almost every time Jonathan takes the initiative.

To my knowledge, it's never David. Jonathan always takes the initiative in the friendship. Now watch, the soul not of David, but the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And he took him that day, Saul took him that day, would no more let him go home to his father's house, so he lived in the house with Jonathan and Saul. "Then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword and his bow and his girdle."

Now remember who he is. Here is the king's son, here is the prince, the one who is heir to the throne of the nation of Israel. What is he doing? He's taking the initiative in this friendship. They made a covenant with each other and then Jonathan took off his robe, gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword and his bow and his girdle, which was an indication of saying, "Everything I have is yours, David. When you're in need, I will protect you. When you have a need, I'll give to you. David, you can always count on me."

The third thing that is essential in a true friendship is a mutual commitment to one another. There must be a mutual respect for one another, a mutual love toward each other, and a mutual commitment toward one another. Now that's where a lot of friendships break down. We want to be friends as long as it doesn't require anything. And there is no such thing as cheap friendship. Friendship is expensive. It divided his family, but he remained true to his friend because they'd made a covenant of friendship.

You know, when friendship is based on genuine love, it doesn't give up. Now you can't be a friend to everybody. You can be to some degree a friend to a lot of people, but you won't be an intimate friend but to a very, very few people in your life. The more secure you are, the more your own sense of inner stability and strength and security and self-esteem, the stronger you are on the inside, the greater your capacity to be a genuine friend to more people.

Well, let me ask you this. Would it not be a worthy challenge for you and me to single out at least one or a few people to whom you and I would be genuine friends? If you read the life of Jonathan and David, you'll understand it requires humility, and if anybody ever exhibited that, Jonathan did. Loyalty, Jonathan did. Faithfulness, Jonathan did. Determination, Jonathan did. A heart of love, Jonathan had it. Taking the initiative, Jonathan did it. Mutual respect, mutual love, mutual commitment, that's the price of genuine friendship.

The Bible says there's a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Jesus respects you and me as creations of his, created in his own image. He's expressed love toward us unequal by any other love there's ever been. And he made a commitment to you and me that's eternal in its consequence. If you've never been saved, you have deprived yourself from being the friend of the one who will always take the initiative as long as you live. All of us need Jesus Christ as our friend.

Thank you, dear God, for allowing the Holy Spirit to record the story of this beautiful friendship between Jonathan and David. Thank you for helping us to see that Jonathan was certainly not one in the shadow of David, but both men equal in so many ways. And Father, I pray tonight in Jesus' name, you'll have to do it because you are the motivator. Would you so work in our lives to create the kind of desire in the behalf of someone else that each one of us who know you as our Savior and our Lord in their life would be willing to pour our life into someone else.

And it just might be the person we're willing to pour our life into may be the stronger in the friendship, and we may get more poured back into us than we ever dreamed we could pour out. Thank you for friendship. Let it grow with every passing day and every passing experience. Then Father, I pray for somebody who's listening, who's unsaved. Help them to see that Jesus Christ is man's greatest friend. Always taking the initiative, loving us with a love that's unexcelled and unsurpassed. Having committed himself to the cross, to our resurrection, to our eternal life with him in heaven.

There's no friendship to equal that. And to spurn that, to reject it, to deny it, to refuse the expressions of friendship toward us is the grossest of all sin. So Father, I pray that someone tonight would step out realizing they've spurned the love, the commitment, and the respect of the greatest person who's ever lived who wants to be their friend and they've denied him that right. And then to each one of us would count the cost and be willing to die to our selfish self in order that someone else may become stronger because of our friendship is my prayer in Jesus' name, amen.

Guest (Male): You're listening to In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley. You'll have no better friend than Jesus Christ, and that eternal connection begins the moment that you trust in him as your Savior and receive his forgiveness. You can learn more about what Jesus did on the cross for you at intouch.org and listen again to this message by clicking "Today on Radio" on our homepage.

Open our online bookstore if you'd like to order a copy of today's complete message, we've called it True Friendship. It's also included in our Pursuing God's Heart teaching set. Our web address is intouch.org or call or text us at 1-800-INTOUCH. You can also write to us at In Touch, Post Office Box 7900, Atlanta, Georgia, 30357. You'll hear more thoughts on being a committed friend just ahead in today's Moment with Charles Stanley.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Look if you will in chapter 23. Look in verse 15. "David saw that Saul was come out to seek his life and David was in the wilderness of Ziph, in a wood. And Jonathan, Saul's son arose and went to David into the wood and strengthened his hand in God." Now that's a friend. Commitment says that when my friend is down, I want God to use me to strengthen his hand in the Lord.

How many times have your friends and my friends or our friend, one or two, three or four, how often has our friend been at the point of utter desperation and we've been too busy to strengthen his hand in the Lord? He said, "Well, you know, I just don't have all the resources to be a friend." Wait a minute. It didn't say that he gave him any money, didn't say that he gave him a horse, chariot. No, he says he strengthened his hand in the Lord.

There's not a one of us who cannot strengthen somebody else's hand in the Lord. Commitment says when my friend is down, I'm going to get down there with him and I'm going to stay with him until I get him up on his feet. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally. Back on track. Confident that God is working things out in his life. That's real friendship. Learn more about the hope you can have through faith in Jesus Christ at intouch.org. Has the good news of the gospel changed your life? If this program has been part of that journey, we'd like to know. Next week on In Touch, "Covenant" is one of those words that isn't used very often in today's conversation, but you can learn what it means and why it's important when we continue our study of 1 Samuel on In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley.