In Touch Ministries

Dr. Charles Stanley: How many of you could have to say, "I asked God to forgive me," and He said, "Nothing doing. No way am I going to forgive you."? He’s never said that. God’s never rejected us when we’ve come to Him to ask for forgiveness.

The truth is every single child of God lives under the canopy, walks on the road, is surrounded by, and covered by the grace of God, which provides forgiveness for us moment by moment, day by day.

Guest (Male): A fire in the fireplace warms the room, but a fire in the middle of the living room can destroy the house. Today’s edition of In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley, helps us think of anger in similar terms. Uncontrolled, fiery emotions can be devastating. Here’s part two of Dr. Stanley’s message, "The Danger of Anger".

Dr. Charles Stanley: We know that all the way back in the beginning of the Scriptures, in the first family in the Bible, what happened? Cain became angry and God said to him, "What are you angry about?" And so we see the result of uncontrolled anger in the very first family. It caused the death of his brother. Uncontrolled anger is a very dangerous form of anger.

What did He say? He said, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away." Deal with it, along with all malice. "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ Jesus has forgiven you." Now God gives us lots of warnings. Let me just take you through a few verses in the Proverbs. I won't take you through many, just a few, just to let you know that there are over 300 passages of Scripture in the Bible about anger.

I just want to begin with one here in Proverbs, chapter 14. I want you to notice the same word in several of these verses and I want you to tell me what it is. Proverbs 14, verse 29: "He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly, foolishness," that is actions and conduct that are unwise. That's what folly is.

Turn, if you will, to the 15th chapter and look, if you will, at the 18th verse: "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger pacifies contention." That is, if you're slow to anger, you'll be able to deal with that. 16th chapter and the 32nd verse: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city." Chapter 19 and verse 19. Watch this one. He says, "A man of great anger shall bear the penalty for his anger; for if you rescue him, you'll only have to do it again."

What does He say? He says you can help people in all kinds of situations, but if their problem is anger and they don’t deal with it, He said you’ll have to do it again. Because it requires a change of attitude, not a change of circumstance, not a change of location, not a change of dress, not a change of address, but a change of attitude, or He says you’ll just have to go right back and do it again.

Now, what word have you heard in most of these verses? Be what? Slow to anger. Don't react. Don't jump. Don't let something tick you off. Don't live with an anger level that is so strong. Look if you will in the 22nd chapter for a moment. 22nd chapter, verse 24: "Do not associate with a man given to anger or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways and find a snare for yourself."

He says don't become bosom friends with people who are angry. He says because what'll happen is his ways will slide into your ways. You'll pick up on the same attitude. You may pick up on the same words. His influence or her influence may influence your thinking. He says what will happen? You'll learn their ways and find a snare for yourself. You'll find yourself snared, caught, trapped by the same thing.

Let's go from Proverbs to the next book, which is Ecclesiastes, and look, if you will, in the seventh chapter. Listen to what he says. Now, this tells us what we are when we have lingering anger. Here's how God defines us. Verse nine of chapter seven of Ecclesiastes: "Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of what? Of a fool."

Here’s what He says. If you and I allow anger to linger, we’re fools to do that because of its destructive power to us, as well as to other people that we may express it upon. Then go all the way over to the book of James in the New Testament, Hebrews, James, and look, if you will, in this first chapter. First chapter of James, 19th and 20th verses. Listen to what He says: "This you know, my beloved brethren, but let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger."

That is, if I’m quick to hear, if I first of all major on listening carefully to what’s happening, slow to speak having heard first, then I will be slow to anger. "For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." That is, I cannot be right with God and live in lingering anger. Does it mean I can be right with God and have moments of anger? Yes. What am I supposed to do? I’m to deal with them when? I’m to deal with them before the sun sets. I should deal with it right then.

Anger in itself is not a sin. Rage and underlying sin that goes on and on and on over a period of time, that is a sin. Momentary hurts and pains, we have to deal with them. He says, "Be angry and sin not." Check yourself. He said be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Now, that one little sentence right there ought to be a good word for all of us.

He says quick to hear. Listen carefully now. What did they really say? What did they really mean? What does this mean? How am I to interpret this? And then speak. And then he says slow to anger, even after I’ve evaluated it all. So what we have to ask is, this being true, how are you and I to deal with this anger that we have? How are we to handle it? Well, most people handle it by repressing it, suppressing it, by letting it linger in their life, by explosions, or they will deal with it in the proper fashion. So what I'd like to do is to think in terms about how are we to deal with this anger.

I want you to listen carefully now, because no matter how angry you are, whether you're angry at yourself, or at God, or at someone or some circumstance, the first thing you have to do to deal with anger is to own it. "Yes, I am angry." Now, there are a lot of people who will go through their life and they will never be willing to admit that. "Don't tell me I'm angry, because I'm not angry!"

This is really what happens sometimes. When you say to somebody, "Well, I think you're—" "I am not angry!" Well, if you're not, why do you express it even to defend yourself? Because you are. So first of all, you own it. "Yes, I am angry. I’m angry about this. I’m angry about that. I’ve been angry about this over here." I own it first of all.

Maybe it's something back yonder in your past, years and years ago. Something that you thought someone did to you; they may not have even done it. Something you thought they said, when it was somebody else. It’s amazing how people project on people things that absolutely never happened.

First of all, we own it. Secondly, we identify what it is. You see, if you don't identify it, you'll misdirect it. And if you misdirect it, you get hurt, and other people get hurt, and innocent people get hurt. We've seen how devastating that can be, when anger that lingered back there from a father through all these years began to express itself, and now in the most devastating, tragic fashion, misdirected anger, expressing it in the wrong fashion to the wrong people.

So I would say to you, my friend, be certain that you identify what's—ask yourself the question, "Why am I angry? Why am I really angry?" That’s why he says "slow to anger." Ask yourself the question, "Why am I angry? Now, what’s the real source of this? When did this start? Have I been angry a long time? Who am I really angry at? What's causing me to act this way?" Because you see, it always has a source.

But if I’m quick to respond and quick to be easily ignited, I will never deal with the source and I will just keep on hurting people and keep on dividing people and keep on separating people no matter what. And one of the most exciting things to me, and I don’t get into the counseling because I don’t have time to do that, but I can tell you one of the most exciting things to me is to sit down with somebody who is angry or whatever the problem and take that first little, just that little tip end of the iceberg and say, "Now look, let’s find out how big this is. Let’s find out where this goes."

You know what? If somebody will be open and honest with you, even if they won’t, you can find out what the real source of their anger or bitterness or hostility is, because it’s there; the Spirit of God will show you. Another thing I would simply say is not only to identify it and to own it what the source of it is, but deal with it quickly. That's what he says. He says in this particular passage, "Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Do not give the devil an opportunity."

Why do you think He said don't give the devil an opportunity? Because if it lingers, here’s what the devil’s doing all the time: "You are justified in your anger. They deserve it. God understands. He knows all about this. This is what they did, and that’s not right." And you know what happens? Satan will take your lingering anger.

He will build you the most awesome defense. And you can stand, looking anybody in the face, and say, "I’ll tell you why I’m angry. He did this, or she did that, or they did this to me." On and on you go, and you can defend yourself. And what you have to ask is: who was your defending attorney? Satan. It doesn't work. Defending it doesn't work.

A fourth thing, and probably the most difficult thing, is this: I have to forgive whoever hurt me, no matter what. Now, you say, "Well, you know what, that's it." You may be tempted to turn off your radio, but if you do, it’ll be to your disadvantage. Because forgiveness is absolutely the most important aspect of dealing with anger. Anger and unforgiveness are traveling companions. They just match together. I have anger towards you, and because of what you’ve done, I cannot forgive you.

"Oh, I can forgive you, but I can't forget." That's not forgiveness. "I can forgive you, but..." When you put a "but" behind it, you haven't forgiven anybody. Forgiveness is absolutely essential. Listen to what he says. He says, "Put away. Put away all these things. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice," unless you have been wronged. That’s not what it says. "Unless they deserve it." No.

He says put it away, and then not only put it away, he says, "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even just like God has forgiven you." Now let’s ask ourselves the question: how has He forgiven us? When He went to the cross, He paid our sin debt in full: past, present, future. He knew that you and I were going to sin against Him. And listen, His blood has taken care of that. That does not mean I’m not to confess it, does not mean I’m not to repent of it. I am indeed. That is absolutely essential to my fellowship with Him.

So therefore, here’s what I have to ask: do I have any justification whatsoever for being unforgiving towards anyone, no matter what they’ve done to me? How can I be unforgiving towards someone when—now watch this—God has already forgiven me? And secondly, if they're another Christian, He's already forgiven them. If He has forgiven them, how can I not forgive them? It absolutely set me free.

How can I hold something against someone when God doesn't? If someone is not a Christian, it is: "Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. I will repay, says the Lord." You know what? Why should I be angry and let this poison seep into my life and destroy me when God says, "Leave them to me. I’ll take care of them."? If it’s an unsaved person, if it’s somebody who’s doing wicked and they're ungodly, God says, "Don't you try to handle that. Let me handle that."

Don't let sin creep into your life and linger and destroy and poison your whole system, cheating you out of the understanding of love and the expressions of contentment and joy and peace and happiness in your life. Don't allow yourself to be cheated out of all that because of what they—I will deal with them. You see, the truth is, you and I can’t justify an unforgiving spirit.

And therefore, if I’m going to be forgiving, I’ve got to deal with my anger. You cannot be angry and resentful and hostile and bitter and at the same time be forgiving. They just don’t work. So if I’m going to be forgiving, I’ve got to deal with my anger. I’ve got to acknowledge what it is and what the source is. You say, "Well, I’ve acknowledged what it is, I’ve acknowledged the source, and they are the source. They are the reason, they are the cause of all this hurt, all this pain, all this suffering, all this loss. It’s their fault."

And you know what? You and God can both say, "Right." But what is your responsibility? One thing: forgiveness. You have to lay it down. You have to say, "Lord, thank You for Your forgiveness towards me. Thank You that You loved me enough that You forgave me of all my sin. And God, You know I’m weak and frail, I’m going to sin again, and Your forgiveness is there. How can I hold an unforgiving spirit towards someone else, no matter what they’ve done, when my Heavenly Father’s forgiveness is abundant, overflowing, adequate, sufficient, saving, and eternal?" You cannot justify it.

If you're going to deal with anger, you've got to be forgiving. Another thing I would simply say is this, and that is learn to identify—watch this now—learn to identify those things that frequently tick you off, cause you to be angry. It may be something that happens real often. It may be something that happens once a month. It may be something that happens on your job very often. You sort of know it's coming. Or it’s just one of those areas of your life, that's one area—become sensitive to it. Remember what He said: quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

So what do we do? We ask the Holy Spirit. You see, He's one of our assets. We have the Holy Spirit on the inside of us. He says the fruit of the Spirit is self-control. We have the power on the inside of us, in the person of the Holy Spirit, to enable you and me, no matter what we face, to respond in a godly fashion. I may hurt, I may feel the pain, I may get angry for the moment; but to recognize, "Father, enable me to respond to this in the proper fashion. Don't let me respond, God, in an ungodly fashion."

We have Him to enable us, to strengthen us, to help us through these difficult times, no matter what may be going on, no matter what we may feel. Now, if I develop that kind of alertness to what's going on, then I’m going to be able to handle those things that would cause me to be angry. Now, let me ask a question. You've never trusted Jesus as your Savior. You may be angry at God, angry at the church, angry at some pastor, angry at some other Christian, your employer, your friends, your enemies, whoever it might be.

Well, let me ask you a question. Think about this for a moment. Let's suppose that you're angry at somebody who doesn't even know that you're angry toward them. They've never done anything; you just think they have. Do you see how foolish it is for you to be hurting and to suffer, and the poison of anger and bitterness to be flowing through your whole system, affecting your whole body physiologically as well as emotionally, mentally, spiritually? They don't even know it. They're totally immune to the whole idea. And here you are, suffering over something that's a misunderstanding.

It's not worth it. It's not worth it when you can lay it down. He says, "Put it aside." If anger could not be put aside, the apostle Paul would never have said, "Lay it down, put it aside." What does he mean? Face it, identify it, bring it before God, confess it, repent of it before Him, forgive the person that wronged you. If it's a circumstance that you can't put a person's name on, then tell God you acknowledge that He's in control, that He allowed that for some reason in your life and whatever it is you accept His reason though you may never understand.

You just want to be right with Him. And you know what'll happen? You'll be free. You'll sense a joy and a peace and a happiness and a tranquility and a contentment in your life that you can't explain. And you know what happens? It'll make it very difficult for somebody to make you angry.

Now listen carefully. That is not to say that there will not be tragedies that are so awesome in our thinking that clouds our mind for a season of time until we can begin to think properly. But I do believe that no matter how deep it may be and how painful it may be, the capacity to get our focus upon our Lord and not upon somebody else is—listen, it’s not only possible, it is the way God intends for us to deal with anger.

I plead with you in Jesus' name: do not let it linger any longer. Don't let it seethe and just slip out and passively, aggressively, continually express it upon people. You may get by with it as far as they're concerned, but not with God, and most of all, not with your own body and your own life. God offers a gift of peace, contentment, and joy, but only to those who will come to Him and ask for it and accept it.

And Father, how grateful we are for Your wonderful love for us. Deliver every single one of us from any anger, bitterness, hostility, or resentment. Give us the courage to face whatever circumstance or whoever, to ask to make things right in order that Your Holy Spirit can rule and reign in our hearts and the wonderful joy and peace and contentment and happiness that You have for us, we can enjoy every day.

I pray the Holy Spirit will speak to someone who is unsaved and help them to understand: until they’re willing to deal with their sin problem, nothing else is going to work out right. Give us the courage to do just what You said. Before the sun sets today, let there be peace where there has been pain. In Jesus' name, amen.

Guest (Male): Anger can destroy you physically, relationally, and emotionally unless you deal with it properly. As you heard today on In Touch, overcoming anger’s detrimental effects begins with admitting that you’re struggling with these strong emotions and want to turn toward God to change.

For more help in dealing with the volatile emotion of anger, visit us at intouch.org for resources and look for the link to today on radio to listen again. And if you go to our bookstore page, you can order a copy of today’s complete message, "The Danger of Anger". For this and more, log on to intouch.org or call or text us at 1-800-INTOUCH. To write to us, address your letter to In Touch, Post Office Box 7900, Atlanta, Georgia 30357.

Maybe you know someone who believes Jesus was just a good man and a great teacher. Well, listen for some thoughts about that common idea coming up in today’s moment with Charles Stanley.

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Dr. Charles Stanley: Let your time and your schedule and everything about you revolve around this: that you and I are to develop and continue to develop this ongoing, intimate, wonderful, exciting, satisfying, indescribable, wonderful, incomparable relationship with a personal God. Dr. Stanley devoted his entire life to helping us get closer to Jesus, as we all want to do. You can learn how at charlesstanleyinstitute.org.

Guest (Male): You’re listening to In Touch. If Jesus was just a good man but not God, then he was not a good man at all. Think about that as you listen to a moment with Charles Stanley.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Well, let me just say this. When a person says He was a good man, great teacher, and so forth, but He wasn’t deity. Well, you can’t have it that way. Either Jesus Christ was the biggest liar, a counterfeit, and a fraud, who said, "I and the Father are one," and then to say, "Well no, He was just a good teacher." No.

There wasn't anything good about a man who absolutely lied about who He is, who God is, what God is like, and what reality is like. There’s nothing good about a man who does all that. People want it both ways. In this environment that’s so anti-Christ, and they don’t want to upset their friends, and don’t want to get in trouble on their job, and the one thing you don’t want to do is to accept that as the Word of God.

If you do, then you have to recognize that Jesus is supreme. He’s awesome. He’s the Lord of all. And the biggest problem is most people do not want to yield their life to the Son of God. They want to do what they want to do, have the approval of God, don’t talk about consequences, and still be considered a Christian. That’s not what it’s about.

Guest (Male): Stop by intouch.org to learn more about the authenticity of Jesus Christ and how to live a committed Christian life. Tomorrow on In Touch, when things go wrong, our emotions can spiral. So how do we maintain a proper Christ-like attitude? The answer comes Wednesday on In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley.

This program is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia, and remains on this station through the grace of God and your faithful prayers and gifts.