In Touch Ministries

Dr. Charles Stanley: You can’t hide anger. You can’t hide bitterness. You can suppress it, you can repress it, you can cover it up, camouflage it, you cannot keep it down but so long. You see, anger isn’t some little simple emotion that we can just pass off because when it reaches certain stages, it has devastating effects upon a person’s life. Anger can affect a person’s digestive system, respiratory system, circulatory system, every system in the body can be affected by anger.

Guest (Male): A businessman screams at his coworker. A wife refuses to interact with her chronically late husband. A frenzied crowd demolishes a row of businesses. What’s the common thread? People dealing inappropriately with anger. Today on In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley, we’ll uncover the damaging effects of this strong, sometimes violent emotion. Here’s part one of "The Danger of Anger."

Dr. Charles Stanley: How do you respond when you have feelings of anger? What causes you to be stirred up with anger the most? Is it somebody, some people, or is it some circumstance? Do you think that all of your anger is sin? And is it possible to be angry and not know it? And so, what do you do with anger when you feel those angry feelings? Well, that’s what I’m going to talk about in this message entitled "The Danger of Anger."

And I want you to turn, if you will, to Ephesians chapter 4. Paul made some very strong statements in a very short moment in this fourth chapter, beginning with verse 30 and through verse 32. I want us to use this as our basis today for this whole issue of the danger of anger. So, beginning in verse 30 of the fourth chapter of Ephesians, here’s what Paul says:

"Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Now, that’s a strong word about forgiveness and a strong word about anger. He says we’re just to put it away from us. Put it away. All wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you with all malice, being kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other. And probably the most two important words are, "just as God in Christ also has forgiven us."

Well, I want us to look at this whole issue of anger because it is far more dangerous than we realize. Because anger is dangerous. It is dangerous to us physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. Anger is a danger. Now, somebody says, "Well, what is anger anyway?" Well, anger is that feeling of sudden and strong displeasure and antagonism that is directed against a cause that we assume has been wrong done against us, or some injury that you and I have suffered.

So, we assume it. It’s not always true, but we can assume that it’s true. A strong displeasure, strong feeling of antagonism. We get angry. We have these feelings. We want to do something in return. So, when you think about anger, let’s think about it in this way for a moment as we think about the whole nature of it, and that’s this: there are some benefits to anger.

So, let’s begin with that. There are some benefits. For example, anger is sort of like a headache. It is an indication that something on the inside is not right. It is also a feeling, an emotion, that can catapult us, that can move us out of our apathy, that can get us moving into life. And sometimes it can be used to accomplish and achieve things that otherwise we would not because we’ve sort of settled down.

Then something happens. We get angry at the way we’re acting, the way we’re living, the way we’re responding, and so sometimes something very good can come out of it. And the Bible says it certainly is not all a sin. Look, if you will, in the 26th verse of this same chapter and notice what Paul says. He says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

So, it’s very clear in the Bible that all anger is not sin, though usually, we think when we become angry, "well, I’ve sinned against God." It depends upon the nature of that, which we’ll talk about in just a moment. Uncontrolled anger is a very dangerous form of anger. Anger that is controlled is also very dangerous. And so, when you and I think about the kinds of anger there are, I want us to think about it because oftentimes people don’t consider the fact that there are different types of anger.

And first of all, there is rage. Rage is uncontrolled anger. Rage is an outburst of this feeling of aggression or this feeling of great displeasure and antagonism towards someone or some situation or circumstance that you believe or feel that has caused you some hurt or some injury. It is an explosion. It’s open warfare.

There is another form of anger that’s more subtle. It could be, in many ways, more destructive, and that’s resentment. Now, resentment is anger that has been repressed. That is, I may know it’s there, or may not even be sure it’s there or not understand what I’m feeling, but you just suppress it. You push it down. "I will not deal with it. I will not accept it. I will not handle it." You just push it down.

And you push it down and push it down and push it down. And what happens is that oftentimes people live most of their life with repressed anger, with a feeling of resentment. Rage is directed toward people and circumstances. It can be devastating. It is very deadly in its expression. Rage desires to hurt. Rage desires to bring pain. So does resentment, but in a different fashion.

It can be more subtle. It can be passive-aggression. It can cause harm. It can be destructive in ways that do not seem on the surface to be as a result of something this person did when, ultimately, that’s the source of it. And so I want to say to you, my friend, that whoever you may be, if you’re angry toward someone and you say, "Well, you know, well, I have mine under control."

You may not have outbursts of aggressive rage, but if it’s on the inside and you have not dealt with it, that resentment is still there. And if it’s there, here’s one thing for certain: it is poisoning your entire system. You are being poisoned 24 hours a day as long as you allow that anger to express itself in small ways, insignificant ways, maybe nobody else knows what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling, but your mind knows and your body is feeling the effect of it.

Well, there’s another form of anger, and I want you to turn, if you will, to another passage here in Mark. If you’ll look, if you will, at the 10th chapter of Mark, and I want you to notice something here Jesus says. This is another form of anger, and that is indignation. What is indignation?

The 13th verse of the 10th chapter of Mark says: "And they were bringing children to him so that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. And when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, 'Permit the children to come to me. Do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'"

Now, indignation is a form of anger that is based on genuine love. It is a desire to help someone who is being wronged, a desire to correct some wrong. Indignation is not an explosion of rage. Indignation is based on a whole different perspective and attitude. And while rage and resentment are based on selfishness, something that a person desires, it is inner pain and inner suffering because of what is done to them, indignation is a righteous form of anger.

And so, there are three forms you have to think about. There is rage, which is explosive. This is open warfare against someone or some situation. There is resentment, which is subtle. It’s suppressed, but it’s still anger, and ultimately, it’s going to have the same attitude of selfishness, vengeance, get even with, no matter what. It may be quiet. It’s sort of like guerrilla warfare.

So when you compare the two of them, rage is like open warfare; guerrilla warfare is resentment, but it’s still warfare against someone who has wronged us or hurt us or harmed us in some fashion. Very destructive, very dangerous, no matter what. Now, when you think about the causes, why are people angry? What causes people to be angry?

Well, one of the first things I think you and I could mention, and one of the simplest, is this: and that is, we don’t get our way. When some people don’t get their way, they get angry. They don’t stop to ask the question: Why? Is it best? Or what’s the will of God? Or what’s His purpose and plan for my life? Is He in control? They just don’t get their way, they get angry.

So, they do what little children do: they throw a tantrum. And the truth is, it’s just selfishness going on. And no matter what a psychologist may say, the truth is it’s pure sin. Now, it’s amazing how many names we’ve changed from what the Bible calls sin to something else. But when I don’t get my way and I get angry at the person or the circumstance, I’m sinning against God. That is not righteous indignation; that’s just pure sin.

As we said, all anger is not sin, but much of it is, and probably the vast majority of it is. Just pure sin. Don’t get our way. For example, a person feels rejected. And a person who feels rejected, they’re going to be angry. For example, if you feel that someone whom you love rejects you, your first response is hurt. Well, hurt oftentimes is just pure anger because it’s painful. And you want the person, and they don’t love you or they don’t want you, and so the end result is an emotion of anger.

It is a natural, normal response to feel angry when you feel unloved and rejected. I didn’t say it was right, I didn’t say it was good, I didn’t say it wasn’t sinful, but it’s a natural, normal response. That our first impression is to feel, why don’t you love me? Am I not worth loving? Am I not worth caring for? You brought me into this world, you say you don’t want me, you don’t care, you want me to get out.

So naturally, we’re raising a whole generation of children whose rage has already begun to express itself. And so we look to a generation ahead of us wondering, how in the world will we be able to cope with a whole generation of people growing up who are living in the angry mode all of the time? Why? Because they came up in a situation where anger was created. And so, therefore, rejection is certainly one of the primary causes that a person has to deal with.

Sometimes that cause may be the fact that a person feels threatened. If a person feels threatened about losing their job, or if they feel threatened by some danger, if a person feels threatened and in danger, usually there is a sudden surge of strength and of adrenaline, whether to run or to fight or whatever it might be, that can be good.

But when that person is threatened, maybe their sense of self-worth is threatened by feeling rejected, or their job or their finances is threatened, or they feel crowded. You push them in a corner, they feel crowded. What happens is they become angry. They don’t want to feel that way. And so they have to deal with that.

So, one of the primary reasons that people are angry is because of past things that have happened to them. Or it may be something past that they themselves have done to themselves as a result of their own actions. They’re angry at themselves. They don’t like what they’ve done. They can’t get away, they are haunted by it. And so as a result, they become angrier and angrier and angrier because they don’t know how to deal with what’s on the inside.

They can’t reach it, they can’t touch it, they can’t see it, they don’t know how to get it out. And so, granted that many people are angry and remain angry and live in that anger because they don’t know how to deal with it. They don’t know what to do to face it. Or oftentimes they’re afraid. It is a fearful thing, my friend, to face deep, abiding anger.

Because here’s what you’ll find: anger is the root of many things. And so oftentimes our actions, our attitudes, our words, what we say, the way we treat people, is the result of this inner anger. And so, therefore, when a person begins to open up and look inside to see what’s going on, it’s absolutely frightening to them. Because when they see just the tip, they know that’s an iceberg.

And realizing it’s an iceberg, they think, if it’s this bad just looking at this, what will I have to deal with? So they shut it up, repress it, suppress it, forget it, move on. Suppress it, repress it, forget it, yes. Move on, yes. Get away from it? No. Eliminate its destructive force in your life? No, you cannot. You have to deal with anger, or it is going to bring destructive forces into your life.

People you work with, for example, they just blow up over nothing. You look in their eyes. And if you learn how, you look in someone’s eyes, you can tell they’re angry or not. You can check their countenance, you can tell whether they’re angry or not. You can’t hide anger. You can’t hide bitterness. You can suppress it, you can repress it, you can cover it up, camouflage it, but if they’re angry, before long, you’ll see it.

And before long, you know what? They’re going to express it. You cannot keep it down but so long. And this is one of the devastating things about anger, and that is where it gets expressed, upon whom it gets expressed. And oftentimes it is projected upon people who are absolutely, totally innocent of what’s going on. And we have certainly seen that in these days.

Innocent people devastated by someone’s anger, lingering anger, that exploded on a certain condition. And so anger is a very dangerous emotion. Doesn’t have to be sin, the Bible says, but so often it is a sin. Now, let’s think about for a moment what are the lingering effects. Anger can affect a person’s digestive system, respiratory system, circulatory system, every system in the body can be affected by anger.

People have strokes, people have heart attacks. You see, anger isn’t some little simple emotion that we can just pass off because when it reaches certain stages, it has devastating effects upon a person’s life. And oftentimes because people are unwilling to deal with it, naturally they’re unwilling to be forgiving. And when you put those two together, and they usually go together, you put those two together, you have all kinds of divisiveness.

Whether it’s in a family, whether it’s among friends, or whether it’s in a church, in your business, whatever it might be, your business partners. If somebody is not willing to deal with anger, there becomes this unforgiving spirit between them and before long, there’s a breakup, there’s a dissension, there’s a fraction, there’s fragmentation, there’s hurt, there’s pain, there’s suffering of all kinds. Because you see, that’s just the consequence of anger that is undealt with.

Another thing that happens, another result of it, is passive-aggression. Now, what’s passive-aggression? Let’s say, for example, that you’re angry at your employer. You don’t think you made enough money, you don’t think they’re treating you right, they passed over you for this particular promotion. So what happens? You’re ready to leave in the afternoon and it’s about 5:30. Most people are gone, and you notice there’s a big leak over here in this water fountain.

And I mean, it’s in the floor and it’s going right down to the next office, it’s going right to the next ceiling and you say, "You know what? That’s not my fault. I didn’t do it, that’s their problem. They deserve it anyway." So you go on home. You say, "Well, now, I didn’t cause the leak." No, you didn’t. But why would you walk out? Why would you walk out without telling someone?

Why would you not try in some fashion to prohibit that? Why wouldn’t you try to correct it? I’ll tell you why. Because you have a level of resentment, and it takes the form of passive-aggression. I won’t say this is always true because sometimes it can be a chemical reaction in a person’s life, but probably most depression, notice I said probably most depression, is the result of unresolved conflicts, anger in a person’s heart.

So they get depressed. And so the lingering results of anger is depression. Now, what does that lead to? Well, you go to the doctor and what does he do? He gives you some antidepressant. And before long, you get another antidepressant. Before long, you’re taking this, and you’re taking that, and you’re taking the other. And what you’re doing is, each time you do that, you just try to cover up, cover up, cover up.

That helps you repress it. That helps you suppress it. That helps you in your denial. And so what are they doing? Instead of dealing with S-I-N. I want to tell you, my friend, there’s not enough things in the world, there are no things created in the world, there’s not enough of anything in the world to deal with your anger. Buying things and eating more and taking drugs and getting on alcohol and having affairs, none of these things are going to settle the key issue, which is to face your anger.

But if you let it linger, this is the way you’ll respond. You’ll respond in all different kinds of ways. And so, some people just get hostile, and so hostile you can’t live with them. And I would just simply say this about anger, and that is: when you’re angry, let me just remind you of two things don’t do. Number one: do not make important decisions when you’re angry because you can’t think accurately.

Oh, yes, I can. No, you can’t. Do not make important decisions when you’re angry. Secondly: don’t make judgments against other people when you’re angry because, more than likely, you’re projecting something on them that has been done to you. And you are projecting on them what you think or what you may feel. Remember we said "an assumed wrong" that has been done to you.

So two things you don’t do: you don’t make important decisions when you’re angry. You say, "But suppose I’m at a deadline and I have to make a decision." Then, friend, cool off and deal with your anger before you make that decision. Don’t make important decisions when you’re angry. Don’t make judgments against other people when you’re angry.

Guest (Male): Today’s In Touch program closed with practical directives. Don’t make important decisions or rash judgments against other people when you’re angry. Those guidelines can help keep you from making mistakes that you’ll regret. We’ll hear more about dealing with anger tomorrow.

Maybe you need help handling a difficult situation. Take a look at the biblically based resources at intouch.org and go through what you just heard by following the link to Today on Radio. And if you’d like to have a copy of Dr. Stanley’s complete message, you can order online. The title is "The Danger of Anger." Our web address again is intouch.org. Call or text to 1-800-INTOUCH. If you prefer, you can write to us at In Touch, Post Office Box 7900, Atlanta, Georgia 30357.

The Bible is God’s revealed truth, and only His Holy Spirit can help us truly understand it. Hear about the power of Scripture coming up in today’s Moment with Charles Stanley.

Guest (Male): We’re not the first to seek a life of purpose. The Bible tells of many who followed a specific path step by step with courage, with surrender, for a deeper purpose, a stronger passion, a lasting peace. Introducing your path to purpose, passion, and peace. A new 90-day devotional inspired by the timeless teaching of Dr. Charles Stanley. Available now at intouch.org/store.

Guest (Female): Does your prayer life need a jump start? With the In Touch Praying with Purpose Cards, the time you spend talking with God will take on a whole new level of energy and intimacy. Beautifully designed and easy to use, or to share with a friend, there are prayers to lift up each day of the month along with corresponding Bible verses and more. For your set of Praying with Purpose Cards, call 1-800-INTOUCH or go to intouch.org/store.

Guest (Male): You’re listening to In Touch. If your search for truth is genuine, you can count on the Holy Spirit to shine a light on it. Here’s a Moment with Charles Stanley.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Revelation is what God gives the mankind that man couldn’t get any other way. Inspiration is what the Holy Spirit did when He spoke through the writers to write. Illumination is what the Holy Spirit does to you and me when you and I open the Word. The Bible says, "The entrance of thy Word giveth light." Illumines my mind and helps me to understand the revelation.

What makes this book different from all other books is it is the divine revelation of God. He’s never given it but once. It is the unfolding truth about God given to man by God. The Bible is the story of God’s redeeming love from Genesis to Revelation. That’s what it’s all about: God’s redeeming love. That’s the power of the Word of God. You don’t have to sit in church for 40 years and hear it to get saved. You can hear it one time and be saved.

That’s the power of the Holy Spirit illuminating a darkened mind to know the truth when within that mind there is a desire to know the truth. Listen, whenever you pray this prayer, "God, show me the truth," here’s one prayer God will always answer because He wants us to know the truth. He says this faithful word, faithful to save, faithful in guidance.

How many times you and I have been to the Word? How many times I’ve been on my face before God, not knowing what to do, open the Word, say "God, speak to my heart, speak to my spirit, show me the truth." And God lead me to a passage of Scripture. It couldn’t be any clearer than if He just said, "Dear Charles." Such clear, distinct, unquestionable direction.

And I believe I can say without any question: every single time I’ve ever come to God, and I don’t mean I just come to Him every day and just flip open the Bible, every time I’ve ever come to Him asking for direction in an area in which I needed to know God’s guidance and asked Him to show me the truth and confirm it in His Word, without fail, every single time. Every one of those decisions has proven to be absolutely right.

Guest (Male): The Holy Spirit reveals our need to receive God’s forgiveness and fuels the Christian life. Learn more at intouch.org. And if today’s program has motivated you to obey God in a new way, we’d love to hear from you. Tomorrow on In Touch, we’ll learn about one of the hardest parts of anger, and that’s letting go. Join us Tuesday for In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley. This program is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia, and remains on this station through the grace of God and your faithful prayers and gifts.