In Touch Ministries

Dr. Charles Stanley: The Christians today as well as lost people today who are tossing, throwing, aiming, javelins, verbal javelins at people to pin them to the wall, to destroy their reputation, to annihilate and assassinate their character. Why? Because anger like acid boils and fumes within them, and oftentimes they do not even know that they're angry.

Male Announcer: Is something bothering you but you just can't quite identify it? Something that makes you react irrationally or with way too much emotion? It could be the presence of unresolved anger. Well, in today's edition of In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley, we'll continue our study of First Samuel to explain how to neutralize the acid of anger. Let's join Dr. Stanley for that message.

Dr. Charles Stanley: Would you please turn to First Samuel chapter 18? First Samuel chapter 18. "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father's house."

Then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely.

And Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul's servants. And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of music.

And the women answered one another as they played, and said, "Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands." And Saul was very wroth, or angry, and the saying displeased him; and he said, "They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom?"

And Saul eyed David from that day and forward. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand. And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, "I will smite David even to the wall with it." And David avoided out of his presence twice.

And Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with him, and was departed from Saul. Now, anger is a universal problem and one that God deals with. I want us to look at this passage of Scripture and answer some very, very pointed questions that I believe every believer needs to examine when it comes to handling the emotion of anger.

David has just killed Goliath, and he's returned to Saul with the head of Goliath in his hand. And the Scripture says that when David came back and he was honored because of this tremendous victory, that all the women in Israel came out singing and dancing and playing on their musical instruments and probably without any real intention of doing this, they said, "Saul has slain his thousands, but David has killed his ten thousands."

And all of a sudden, there rose up in Saul a tremendous sense of jealousy. A jealousy that immediately spawned anger, and resentment, and bitterness, and aggression, and hostility. And that hostility and aggression and anger and resentment all zeroed in on one young man called David.

The Scripture says, if you'll notice in verse eight, Saul was angry and the saying displeased him. Verse nine: "And Saul eyed David from that day forward." And verse 10 says, "It came to pass on the morrow that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul." And verse 11 says, "And Saul cast the javelin," and he said, "I will smite David even to the wall with it."

What an amazing expression of anger. That the king of Israel, anointed by God himself, that king could be willing to throw a javelin and pin that young man to the wall, that is, murder him in his own household. But I want to tell you something. The Christians today, as well as lost people today, who are tossing, throwing, aiming, javelins, verbal javelins at people to pin them to the wall, to destroy their reputation, to annihilate and assassinate their character.

Why? Because anger like acid boils and fumes within them, and oftentimes they do not even know that they're angry. Now, first of all, let's talk about this matter. Let's just examine anger for a few moments. What is anger? Anger is a sudden feeling of displeasure and antagonism toward what we assume to be an irritating factor. It can be an environment, a situation, or a person in our life.

A sudden inner displeasure that begins to engulf the person who's feeling it. Now, the capacity or the all-inclusiveness of that engulfment depends upon our ability to react properly toward the thing that is making us angry. But now let me tell you something. The most dangerous, the most dangerous kind of anger is unconscious anger. That is anger that is brooding and burning and acid-like on the inside, and we don't even know it's there.

We're angry at our situation in life. We don't like our circumstances. We don't like this job. We don't know what to do with our children. We don't like the world situation. We don't like the economy. We get angry. And let me tell you something, you cannot be sensitive to the needs of a person toward whom you are angry. You can't do it because anger encases you in your own compartmental wall.

Anger makes it impossible for you to be sensitive to other people's needs. And this is why husbands and wives and teenagers and the gap between the young and the old, we say, "Well, we don't understand." And sometimes a father or a mother becomes very angry toward their children. Therefore, they become insensitive to their needs. Therefore, they can't talk their language. They can't feel the frustrations that kid feels.

And so what happens? Their anger builds up a distance between them, and somehow they're insensitive to them, and then they begin to lash out. And their anger and bitterness and resentment begins to build, and they begin to criticize their children. And what do you have? You have a tremendous, horrible split in a family, and most people don't even realize it all began with anger.

"I'm not getting my way with my kids. I want them to do what I want them to do when I want them to do it. I don't get my way, so I'm angry." There are many parents today who've been angry with their parents, many teenagers who are angry toward their parents. Anger, when it is subconscious. You see, sometimes you can find the sweetest, little old, gentlest person. And if you pull the top off them, it just would be like a volcano, just blow sky high.

Why? Because they're suppressing their anger. Now, let's look at this matter of righteous indignation. You say, "Well, now, is all anger bad?" All anger is not bad because if all anger were bad, Jesus would have been bad, and so would God. Because the Bible is filled with verses of Scripture that speaks of God's anger and wrath toward the wickedness of man.

You say, "Well, you mean I can get angry and it be legitimate?" Well, that depends on what kind of anger you have. Now, let's look at Jesus. Because when he walked into the temple after he'd braided him a nice long cord, and he began to sling that thing around, when he walked into that temple, I mean he moved that just like the strong man that he was.

He started to heal somebody one day on the Sabbath day, and the Scripture says he turned to those and he said to them, "Why are you angry?" And he expressed anger toward their resentment toward him for healing a man on the Sabbath day. When you turn to the 23rd chapter of Matthew, there is no more scathing passage of Scripture in all the Bible than the 23rd chapter of Matthew.

I mean, for the whole chapter, he just pours it on the Pharisees and the Sadducees. Well, he doesn't speak in kind, gentle little words. "Well, you fellows are all just a bunch of hypocrites," and so forth. I mean, he poured it on them. Now, you say, "Well, that makes me feel pretty good, because that's the way I feel when I get angry."

But now wait a minute. The Scripture says, Ephesians—look at that, you ought to mark that one down because next time you get angry and you get to justifying it, there's the other part of that passage. Verse 26, Ephesians four: "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath." Jesus didn't go to bed that night like you go to bed when you're angry.

Boiling, churning, taking a pill so he can sleep. He says, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." Now, what was Jesus expressing when he was expressing that anger? He was expressing righteous indignation. There may be many names for it, but the simple name is he was upset. He was angry. Now, if you're going to express righteous anger, there must be several things that you'll have to check up on to see if you have them.

And get this down. Number one, his anger was controlled. Now listen. There are times when we ought to get upset, when we ought to be angry, when we ought to be able to express toward that which is evil and that which is unrighteous. We ought to be able to express righteous indignation, but it is not an uncontrollable, lose-your-head kind of anger. It is controlled, deliberate, directed, spirit-controlled anger.

The second thing, not only controlled, but it must be anger without resentment. "Here's what you did to me; here's what I'm going to do in your return." You see, anger that is retaliation, anger that is, "Here's my cause," anger that is toward someone else, a resentment toward people. A caustic bitterness that grows and boils and like acid it just fumes and fumes and fumes.

Listen, that kind of anger, my friend, will eat you up on the inside and literally destroy you as a person. Righteous indignation is controlled anger. Righteous indignation knows no resentment. Righteous indignation is unselfish. It is not anger because somebody has wronged you, and most Christians express that kind of anger.

And I tell you, my friend, that is illegitimate. That is pure sin. He says put away that kind of anger. And then the fourth thing that is essential here is that it must not be against people. You see, now we can see people do or say things and we can become very angry at the act. We can become very angry at the situation. We can become angry at the circumstance they create while we are loving that dear brother.

We can become very, very angry. So when you become angry toward someone else, unless it is controlled, unless it is unselfish, unless it is without resentment, unless your anger has those characteristics, and you know that it is not against people, my friend, that anger is absolute sin spelled S-I-N. You say, "But you don't know what they've done to me."

That has absolutely nothing to do with it. Listen, watch this. You may say, "That's what I'm angry at. I've been mistreated. I've been done in." But I want to show you the problem. If you don't deal with anger and hostility properly, it'll float on you. And let me give you an example right here in this passage.

In chapter 20, Saul and Jonathan are having a conversation. Verse 30: "Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan." And he said to him—now listen. His anger was kindled against David because these women were praising him. Now his anger is kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, "Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother's nakedness?"

Watch this. A perfect example of what uncontrolled anger does. It not only will zero in on the thing out there that really irritated you at the beginning, but when you can't get your way and you keep on expressing resentment, hostility, and bitterness out there because it does not relieve you, what happens? Then you find something a little closer that you can be critical and sarcastic and gossip about.

Want to tear down somebody else. Had you asked Saul, "Do you love Jonathan?" "Sure, I love Jonathan." But his anger and his hostility and his jealousy and his pride and his arrogance and his resentment and his bitterness toward David destroyed his own home. Here they are talking, and so verse 32: "And Jonathan answered Saul his father and said to him, 'Wherefore shall he be slain? What hath he done?'"

And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him. Whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father—in other words, here's what he's saying. You see, Jonathan knew that his father's anger had reached such a pinnacle of explosion. When he picked up that javelin and threw it at his own son, the Scripture says that Jonathan knew who he was really throwing it at was at David.

Now, my friend, listen. That ought to say something to us very loudly and very clearly. That if you do not deal with your anger properly and quickly, sometimes you will destroy and drive out and separate the ones you love the very, very most because you can't deal with your anger. Here he was trying to pin his own son to the wall, not because he was that angry at his son.

But you see, his anger and bitterness toward David he transferred to his own son. Now, what I want to show you in just a moment here is how to deal with anger. How does a Christian deal with anger? First of all, you confess it. That is, you're willing to acknowledge and express it in three directions. First of all, to God: "Lord, I am angry and I know I'm angry. I've got hostility, I've got bitterness, I've got resentment, I've got jealousy, I've got pride, I've got all the rest of it. It's in my heart and I'm just angry."

Secondly, I must be willing to confess it to myself. Now listen. There is a fine line here between being honest with God and being honest with yourself. You can tell God something and never be honest with yourself about it at all. To confess it myself, I must be willing to say, "Lord, I am angry within me. I am expressing anger. I'm feeling anger. I know that I'm angry inside."

You see, got to be willing to acknowledge it to myself: "I am angry, and Lord, here is the reason I'm angry, or Lord, I don't know why I am, but I know I am, and I need you to help me to get over this matter of being angry." I must confess it to him. I must confess it to myself. And the third thing is this, and that is you've got to be willing to forgive those who are responsible.

Now let me tell you how to do that. You get by yourself, or if you've got some counselor, somebody you can trust, and if you've got somebody else with you, you have an extra chair; make it an empty chair. And if it's your father, you don't go to him, you see him in the chair. Now, he's not really there, but in your mind, he's there.

And you tell him that you really forgive him for programming into your life low self-esteem. That I won't ever measure up. That I won't ever amount to anything. That I'm a nobody. That I really don't count. That physically I'm too thin or too fat. Or I'm ignorant and I'm not a good student. And all you forgive him. As you trace back the things that have contributed to what you're feeling, you put everybody in that chair that God brings to your mind, and you forgive them for their part in contributing to whatever you're having to deal with in your life.

Now let me say one other little thing. There are times when anger can become so deeply rooted and so entrenched in the human life that sometimes you may need help beyond just confession to help you to be able to trace it all back and get it at its very root. Now let me say one last thing. I know people who are angry toward their mother or their father, toward the people they work with, toward the people they associate with, their friends, their social acquaintances.

But I know just like you know that there's some people who are angry at God. Come to church, they read the Bible, they sing hymns, they pray, and everything is just sweet. But deep down inside, it's all acid. Is there anything in your life you'd like to blame God for? Let me ask you something. Do you think it's possible that one of the reasons for the frustration of your heart is that you're angry?

You say, "Well, how do I get rid of my anger toward God?" Tell him about it. Don't hold back anything. Just confess it to him and tell him that you want him to take that out of your heart. And if you need some help to discuss it with somebody, he'll send somebody your way to help you to be able to trace back the root cause of why you're angry at God.

But listen, anger with your brother will keep you out of fellowship with God. Anger toward God will keep you out of fellowship with him. And I want to encourage you this morning, if you've never trusted Jesus Christ as your Savior, take the first step. And you're willing to accept his Son, Jesus Christ, as your Savior. You want him to deal with your anger. You don't know how to deal with it, but you're willing for him to deal with your heart. God will take the first step toward you if you'll allow him to deal with your anger.

Male Announcer: You're listening to In Touch. Correctly dealing with anger is impossible by yourself. Begin the process by first asking Jesus to deal with your sin. And once he becomes your Savior, then you can trust him to lead you through any difficulty that you're going to face.

And you'll learn more about becoming a Christian and how to live as a follower of Christ when you visit us at our website, intouch.org, to review what you heard. You can click on Today on Radio on our homepage. And if you go to the bookstore page, you can order a copy of Dr. Stanley's complete message from today. We call it "The Acid of Anger." Or order his teaching set titled "Pursuing God's Heart."

Our web address again is intouch.org, or you can call or text us. The number for that is 1-800-IN-TOUCH. You could also write to us at In Touch, Post Office Box 7900, Atlanta, Georgia 30357. We'll hear another illustration about the acid of anger just ahead in today's moment with Charles Stanley.

Guest (Male): We're not the first to seek a life of purpose. The Bible tells of many who followed a specific path step by step with courage, with surrender for a deeper purpose, a stronger passion, a lasting peace. Introducing your path to purpose, passion, and peace. A new 90-day devotional inspired by the timely teaching of Dr. Charles Stanley. Available now at intouch.org/store.

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Guest (Female): "From the Pastor's Heart" is an in-depth teaching letter inspired by the teachings of Dr. Charles Stanley. To receive In Touch's "From the Pastor's Heart" letter, call 1-800-IN-TOUCH or visit intouch.org/pastorsheart.

Male Announcer: You're listening to In Touch. "How do I get to the root of my anger?" Here's a moment with Charles Stanley.

Dr. Charles Stanley: I used to work in the textile mills in Danville, and I worked on a bleach range where all this cloth would come through. It was brown, about like the top of this, almost as brown as this, maybe not quite as dark. When it went through that caustic acid, it came out sheeting, just like you put on your bed, white sheets.

You could take one drop of caustic acid, one drop and drop it on your finger, and if you didn't do anything to it, it would eat a hole clean through your finger. Let me tell you something. When you've got anger, you're resentful toward somebody, you're hostile toward somebody. Man, you don't like them. Maybe even in your own family.

And you see, when you are angry and you refuse to deal with it and you continually suppress that anger, you may bury it, but you don't bury it dead, you bury it alive. You say, "I'm going to get busy or I'm going to do this or I'm going to really work at this area of my life." You're going to do all these things, say, "That'll get rid of it."

You see, when you bury anger, you don't bury it dead, you bury it alive, and it works, and it eats, and it burns, and it destroys all the time. If anger is something you struggle with, our resources at intouch.org can help you honestly deal with it based on your faith in Jesus Christ.

Male Announcer: Has the good news of the gospel changed your life? Well, if this program has been a part of that journey, please let us know. Next week on In Touch, our study of First and Second Samuel continues as we turn our attention to Israel's greatest Old Testament king. Learn practical lessons from the life of David on In Touch, the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley.

This program is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia, and remains on the station through the grace of God and your faithful prayers and gifts.