Grace Thoughts

Guest (Male): Hello friends. Welcome to Grace Talks, the radio ministry of Grace Connection Church with Pastor Tim Kelly. Grace Talks has been dedicated to preaching a clear gospel of grace for over 20 years. Here is Pastor Kelly.

Tim Kelley: We faced a big decision years ago and to this day I I could look at the fruits of that decision and see it looked bad even though I think it was good. We made a couple of big decisions like this. In fact, two of the biggest decisions I've made in my marriage, my wife went along with, seems like the two worst decisions of my life. But I refused to admit I was wrong. But but there's one we had to move to Springfield, Mass. Some of you remember that. And we was 1,300 miles away, 1,353 exact.

And and I remember thinking I think this is what the Lord wants us to do. I remember my wife saying, are you sure? It's a long way away. I have a 3-year-old, I had a 9-year-old in the house. It's a long way away and it was like a temporary move just in 1 to 2 years and and the situation we had somebody coming in to take care of the church here and and yeah, I think God wants us to do that. And we did it. And she went along. Because she think it was what God wants.

It's what what she wanted. She came under my cover, my leading. She came under my headship for that. And another situation a few years later she did the same thing. Now I'm talking of 30 years. I've never told my wife to submit to me, never had to. It's never on my radar screen. If she wasn't submitting to me, I don't think I'd know it. Submission between me and my wife, marriage order between me and my wife is not even a relevant issue in our relationship. Every couple is different, every marriage is different. And I want to give this and say this is the first service, but I want to bring this out.

In other words, you as a guy, you may write out the checks every day, you may do the the books and the finances and that's great. Some of you ladies, you do the books and the finance, that's great. Who has a gift in it? Do it. If you both have a gift in it, who's got more energy? Just do it. Long as it gets done, it gets done right, it gets done biblically. Talk about it if you need to. I've never had to tell my wife not to buy anything. I've never had to tell my wife give my wife a budget to stay in.

She just always does. That's just her. Not everyone's like that, not every guy's like that, not every woman's like that. Sometimes there has to be parameters. Sometimes people do have spending issues. I counseled a couple 20 years ago now. The man came in was like says like this. He goes I came home from work, my wife bought a new car. Nothing wrong with the old one. She just went in, got sold and bought a new car. We couldn't afford a new car. Now we're this much in debt. And turns out and further subsequent appointments that the wife just had a difficult she had a a an issue with money.

She could not not spend. So we had to work a plan of their marriage where she didn't touch the money at all because she was unreliable with it. Just it was her the exception, not the rule. What I'm saying is this you can define your order per marriage. But understand that there is an order. My wife wants a type of flooring, I have no opinion. She wants to change the color of the walls, I have no opinion. She wants to buy a vase and move this over here, that couch over here, I have no opinion.

Some guys you have opinions, then that's fine. I have no opinion. If she's happy, I'm happy. Happy wife, happy life. However, you can write that down. It's not original. However, if there's something I have an opinion about then she listens. And I I do the same with her. Ladies, let me just say this God has your back. He's bigger than he is. It might be a little scary sometimes but he's bigger. God's bigger than that. Number three, got your husband is not God. Now some of you find that shocking. Some of you saying oh husband, oh honey, I could have told you about that.

I know that. He might be the devil but he ain't God. He's a a God but not the God, if you know what I mean. But some of us treat him like he is God in the sense that he's our first stop on the emotional freak out. The emotions come in, the bills, the kids do something, the pressure is coming on and who do I dial? And the husband at lunch with four people going oh yeah, honey, yeah, I love you too, sweetheart. Yeah, that's good. Listen, if you're freaking out, freak out. But don't bring him into the freak out.

Some guys are going oh, thank you so much, Pastor Kelly, for saying that. In other words, make your first stop Jesus Christ. Stop there first. It's okay to call him. It's okay to unload in a sense tell them what the burdens are but understand he's not God. Chances are he can't fix them. Chances are he's not can't do anything about it and you just look to unload the emotional tension on him and you're not help nothing by doing that. Be filled with the spirit. Starts verse 18 again. Calm down, then communicate. Husbands are coverings their heads, they're not emotional spines.

They can't replace your walk with God. And don't expect them to. It's unfair. Falsely be beautiful. It's easy on easy but you just say now that sounds like a male chauvinist thing there. Be beautiful. Oh, it's it's not. I'm going to read your passage here. Here's another passage that has doesn't get the same attention of Ephesians 5 but it's it's full of instruction of full of of clarity. Let me read you 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 1. In the same way you wise must accept the authority of your husband. That's the same word for submit I'm pretty sure there.

Then even if some refuse to obey the good news, that's your husbands, they refuse to obey the good news of the gospel, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. So if you're married to a barbarian, if you're married to an unbeliever, then then I my godly life becomes a testimony to them. Not me nagging them into the kingdom. You can't nag anyone into the kingdom of God. You can't pigeonhole somebody into the kingdom of God. You can't drag them into the kingdom of God.

They had to come themselves. So you live your life godly. You treat him as Christ would have you treat him. And you watch God move on your behalf. Now watch this. Don't be concerned with outward beauty, of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within. I put that in italics myself. It wasn't italics in the Bible that belongs here with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. Wow. Isn't that cool? Verse 9 of 1 Peter chapter 2.

I want to bring this up because this is this is again I want to be I want to be down and dirty with you here a little bit. I want women to be modest in their appearance. Did you hear that, folks? They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix the hair, by wearing gold pearls or expensive clothes. I'm not against their their way they fix their hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes even but I think the key here is the first sentence. I want women to be modest in their appearance.

And have an inner beauty as Peter said. This is Paul to Timothy. So I want as a woman I want to have an inner beauty not necessarily work everything on the outer beauty. There is so much pressure on women today to be beautiful on the outside. enormous amount of pressure for women for for outer beauty. Listen, just let me get something off my chest here. Ladies husbands, wives, dads um sometimes as a Christian teen or a Christian young lady I just got to put some more clothes on than I 'm wearing. And I understand I'm a Christian and I live in a world that is flashing everybody.

I live in a world that's showing a lot of flash but my goodness I have a Christian worldview. So I take my Christian worldview. It's okay to look good. It's okay to dress well. It's okay to be nice and pretty and gorgeous and beautiful but just don't be flashing the world. Don't take your flesh and put it on Facebook so everyone can see it. I'm a Christian. Come on, people. Put some clothes on. People are looking. It's not good, dads. Dads, don't let your girls go out of the home that way. Say no. You're not going out like that.

That's not right. No. Don't have to say it like that. I'm just a little worked up right now. But it's okay to take leadership in your home and say no, that's inappropriate, sweetheart. I don't want all those young boys your age looking at that part of your body. I'll kill them in love. Because we're Christians. And and and it's so so I I learned to have I learned to say no no no look at this is what God wants. It's it's not okay to flash flesh like the rest of the world. That's what the world does.

I'm not supposed to be like them. I'm supposed to be different from them. It's not okay to be a stumbling block on purpose. Sometimes you're going to be a stumbling block if you're just pretty. Guys are guys. I get that. I'm just saying on purpose. So we as men, as husbands say you know honey, that's beautiful, that's gorgeous but I just know how men think and you might not want to wear that. You might want to put another layer on there or something like that or my little girl, my little daughter, I'll just put my come on, sweetheart.

We're just doing a U-turn and go right back to the bedroom and put a little more clothes on. And and and and and find another here's a piece of burlap and and put that on something like that. Because this is biblical womanhood. This is biblical femininity. We don't we are we are attracted not with the outward they're attracted to the inward. This is how the holy women of of all made themselves beautiful. Watch this now. They trusted God. Didn't trust their husbands. It say they trusted their husbands. Said they trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.

See that again? They didn't say they trusted their husbands. Said they trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. Verse 6 for instance Sarah, Abraham's wife, obeyed, which means listened to her husband Abraham and called him master. And then this is what this is what he says. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. That's a pretty powerful verse. Says you are you are a daughter of Sarah, your example of Sarah Sarah when you do what is right without fear of what your husband's going to do or how he's going to respond.

Now let's look at that for a moment. What did Abraham do to Sarah? He tried to give her away twice to other men. Take my wife, Rodney Dangerfield, please. And he tried he went to the king of Egypt, Abimelech, take my wife because they she was so pretty he was afraid that they would kill him because she was so pretty and take him. So they took his wife. He gave his wife away twice and then God what did God do? He intervened. He said no no no. Abraham, I'm not going to let you do that to your wife.

I'm going to intervene and take your wife back and give her back to you because that's your wife, Abraham. I'm not going to let you be a knucklehead. Takes Abraham back, goes to the the the king, goes to the Pharaoh and just gives him boils, gives him dreams, freaks him out. Tells him you got another man's wife. Oh no. And they run back and Abraham give him a bunch of stuff and tell him to get out of town. God had Sarah's back. So she wasn't afraid of Abraham. Didn't have to be. Because God had Sarah's back.

Sarah was 90 something years old, couldn't bear the promised child. God intervened because God had Sarah's back. Lady, God has your back. If you have a husband that you say you don't think you can come under, don't you worry about that. You just honor God, do it unto God and watch what God may do. When all of a sudden you take the control out of your own hands and you give it back to him he can do a much bigger job on your husband than you ever could. You honor him and watch here what he does with the with your husband.

Lastly, my friends, last thing, have your own walk with God. Be a spiritual giver, ladies, not a spiritual taker. To say what I said earlier, you can't impart what we ourselves don't possess. It all starts with 5:18 again. Be filled with the spirit. You want to be a biblical husband, you want to be a biblical wife, I'm I start with being filled with the spirit of God. Being filled with the spirit of God helps me love my wife as Christ loves the church. Being filled with the spirit of God helps me come under the leadership and the headship of my husband, understanding I'm doing it under God.

That pours Christ into our home, my children, my spouse. Now I'll just say this and I close. My wife has made my home a home. She has brought in a spirit from the music she plays to the sense that she burns to you walk into my home, there's a peace, there's a tranquility, there's a presence of God. People walk in they they say it. I was walking up my driveway with somebody who had out of town they hadn't visited in a while and they're in my driveway. They said I can smell it from here. I don't know what they're talking about.

So we smell what? She said your home. That's your power. You can do that. You can take a house, you can take the bedlam of a bad situation and you can make it a home where people find a place of rest. Guys can't do that that well. We're not gifted that way. We can dig stuff and build stuff kill stuff. We're really good with remote controls. We're gifted with them. But making a home and raising children and investing in kids and being sensitive of spirit, you guys, ladies, you have us beat on that. We need you to be that to us just like you need us to be men of God to you.