From His Heart

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Today we want to talk about fighting for your family. It's a constant thing that you have to work on. Your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your parents, you have to always be working on that. It's a dynamic.

And families are under attack today like never before. And marriages are failing, and families are disintegrating, and children are rebelling, and temptations are abounding. And God is calling us to stand and fight for our family.

Larry Noble: Thank you for joining us today on From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve, who will remind us today that the devil is a real enemy and the devil wants nothing more than to destroy your family. But there is no doubt that family is worth fighting for, and to have the weapons that can defeat the devil is important, too.

We're learning that in this seven-lesson series, We Are Family, from Pastor Jeff, and today's lesson, Fighting for the Family. This is the sixth lesson in this series, and you can listen to those you've missed when you go to fromhisheart.org and click the listen link. Now, open your Bible to the book of Nehemiah, chapter four, today, and let's learn how each of us can stand firm in the battles of life and standing on His word for your family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Today we want to talk about fighting for your family. Not fighting with your family, we already have that down, most of us. Fighting for your family. To fight for your family is worth it. And it is hard because marriage and family are hard things. They're a constant struggle and a constant dynamic. You never get that thing whipped. "Well, I got my marriage whipped, I don't have to work on that anymore."

It's a constant thing that you have to work on. Your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your parents, you have to always be working on that. It's a dynamic. And families are under attack today like never before. And marriages are failing, and families are disintegrating, and children are rebelling, and temptations are abounding. And God is calling us to stand and fight for our family.

Now, to help us understand about the fight, we're going to look at Nehemiah. The book of Nehemiah is about Nehemiah gathering the people of Jerusalem to rebuild the wall. Nehemiah was cupbearer to the king. The king was Artaxerxes, the king of Persia. The year was 445 BC. And Nehemiah had a heart for Jerusalem. Now, he was in Persia, he was far away from Jerusalem, but he heard how bad things were because there was no wall. There was no wall around the city.

Isn't that interesting? Today we're talking about walls on borders. Well, Nehemiah was concerned because there was no wall around Jerusalem. Nebuchadnezzar, when he came in to destroy Jerusalem in 586 BC, one of the things that he did was he tore down the wall and he tore down the temple. And so, when the Jews were allowed to go back after 70 years of captivity in Babylon, Cyrus the Great, who was the king of Persia—Persia had overtaken Babylon—he allowed the Jews to go back.

And so, Zerubbabel led a group of almost 50,000 Jews and they went back. And they went back for the purpose of rebuilding Jerusalem, rebuilding the temple. And they rebuilt the temple in 515 BC, but the walls were still down. And so, here we are, 445 BC. It's been 141 years since Nebuchadnezzar had destroyed the walls. They've been down. Other people had tried to rebuild, but it just never worked.

The Lord put in Nehemiah's heart, "You go, and you get the people to rebuild the wall." It was a massive task, a monumental task. And it was a task that was met with opposition because the surrounding neighbors of Jerusalem—the Arabs and the Samaritans and the Ammonites and the Ashdodites—they did not want to see the wall up. Why? Because a weak Jerusalem meant they could be strong. But if Jerusalem became strong again, then that was going to threaten their power base.

And so, the Scripture says this, Nehemiah chapter four, beginning in verse six: "So we built the wall and the whole wall was joined together to half its height, for the people had a mind to work. Now it came about when Sanballat, who was a Samaritan leader, Tobiah, who was an Ammonite leader, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the Ashdodites heard that the repair of the walls of Jerusalem went on, and that the breaches began to be closed, they were very angry." That word angry means to blaze. I mean, there was smoke coming out of their ears, they were so mad.

And it says in verse eight: "And all of them conspired together to come and fight against Jerusalem and to cause a disturbance in it. But we prayed to our God, and because of them, we set up a guard against them day and night. Thus in Judah, it was said, 'The strength of the burden bearers is failing, yet there is much rubbish, and we ourselves are unable to rebuild the wall.'" They're at the halfway point, and it's hard.

It was exciting when they started and everybody had a t-shirt, "We're building the wall," but now they've hit the halfway point. It is the halfway point of the marathon and you've hit the wall, so to speak, and you just want to quit. So, the strength of the burden bearers is failing. "We ourselves are unable to rebuild the wall." And our enemy said, verse 11: "They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them, and put a stop to the work."

And it came about when the Jews who lived near them, near the enemies, came and told us ten times, "They will come up against you from every place where you may turn." Then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall, the exposed places, and I stationed the people in families with their swords, spears, and bows. They were getting ready to fight.

Here's our question for today: What do we need to know about the fight for our family? What do we need to know? I want to share with you three insights from Nehemiah chapter four. Insight number one: The enemy is real and wants to destroy your family. Nehemiah and the people, they were facing a real enemy. Sanballat was a real enemy. Tobiah was a real enemy. The Ashdodites and the Ammonites and the Arabs, they were real enemies.

And all those names, they kind of encompass enemies to the north, enemies to the south, enemies to the east, enemies to the west, they're just enemies all around them. Just like it is today, Jerusalem sits surrounded by enemies, people that hate Israel. Well, they hated Israel back then and they wanted to destroy Jerusalem and they didn't want to see the walls go up. And so, they were facing a real enemy.

And the real enemy was ridiculing them, they were laughing at them, they were mocking them, they were threatening them with violence, they even said, "We're going to come upon you and kill you if you don't stop this work." They were facing a real enemy. Now, we face a real enemy today. It's not a flesh and blood enemy like they had.

Our enemy, the Bible says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, we don't struggle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." We have a real enemy, but it's a spiritual enemy, and that spiritual enemy has a name and his name is Satan.

Peter says this in 1 Peter chapter five: "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, your opponent, your enemy, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." You have an enemy. I have an enemy. He's the devil. He prowls about like a roaring lion. You hear a lion roar and it's frightening. And he's looking for someone to devour. Literally, it says "to gulp down," as one translation puts it. A roaring lion seeking to attack and kill.

That's the enemy. Jesus said he comes to steal and kill and destroy. And he is out there. He is walking around the perimeter. He's looking for a chink in the armor. He's looking to get in. So the Scripture says, "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert." That word alert means to be watchful, to be diligent. To be on call, so to speak, to have your eyes open and know that, hey, he is out there and I have to be watching for him. I have to be alert.

And there are three areas where he will come, where we need to be alert with this enemy who wants to destroy and kill and steal. Number one: We must be alert concerning our walk with God. Concerning our own hearts, concerning our own walk with God. If the devil wants to destroy your family—and family is so critical and so important, outside of your relationship with God, there's nothing more precious than family—and the devil wants to destroy that.

Because the devil knows if he destroys the family, then he can destroy a society, and that's what we're seeing in our society today. Families are being destroyed and societies are being destroyed as a result of that. And kids grow up angry and rebellious because Dad wasn't there and Mom and Dad weren't there and there wasn't love and there was abuse and there was all sorts of other hellish things.

But it starts with your own heart. So if the devil's going to destroy your marriage, destroy your family, he's going to start with you.

Larry Noble: You simply can't allow that to happen. Pastor Jeff will return in just a moment for more about how to fight the good fight for your family. But first, let me mention the one essential ingredient of a healthy family. Marriages and families are messy. That's because the people who make up those marriages and families are messy. We've all got issues. Not a single one of us is perfect.

So, what can we do to overcome these imperfections and have the healthy family God wants us to have? Well, it takes one simple ingredient: grace. If you want to see grace in action, look how Jesus reacted to the sinful people in his life. Think about the woman caught in the act of adultery in John chapter eight. Jesus didn't beat her over the head with the law, even though she had broken it.

As the crowd was ready to stone her, he said in John 8:7, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Well, Jesus was without sin, and if anyone could have cast a stone at her, it would have been him. But he didn't. Instead, he said to her in verses 10 and 11, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you either. Go from now on, sin no more."

You can learn more about how to apply this grace even when the devil is attacking—or maybe especially when the devil is attacking—your family. And you can do it when you get Pastor Jeff's new seven-lesson series, Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way. And it's also our gift of thanks to you for supporting From His Heart this month with a gift of any amount. It's our fiscal year-end and an important month for us financially.

And we'll also include the companion booklet, I Still Do, written by Pastor Jeff and his wife, Debbie. To get the series and the booklet, call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or go online to fromhisheart.org. Now let's get back to part one of the lesson, Fighting for the Family, and the series, We Are Family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: When you get on an airplane, they always give you the same spiel and most of us tune it out, but we remember enough to know, "I know to put my seatbelt on." And they show you how to do that. I mean, what kind of dummy are you that can't figure out how to put on a seatbelt? But they figure that, well, they might have some out here don't know how to do it.

And then they tell you, "Listen, if we lose cabin pressure, that little thing, that mask is going to fall down. Put your mask on first before you help a child, before you help a loved one, before you help a neighbor." Why do you put yours on first? Because if you don't put yours on first and you die, you're not going to be much help to your neighbor. So, you've got to take care of yourself first when it comes to that.

Now, in the Christian life, in your marriage, in your family, in your home, you've got to make sure your heart is right with God. You've got to be on the alert because the devil is coming. And what is he going to do to a Christian? See, to a non-Christian, he blinds the eyes of the unbelieving so they can't see the grace of God and the glory of God and who Jesus is and what it means to have a personal relationship with Him.

And so, what do they do? A non-Christian ends up having religion but not a relationship with God. And they go through the motions, but they wonder, where's the power? Where's the joy? I just don't see that. It's just a bunch of drudgery. And so the devil wants to make the Christian life drudgery for the lost person. He doesn't see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ.

But how about for the saved person? What does he want to do in the saved person's life? He doesn't just say, "Oh, well, okay, that person got saved. I guess now I just go on to somebody else because they're already saved and I can't do anything to trip them up." No. He comes at you, he comes at me, and he wants to steal our heart away so our heart that was focused on Jesus, in love with Jesus, would start to drift away and start to find lesser loves to capture and encompass and satisfy our hearts—try to satisfy our hearts.

So, we start getting all excited about social media and everything becomes social media and we spend so much time on social media. We get so excited about our favorite school sports team and everything is just that, that, that. And, "Do you love Jesus?" "Oh, sure, I love Jesus, but I really love this." And we don't say it like that, but it's obvious that we really love this and we kind of love Jesus.

The first letter in the book of the Revelation where Jesus gives the seven letters to the seven churches is to the church at Ephesus. And that church had done great things and the Lord praised them. He said, "You put to the test those who call themselves apostles and they are not. You don't endure evil men. You have perseverance. But I have this against you," Revelation 2:4, "that you've left your first love.

You've left your first love. You used to be so in love with me, but you were drawn away from your first love and now you love other things more than you love me, and you need to repent and get back to loving me the way you did at first." Hey, we must be alert concerning our walk with God. How are you doing? What's going on in here? The greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.

Do you do that? Are you growing in your love for Him or, when you're honest with yourself, have other things, lesser things, taken first place? We must be alert concerning our walk with God. Secondly, we must be alert concerning the state of our marriage. We need to work on this thing called marriage. It is so important.

Kids are nervous, many of them, that Mom and Dad aren't going to make it, that Mom and Dad aren't going to last. They see their friends' parents get divorced and they wonder, is that going to happen in my home? No kid wants that. I remember when Sarah was experiencing that with a friend of hers when she was in middle school, and she came home and she was upset and she was nervous and she said, "Mom and Dad, is that going to ever happen with you where you would get divorced?"

And we had to encourage her and just tell her that's never going to happen. I told Debbie a long time ago, if she ever leaves me, I'm going with her. I mean, we're just not going to get divorced. We're going to work out our issues and our differences. And so, we need to be alert concerning the state of our marriage. Nothing ever just happens where you're going great, going great, boom, everything falls apart. No.

It's a slow fade, as the song says. It's little by little by little. A little sleep, as it says in Proverbs, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and then your poverty comes in like a robber and your need like an armed man. It happens little by little by little. So, let me tell you, couples, this is something easy that you can do that will help you in your relationship to make sure that you know the state of your marriage.

Once a week, ask this question. Guys, ask your wife this question: "Honey, on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, one being the worst, how am I doing in my job to love you, to nourish you, and to cherish you? How am I doing?" And let her honestly give you the number. And ladies, you need to tell them the truth. You say, "Well, he ought to know." He doesn't know. He's a guy. He doesn't know.

You need to tell us. And so you tell us, and then that opens up conversation. "Hey, you're a six." "Well, that's not very good. In school, a six out of ten is failing. What can I do to get a D?" You're just trying to work it out, right? I've got to get that up. I've got to get to an eight, at least. And then you flip it, and then the wife says to the husband: "Honey, my job before God is to respect you. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, one being the worst, how am I doing respecting you?"

And it opens up lines of communication so that you can talk through things, so that you know the pulse of your relationship. So, be alert concerning your own heart and your own relationship with the Lord. Secondly, be alert concerning the state of your marriage. And thirdly, be alert concerning the condition of your children.

How are they doing? Proverbs 27:23, the Scripture says this: "Know well the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds." That word for condition is the Hebrew word *panim*, which means the face. Know well the face of your flocks. Know what's going on in your kids' life. Know what's going on in their face. Spend time with your kids to know what is happening in their world.

Don't just assume everything is fine because they're not telling you stuff. You need to spend time with them and quality time and quantity time so that they can feel the freedom to tell you stuff. I was listening today to a TED talk that was given by Sue Klebold. Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold. Dylan Klebold, along with Eric Harris, were the Columbine shooters of 1999.

Killed 12 of their classmates, killed a teacher, wounded 24 others, and then killed themselves. It was horrific, the things that they did. And Sue shared the tragedy that came into their home when their son did something so horrible, so unimaginable. And to be the mother of the son that does that. She said, "He was hurting so deeply and we didn't know."

She said, "I thought I was a good mother. I thought I was there for him. If he had a problem, he could talk to me. I thought he knew that. But he was dying inside. And he was dealing with all these suicidal thoughts and all this anger and all this rage, and we didn't know it." Know well the condition of your flocks and herds. Know the face of your child. Know what's going on in them.

You say—and I've heard this from many parents—well, my kid doesn't let me in. They are just, "No, you're not getting in here." That's why it's a fight. You've got to fight. I'm not talking about you butting in to where they don't even want to be around you, but you let it be known and you spend time with them and start early and start young and putting them to bed and talking to them at night.

Kids will open up more at night. And so, those kinds of things, having Bible stories together and praying together, that opens up communication. Hey, be on the alert because the enemy is out there. He wants to destroy your life, he wants to wreck and ruin your marriage, he wants to steal your kids. Second insight from this story: The Lord is great and will help us as we fight.

Look at verse 12 again: "And it came about when the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times, 'They will come up against us from every place where you may turn.'" Nehemiah said, "Then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall, the exposed places, and I stationed the people in families with their swords, spears, and bows. And when I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials, and the rest of the people: 'Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.'"

The Lord is great and will help us as we fight. Remember who He is. He uses the word "the Lord," the Adonai. Adonai is sovereign. He's the master. He's the owner. The Lord is the master of everything, He's the owner of everything, He's the sovereign King in charge of everything. Remember Him who's great and who's awesome. That word awesome means to be feared. And fight. The Lord will help us as we fight.

Larry Noble: Are you ready to take that strong stand for your family? Only you can determine that. The Lord's not going to force you, but if you do, He'll be there with you, and you'll win the battle for the family. Today you heard part one from the lesson, Fighting for the Family, and we'll have part two tomorrow.

And a quick mention that for your fiscal year-end gift today to help us fill a sizable financial gap for the end of the fiscal year, we'd like to thank you for your support by sending you Pastor Jeff's new seven-lesson series, Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way, and the companion booklet, I Still Do, written by Pastor Jeff and his wife, Debbie. Both for your gift today. Call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or go to fromhisheart.org. God bless you and thank you very, very much.

And thanks for joining us today on From His Heart. I'm Larry Noble, hoping that you'll be right back here tomorrow for part two of this essential lesson called Fighting for the Family. That's on Friday, when Pastor Jeff Schreve will open up God's Word and share real truth, real love, and real hope from God's heart. Here on From His Heart.