From His Heart

Speaker 1

Let me just say to girls and guys, you're not married and you go out on a date, find out really fast, is this person pursuing Jesus?

Not do they say, oh, yeah, I'm a Christian. Where do you go to church? Ah, you know, I didn't. I go here and there, you know, just around, uh, just say, well, I'm out. I'm out because I'm not looking for somebody that's a project, that's a missionary project.

You want to make sure this person early on is this person pursuing the Lord. Because if they're not pursuing the Lord, why do you want to go in that direction? You're just signing up for misery.

Speaker 2

In the Book of Proverbs, chapter 18, verse 22, it tells us, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Marriage is designed by God to be a good thing. But the sad reality is there are a lot of people in the church and outside the church who aren't enjoying marriage. This is from his heart with Pastor Jeff Shreve.

And today, a special happy Mother's Day to moms who've joined us today. Now, in this lesson, we'll explore three critical factors necessary to consider when choosing a spouse and how, when you do things God's way, you'll have a marriage that is off the charts. This is really a message for future mothers, but these principles from God's Word have wide application for us all.

Today, the lesson is entitled "How to Find a Good Thing." We're in part two today, but you can catch up with part one online when you go to fromhishheart.org. Click the Listen link. Now, though, open your Bible to Proverbs chapter 18. Here again is Pastor Jeff to help you find a good thing in your spouse.

Speaker 1

How can you find the right person to marry? He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Three critical factors I want to share with you today.

Factor number one: To find the right person, be the right person and wholeheartedly pursue the Lord. An excellent wife who can find? For her worth is far above jewels (Proverbs 31:10). If you want to find an excellent wife whose worth is far above jewels, then work on you so that you'd be an excellent husband, an excellent man, a man of honor and a man of integrity. A woman of honor and a woman of integrity. Wholeheartedly pursue the Lord (Matthew 6:33). Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things—what things? The things we worry about—all these things will be added to you.

As you are becoming the right person, honestly deal with your emotional baggage. Listen, everyone has emotional baggage. Everybody has been hurt in life. What do we tend to do with our issues? We kind of push them over into a closet somewhere in some corner of our heart, and we're like, "Oh, I got this hurt over here." Well, I don't want to deal with it, so I just push it over here and I push it over there. You have to deal with your emotional baggage. We all have it. To find the right person, first of all, be the right person. Wholeheartedly pursue the Lord and honestly deal with your emotional baggage.

The second factor: To find the right person, look up and not around. First Peter, chapter five, verse six says, "Humble yourself, therefore, under the mighty hand of God that he may exalt you at the proper time." You keep looking to the Lord. You fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. You keep working on you, and God is faithful to lead you in the path that he wants you to go.

Now, to that end, you will need to be patient. That's something we have trouble with. David said this in Psalm 27:13-14: "I would have despaired unless I believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord."

Now remember, this waiting time is not wasted time. Too many people waste time in the waiting room. What do you have when you go to the doctor and you have to wait? Before the day and age of cell phones, where you could just be on your phone and looking through all sorts of stuff, the doctor's offices all had magazine subscriptions to everything under the sun, right? Because they knew you're going to be here a long time. You might as well read something. We don't do very well if we just sit there. And so we have to have something to occupy our minds.

If you're like the person that constantly wants to learn, you bring a book with you everywhere you go. Because you know, "Hey, I'm going to the doctor. I'm probably gonna wait." And so I want to read. I want to spend that time wisely to learn and to grow. Waiting time is not wasted time. If you will be focused on that time, waiting on the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord.

So you need to be patient. Secondly, you need to be discerning. Discerning. You need to be able to see past the external. Be discerning. Look to see what's going on inside this person's heart. What is that person like spiritually? What are they like emotionally? Proverbs 11:22 says, "Like a gold ring in a pig snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks good taste."

You ever seen a beautiful woman who lacks good taste? Good taste in men? Here’s the thing: A woman sees with her ears; a man sees with his eyes. Women see with their ears, but women have to be discerning, and they sometimes are not discerning. And that's why it says, "Like a gold ring in a pig snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks good taste." Be discerning.

Let me just say to girls and guys, if you're not married and you go out on a date, find out really fast: Is this person pursuing Jesus? Not, "Do they say, 'Oh, yeah, I'm a Christian'? Where do you go to church?" "Ah, you know, I go here and there, just around." Just say, "Well, I'm out. I'm out because I'm not looking for somebody that's a project." That's a missionary project. You don't want that in dating.

Some say, "Well, you know, I led my girlfriend, boyfriend, my wife, my husband to the Lord." Well, good for you. Let me tell you about a hundred others that got married to somebody that wasn't a Christian, and they were doing this missionary dating that turned into missionary marriages. And they're miserable. Miserable because they got what they saw at the altar. This is the person that you married. You thought, "Well, I'm gonna marry him like this," but then he’ll change. And when the guy gets married, he's thinking, "She'll never change. I hope she never changes."

You know, this is—"I just want her to be. Just stay like that. It's whatever you have to do. Stay like that. Look like that. Be as sweet as you've been to me." And she's thinking, "He's a project. I'm going to change him." When you think about it, that really does factor in so much of the time.

So we're talking about finding the right person. You want to make sure this person early on is pursuing the Lord. Because if they're not pursuing the Lord, why do you want to go in that direction? You're just signing up for misery.

Now, the girl that I dated in high school, I just recognized early on—I was a young Christian—I recognized early on she's got a boatload of problems. She's got a boatload of family problems. She's got a boatload of wounds from her father and from her mother and insecurities and jealousies and all this stuff that was just miserable when we were dating. Now, do I want to marry into something like that? No, I don't. I just made the decision. I don't want to do that.

Now, some might want to do that. I didn't want to do that. I just said, "You know, there are more girls out there than just her." And so I'd rather find somebody that isn't just this gigantic project because the project is difficult.

So be discerning, and then hear and heed godly counsel. The phrase is so true: Love is blind. Let me tell you, marriage is a real eye-opener. You get married, you know, Debbie Boone, years ago, Pat Boone's daughter, had a song that was a blockbuster hit, and it said this: "It can't be wrong if it feels so right." You know the number one reason why people get married?

Speaker 3

Feelings.

Speaker 1

You know the number one reason why people get divorced? Feelings. Oh, I just feel so in love. We gotta get married and then it's down the road. Well, things aren't going well. I feel so out of love with you and I just feel like it would be better for me to be away from you. It's all based on feelings. You don't do it based on feelings. Feelings are. They come and go. That's like building on jello when you build on feelings.

So you need somebody that loves you, that can look at your situation, that can talk you through and say, listen, you are in Gaga land right now. And so you can't see things straight. Let me tell you what I see, an observer from the outside third party perspective. This is what I see in your relationship that is very important.

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:1, "A loner is out to get what he wants for himself. He opposes all sound reasoning." Don't be somebody that opposes all sound reasoning. Listen to the people who love you, who want what's best for you. If they start seeing red flags in your relationship, then you need to hear and heed.

And let me just say this, what short circuits the dating process? Sex before marriage. That short circuits everything. You start having sex before you're married, you're going to lose all ability to focus because it's just going to be this overwhelming drive. That's why the Bible says in Hebrews chapter 13, "Let the marriage bed be undefiled, for fornicators and adulterers God will judge." That's serious language. You don't want to test God on that.

And so you say, okay, if you want God's results, do it God's way. And so get that. Don't get the cart before the horse, because then you're not going to be able to see clearly. And then you are going to be somebody who is going to quarrel against all sound judgment and all sound reasoning.

Speaker 2

Pastor Jeff will elaborate a bit more about this and conclude the message how to Find a Good Thing in just a moment. But first, he has a special word and a special offer for you today.

Speaker 3

You are surely aware that Satan loves to make people view God through the lens of their bad circumstances, instead of viewing their bad circumstances through the lens of God's goodness and grace. The devil loves to whisper that sin has no consequences. If ever there were a time when people needed clarity and biblical conviction, it's right now.

That's why I've written a new book called *The Devil's Muting: Satan's Fake News and Tuning into God's Truth*. It's our gift of appreciation for your joining this effort to expose the lies of the devil. When you do that, you'll be speaking into the chaos with biblical truth, and you'll help share the gospel with those who've been blinded to the only truth that can set them free.

Our prayer is that this book strengthens your faith, sharpens your discernment, and helps you to tune out the enemy's lies and tune in to the voice of God. Here's how to get your copy.

Speaker 2

Get your copy of the Devil's Newsroom, muting Satan's Fake News and tuning in to God's Truth. You can make a gift too, from his heart this month of any amount.

Just call 86640, Bible 8664, Bible or simply make a secure gift online at promisheart.org. Just mention the book the Devil's Newsroom.

Now back to conclude the lesson on how to find a good thing.

Speaker 1

I had a guy call me. This was some years ago. Guy called me and he said, "Pastor Jeff, I want you to know I'm going to get married." I said, "You are?" He's a young guy, like 19, 20 years old. I said, "You are?" He said, "Yeah, I'm going to get married." I said, "Who are you going to marry?" He mentioned the girl's name. I said, "Isn't she the girl that you told me about, got mad at you and went after your truck with a hammer?" He said, "Yes." And that's the girl that you want to marry? He said, "Yes." I said, "She's got some anger issues." He said, "Well, but I love her."

I said, "Okay, well, she's a psycho and you're a great match because you're an idiot. Why would you want to marry her? She's got a boatload of baggage that she hasn't dealt with yet. It's not a normal thing to get mad at you and go after your truck with a hammer." He said, "Well, I love her." I said, "Okay. Here's what you need to know. Think about it like this. You're buying a car. Here's the car you're buying: major engine trouble, it's been through several floods, it's going to be in the shop every other week. There are other cars on the lot, but you're choosing that car. Is that what you're telling me?"

"Well, I love her." I said, "Okay, just so you know, that's the car you're buying. Choose your love. Love your choice." I talked to him four months later. "How's it going?" It didn't work out. I'm shocked. I'm just totally shocked.

Speaker 2

How?

Speaker 1

It was a match made in heaven. The psycho and the idiot just coming together.

Speaker 2

Now.

Speaker 1

I didn't tell him any of that stuff. I'm telling you that. But I thought it. That's just dumb. Don't do that. You're just inviting difficulty and problems. Why would you want to do that? He who finds a wife finds a good thing. An excellent wife who can find, for her worth is far above jewels. So to find the right person, be the right person, look up and nod around. And thirdly, to find the right person, trust the Lord and his plan. God is a good God, and God loves you.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 37, verse 4: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Delight yourself in the Lord. That word means to make yourself soft and pliable. It's a picture of the soft clay in the hands of the master potter. If you've ever done pottery, you know that the clay has to be soft. The master potter is constantly wetting the clay so that it will easily go where he wants it to go. If the clay gets hard, as a master potter once told me, she said, "If the clay gets hard and stubborn, I have to hurt the clay to get it to go in the direction I want it to go." If it still won't do that, I have to crush the clay and start over.

Delight yourself in the Lord means you're soft and pliable in the hands of the Lord. It means you're letting your heart go the way he wants your heart to go. And if you do that, here's the promise: He will give you the desires of your heart. God is good. He is a good God. You can trust God. He cares about you and your desires. The Bible says, "Casting all our cares upon him because he cares for us," because it matters to him concerning you and me.

In something that is so important and is such a desire in so many people's hearts—to find that one they can share their life with and, by God's word, grace, and plan, have children with—that is kind of inbred in so many of us. Like I said, it's a wonderful thing if God calls you to a life of celibacy, but that is not the norm for most people. God does put in the hearts of young people who aren't married, and people who lose a spouse, or people who go through the horrors of divorce, the desire to be married. So delight yourself in the Lord. He promises to give you the desires of your heart, and God will give you grace as you walk with Him. He's a God of grace.

The Lord said to the apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." His grace—what is grace? It's the desire and the power to do the will of God. God has grace to help us in our time of need. We can come boldly before the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace to help in time of need.

My wife and I have three daughters: Jill, Amy, and Sarah. Jill prayed as a little girl that she would meet her future husband early in life. She only wanted to date one boy, only wanted to kiss one boy, and wanted that to be the guy she married. When we moved here, she was 15 years old. Jay Budzielowski saw her picture in the paper and saw me and Debbie with our three girls. Both he and his mom said, "Well, look at her. Look at Jill. Look at this girl." There was something in Jay that just said, "Man, I'm interested in her." They started going out when Jill was 16 and got married when Jill was 19—the only guy that she ever dated, the only guy she ever kissed. God gave her the desires of her heart as she trusted the Lord.

Then there's my youngest daughter, Sarah. Sarah is a guy magnet. She looks just like Debbie, and her personality is just like Debbie's. Debbie was always a guy magnet. So here is Sarah, and she's got this line of guys that she has to, you know, take a stick to—"No, not you, not you." She's always been like that.

Then you have my middle daughter, Amy. A beautiful young girl who loves the Lord with all her heart. In junior high, no dates; in high school, no dates; in college, no dates. She had a desire in her heart to be married and to be a mom, but nothing was working out. She's a sweet, godly girl, a beautiful girl, but it just wasn't happening. So she moved to Houston and got involved at First Baptist Church there. She got involved in the singles department and was going out on some dates, but it was always like, "I like this guy, he doesn't like me," or "This guy likes me, I don't like him." It was always that way, and it was just so frustrating for her.

She said, "You know, it's hard being single." People were always asking her, "Well, Amy, are you dating anybody?" "No." She said, "It's just hard." People looked at her like, "Oh, I'm so sorry." Her cousin's wife, Andrea, got married when she was like 36 or 37. Andrea said to Amy, "Never settle. Don't ever settle."

So here Amy is, 27 years old, 28 years old, with nobody on the horizon, and still hearing "never settle." My brother's wife in New York sat down with Amy one day, and they were talking. Gerald has this New York accent, and she said, "Let me tell you one thing, Amy, they're not coming to your house. You gotta get out there. They ain't coming to your house." Which is really good advice. You gotta get out there. You can't just wait.

Speaker 2

What are you doing?

Speaker 1

I'm just waiting for them to call me. Well, you gotta get out there. So she got out there, she put herself out there. And I remember talking to her on the phone one day, and she liked this guy and she put herself out there, and he called her and said, "You're too religious for me. I'm not going to see you anymore." And she was just crying on the other end. She said, "Dad, you don't understand how hard it is to put yourself out there and to pray and nothing is happening." My heart just broke. I so wanted to fix it, but I couldn't fix it.

So I said, "Amy, I don't understand why God hasn't done this for you, but I know if you'll delight yourself in the Lord, he'll give you the desires of your heart. That's a promise from God. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. You just keep working on you. You just keep trusting him. You just keep looking to him."

Well, she got involved in Sunday school at First Baptist Church, teaching a Sunday school class. And she met a guy we had been praying for—Boaz. That's what we called him. We didn't know his name; we just called him Boaz. Debbie would tell Amy, "Just you be out in the field just like Ruth, and God will bring Boaz when it's time."

And so Boaz came to class. Six foot five, former college athlete, dark-headed, handsome, tanned—hair plugs, I just made that up. He took an instant liking to Amy. They were both 30 years old. God gave her the desires of her heart as she trusted him. Travis just loves the Lord and he loves Amy.

Here's the thing: God is faithful and God is good. If you will do things God's way, you will enjoy God's blessings. But if you do things your way, you miss out on God's blessings. And God is not going to bless your way. He blesses his way in his timing.

"Humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares upon him because he cares for you." Will you do it his way? Hey, you want to find the right person? Be the right person, look up and not around, and trust the Lord and his plan.

Speaker 2

Are you ready to be the right person today? If you're struggling in that area, perhaps you can simply pray and just ask the Lord. Say, "God, take my life and help me to be the Christian you want me to be." If you pray a prayer like that and it's from a sincere, repentant heart, then God will enter your heart, come into you, and he'll make you new again.

Or maybe you know right now that you've never actually sincerely repented and turned your heart over to Jesus. Today is your day. Go to fromisheart.org and click the "Why Jesus" link. Again, that's fromisheart.org; click the "WHY Jesus" link.

Well, what a message for all of us, but perhaps especially speaking to mothers on Mother's Day. Thank you for joining us today on From His Heart. I'm Larry Nobles, inviting you to be here with Pastor Jeff next time for a lesson that brings you clarity in your faithfulness.

And remember that no matter what, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Find out more at fromhisheart.org.