From His Heart

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Today we want to talk about family values. What needs to be present in every family? Because the Lord tells us in His word, in the book of Ephesians, what needs to be present in every life, what needs to be present in every marriage, what needs to be present in every family, so that we can honor the Lord, glorify the Lord, and be the witnesses that He wants us to be.

Guest (Male): Biblical values are paramount in today's culture to have a successful family. So what are the five core values needed in every Christian home? We will begin to find out today on From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve.

In today's informative message, we will discover how our family will be blessed and strong as we build a firm foundation on God's five core values. The message today is from the encouraging seven-message series, We Are Family, and you can go to fromhisheart.org for more information about how to get this timely series or download an MP3 of any broadcast to share with a friend once it is already aired.

If you can now, though, open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 4, as Pastor Jeff begins revealing what scripture has to say about family values.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: I believe that we have a problem in Christianity in the church today. We often talk a big game, but we do not back it up with reality. We do not really live it out. That really shows up at home.

Your Christianity is not tested coming to church on Sunday. It is not tested in the Bible study classes on Sunday morning. It is not tested in the big group worship experience. Everybody can look good, smell good, put on a smiley face and act like everything is great, and we would not necessarily know. Man, it is easy to say praise the Lord and sing the songs and follow along.

But when you go home, that is where the rubber meets the road. And so we have a lot of homes from people that go to church that say they are Christian homes, just because there are two Christians that live in the home, but they are not really living out the word of God. They are not really living out their testimony.

And so it is just a bunch of talk and the kids see that, and when the kids grow up and see that, it turns them off toward Christianity. And God does not want us to do that.

Listen, no one has a perfect marriage, no one lives the perfect Christian life, no one has a perfect marriage, no one has a perfect family. We all struggle in our lives, we struggle in our marriages, we struggle in our families. God is not looking for you, looking for me to be perfect. It is not the perfection of your life, it is the direction of your life. Are you moving in the right direction with the Lord in your life, in your marriage and in your family? Because that is what God wants you to do.

Now, we are in a series called We Are Family, and today we want to talk about family values. What needs to be present in every family? Because the Lord tells us in His word, in the book of Ephesians, what needs to be present in every life, what needs to be present in every marriage, what needs to be present in every family, so that we can honor the Lord, glorify the Lord, and be the witnesses that He wants us to be.

Ephesians is a great book, and six chapters. The first three chapters are positional truth, doctrinal positional truth. And then the last three chapters are very practical in nature, practical truth. So this is who you are in Christ, this is how you live it out in Christ.

And in verse 17 of chapter 4, the Apostle Paul says this. "This I say therefore, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk. In the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart."

He is talking about unbelievers here, those who do not know Christ, and he says this is what those folks are like. Verse 19, "They become callous and have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness." That is the non-Christian, that is the non-Christian life, the non-Christian marriage, the non-Christian home, so much of the time it is just filled with sensuality and impurity and greediness and all those things.

He said, verse 20, "But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him just as truth is in Jesus. That in reference to your former manner of life, because we all came from a place of being excluded from the life of God, we were dead in trespasses in sins, we were in the darkness."

He said, "In reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lust of deceit. And that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth."

So here is a person. We will take me for example, here is Jeff Schreve, became a Christian at 17. He received a brand new life in Jesus. The old Jeff passed away, new things had come, and I am a partaker of the divine nature. And Paul puts it this way, he says, okay, now you have grave clothes from your old way of life.

And you are not to live in the grave clothes, you have a new life in Jesus, He gave you grace clothes. So lay aside the grave clothes of the old life, put on the grace clothes and live and walk in the truth and in the manner in which the Lord wants you to walk, to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

And he goes on to give us values that need to be in our lives, that need to be in our marriage, that need to be in our homes. We call these family values. So what are the core values needed in every Christian home? And these are not just values you tack up on the wall and you are just like, okay, well, yeah, we have these here but we do not abide by them. These are things that you say, this is what God says and this is how we are going to live. It is very practical.

Now, obviously, do not get drunk with wine, Ephesians 5:18, but be filled with the Spirit. Everything comes from being filled with the Spirit. And that is what he talks about, hey, you lay aside the grave clothes, your old life, you put on the grace clothes, you put on the Lord Jesus Christ and you make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lust. And these are some practical things, five he gives us in the verses that follow through chapter 4, five family values. So let us look at those today.

Number one, family value number one, we make honesty the only policy. You have heard the expression, honesty is always the best policy. Well, for a Christian, honesty is the only policy. Look what it says in verse 25. "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another."

Speak truth. Lay aside falsehood and speak the truth. We do not do that very much in our world today. We are speaking lies to one another. I mean, we are starting the political season, and the political season is just filled with this side saying this and that side saying that, and this side is lying and that side is lying, and everyone is just so conditioned to lies that we are just like, well, that is the way it is, I guess. Everybody lies.

But the life of a Christian is not to lie. And it is not like it is, you know, we kind of say, oh, it is a little white lie, it is a little fib here. You know, in God's word, the word white lie does not appear. The word fib is not in there. It is lying. And God has a lot to say about lying and how he feels about lying. You know, your neighbor, your friend, somebody at work, somebody at school, they may think, oh, it is no big deal to lie. It is a big deal to God.

Proverbs chapter 6, this is what the scripture says. "There are six things which the Lord hates. Yes, seven, which are an abomination to Him." They are utterly repulsive to God.

Number one on the list, haughty eyes, that is pride. God hates pride. Number two on the list, a lying tongue, number three, hands that shed innocent blood, number four, a heart that devises wicked plans, number five, feet that run rapidly to evil, number six, a false witness who utters lies, and number seven, one who spreads strife among brothers.

On God's hit list, seven things that he hates, did you see it? He mentions lying twice. He mentions it number two, haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and then he comes back to it at the end, a false witness who utters lies. It is as if God is saying, hey, I hate lying so much, did I tell you how much I hate lying? because I hate it. And we think it is no big deal. It is a big deal to God.

Now, in your life, you have to speak the truth. You have to live honestly. You have to, as the scripture says, walk in the light as He Himself is in the light. When you walk in the light, that means you bring all your junk before the Lord. You do not have any hide away places of deceit and dishonesty. You bring it all before the Lord. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good. He sees everything you do.

And so you have to come honestly before Him. And in your marriage there has to be honesty, and in your parenting there has to be honesty, and kids, in your dealings with your parents, there has to be honesty. We would tell our kids when they were young, we say, listen, if you do something that you know you should not do, and we ask you about it, it is going to be worse if you lie. Whatever you did, no matter how bad what you did, if you lie about it, the lie is worse than whatever you did.

See, because here is the thing about lying. Lying is not like other sins. You know, lying is not like lust. I have yet to meet a man who does not struggle with lust. Lust is an internal struggle. It comes up and you are fighting against it. Greed, an internal thing, it comes up and you fight against it. Jealousy can be like that. It is an internal thing. I mean, it is there and you are having to fight against it. Lying is not like that.

I mean, you do not ever call somebody up, your accountability partner and say, man, pray for me. I just have not lied all day and I am just really struggling. I just want to lie, you know, and there is nobody to lie to. I just feel like calling somebody, you know, hey, I am the president. You know, just something to lie.

Lying is not like that. Lying is a choice.

Guest (Male): Well, it is for sure. So we must learn to be disciplined with our mouth, starting with keeping our heart clean. Pastor Jeff will continue to explore this truth on From His Heart in just a moment. You are listening to our daily radio broadcast, today's message, Family Values from the series, We Are Family.

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God bless you for standing with us to help extend this incredible broadcast outreach opportunity every day. Now let us get back to Pastor Jeff Schreve's message today, Family Values.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: A little boy was asked one time in Sunday school, what is a lie? What does the Bible say about a lie? He said, teacher, a lie is a terrible sin and a very present help in trouble. And that is kind of how we look at lying. You know, it is like, I am in trouble, I need to lie to get myself out of this. No, do not do that.

Speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor, with his spouse, with his kids, with his parents. For we are members one of another. We are all part of the same body. You do not want to lie to yourself, you want to speak the truth. Now, why is lying something God hammers so hard? Because the devil is a liar and the father of lies.

You are never more like the devil than when you lie. And God does not want His children to be like the devil. Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor. And listen, remember this too, that honesty is the bedrock of trust. In order to have trust, you have to have truthfulness. If you do not tell me the truth, then I cannot trust you, and if I cannot trust you, then I cannot get close to you.

I cannot have a close relationship with you. Why? Because I do not trust you. I do not trust what you say is true. And you are never going to have a good marriage if you cannot trust your spouse. You are never going to have a good relationship with your parents if you cannot trust them and they cannot trust you.

Listen, you are never going to have a close relationship with God if you are not honest with God. If you do not share with God everything that is going on in your heart. The Bible calls the Lord the wonderful counselor. But if you go to a counselor, you know, one of the key things for in order for a counselor to help you is honesty. Because if you are not honest, he cannot help you. If you go to the doctor and the doctor wants to help you and you are not honest about your ailments, that doctor is going to have a difficult time. You never told me about this and that and the other. So we have to be honest and that is the first family value that Paul gives us here, make honesty the only policy.

Second family value. Do not let anger go unresolved. Unresolved anger destroys marriages, it destroys families, it destroys homes, it destroys people. Look what it says in verse 26. "Be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity."

Now, it is okay to get angry if you are angry for the right reasons. God gets angry. We know it is okay to get angry because God gets angry. Jesus got angry at sin. He got angry when he saw the temple filled with the money changers and those who were extorting the people. The chief priests who were cheating the people. He got angry. He turned over the as one author said, he had a temple tantrum. I mean, he turned over the tables and he drove those people out. He got angry. He made a whip and he drove them out.

Most of us do not have that kind of an issue with anger. I mean, we read about injustices and it makes us angry, but that righteous indignation is not getting us into trouble in our relationships. It is the unrighteous anger that gets us into trouble. That gets us into trouble with our spouse, that gets us into trouble with our kids, that gets us into trouble with our neighbors, unrighteous anger.

Where you do something to me and I do not like it, and I say in my heart, how dare you do that to me? I deserve better than this, and I lash out in anger. Well, the scripture says, listen, "Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil a place." In family life.

You are going to get angry. Your spouse is going to do things that anger you. It is just part of the deal. Your kids are going to do things that anger you. Kids, your parents are going to do things that anger you. That just is life. As one pastor told these two couples or these two people getting ready to get married, you know, you are going to have trouble in your marriage because, you know, you are marrying a sinner and she is marrying a bigger one. I mean, you get two sinners together and you are going to have some fireworks and there are going to be times where that person hurts your feelings. That happens.

Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not on purpose. Husbands hurt wives feelings a lot and not necessarily on purpose. Wives typically do it on purpose. But not let us just be honest. You know, the first one was being honest, so that is the first value. Wives can sometimes. Here is the thing. A husband can get his feelings hurt if he feels like his wife is dissing him because his greatest need is respect. A wife can get her feelings hurt if she feels like her husband is not loving her. If he is not putting her above his job, above his friends, above his recreation, above whatever.

No woman wants to play second fiddle to a husband's golf game, to his desire to watch the football game, for his job or whatever it might be. She wants to be the Lord and then her. She is okay with the Lord being number one because she knows if her husband has the Lord number one, that is going to enable him to be a good husband to her. But she does not want to be third, fourth, fifth down on the list of his priorities. And if she feels like that, she will start to give him disrespect, little barbs here and there. She is hurting, and because she is hurting, she is going to start lashing out in little ways in anger.

Anger always begins with hurt. Somebody does something that hurts you, and then that hurt starts to turn to anger. And the scripture says, hey, when you feel angry, do not let the sun go down on your anger because if you do, it is like throwing out a welcome mat for the devil. Do not give the devil an opportunity. Do not give him literally, that word opportunity, *topos* in the Greek means place. We get our English word topography from that word *topos*.

Do not give him a place because if you give the devil a toehold, he turns it into a foothold and then he develops it into a stronghold. And he creates all kinds of havoc. Now, here is what we tend to do in so many homes that we call Christian homes. We tend to get out our little sheet. So we have this issue, something that hurt my feelings, something that hurt your feelings and you say that really hurt. And then I get angry about that. And let us talk about a common one for a lot of guys.

A lot of guys have a stronger drive than their wives. Not true for every marriage, but in many marriages. And they are interested all the time in the physical aspect of marriage and she is not as interested, especially when you get little kids in the mix because she is exhausted. And the guy does not understand it and so he is, I mean, his body had not changed any. He is like, hey, I still feel the same, and, you know, and so he is he is raring to go and she is not raring to go.

And if a guy feels like he is getting shut out, he gets hurt and that hurt turns to anger. And so often he does not tell his wife what he is feeling. You know, you have heard me say before, sex is a misdemeanor. It really is, the longer you miss it, the meaner you get. And so he is getting mean.

And so here is what couples do. They have this hurt, we just used the guy as an example, but we could use many examples where the wife feels hurt, she feels like she is not being loved by her husband and cherished and nourished. So what we do is we have this hurt that turns to anger and we do not talk about it. And so we just say, well, this will go away. I am just going to throw a sheet over that and see, you cannot really see that anymore.

Well, yeah, you can. It is still there, right? We throw a sheet over lots of things in our homes. We have these big blowups and then we never resolve anything. We let the sun go down on our anger. We say, well, let us just not talk about that anymore because that created a big hubbub and a furor and so we just we will just kind of put a sheet over that. It does not go away because you put a sheet on it.

You have to deal with it. Unresolved, hey, you are going to get angry, I am going to get angry, we are going to get angry. That is just the way it is. You have to deal with it. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, do not give the devil a place because if you do, then the hurt that turns to anger will turn to bitterness.

Look what he says in verse 31. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice." He uses all these different terms. The bitterness is a poison, it gets into the marriage, that gets into the family, that gets into the home. And that poison spreads and so there is wrath, those are outbursts of anger, and then he mentions anger, which is just kind of a settled in anger. You are just you are just kind of anger is always under the surface. And then there is clamor. Clamor is shouting and yelling.

Is that horrible when you go to homes and they are just it is like World War III, they just shout and yell at one another, husbands and wives yell at each other, the kids yell at each other, the kids yell at mom and dad, mom and dad yell at the kid. And slander, that is to run somebody down into the ground. Along with all malice. Malice just means evil. So the second family value, we do not let anger go unresolved. We are not going to give the devil a place in our marriage and in our family.

Guest (Male): Tomorrow on the broadcast, Pastor Jeff will continue with three more core values essential for today's families around the world. As we have been reminded today, biblical values are paramount in today's culture to have a successful family. And in Pastor Jeff's We Are Family series that we are closing out this month, you will discover how your family will be blessed and strong as you build this firm foundation in godly values, found in the word of God.

He touches on how couples should fight, deal with money issues, raise godly children, keep technology from destroying their families and so much more. Click the listen link to find out about the series, We Are Family. Well, a great day of Bible teaching today on From His Heart, truth from God's word and Pastor Jeff Schreve. And he will return next time with part two of the message, Family Values. Plan to be here then when we will open up God's word and share real truth, real love and real hope from his heart.