From His Heart

Dr. Jeff Schreve: We talk about fighting for your family. You say, well, I don't fight how? I mean, what am I supposed to put up my dukes and go beat up the kid that did something to my kid? How do I fight for my family? Go fight the ACLU? What do I do?

Most of the fighting is done on our knees. We pray for God to work. We pray to discern God's will and God's plan. We pray for God to give us strength. It's a fight for your family. It's a fight. Don't quit. Just because it's hard, just because the parenting doesn't seem to be working, just because your kid is still rebelling. Don't quit. It's always too early to quit.

Guest (Male): Families are under attack today. There is no doubt. With marriages failing, families disintegrating, and children rebelling, God is calling us to stand and fight for each of our families. How are you doing in that battle?

This is From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve. Thank you for being with us today for an encouraging message from Pastor Jeff that explains exactly what has to happen to you and me to be able to stand firm in the battles of this life, particularly in our married lives.

It begins when we determine we will stand on God's word that he's given for the family. Today's lesson is entitled, "Fighting for the Family." This is part two of this lesson from the seven message series, "We Are Family," that will conclude in a few days.

Now, this series is available on a USB flash drive, CDs, DVDs, or digital download when you go to fromhiseheart.org. But first, open God's word to Nehemiah chapter 4, and let's learn how to effectively fight for our families. Here again is Pastor Jeff.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: What do we need to know about the fight for our family?

I want to share with you three insights from Nehemiah chapter 4. Insight number one, the enemy is real and wants to destroy your family. The enemy is real. Nehemiah and the people, they were facing a real enemy. Sanballat was a real enemy, Tobiah a real enemy, the Ashdodites and the Ammonites, and and the Arabs, they were real enemies, and all those names, they they kind of encompass enemies to the north, enemies to the south, enemies to the east, enemies to the west. They're just enemies all around them.

Just like it is today, Jerusalem sits in surrounded by enemies, people that hate Israel. Well, they hated Israel back then and they wanted to destroy Jerusalem and they didn't want to see the walls go up. And so they were facing a real enemy. And the real enemy was ridiculing them. They were laughing at them. They were mocking them. They were threatening them with violence. They even said, we're going to come upon you and kill you if you don't stop this work. They were facing a real enemy.

Now, we face a real enemy today. It's not a flesh and blood enemy like they had. Our enemy, the Bible says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. We don't struggle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." We have a real enemy, but it's a spiritual enemy. And that spiritual enemy has a name and his name is Satan.

Peter says this in 1 Peter chapter 5, "Be of sober spirit. Be on the alert. Your adversary, your opponent, your enemy, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour." That word alert means to be watchful, to be diligent, to be on call so to speak, to have your eyes open and know that hey, he is out there and I have to be watching for him. I have to be alert.

There are three areas where he will come, where we need to be alert with this enemy who wants to destroy and kill and steal. Number one, we must be alert concerning our walk with God. Concerning our own hearts, concerning our own walk with God. If the devil wants to destroy your family, and family is so critical and so important. Outside of your relationship with God, family there's nothing more precious than family and the devil wants to to destroy that.

Because the devil knows if he destroys the family, then he can destroy a society. And that's what we're seeing in our society today. Families are being destroyed and societies are being destroyed as a result of that. And kids grow up angry and rebellious because dad wasn't there, and mom and dad weren't there, and there wasn't love, and and there was abuse, and there was all sorts of other hellish things.

But it starts with your own heart. So if the devil's going to destroy your marriage, destroy your family, he's going to start with you. We must be alert concerning our walk with God. How are you doing? What's going on in here? The greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. Do you do that? Are you growing in your love for him or when you're honest with yourself, have other things, lesser things taken first place? We must be alert concerning our walk with God.

Secondly, we must be alert concerning the state of our marriage. We need to work on this thing called marriage. It is so important. See, nothing ever just happens where you're going great, going great, boom, everything falls apart. No. It's a slow fade as the song says. It's little by little by little. So be alert concerning your own heart and your own relationship with the Lord. Secondly, be alert concerning the state of your marriage and thirdly, be alert concerning the condition of your children. How are they doing?

Proverbs 27 verse 23, the scripture says this, "Know well the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds." That word for condition is the Hebrew word panim, which means the face. Know well the face of your flocks. Know what's going on in your kid's life. Know what's going on in their face. Spend time with your kids to know what is happening in their world. Don't just assume everything is fine because they're not telling you stuff. You need to spend time with them and quality time and quantity time so that they can feel the freedom to tell you stuff. Be on the alert because the enemy is out there. He wants to destroy your life. He wants to wreck and ruin your marriage. He wants to steal your kids.

Second insight from this story, the Lord is great and will help us as we fight. So look at verse 12 again. "And it came about when the Jews who lived near them came and told us 10 times, they will come up against us from every place where you may turn. Nehemiah said, 'Then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall and the exposed places. And I stationed the people in families with their swords, spears, and bows. And when I saw their fear, I arose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, 'Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.'"

The Lord is great and will help us as we fight. Remember who he is. Now, when we talk about remember the Lord, I want you to remember three things concerning the Lord and your family. Number one, remember that God wants you to have a strong and godly family.

I mean, we talk about fighting for the family. Just know that God is all in that because God is all for family. That's the first thing that God created was marriage and family. Before he created the church, before he created schools, before he created government, he had Adam and Eve get married, Genesis chapter 2. And he says, "Be fruitful and multiply chapter 1 and fill the earth." Hey, marriage and family, that is huge to God and he is for marriage and family.

The scripture says in Psalm 128, "How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways. When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table." He describes a happy family. "Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord."

So remember the Lord. Remember that God is for you, and if God is for me, who can be against me, as it says in Romans chapter 8. So I am coming up against the world, the flesh, and the devil. There's a real enemy out there who wants to steal, and steal, and kill, and destroy. And I remember the Lord who is awesome and I fight.

Now, one caveat to this. Moms and dads of middle schoolers and high schoolers, really listen to this. When I say remember the Lord, when I share verse 14, "Remember the Lord who's great and awesome and fight." That does not mean you fight your children's battles. You fight for your family, yes. But you don't involve yourself in every situation with your kids and you jump into their battles and you try and fix it for them. That's a formula for disaster. That that teaches your kids that, you know, there's really not any consequences for stuff because mom and dad will just fix it.

And if I have a run-in with a teacher, or an administrator, or a coach, my mom, my dad will come and raise all kinds of cane and then things will turn out well for me. Don't teach your kids that. Teach them to respect authority. Support the teacher, support the administration, support the coach. It's amazing to me how people think, you know, little Johnny, he's a great player, I don't know why he's sitting. He doesn't ever get to play, but he's the best player on the team.

Maybe not. You know, because the coach wants to win, right? The coach isn't thinking, who are the crummy players I have on my team? Let me put them out there. I'll put the best player, little Johnny's the best. We'll make him sit. They don't do that. The best players play. And so just trust the coach, trust the person in authority. You can appeal to authority, but you don't rail on authority, and you don't teach your kid, hey, if we have trouble with authority, we just kick the door in. No, that's not a godly family. That's not doing it God's way.

So we fight for the family, but we fight God's way and in the right way, and we know that God wants us to have a strong and godly family. Secondly, God wants us to face the fear and stand up to the enemy. Nehemiah said in verse 14, "When I saw their fear, I arose and spoke to the nobles." They were afraid.

You know, the Bible makes it clear that one of the things that the devil does to try and derail us, to try and get us to quit, is intimidation. He just steps up the intimidation. That's what Goliath did to David. He just when David went out on the battlefield against Goliath, Goliath cursed him by his gods and said, "Come here, little boy. I'm going to break you up in little pieces and feed you to the pigeons." Step up the intimidation so that David would do what? Quit. Quit.

The devil uses fear. The devil uses intimidation. The devil uses discouragement. The devil uses lies to get us to quit.

Guest (Male): We'll continue exploring this truth when Pastor Jeff returns in just a moment. Now, we're airing messages this month from Pastor Jeff about protecting families, and that includes the series we're in now, "We Are Family." Why? Because the enemy is real, and he wants nothing more than to destroy your family. But the Lord wants to help us fight for our families with his word. In the seven-message series that we're hearing now, it has encouraging messages that will aid you in standing firm in the battles of life by standing on his word for your family.

If you missed any of these lessons, you can listen again online anytime, download a free MP3 of any broadcast, as well as the sermon notes and outlines from Pastor Jeff, all for free, when you go to fromhiseheart.org, click the listen link. And remember, in families, the devil starts by infecting the way we react to our members and the bitterness begins. But here is the truth, God is compassionate and gracious toward his children. And if anyone has the right to beat us over the head, it's the Lord, but he doesn't. But when we blow it, there is grace. He invites us back into his loving presence. And that's a model for us in our family. Let's learn more about that in part two of the message, "Fighting for the Family," the sixth lesson in the seven-message series, "We Are Family."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: In your marriage, in your family, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of? Lots of men are afraid if my wife really knew me, she wouldn't love me anymore. I've done some bad stuff.

They're afraid to open up. I remember a man told me one time, he said in tears, he said, "Jeff, if you really knew me, you wouldn't like me." The Apostle Paul was the chief of sinners. Can't be worse than him. He's the chief. Hey, you know what? If we just let our fears be known to our spouse. This is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid you'd leave me. I'm afraid you wouldn't love me. Mom and Dad, I'm afraid that you would disown me if you knew the things that I did.

My mom told me when she and my dad were having such trouble, separated for two and a half years, she said with tears, she said, "Jeff, I'm so afraid of growing old alone." What are you afraid of?

God wants you to face your fear and stand up to the enemy. The enemy who is a liar and the father of lies. What did they say? They say, "They're going to come against you when you're not even ready. They're going to come and they're going to kill you. You need to abandon the work." But Nehemiah said, "No, you remember the Lord who's great and awesome and you fight." Face your fear and stand up to fight.

You know, it's interesting in Nehemiah, he says, "Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who's great and awesome and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses." But we don't read about any fight. Verse 15, "And it happened when our enemies heard that it was known to us, that God had frustrated their plan, then all of us returned to the wall, each one to his work. And it came about from that day on, that half of my servants carried on the work, while half of them held the spears, the shields, the bows, and the breastplates, and the captains were behind the whole house of Judah. Those who were rebuilding the wall and those who carried burdens took their load with them, one hand doing the work, and the other hand holding a weapon. And as for the builders, each wore his sword girded on his side as he built, and the trumpeter stood near me. And I said to the nobles, the officials, and the rest of the people, 'The work is great and extensive and we are separated on the wall far from one another. At whatever place you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us.'" But we have to show up and be ready to fight. We show up, we're ready to fight. Our God will fight for us. Our God will deliver us. Our God will give us the victory.

So we remember the Lord who is great and awesome. And we remember that God will fight for us as we stand to fight. He's not going to fight for us when we high-tail it to the tent. We say, "Oh Lord, I can't do this. I'm just going to go back and play video games." And God says, "Hey, you need to engage with your spouse. You need to engage with your kids. You need to know the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds. You need to be all in with your family. Oh God, I don't want to do that. You fight for me." And the Lord says, "No, I won't do that. I will fight through you, but you have to show up." God will not do what you can do and you cannot do what he can do. Remember the Lord who's great and awesome and fight and as you fight, God will fight for you.

Insight number three, the battle is tough and the key is prayer and obedience. Prayer and obedience. Verse 8, "And all of them conspired together to come and fight against Jerusalem and to cause a disturbance in it, but we prayed to our God. And because of them we set up a guard against them day and night." We prayed and then we acted.

One pastor was asked one time, "What is the secret of his success?" He said, "I pray and then I obey. I pray and then I obey." So we must pray to discern God's plan and gain his strength. Why is prayer so important?

You know, we talk about fighting for your family. You say, "Well, I don't fight how? I mean, what am I supposed to put up my dukes? Go beat up the kid that did something to my kid. How do I fight for my family? Go fight the ACLU? What do I do?" Most of the fighting is done on our knees. We pray for God to work. We pray to discern God's will and God's plan. We pray for God to give us strength.

You read in 1 Samuel how David would pray. David was a warrior king. David, he couldn't build the temple. Remember, because he's a man of war. He had shed much blood. When Saul, the king, told David, "You can be my son-in-law if you get a hundred foreskins of the Philistines as dowry for my for my daughter Michal." David went out and got 200 foreskins of the Philistines. And as my seminary professor, Calvin Miller said, "The Philistines were very reluctant to give up their foreskins." How do you get those? You had to kill those people. David was a man who fought. But David would do this before he would fight, he'd pray. "God, do you want me to go up? God, do you want me to fight against them? God, what do you want me to do?"

At one time in David's life, the enemy came and ransacked his village and took all their wives and kids away and the people were very upset. David's army. They were very upset upset at David. They were talking about stoning David. And it says David was very distressed because they talked about stoning him. I mean. And it says that David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. And God gave him a plan. David began to pray. And David began to seek God. And when we pray and when we seek God, God gives us a plan. God shows us, "This is the way, walk in it." And God strengthens us. They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint.

You know, you can do more than pray after you pray. But you can't do more than pray before you've prayed. And prayer is not your last resort. It's the first line of defense. We pray to discern God's plan and gain his strength. And then we must obey to see his glory. We obey to see God work.

When Jesus was at the tomb of Lazarus in John chapter 11, he told Martha, "Roll away the stone." She said, "Lord, he's been dead four days. He stinks." He said, "Did I not say to you, if you believe, you'll see the glory of God. Roll away the stone. Do it." Jesus wasn't going to roll away the stone. God will not do what you can do. You cannot do what he can do. You roll away the stone. And when you roll away the stone, God's going to do what you can't do and he's going to say, "Lazarus, come forth," and he's going to perform a great miracle. But it requires your obedience. And so we must obey to see his glory.

I had mentioned Sue Klebold, the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the shooters in the Columbine massacre. A girl that lost her life that day, April of 1999, was a girl named Cassie Bernall. Cassie Bernall, her parents did something very out of the ordinary in their daughter's life that changed her life forever. When Cassie was a middle schooler, her parents started to notice she was starting to run around with the wrong crowd and she was starting to go off the rails and she was starting to get very rebellious. And so they said, "We can't have that."

"She is too valuable. We're not going to let the world take her. We're not going to let the devil take her." And so they pulled her out of public school. They put her in Christian school. If I remember correctly, they even moved so they could get away from those people. The mother quit her job. She said, "I'm going to be a full-time mom to Cassie." And she said, "We're going to quit trying to be Cassie's friend and we're going to become her parents." And they laid down the law, this is the way it was going to be. And then they made her go to church camp. Some of you parents, we got camp coming up. You say, "Oh, my my child doesn't want to go." Cassie didn't want to go either. Her parents made her go and at church camp, she got saved. And her life was changed.

And when she was murdered that day at Columbine, the story goes, she was asked the question, "Do you believe in Jesus?" And she said, "Yes." And she was killed. She went to heaven because of her faith in Jesus Christ. And her parents, they prayed, they obeyed, they did what the Lord wanted them to do, and they changed their daughter's life for all eternity. We must obey to see his glory. And we must never quit the fight. It's a fight for your family. It's a fight. Don't quit. Just because it's hard, just because the parenting doesn't seem to be working, just because your kid is still rebelling. Don't quit. It's always too early to quit.

Guest (Male): Thank you once again, Pastor Jeff, for showing us how important it is to stand up and fight for our family, even amid Satan's attacks in this modern age. Now, today, you only heard part two of this message, and you can listen to part one when you go online to fromhiseheart.org. It's available also in multiple formats when you go online. Go to fromhiseheart.org, the message "Fighting for Your Faith." It's part of the series "We Are Family."

Now, we're airing messages this month from Pastor Jeff Schreve about families. And we have a special resource for you called "Love and Marriage, Doing Family Life God's Way." It's Pastor Jeff's new four-message series that is our gift to you for your support this month of any amount. And when you do make that physical year-end gift, we'll include the booklet Pastor Jeff and his wife Debbie wrote. It's called "I Still Do." And you can get that series when you make a physical year-end gift to From His Heart this month. We depend on the support of our listeners to produce and distribute these programs around the world each and every day. Pastor Jeff receives no income from this ministry at all. So, will you help us today? Call 866-40-BIBLE. 866-40-BIBLE. Or go to fromhiseheart.org. And make that gift and request the series, "Love and Marriage."

God bless you for joining with us and praying for From His Heart's growing outreach. Well, our time is gone for today. Thank you so very much for being here. I'm Larry Nobles, and we trust you'll join us next time when Pastor Jeff will present the last message in the "We Are Family" series. Join us for the lesson "Smart Parenting in the Age of Smartphones." That's when we'll open up God's word and share real truth, real love, and real hope from His Heart.