From His Heart

Announcer: One of the five most important family values needed in every Christian home. For the Lord tells us clearly in the book of Ephesians what needs to be present in every life, in every marriage, in every family so that we can honor and glorify the Lord and be the witnesses that he wants us to be.

Announcer: And that's what Pastor Jeff Schreve will be exploring today on this edition of From His Heart. The message is entitled "Family Values" and it's from the seven lessons in the "We Are Family" series. All month we're focusing on family that included airing the new series "Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way" earlier this month.

Announcer: And that series is also our special thank you gift for your support to From His Heart this month of any amount. It's our fiscal year-end and we pray that you'll help us today. Go to fromhisheart.org, get your copy in the format of your choice.

Announcer: Right now, open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 4 and let's learn from part two of the lesson, "Family Values."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: So, what are the core values needed in every Christian home? And these are some practical things, five he gives us in the verses that follow through chapter 4: five family values. So, let's look at those today.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Number one, family value number one, we make honesty the only policy. You've heard the expression, "Honesty is always the best policy." Well, for a Christian, honesty is the only policy. Look what it says in verse 25. "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Speak truth. Lay aside falsehood and speak the truth."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And in your marriage there has to be honesty. And in your parenting, there has to be honesty. And kids, in your dealings with your parents, there has to be honesty. Now, why is lying something God hammers so hard? Because the devil is a liar and the father of lies. You're never more like the devil than when you lie. And God doesn't want his children to be like the devil.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor. So, we have to be honest. And that's the first family value that Paul gives us here: make honesty the only policy.

Second family value: Don't let anger go unresolved. Unresolved anger destroys marriages, it destroys families, it destroys homes, it destroys people. Look what it says in verse 26. "Be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Now, it's okay to get angry if you're angry for the right reasons. God gets angry. We know it's okay to get angry because God gets angry. It's the unrighteous anger that gets us into trouble, that gets us into trouble with our spouse, that gets us into trouble with our kids, that gets us into trouble with our neighbors.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Well, the Scripture says, "Listen, be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil a place because if you do, then the hurt that turns to anger will turn to bitterness." Look what he says in verse 31. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: He uses all these different terms. The bitterness is a poison that gets into the marriage, that gets into the family, that gets into the home. And that poison spreads, and so there's wrath. Those are outbursts of anger. And then he mentions anger, which is just kind of a settled-in anger. You're just, you're just kind of anger is always under the surface. And then there is clamor. Clamor is shouting and yelling.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Isn't that horrible when you go to homes and they're just, it's like World War III. They just shout and yell at one another. Husbands and wives yell at each other, the kids yell at each other, the kids yell at Mom and Dad, Mom and Dad yell at the kids. And slander. That's to run somebody down into the ground.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Along with all malice. Malice just means evil. It means ill will. It means, it means bad trouble. And homes are, many homes that call themselves Christians are seen in verse 31. There's bitterness there, icy cold bitterness. The burr of bitterness as you enter into that home, you're like, somebody doesn't like someone else here.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You know, you can just feel it. There's not a good feeling here. People don't want to be here. Listen, we have to deal with stuff. We have to take the sheet off the problem and say, "We need to discuss this." Because it's not going away if we throw a sheet over it. So, the second family value, we don't let anger go unresolved. We're not going to give the devil a place in our marriage and in our family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Family value number three. We work hard and take personal responsibility. Hard work and personal responsibility. Those things are common sense, but in America today, we've lost our common sense. Look what it says in verse 28. "Let him who steals, steal no longer, but rather let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may have something to share with him who has need."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Don't steal. Don't steal from your employer. Don't steal from the government. Don't steal from your neighbor. Don't steal from anyone. You work, and you work hard. And hey, Mom and Dad, you need to be the example in the home of hard work. And you need to teach your kids about hard work.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: When the Bible says, "Let him who steals, steal no longer, but rather let him labor." That word for labor means to work to the point of exhaustion, to work to the point of fatigue. Labor is a good thing. You know, before Adam and Eve fell in Genesis chapter 3, and before God gave Adam Eve, he gave him a job.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: He formed Adam from the dust of the ground. He breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul, and he put Adam in the garden. And Adam's job was to cultivate it and to keep it. Adam had a job before he had a wife. Ladies, listen to me, don't marry a guy that doesn't have a job. Make sure he has a job before he gets married. Why? Because if you marry a guy that doesn't have a job, he's going to have a tendency to look to you to meet his needs. That's not the way it's supposed to be.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: God says, "Work is a good thing." It's a good thing. Work hard. Teach your kids to work hard. We have a generation of kids who are growing up entitled. Have you noticed that? They think everybody owes them. Nobody owes you anything. And God's way is you work hard with your own hands, with your own mind, and you take responsibility for yourself. And we as the body of Christ, we are to help those who cannot work.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: We never help those who will not work. If a man will not work, the Scripture says, "Neither shall he eat." Don't help those who won't work. Those who are able-bodied and choose not to work, you say, "Well, we're not going to help you." Why? Because hunger is a great motivator. And somebody's not just going to sit there and starve himself to death. Finally he'll say, "You know, nobody's giving anything to me. I'm going to have to work." Yeah, because work's a good thing.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And you teach your children that. Hey, take responsibility for your life and work hard, and God will bless you for that. That's a way to honor the Lord. Perhaps you've heard the story about the little boy who found a caterpillar in his backyard. And he was really enamored with this caterpillar. He took it inside. He got a little glass bowl with a lid on it, and he put some leaves and branches and things like that in there, and he began to watch this caterpillar.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And he saw the caterpillar and the caterpillar's just eat and eat and eat until the time comes when they build that chrysalis around themselves and they're going through metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly. And so he watched day by day as the caterpillar built the chrysalis or the cocoon. I was told today on a website it's never called, it's not really correct to say cocoon, it's a chrysalis, so that makes me sound smarter.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: But so he has the chrysalis, little caterpillar, and kids watching. And then all of a sudden he sees this butterfly start to emerge. But you know, the butterfly, to emerge from the chrysalis, he has to really work to get out of that thing. And the little boy was watching, and he said, "Man, he's really struggling. I'm going to help him out." And he took some little scissors and he cut the chrysalis so that he could release the butterfly from that cocoon.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And the butterfly fell out, and he was undeveloped, underdeveloped. And he was not strong, and his wings did not work. And the little boy said, "Well, eventually he'll get stronger and be able to fly." But the effects of that little boy cutting him out of the chrysalis were permanent.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And he and his mother did some research and they found out that you can't help a butterfly get out of the chrysalis because it's during the struggle that those wings get strong and those wings develop and their body fully develops. And if you try and help them out with the best of intentions, if you try and help them out, you're going to cripple them. And that's what that little boy had done.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Not with a bad heart, with a good heart, with wanting to help, with wanting to be there. And there are many Moms and Dads that do the exact same thing. You want to help your kids because you love them so much, but you don't realize that if you give them, give them, give them and you reward bad behavior, you're teaching them terrible lessons, and you're not helping them grow.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And you're not enabling them for life to be able to handle life. So the Lord says, "Hey, this needs to be a value in your life, in your marriage, in your family." Hard work and personal responsibility.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Family value number four. We speak words that build up, encourage, and give grace.

Announcer: You're listening to Pastor Jeff Schreve on From His Heart today and the message, "Family Values." And he'll continue the list of five core values with two more to go that logically and practically support each other step by step in just a moment. Hey, faith is a logical process.

Announcer: Dr. Adrian Rogers, one of Pastor Jeff's heroes of the faith, would often explain the progression of faith. He'd say, "To know God is to love God, and to love God is to trust and obey God, and to trust and obey God is to be blessed." Now this is clearly referenced in 1 John chapter 5, verses 2 and 3. So we have to know him in order to love him.

Announcer: And when we love him, we'll trust him. And when we trust him, we'll obey him. And when we trust and obey him, we will be blessed. You see, the blessing is not in the knowing, the blessing is in the doing, the core values each and every day. Jesus said in John chapter 13, verse 17, "If you know these things, you're blessed if you do them."

Announcer: We hope you know that From His Heart is alive and well today because we are supported by our listeners. Pastor Jeff is a volunteer for this ministry, receives no income from it. And this month is the last in our fiscal year. And we have a substantial gap to fill in our budget. If God is impressing on your heart to join us in this ministry, you can make a gift today to help us to fill that challenge.

Announcer: Call 866-40-BIBLE. 866-40-BIBLE. Or go online to fromhisheart.org. And when you do, we'll send you the four message series from Pastor Jeff, called "Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way" and the companion booklet "I Still Do," written by Pastor Jeff and his wife, Debbie. Again, call 866-40-BIBLE or go to fromhisheart.org. God bless you for being obedient to God's impressions upon your heart.

Announcer: Now, let's don't miss the last two core values and we'll conclude the lesson, "Family Values."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Words that build up, words that encourage, and words that give grace. Verse 29, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Sad truth, in many homes, if we had listen in on what takes place behind closed doors, we'd hear a lot of rotten words being spoken. Terrible words, words that hurt, words that wound, words that tear down. And the Lord says, "Don't let one of those words come out of your mouth. Let no unwholesome, rotten, corrupt word come out of your mouth."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Death and life, the Bible says, are in the power of the tongue. You can speak life into your spouse, into your children, into your parents, or you can speak death into them. You can criticize them to the point that they just give up. That's why it says in Ephesians chapter 6. It says to the fathers, "Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: It's easy for dads, especially, to nitpick the kids. And we see all the things they're not doing right. And we see you're doing this wrong, you're doing that wrong, you're doing the other wrong. And we're not really building them up on what they do right. And if all you do is pick on what they do wrong, it's like that game Whac-A-Mole.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You ever played Whac-A-Mole, you get the little mallet. You see him popping up, bam, I'm going to hit you in the head. Bam, I'm going to hit you in the head. We do that with our kids. We got our mallet, and they pop up and they do something, and it's this isn't right and that isn't right and the other isn't right. And pretty soon, you do that long enough, they'll quit popping up.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: They say, "What's the use? I never do anything right. All I ever do, it's just never enough. And my Mom, my Dad, they never find anything that I do that they say this is good. They just continue to ding me for things I don't do right." Hey, we don't speak unwholesome words. Words that tear down. We're to speak words that build up.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And listen, the words that tear down, you know, we tend to be the toughest on ourselves. We speak words that tear ourselves down. We speak words about ourselves. And we say, "Well, I'm no good. I can never do this right. I can never do that right. I always mess everything up. The world would be better off without me. My family would be better off without me."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You know, the Lord hears all that. And the Lord says, "Why are you talking about my son, my daughter that way?" You know, because I may have trouble with me, and I may not like Jeff Schreve some of the time, maybe much of the time, but you know who does? God. God. And God says, "Hey, Jeff, quit talking about Jeff that way. Jeff's my son. I died for him. I shed my blood for him. He belongs to me."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And maybe some of you need to quit beating yourself up and need to quit running yourself into the ground. What if you started to speak the truth in love towards yourself? "I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm a masterpiece of God. I'm his own creation. I've been bought with a price. I am blessed and highly favored as a child of the King. I can, I'm one who can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You speak the truth in love to yourself, to build yourself up, not to tear yourself down. Now, I'm not talking about telling yourself lies. I'm talking about just repeating what the Lord says in his Word about you. And then repeat that to your spouse and to your kids and to your parents and build up your loved ones. Don't tear them down.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You know, when we speak words that tear down, it says in verse 30, "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." It grieves God's spirit when we do that to one another, when we do that to ourselves, when they do that to each other. Hey, husbands, I want to encourage you to see your wife as what she can be and build her up in that way.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Wives, see your husband, not necessarily as who he is right now, but who he can be. Because as you praise him, especially wives with husbands, because husbands just respond to praise because that's how they're wired, that's how God has made us. And as you build him up, he'll become the person that you are speaking about, a person who is a person of integrity, a person of provision, a person of honor, a person who loves his family. Dads need to hear that. Kids desperately need to hear that.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Hey, speak words that build up, encourage, and give grace. You know, I was thinking about how the Lord says, "We're to come boldly before his throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace to help in time of need." That's how we, when we come and we pray, we come before God who sits on a throne of grace. He has mercy, he has grace to help us in our time of need. That's how we're to be toward others, especially toward our family members.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And then lastly, family value number five. We forgive each other by remembering God forgave us. I love how he ends up this chapter in verse 32. "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: What is the formula for having a wonderful marriage, for having a wonderful family? Well, it's to get rid of the sheets, it's to deal with the anger, and it's to forgive one another because in family life, no doubt you're going to get your feelings hurt, you're going to get sad, and you're going to get mad. And if you don't deal correctly with it, you're going to get bad. And bad brings all sorts of terrible things in there.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: So, how do you short-circuit sad, mad, bad? You deal with the hurt, you talk that out, you don't let the sun go down on your anger. And when when and if there's some resentment and bitterness starting to settle in, you talk it out and forgive one another. And you say, "Well, Jeff, you don't know the situation that has happened to me. You don't know what this person did to me." I don't have to know what they did to you. God knows.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And God knows that some in this room, you have been hurt in a huge way. But I do know this, whatever has happened to you, no matter how terrible it was, it's not a tenth, a hundredth, a millionth of what you've done to God to offend God. You think of all the sins you've committed in your life. That's why it says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted." That means that you feel the other person's hurt.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And you forgive one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you. As it says in the King James, "Just as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." Well, I've done way more to offend God than anyone has ever done to offend me. Way more. And if God can forgive me so great a debt, surely I can forgive someone else who has hurt me on a very small scale in comparison.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And so because God has forgiven me, I can forgive my wife when she does something by accident or even on purpose to hurt me. I can forgive my children when they do something by accident or even on purpose to hurt me. I can forgive them, and they can forgive me. And we can be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another because God in Christ has forgiven us.

Hey, now remember this: forgiveness is granted, but trust is earned. We forgive one another because we can't hold on to bitterness. That destroys us. So we forgive those who hurt us, but that doesn't mean that we trust. Trust takes time. Trust is earned a drop at a time and it's lost by the buckets full.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You do something stupid in your marriage. You do something selfish in your marriage. Something that hurts and destroys. The bucket is empty. Your spouse is going to have to wrestle with that and work through that. And you talk about sad, mad, bad. Man, it's going to be in there. But when he, when she forgives you, then you have to start drop by drop by drop rebuilding trust. And it can be done. And it has been done by many, many people over the years. And maybe that's where you are. Listen, it all starts by you forgiving that person from the heart and letting them restore the trust.

Announcer: You're listening to From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve, and today's lesson, "Family Values." From this story, we've learned of these five core biblical values that are essential for a godly family: honesty, no unresolved anger, working hard and taking personal responsibility, building up and encouraging others, and finally, being a forgiving person.

Announcer: Have you made these biblical values your personal family values? We pray the message has encouraged you to do just that. If you've ever been reluctant to forgive others that you've hurt, and who hasn't, perhaps you'd like to turn that stubbornness and perhaps even the bitterness back to God today. It's likely you'll need to just pray and say to God, "God, here is my life. Take it back. Help me to be the Christian you want me to be, to have forgiveness and mercy toward others."

Announcer: Ask him that from a sincere and repentant heart, and he will change your attitude and remove your unwillingness to heal old wounds. You can find some help in coming to grips with this when you go to the "Why Jesus" link on our home page. There are also some important free resources there to help guide you in your faith journey.

Announcer: Well, thank you for joining us today on From His Heart. I'm Larry Nobles, trusting you'll be able to be here for the next lesson in the "We Are Family" series when we'll open God's Word again to learn about how to overcome the financial feud in your home. Be with us next time, right here on From His Heart.