From His Heart

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You know why our nation is in such terrible trouble today? A lot of it has to do with dads because we're not training up our children in the fear and instruction of the Lord. Listen, we can change that in our homes. If you do it God's way, God will bless, and your home will be the greatest blessing this side of heaven.

Guest (Male): Thank you for joining us today on From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve, where we'll learn that in order to enjoy blessings of family to the full, we have to go by the divine design. Before God created and established the church, before he established government, before he established schools, he established the home. And God has much to say in Scripture about how to help us enjoy it to the full.

The message today is entitled God's Blueprint for the Family. It's one of seven in Pastor Jeff's series, "We Are Family," family being the theme of all of our messages this month. Now we heard part one of this lesson yesterday and you can listen to that online at FromHisHeart.org. Just click the listen link. Now though, Pastor Jeff will catch us up on the key points from the last time and then continue with the foundational and critically important message for parents with some special truths for dads to hear. It's called God's Blueprint for the Family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Every person in the family has a role, has an assignment from God. So we're going to look at four steps that God gives us in the building of a family by God's blueprint and God's design.

Step one: everyone in the family needs to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Everyone. Mom, dad, son, daughter, grandma, grandpa, everybody, aunt, uncle, everybody needs to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Verse 18: here's the will of the Lord. "And do not get drunk with wine for that is dissipation, that is ruination, that is a waste, but be filled with the Spirit."

See, it's a contrast because being drunk with wine is a sin and that's wrong, so don't do that. But it's also a comparison because when a person is drunk with alcohol, that person is controlled by the alcohol. Alcohol makes that person say things they wouldn't normally say, do things they wouldn't normally do. They talk different, they walk different, they act different because of the alcohol. They're controlled by the alcohol.

So when you're filled with the Spirit as a mom, as a dad, as a son, as a daughter, what happens? Spirit-filled families enjoy the fruit of the Spirit: the love, the joy, the peace, the patience, the kindness, the goodness, the gentleness, the faithfulness, the self-control. When the mom and dad, when the son and daughter are filled with the Spirit, the home becomes a joyous place.

Now when Paul says that, then he goes off into the husband and wife relationship, the mom-dad relationship, the child-parent relationship. We need to be filled with the Spirit, not just to teach and preach and sing, we need to be filled with the Spirit to do life because we can't do it by ourselves. God doesn't want your help. He wants your surrender. He just wants you to say, "Lord, fill me up. I yield myself to you." That is to be filled with the Spirit. So that's the first step: everyone in the family needs to be filled with the Spirit.

Step two: every spouse needs to do the job that God has assigned. The husband has a job assignment and the wife has a job assignment. And the Scripture goes on to talk about the job assignments for the husband and the wife. Let's talk about the husband first. Verse 25: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless."

"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself."

What's the job assignment for a husband? A husband's job is to love and lead his wife. That's straight from the Lord. Nine verses about the husband, three times God gives the command: you love her, love her, love her. Love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Love her sacrificially and lead her as Christ leads the church. Love her as your own body, love her as yourself.

Love involves nourishing her and cherishing her. That's what we just read. Nourish is a providing word. Cherish is a protecting word. And we are to do both because nourish and cherish are embedded in the word love as a man loves his wife. That's her greatest need: to love her.

Well, what's a wife's job? A wife's job is to respect and submit to her husband. You said, did he just say submit to my husband? Yeah, I did because that's what the Scripture says. Look, verse 22: "Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church." See, he's the leader. "He himself being the Savior of the body."

He's not better than you. He's just the designated driver. He's been put by God in the head coach's chair and you're in the assistant coach's chair. So if a husband will love his wife, a wife will see to it that she respect her husband. Husbands, do your job. Wives, do your job, and God will bless.

Every spouse needs to do the job God has assigned. Step number three: every parent needs to set the stage for the home. Verse 4 of chapter 6: "And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Every parent sets the table and sets the stage for the home. Now here are some things that you need to establish in your home if you want to have a home that God can bless.

Number one: the Lord is King. You say with Joshua, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Jesus is the cornerstone, the chief cornerstone of our home. The Lord is King. And that goes back to step number one: be filled with the Spirit. We're not going to be a carnal kind of family. We're going to be a Spirit-filled family. The Lord is King. And you let the kids know that up front.

Secondly, the marriage is priority. When you start having kids, kids can start to put a strain on the marriage. We think that kids will bring the marriage together. I remember this one lady told me, she said, "You know, this couple's really having trouble, but maybe they could have a baby and that would bring them together." I said, "You have six kids. You know that it doesn't work like that. You start putting kids into the mix, that puts even more strain on the marriage."

The marriage is priority. The marriage has to be solid for the family to be solid. And if the marriage goes sour, it greatly affects the family. So you have to keep the marriage a priority. You have to say, "Next to our relationship with the Lord, this is the most important relationship we have: the relationship one to the other, the husband to the wife."

I realize that there are many who are in second marriages and they're experiencing blended families. Anyone who's experiencing a blended family, they can be a wonderful thing, but it is obviously going to be more challenging because you have exes involved. You have other grandparents. You start adding a lot more people to the mix. But even in a blended marriage, you have to make sure that the marriage is solid and secure so those kids who have experienced the trauma of a divorce don't experience that again.

Marriage is critical. You need to take time for the marriage. You need to have a date night. Preferably have a date night once a week. You and your spouse go out on a date separate from the kids. We're just going to be together. Maybe it's only 30 minutes, but you're just going to be together. You need to have an overnight quarterly that you spend together and that you rekindle your love for one another. Those things are important. Little things like that go a long way.

Guys, the best thing that you can do for your kids is to love their mom. And moms, the best thing you can do for your sons and daughters is to love and respect their dad. And even in a divorced situation, guys, don't ever talk bad about your son or daughter's mom. And mom, don't ever talk bad about your son or daughter's dad. They love their mom. They love their dad. They don't want to hear you tear them down. Even if they do things that are reprehensible, you treat that person with respect. The marriage is priority.

Then thirdly, the kids are loved and disciplined and led. He says in verse 6, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Discipline: that word means training, instruction, nurture, and chastisement.

Guest (Male): If that hits close to home for you, stay with us as Pastor Jeff explains the deeper meaning for you to understand to have a healthy home and marriage. Ever since our very beginnings back in 2005, From His Heart has been proclaiming real truth through several mediums, including radio. And with all thanks to you, we're looking ahead for greater outreach.

Thank you for your partnership to help us expand this incredible Gospel outreach so more people can hear the truth right where they are. And this month is the last in our fiscal year and we have a substantial gap in our yearly funding that we're praying we can fill this month. For your gift this month to From His Heart, we'd like to say thank you by sending you Pastor Jeff's new four-message series, "Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way," and the companion booklet, "I Still Do," from Pastor Jeff and his wife Debbie.

And you can get the booklet and the series in the format of your choice: USB flash drive, CDs, DVDs, or MP3 download. To make that special gift this month and receive these timely resources, call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or go online to FromHisHeart.org. God bless you for listening to God's whisper in your heart to help From His Heart find an even greater audience for this real truth, real love, and real hope that we share. Now let's conclude the third message in the series "We Are Family," called God's Blueprint for the Family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: The Bible says in Proverbs 22:15 that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Has anyone found that to be true? That kids come out of the womb and they're kind of foolish? Sure. Some of you are afraid to say something because your kids are in here. But foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child. And the Lord says that the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Debbie and I had a wooden spoon that we let the kids know that this is our rod of discipline. You get out of line and you disobey, then we're going to apply the rod of instruction upon the seat of your understanding. We're going to let you know that that is not going to fly. Once you set the stage for that and you follow through with spankings. I'm not talking about child abuse, I'm talking about spankings. Then all you have to do is point to the spoon. The kids are like, "Okay, I'm sorry, I won't do that again." They don't want that.

Sarah, my little one, she, Debbie said all the girls just had me like this. Debbie was the bad cop, I was always good cop. And so the girls, if they had to get a spanking, little Sarah knew how to just play me. Oh, she just cry those big tears and she'd be so apologetic and she still says this, I don't remember this, but she says, "Dad, I remember one time you spanked the bed and you said, 'Just tell your mother that I spanked you.'" I said, "I don't remember that, but let's keep that between us."

But listen, this is important: to discipline them and to teach them and to instruct them on life and in the ways of the Lord so they know how to operate and how to act and how to understand who God is. I love the little phrase that's so true. It says, "A child is going to have a hard time finding a father in God unless he finds some of God in his father."

I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day. I'd rather you go with me than merely point the way. The eye is a more ready pupil than ever was the ear. Good advice is often confused, but example is always clear. And so you need to be an example for your kids and you need to train them up and discipline them so that they know: this is how we are supposed to be, and this is how we're supposed to act, and this is what's right and this is what's wrong. Kids need to know that: they're loved, they're disciplined, and they are led.

No home is to be kid-CEO. No home. Now the kids will challenge you on that because kids are ingenious and they want to take over. It's just innate. They come into this world and it's whatever they say goes. When they're little, when they cry, you jump and you have to do all these things for them. And they figured it out: if I cry and throw a fit, then mom and dad do things my way.

It's a slow fade where you get into a home where all of a sudden the kids are calling the shots and the parents are obeying the kids. Don't have a home where the parents obey the kids. That's why you need a spoon. The kids can't operate the spoon, you operate the spoon.

I still remember, Debbie is bad cop, iron will. What I love about her, what attracted me to her very early on, other than how beautiful she was, was that she's disciplined. I struggle with discipline; she is disciplined. You look up discipline in the dictionary, it's her picture. She's just disciplined. And so the kids would challenge her. And she would say, "If you ever have a battle of wills with me, you just know you will lose." Because she's iron will.

When Jill was little and we had gotten past getting up in the middle of the night for feedings and all that, now it was sleeping through the night. Well, then she had this little hiccup where she didn't want to sleep through the night and she realized, "Hey, if I cry, they'll come get me, they'll rock me, they'll feed me, they'll do whatever, and maybe if I continue to cry, I'll get to sleep in their bed."

She would do that. And I'd just feel like, "Oh, Debbie, let's just get her, I just want to sleep." And Debbie's like, "Well, I can't sleep if she's in our bed. I'll stay up all week if it's necessary. She's not going to win." And she didn't win; Debbie won. That kind of set the tone. Everybody's like, "Don't mess with mom." But I love that about her. She was bad cop.

In marriage, and that's why it's so hard to parent by yourself, because if you're not a naturally disciplined person, I'm not naturally disciplined, then doing that is hard. Typically one of the two of you is more disciplined than the other, but you gotta lay down the discipline. You gotta let the kids know, "We're in charge, you're not in charge." Listen, I'm not here on this earth to be your friend. I'm here to be your parent. And if you will do a good job being the parent, when they get older, you'll be their friend. That's how it works in God's economy.

So every parent needs to set the stage for the home. And then step number four: every child needs to obey and honor his parents. Verse 1 of chapter 6: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth."

There are two words in there: there's obey and there is honor. God wants you to obey your parents until adulthood. Obey your parents when you're a kid growing up in their house. Obey your parents when you're still on the parental dole. You obey them. The golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules. So if you say, "I'm out of the house now, I'm in college." Yeah, but they're still paying for your life. So you need to obey your parents until you become a full-fledged adult who pays his own bills, who lives in his own place.

That word to obey literally means to listen under. To hear them and heed them. And God says that's what a child needs to do: to obey his parents. It is the same thing that I said about a wife respecting her husband and submitting herself to her husband. If your parents ask you to do something that's immoral or against the word of God, you don't do that. But that's not happening very often. You come in when they say to come in, you clean up when they say to clean up, you live under their rules. God says that's important. This is right. So you obey your parents until adulthood, but you honor your parents until death.

Honor is different than obey. Honor means literally in the Old Testament kabod, that was weight. That is used for glory. Your parents, you give your parents honor, you give them glory. You say, "Mom and dad, you're special because you're my mom and you're my dad and I'm going to honor you. I don't always obey you, but I will honor you."

Listen, mom and dad, you just know this. As your kids get older, you need to shift from manager to consultant. You don't manage them anymore. When they are adults, then you just consult. And only consult when they ask you to consult. So you see something going haywire in their lives, pray for God to put it on their hearts to ask you about it. But if you start to meddle in their lives and meddle in their marriage and meddle in their family, that's not a good thing and you're going to make it hard for them.

So their responsibility before God: obey when you're young, honor all throughout life. God says if you do that, it'll go well with you and you may live long on the earth.

Guest (Male): Well, what a great lesson that this has been to remind us once again that God's plan for the family is always best. Maybe you'd like a copy of this message to give to a friend or a family member who needs to hear the truth that you've heard today. Remember, you've only heard part two of this lesson today. You can go online to FromHisHeart.org, click the listen link for part one. And it's called God's Blueprint for the Family. And it's also one of seven in the series "We Are Family." Again, you can find out more at FromHisHeart.org. Click the listen link.

And when you're there, we'd like you to consider a special fiscal year-end gift to From His Heart this month. A timely and needed financial help so we can close out the fiscal year on a solid financial foundation. Just call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or again go to FromHisHeart.org. Well, I'm Larry Nobles and a big thank you for joining us today and inviting you to be right back here tomorrow for the next lesson in Pastor Jeff Schreve's "We Are Family" series, when he'll reveal what is critical for you to have present in your everyday life, and what needs to be present in your marriage, and what needs to be present in your family. Here is a little of what's to come.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: The Lord tells us in his Word, in the book of Ephesians, what needs to be present in every life, what needs to be present in every marriage, what needs to be present in every family, so that we can honor the Lord, glorify the Lord, and be the witnesses that he wants us to be.

Guest (Male): Join us for the lesson that explores the necessity of godly family values as we'll again open God's Word and share real truth, real love, and real hope from his heart.