From His Heart

Dr. Jeff Schreve: There are challenges involved in parenting. And nobody's got it all figured out. But we have responsibility before God and under God to provide training camp that's going to honor the Lord and please the Lord and instill in our kids as best we know how, the fear of God and the salvation that comes only by Jesus Christ.

Guest (Male): This is From His Heart, the broadcast ministry of Pastor Jeff Schreve. Thanks for joining us today. The Bible surely tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it." But what challenges will parents face in leading their children to Christ, like offering loving discipline, especially in a world where the family is under attack?

Pastor Jeff Schreve addresses these important points in the message, "The Challenge of Parenting." It's one of six in his powerful series, "Modern Family: God's Wisdom for Today's Families." If you'd like more information about this series, you can visit us online at fromhishart.org. Our text for the message begins in 1 Samuel, chapter 2, and verse 12. Here's Pastor Jeff again now to present to us, "The Challenge of Parenting."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: We're going to go through the lives of Eli and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, and find out what God wants us to do and learn lessons from this guy who was a bust. What are the challenges? Let me give you three. Number one, there is the challenge of leading your children to Jesus Christ.

Now, Daddy Eli, he's high priest. And so he has sons. His sons are in the priesthood. And these guys have absolutely no regard, no respect, no fear of God. Now, how in the world did they get like that? What happened? Well, it tells us in verse 12 that they did not know the Lord. They were worthless men, sons of Belial, who did not know the Lord.

What is the challenge of parenting? To lead your kid to Jesus Christ. Doing everything you can to bring your kid to a decision. You can't make them decide; they have to decide themselves. But you can do things to make them thirsty so that they want Jesus.

Challenge number two: Not only is there the challenge of leading your children to Jesus, but there is the challenge of consistent, loving discipline. Not as hard for disciplined people, but very hard for undisciplined people to provide consistent, loving discipline.

And listen, if you're a single mom, if you're a single dad, and you're not a disciplined person by nature, this is something that you've really got to depend upon the Lord for. This is critical that you meet this challenge because your kid needs it bad. And if you're not good with discipline, this is going to be one that's like, "Lord, this is a weakness for me. You have said in my weakness, make me strong. God, help me in this area." The challenge of consistent, loving discipline.

Okay, now watch what happens. Go to verse 22. It says, "Now Eli was very old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting. And he said to them, 'Why do you do such things? The evil things that I hear from all these people? No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the Lord's people circulating. If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?' But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death."

And you say, "Well, it sounds like he's providing some correction there." Yeah, you might want to make a note in your Bible like I made in mine in verse 25: A little too late. Too little, too late. It was too little correction and it was too late. God had already said, "Bam, I'm putting those kids to death." Because they've been playing chicken with the tornado, they've been mocking Me, they've been blaspheming Me, they've been taking that which belongs to Me, the sacrifice which belongs to Me.

They're leaders, spiritual leaders in Israel, and they're doing this. God is patient, but God's patience doesn't last forever. And God says, "That's it." They didn't listen to the voice of their father, but it was too little correction, too late. Later on in this situation with Eli and his sons, the Lord comes and visits little Samuel. Now, little Samuel, the book is called 1 Samuel, it's all about little Samuel.

Remember Samuel's mother, Hannah, was the one who couldn't have children? And she prayed to the Lord and poured out her heart to the Lord, and God blessed Hannah with a boy. And she had promised the Lord, she says, "If you give me a son, I'll give him back to you." And she did that. And she gave little Samuel to the Lord, and she left him there at the tent of meeting. She left him there at church, so to speak. She left him in Eli's care.

It took a lot of faith to leave your kid with Eli because it's like, "Well, you raise my kid. You did such a good job with Hophni and Phinehas, maybe you can work your magic on Samuel." So it took a lot of faith, but she followed through on that and she gave her son. And the Lord spoke to Samuel when he was just a little kid in 1 Samuel, chapter 3.

And when He spoke to Samuel, at first Samuel didn't know it was the Lord. He thought Eli kept calling him. He kept going back to Eli, "What is it you called me?" And Eli said, "I didn't call you; go back to sleep." And a second time, "Hey, you called me again. What is it, Eli?" "I didn't call you; go back to sleep." And then Eli figured it out, "Hey, the Lord is calling you." So Eli said to Samuel, "When you hear the voice again, this is what you need to say: Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening."

And so he did that, and the Lord spoke to Samuel. And the Lord told him that He was bringing judgment on Eli and on his house. Look at verse 13. He said, "For I am about to judge his house, Eli's house, forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them."

Serious business. God says, "Hey, Eli, you saw your kids doing all this stuff and you turned a blind eye to it. You didn't rebuke them, you didn't stop them, you didn't restrain them. You were responsible for My house and you saw your kids desecrating My name and My house and you didn't do anything about it." There was no consistent, loving discipline with Eli as a parent.

You mark it down: Blatant disobedience must be met with swift correction. When your kids are blatantly disobedient, you've got to spring into action with swift correction. You can't wait. You can't wait like Eli for years and years and years and then, "Oh, I better do something now; this is kind of got out of control. Now you're having adultery right there at the doorway of the church." The horse is out of the barn, Eli. You needed to hit that head-on when they were kids before they turned into the sons of Belial, the little hellions. But he didn't.

Look what the scripture says in Proverbs 13:24: "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently." He disciplines him. That word means to rebuke, it means to chastise, it means to correct; it has the idea of corporal punishment in there. And then it says, "diligently." That word is an interesting word in Hebrew: it means "early in the morning." It means don't wait. You discipline diligently, you discipline swiftly, you discipline early in the morning, early in that kid's life. And you keep it going throughout the day; that's kind of the picture.

My seminary professor that taught me preaching and taught me a lot of things about life, Wayne McDill, I still remember in class, he told a story about one of his sons. He had four kids, if I remember correctly. And one of his sons came downstairs one day, one morning at breakfast time, and he was in a foul mood. And he was moping and grumbling and griping and my favorite Greek word, *goggysmos*, which means to grumble, to complain, and he was *goggysmos, goggysmos, goggysmos*.

And Wayne McDill looked at him, right off the bat, early in the morning, first thing in the morning. He said, "Hey, let me tell you what you need to do, son. You need to get yourself back upstairs. You come and put on a smiley face and you get a better attitude, because we're not dealing with that in this house. You're not going to come down here and ruin everybody's day because you're in a foul mood. So you march yourself back upstairs and you put on a different attitude and then you can come back down here."

I've never forgotten that story because I like the fact that he didn't let that stuff just go. He was going to be jumping all over it. When your kid is blatantly disobedient or they're doing something that you know is wrong or they're acting out or acting up, you deal with that.

My little grandchild, Emmy Rae, she is so wonderful. We just love her to death, as you do your kids and especially grandparents, you do your grandkids. But she's a little sinner, too. Hard to believe, but she is. Know what she does sometimes when she doesn't like things in the Budzylewski house? They say, "Emmy, you need to put up your toys, you need to do this, you need to do that." She just started this. She goes, "[Claps] Eh!" She just claps in their face. Get up right in their face: "[Claps] Eh!"

Jay first told me that story. And as he's telling me the story, he's getting fired up. It's like, "And she's doing this thing: [Claps] Eh!" He's like, "Hey, what are you doing there?" I mean, you can just see the fire come into his eyes, like, "We ain't having none of that." And they deal with that. As hard as it is to spank the most beautiful child in the world, you have to. You have to deal with that kind of stuff. You can't let that go. When your kid defies you, that's when you step in. You're the parent. I guarantee you Eli never did that with his sons.

And what's interesting about this? You can have guys of tremendous faith, a man like David in the Bible. David, the guy who wasn't afraid, seemingly wasn't afraid of anything. Step out on the battlefield as a kid to go up against Goliath.

The scripture says this about David with his son Adonijah. 1 Kings, chapter 1: David is old, David is getting ready to die, David is "circling the drain," so to speak. And Adonijah says, "Hey, Dad's about ready to call it quits," and so he declared himself king. Well, I thought Solomon was going to be king, David.

Bible says this. They told David, "Hey, your son Adonijah, he's exalted himself; he's declared himself king." And the Bible says this: David had never crossed Adonijah at any time in his life. Never crossed him. Adonijah had basically gone, "[Claps] Eh!" and David said, "Hmm," and just backed off. What's up with that? David's a great man of faith; he's a bad parent. Very bad parent. Eli, very bad parent. Blatant disobedience must be met with swift correction. You discipline diligently.

Guest (Male): Pastor Jeff will continue exploring this truth in just a moment. But first, we wanted you to know about our special gift for your support this month to From His Heart. It's a new series called, "God and Money: What the Bible Says About Managing Money." You see, we live in a world filled with noise and confusion, and there is one unique platform where God's truth continues to break through, and that would be radio.

Every day, people are driving to work, sitting at home, or scrolling through stations when they hear a message they didn't expect, and God meets them right there. That's the beauty of radio. It reaches people who may not be looking for Him, but desperately need to find Him. And even today, it remains one of the most effective ways to share the life-changing message of Christ.

From His Heart has been broadcasting the daily messages of Pastor Jeff on radio for over 20 years, and it's been possible because of the support of our listeners, who are blessed by the teaching each and every day and care about helping others receive this blessing as well.

To thank you for your gift this month to help us continue reaching the world each and every day, we'd like to say thank you by sending you Pastor Jeff's new series, "God and Money: What the Bible Says About Managing Money." The three-lesson series is available on a USB flash drive, CDs, DVDs, or an MP3 download. To get yours, call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or go online to fromhishart.org. Now let's conclude the last message from Pastor Jeff's Modern Family series, and the last message of this month. It's entitled, "The Challenge of Parenthood."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Proverbs 29:15 says, "The rod and reproof gives wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother." Now, notice the difference here when we talk about loving discipline, consistent loving discipline. Not hit-or-miss discipline, but consistent loving discipline. And when you say something, you follow through on it. Be consistent in your discipline.

And remember this: Honest failures must be met not with swift correction, but with swift encouragement. Honest failures. What are honest failures? Spilling your milk at the dinner table. That's an honest failure. I did that all the time. Got hit for it. That wasn't really good. That wasn't really something that you need to hit your kid for, spank your kid for, for spilling his milk. He's not doing it on purpose. I sure wasn't. I was just kind of clumsy. Spilling something on the carpet, breaking a vase when you're playing. Those are honest failures.

My middle brother, he used to love as a little kid, he used to love to take things and take them apart because he wanted to see how they worked. So he'd grab the toaster and he'd get the screwdriver and just start taking it apart. And then my dad would come home wanting toast, be like, "Here's the toaster." Greg couldn't put it together. He could just take it apart. And so he'd take it all apart. Well, you can get frustrated with that, but listen, that's not something to spank your kid over.

That's something to encourage them, "Hey, you know what? It is awesome that you have such a desire to see how things work. But listen, let's not take anything at the house. I'll take you to a Goodwill or something like that. We can get a whole bunch of things that you can take apart." Meet those with swift encouragement.

And then choose your battles wisely. Wisely. Not everything is a throw-down-the-gauntlet deal at the house. Not every hill is a hill on which to die. Don't make a federal case out of that thing that really doesn't matter that much. Now, that takes wisdom from God to know what things are worth dying for and what things you let go. But remember this: When it comes to discipline, when it comes to corporal punishment, blatant disobedience, swift pop. Eli never did that with Hophni and Phinehas. David never did that with Adonijah.

What happens when you don't do it? Well, God is getting ready to judge Eli's house forever, He says. Hophni and Phinehas are getting ready to die. Adonijah, who exalted himself, whom David never parented, he was killed in the next chapter. Absalom, never parented very well by David. What happened to him? Led a revolt, tried to steal the whole king and he ended up dying with spears in his heart. There are consequences to pay, and your children will pay if you don't provide consistent, loving discipline.

And last challenge: There is the challenge of honoring God above your children. Look at this in verses 27 to 30. Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, "Thus says the Lord, 'Did I not indeed reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh's house? And did I not choose them from all the tribes of Israel to be my priests, to go up to my altar to burn incense, to carry an ephod before me?'' And an ephod's a vest. "And did I not give to the house of your father all the fire offerings of the sons of Israel?"

He's talking about his position as priest; it's a pretty cool position. He says in verse 29, "Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel? Therefore the Lord God of Israel declares, 'I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me forever, but now the Lord declares, far be it from Me. For those who honor Me, I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed.'"

The challenge for parents: Don't honor your kids above God. Eli honored his children above God. Why didn't he discipline them? Why didn't he come down on them like a hammer when they were doing that stuff before the Lord and stealing what belonged to God? It's because he honored them above God. The word honor means "to carry weight." And in Eli's life, his sons carried more weight than God.

Listen, the scripture makes it clear: You shall have no other gods before Me. So number one commandment of the ten, first one: I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before Me. Not even your kids. Not even your kids.

Beware of honoring your kids above God. Beware of loving your children more than you love God. You can love your kids too much if you love them more than you love God. Jesus said, "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." We love our kids. I love my girls. I'd give my life for my girls. But I can never honor them above God. So beware, Jeff, beware of loving your kids more than you love God. Beware of acquiescing, yielding to their will over God's will.

What has to rule in your home, in my home? God and His will. It has to rule. You can't let your kids start to push and their will becomes the law of the home. Because the things that your kids are going to want to do, oftentimes they're going to come against what God says to do. Give you an example: Sports. I love sports. I played sports. I watch sports. If my knees were better, I'd still play sports to this day. And kids want to get involved in sports. I was involved in sports as a kid.

But let me tell you something: Sports today can encompass everything in life. And that's all parents do; they're just running from this sport to that sport to this event to that event. And it has taken over Wednesday night. Wednesday night used to be church night; not anymore. Sports. It's even taken Sunday morning. I had a guy that I knew when I was in Houston; his kid played hockey.

And I remember he told me one day, he came up and said, "Well, we're going to be out of church for the next six months." I said, "You're going to be out of church for the next six months? Where are you moving to?" He said, "Oh, we're not moving, but my son's involved in hockey and they practice and play games on Sunday morning."

And I said, "Excuse me? You're going to have your kid take you and your family out of church for the next six months because of hockey?" He said, "Well, yeah, he really likes hockey. I want to support my child." I said, "There's no way in the world I would do that. I'd say you got to figure out a new sport, we got to find a new league to play in. You're not going to do that. Because being in church with God's people is more important than you playing hockey."

Is it wrong to play hockey? Of course not. But it's wrong to play if that's going to knock you out of spiritual things for six months. Then it becomes wrong in my estimation. The challenge as parents: honoring God above your children. And remember this, Mom and Dad: You're responsible to God for your family. You're not responsible for how your kids respond. You're responsible for what your home is like.

You're responsible, as we talked last week, about "training camp." That's your responsibility. To make training camp home life good and godly and God-honoring. That's your responsibility. You know Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it." That's a proverb; it's not a promise. Sometimes we take proverbs and we try and make them promises. They're not promises, they're proverbs. It's different.

A proverb is a maxim that is generally true. But it's not 100% of the time true. It's not, "if you train up your child, he will auto- 100% of the time go right." No, some kids don't go right. You know who is an example of that? Samuel. Samuel had kids who weren't good kids. The Lord doesn't judge Samuel like He judges Eli. Why? Because Samuel wasn't a rotten parent. But Samuel had kids that went haywire. Kids make their own decisions. All we can do is lead the horse to water, make the horse thirsty, but the horse has to decide for himself, herself, to drink. We can't control how our kids respond.

But we have responsibility before God and under God to provide training camp that's going to honor the Lord and please the Lord and instill in our kids as best we know how, the fear of God and the salvation that comes only by Jesus Christ.

Let's face it: Families today are a far cry from the simple, mild days of *Leave It to Beaver*. So many modern families deal with major problems and plagued with dysfunction and are falling apart at the seams. This series, "Modern Family: God's Wisdom for Today's Families," can help you navigate the challenges and it includes today's lesson, "The Challenge of Parenting." You can get yours from our website at fromhishart.org, click the resource center, or call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE.

Again, thank you for helping us reach hurting families and lost souls with the goodness through a helpful gift of support this month. We love you and we pray God is working wonderfully in your life. We also hope you'll join Pastor Jeff Schreve next time as he begins an empowering and encouraging series called, "Soul on Fire: God's Plan for Revival." Speaking truth and love and hope to a lost and a hurting world. Remember, no matter what, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Find out more at fromhishart.org.