From His Heart

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Before God created and established the church, before he established government, before he established schools, he established the home. And God has much to say about it to help you and me enjoy it to the full. But in order to enjoy it to the full, you have to go by the divine design. You have to look at the blueprints and see what does the manufacturer say about life, about marriage, about family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: God doesn't leave us in the dark. He tells us how to do this thing called marriage and family.

Guest (Male): When God created the family, he created a blueprint of the structure along with the roles everyone should play. Are you following his design for your family, or are you trying out the world's idea of family?

Guest (Male): This is From His Heart, and thank you for joining us for an eye-opening message from Pastor Jeff Schreve's series, "We Are Family." And in it, we'll discover God's blueprint for the family and learn what changes you might make to have a family that will bring honor to God and peace in your home life.

Guest (Male): The lesson is one of seven powerful lessons that can change your home. Open your Bible now to the fifth chapter of the book of Ephesians, and let's listen in now as Pastor Jeff begins to explain the importance of following God's blueprint for the family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: When Debbie and I, first got married and started having kids early in our family, one of the things that we did when Jill was about three years old, we had Jill and we had Amy. Amy was only about six months old.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: But we felt the need to get a swing set for Jill in the backyard and for Amy as she grew up and then Sarah as she was going to be coming along. And so we went to at that time there was a place called Toys "R" Us. I don't think there's Toys "R" Us anymore, but they had it back then. And you didn't, it wasn't anything online to look at. So you just had to go to a place. And so you'd go and they'd have all these swing sets set up.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And we found a cool one. It was an A-frame metal swing set and it had two swings, and it had a slide, and it had a carriage. It was a really cool thing where you could get a couple of kids in there and maybe an adult and a kid. And so I said, "Let's get that one." And so we went to buy it and they gave me this. That's how it comes and it's not quite like the model on the showroom.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And so I had to put that thing together. And this was early in our marriage. So I, I hadn't learned yet how bad I was at putting things together. But I thought, "You know, I'm a college graduate. How hard can it be? You got a big horizontal piece, you got these A-frame pieces." And so I started putting it together.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And I had most of it together. It was set up. I thought, "Man, this is good." And then the the really cool thing, the carriage part deal that was a big selling point, you know, I looked at it and I thought, "How does this go in there?" And then I looked at these things that came with the boxes, they called directions, and back in step two, I'm not kidding. Back in step two, you had to add something that I didn't add.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: I'm unlike step 20. And so the only way to put the carriage in was to backtrack to step two, which meant I had to disassemble all that I had put together to put this piece in so that I could put the carriage together. What was my problem? I didn't look at the blueprints. I didn't check the directions. I thought I could do it myself and I ended up with a disaster. The manufacturer knows how to put it together.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: We're in a series called "We Are Family," and we're looking at what does God, the manufacturer, have to say about life, about marriage, about family, because family is super important. You know, before God created and established the church, before he established government, before he established schools, he established the home. He established marriage and family. That was the first thing that he set up as an institution.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And God has much to say about it to help you and me enjoy it. You know, the Lord didn't create marriage and family so it would be a horrible thing. He created it so it would be a wonderful thing. And he wants us to enjoy it to the full. But in order to enjoy it to the full, you have to go by the divine design. You have to look at the blueprints and see what does the manufacturer say about life, about marriage, about family.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: God doesn't leave us in the dark. He tells us how to do this thing called marriage and family. Ephesians, chapter five. I'll begin reading in verse 17. We'll look at this one verse and then we're going to kind of be going through chapter five into the first part of chapter six through the message.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: But verse 17 says this: "So then do not be foolish. Don't be foolish. Don't be ignorant. Don't be unknowing, but understand what the will of the Lord is." He's getting ready to tell us his will, to tell us his will concerning life, concerning marriage, concerning family. See, every person in the family has a role, has an assignment from God.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: The husband has an assignment, the wife has an assignment, the dad has an assignment, the mom has an assignment, the son has an assignment, the daughter has an assignment. So we're going to look at four steps that God gives us in the building of a family by God's blueprint and God's design. So the question, do you follow the divine design for your family?

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Maybe you say, "I don't know what it is. I'd like to follow it, but I don't know what it is." Here it is, step one. Everyone in the family needs to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Everyone. Mom, Dad, son, daughter, grandma, grandpa, everybody, aunts, uncles, everybody needs to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Verse 18. "Here's the will of the Lord: and do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation." That is ruination. That is a waste. But be filled with the Spirit. Be filled with the Spirit. Now when the Bible says be filled with the Spirit, it's not saying you're an empty vessel and you need the Holy Spirit to be poured into you.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: It's saying, you, you need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. Paul is talking to Christians and he says, "Hey Christians, you need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit." Be filled with the Spirit. Now, every Christian has the Spirit, but not every Christian is controlled by the Spirit.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And it's interesting in verse 18, because he uses being drunk with wine as a contrast and as a comparison. See, it's a contrast because being drunk with wine is a sin and that's wrong. So don't do that. But it's also a comparison because when a person is drunk with alcohol, that person is controlled by the alcohol.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: That alcohol makes that person say things they wouldn't normally say, do things they wouldn't normally do. They talk different, they walk different, they act different because of the alcohol. They're controlled by the alcohol. I heard one man, he was talking to his friend and he said, they were talking about drinking. He said, "Well, you know, I drink vodka." His friend said, "Oh yeah, why do you drink vodka?" He said, "Well, you know, if you drink vodka, people can't smell it on your breath. They don't know you're drinking."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: His friend said, "You know what? If I were you, I'd drink something else. It would be better for them to know you're drinking than to think you're stupid." But see, that's what alcohol does. It it makes you stupid. So the scripture is saying, don't do that. Don't be controlled by alcohol. Be controlled by God's Spirit.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And when God's Spirit is in control, you act differently, you talk differently, you walk differently. Everything changes when you're controlled by the Spirit. Now, the Holy Spirit is outside the life of the natural man. This this person has been born once, never born again. They've never received Christ as Savior and Lord. So the Lord is outside of their life. That's the natural man.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And then you have the carnal man. Now the carnal man, woman, boy or girl. This is a person who's received Christ. And when you receive Christ, you repent of your sin and you put your faith and trust in Christ. The Lord comes to live inside you through the person of the Holy Spirit. So let's say here's the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit comes to live inside this person.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: But the problem with the natural with the carnal man is the Holy Spirit is there, but the Holy Spirit is not filling that person. So this person and this person, they look real similar. They walk very similarly, they talk similarly, they everything kind of looks the same. It's hard to tell that this person is a believer.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Because they're not filled with the Spirit. Sometimes we think, "Well, if I'm, if I'm not filled with the Spirit, then I need the Spirit must have leaked out and I gotta get more of the Spirit." No. To be filled with the Spirit means the Spirit has more of you. Years ago, there was a group that wanted Dwight L. Moody to be their speaker. Dwight L. Moody, the great evangelist of the 1800s. And they said, "We need to get Dwight L. Moody, Dwight L. Moody, Dwight L. Moody," these guys that were putting on the the conference.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And one guy said, "Why is it have to be Dwight L. Moody? Does Dwight L. Moody have a monopoly on the Holy Spirit?" And somebody said, "No, Dwight L. Moody doesn't have a monopoly on the Holy Spirit, but it sure seems like the Holy Spirit has a monopoly on Dwight L. Moody." That's what it means to be filled with the Spirit. He controls you. Every inch, every ounce, every nerve, every fiber that is in your being, you're surrendered over to the Spirit.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Now, verse 18, "Do not be drunk with wine for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit." That's not a suggestion, that's a command. We're commanded to do that. And that's probably the most broken command in the Bible, because so many Christians live like this when they could live like this. And living like this is wonderful. Very good.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: So, when you're filled with the Spirit, as a mom, as a dad, as a son, as a daughter, what happens? Well, spirit-filled families enjoy the fruit of the Spirit. The love, the joy, the peace, the patience, the kindness, the goodness, the gentleness, the faithfulness, the self-control.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: He says in verse 19, "Speaking to one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord." "Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ."

Guest (Male): And the word "fear" there is often thought by some to mean that we should be scared or frightened by God. And that is not the case. Practically speaking, fearing God means humbly and sincerely honoring his holiness and striving to obey his commands, evading evil and worshiping with awe. We are to be thankful and in awe of God all the time. Pastor Jeff will dig a little deeper on this topic in just a moment.

Guest (Male): But first, listen, a quick stop here to thank you so much for your generous gift this month. We have a substantial fiscal year-end goal to meet a challenging financial gap to end the year. And in a world filled with confusion and compromise, your support ensures that the real truth of God's word continues to be proclaimed boldly and without apology. Because of you, lives are being changed, hearts are being healed, and people are discovering the hope that can only be found in Jesus.

Guest (Male): You can help by calling 866-40-Bible, 866-40-Bible, or go online to fromhisheart.org, and request our special thank-you gifts this month for your support. When you make that gift, we'll send you Pastor Jeff's new series, "Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way," and his companion booklet, "I Still Do," written by Pastor Jeff and his wife Debbie, both for your helpful fiscal year-end gift today.

Guest (Male): Pastor Jeff and all of us at From His Heart are deeply, deeply grateful for your partnership. Together, we are standing strong for the truth of God and bringing real hope to a world that desperately needs it. Now let's get back to conclude part one of today's lesson called "God's Blueprint for the Family."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: When the mom and dad, when the son and daughter are filled with the Spirit, the home becomes a joyous place. The home becomes a sweet place. There's a song in the air, so to speak, because there's a song in the heart. You know why some people don't sing in church? It's because they don't have a song.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: We used to sing that hymn, "There's within my heart a melody. Jesus whispers sweet and low. He keeps me singing. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, sweetest name I know. Fills my every longing, keeps me singing as I go." That's being filled with the Spirit. There's joy there. There's gratitude there and thankfulness and there is a submission one to the other.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You mark it down, any person who must have his own way, her own way, that person is not filled with the Holy Spirit of God, because there is submission to the Lord and to the authority structures that he has set up when you're filled with the Spirit.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: So that's the very first step. Everyone in the family needs to be filled with the Spirit. Now, when Paul says that, then he goes off into the husband and wife relationship, the mom-dad relationship, the child-parent relationship. We need to be filled with the Spirit, not just to teach and preach and sing. We need to be filled with the Spirit to do life, because we can't do it by ourselves.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: You know, the Christian life is not hard. It's impossible. No one can do it other than Jesus. And so God doesn't want your help, he wants your surrender. He just wants you to say, "Lord, fill me up. I yield myself to you." That is to be filled with the Spirit. So that's the first step. Everyone in the family needs to be filled with the Spirit.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Second step, every spouse needs to do the job that God has assigned. The husband has a job assignment and the wife has a job assignment. And the scripture goes on to talk about the job assignments for the husband and the wife. Let's talk about the husband first.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Verse 25. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless." "So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: "Because we are members of his body. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself." What's the job assignment for a husband? A husband's job is to love and lead his wife.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: That's straight from the Lord. Nine verses about the husband, three times God gives the command: "You love her, love her, love her." Love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Love her sacrificially and lead her as Christ leads the church. And love her as your own body, love her as yourself.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And love involves nourishing her and cherishing her. That's what we just read. Nourish her and cherish her. Nourish is a providing word. Cherish is a protecting word. And we are to do both, because nourish and cherish are embedded in the word love as a man loves his wife. That's her greatest need, to love her.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Now, what do you do, guys, if your wife is not very lovable? Maybe it's a bad time and she's not very lovable. You say, "Well, I guess I'm off the hook because I love her if she's lovable." No, you love her as Christ loved the church. Are there some times that the Lord would say, "You're not very lovable"? Sure. Does he not love you because you're not lovable? No. He loves you regardless of how you are. And so I'm to love Debbie regardless of how she might act. And she acts pretty good most of the time.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: But if there's a bad day in there, I still love her and I nourish her and I cherish her and I lead her. She needs that. And that's my job assignment from the Lord. And so one day I'm going to have to stand before God and he is going to ask me, "I gave you Debbie as your beautiful wife. How well did you love her? How well did you lead her?" because that was your job assignment from me. And I'm going to have to give an account for that.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Now, guys, one way to think about your wife, think about her like a flower. She's like a flower. You're the soil. Your wife will glow and grow or dry and die depending on how you love her, how you nourish her and how you cherish her and lead her. You're the soil. She's going to respond to you for good or for bad. And so God says, "Hey, husband, do your job. Love and lead your wife."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Well, what's a wife's job? Let's get off the husband because it's getting convicting. Let's go to the wife. What's a wife's job? A wife's job is to respect and submit to her husband. You said, "Did he just say submit to my husband?" Yeah, I did, because that's what the scripture says.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Look, verse 22. "Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church." See, he's the leader. He himself being the savior of the body. He's not better than you. He's just the designated driver. He's been put by God in the head coach's chair and you're in the assistant coach's chair. He says, "But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything," to be submissive and subject to their husbands.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Then he goes on in verse 33. "Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself, and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." That's a wife's job. You say, "I think an easier job might be to love my spouse, but I have to respect this guy?" Yeah. His job is to love you, your job is to respect him and to submit yourself to him.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: That word to be in submission to him, hupotasso, it's a military term, it means to rank under. You put yourself under him before the Lord. You're serving the Lord by putting yourself under your husband. It doesn't mean he's better than you. He's not. You guys are equal before God. It just means that God has different roles for the husband and for the wife.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And if you say, "Well, I don't like that. I'm going to do it my own way." Feel free, but you're not going to get the blessing of God. You're going to put together the swing set and leave out step two. It's not going to work. And the Lord's going to say, "Hey, you know, you're going to reach a point where you're going to say, 'Man, this didn't go very well.'" It's like, "Yeah, do it my way. I set it up to be a blessing as long as you follow the blueprints, as long as you follow the directions."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: So if a husband will love his wife, a wife will see to it that she respect her husband. Now Debbie reminded me as I was going over this message with her, just the part about the wives. I didn't really go over the husband part. No, I went over it all. But I, she said, "You know about submission?" She said, "That doesn't really come into play until you disagree."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: It's fine if you agree on everything. The wife doesn't really have to submit to anything. She's just like, "Yeah, that's what I'd do. Yeah, that's what I'd do. That's what." And then all of a sudden, "No, I wouldn't do that. Let's not do it like that. That's a dumb way to do it." She, you know, so Debbie said, "When when we hit an impass, that's when the submission is hard. That's when it comes into play. Will I yield my will to my husband's?"

Dr. Jeff Schreve: And will I keep building him up and respecting him even if he's not very respectable? How do you do that? How does a husband love his wife when she's not lovable? How does a wife respect her husband when he's not respectable? Step one. You need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You can't do it in and of yourself. You need the Holy Spirit. Only Jesus can enable you to love her no matter what, to nourish her and cherish her no matter what. Only Jesus can help you, ladies, to respect him and submit yourself to him.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Now, obviously all of this submission is in the Lord and under the Lord. If somebody's asking you to do something that would break the law or or violate scripture, you don't do that. I mean, the scripture makes it clear. Daniel was a godly man. He wouldn't eat the king's choice food. He wouldn't his three friends, they wouldn't bow to the image. I mean, there are times where you have to say, "No, I can't do that," if it violates scripture. But that doesn't happen very often in marriage. And so you submit yourself, you love her, and that's what God says, "Do your job."

Guest (Male): Well, timely and powerful insights today from Pastor Jeff Schreve on From His Heart about God's blueprint for the family. As we've learned today, when God created the family, he created a map of the structure and roles everyone should play to build a happy and purposeful family. And the main question that should come to our minds after listening is, are we following God's design for our family, or are we trying out the world's idea of what it should be like?

Guest (Male): Now, today you heard only part one of this message entitled, "God's Blueprint for the Family," but we'll have part two tomorrow. But it's also one of seven in Pastor Jeff's series, "We Are Family," designed to help you discover God's blueprint for your family and learn what changes you might want to make to have a family that will honor God and bring peace to your home life, and a lot more.

Guest (Male): This wonderful series is available online when you click the listen link at fromhisheart.org. For your gift of any amount today, we'd like to say thank you by sending you Pastor Jeff's new four-lesson series, "Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way," to help us in our fiscal year-end appeal. Just call 866-40-Bible, 866-40-Bible, or go online to fromhisheart.org. And thank you for your support. We would not be here without it.

Guest (Male): Well, thank you for being here today for From His Heart. I'm Larry Nobles, trusting you'll have the time to join us tomorrow for part two of this foundational lesson called "God's Blueprint for the Family." That's next time when Pastor Jeff Schreve opens up God's word to share real truth, real love, and real hope from his heart.