From His Heart

Speaker 1

There is truth, there is bless, love, There is hope that you always dream of. He can heal every scar from his heart.

Speaker 2

As we read in Scripture, God has a lot to say to us about the home, how it can be a place of love and joy and peace, a place you can really enjoy being.

Today on From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Shreve, he's giving us three encouragements that can make our home a slice of heaven. If the opposite is not true for you, then today God wants to put you here to listen to this message called Home Sweet Home.

And we'll also be reminded of how important and vital it is for mothers to have and celebrate a home that is sweet. Right now, open your Bible to the book of First Peter and Pastor Jeff Shreve sharing how you can have Home Sweet Home.

Speaker 3

Now in 1 Peter, chapter 3, the Lord talks about marriage. He gives in 1 Peter 3:1-6, six verses about how a wife is to be to her husband. He gives one verse, verse seven, about how a husband is to be to his wife. And then verse 8 he says this to sum up: Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead. For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For let him who means to love life and see good days refrain his tongue from evil, in his lips from speaking guile, and let him turn away from evil and do good. Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears attend to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

I want to share with you three encouragements so that you can experience love, joy, and peace at home. And home can once again become a slice of heaven.

**Encouragement number one:** You can develop a godly attitude. A godly attitude. Look at verse 8 again to sum up: Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit. He names five things—five attitudes that you can have, that I can have, that are attitudes that God has. And so by God's Spirit, you can produce a harmonious atmosphere. The Holy Spirit, when I yield myself to the Holy Spirit, all of a sudden the Holy Spirit is sitting on the throne of my life. He's in charge. And the Holy Spirit can produce a harmonious atmosphere in my life and in my home as Debbie and I both are yielded to the Holy Spirit.

Secondly, the Holy Spirit not only produces a harmonious atmosphere, but he produces a kind and caring heart. To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, kindhearted, and brotherly. Wow. Sympathetic, brotherly, and kindhearted—three things that talk about kindness and caring. Sympathetic is a word that literally means having a fellow feeling, mutually commiserative. It says in Romans, chapter 12, rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. That's what it means to be sympathetic, to be mutually commiserative. When you're having a bad day, somebody comes alongside and commiserates with you.

You know, guys, especially our wives, it's so hard for us. But when they tell you about their struggles and about their trials and about their hard day and about how your kids were unruly and they threw up and this and that, she doesn't want you to fix it. She doesn't want your solutions. All she wants is your shoulder. All she wants is your sympathy. All she wants is you to commiserate with her. If you're kind and caring, it's like pouring water on a withered plant. All of a sudden, she just feels so much better. Ah, to have in your home kindness and caring.

It says to be brotherly, sympathetic, brotherly. You know, the word for brotherly is the word philadelphos, from which we get our English word, the city, Philadelphia. Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love. And philadelphos is that brotherly kind of love, that friendship kind of love. And then to be kindhearted, which means you have compassion; you're tender in your heart toward another person, especially toward your mate, especially toward your kids. Compassion means to suffer with, and you suffer with them. The Holy Spirit can produce that kind of caring heart and that kindness and that sympathy and compassion that homes desperately need.

And you know the thing about the Holy Spirit, he wants to do all those things, but he only works when you are humble because it says lastly in verse eight, a humble spirit, a humble spirit. The Holy Spirit won't work in a proud heart because God is opposed to the proud. He gives grace to the humble. And if you want the Lord by his Spirit to be in charge of you so that you would have harmony, so that you would have kindness and compassion and sympathy and those wonderful things, then you have to humble yourself before the Lord and say, "Lord, I can't do this by myself. Lord, you do it through me. You love my spouse; you love my kids." Kids say, "Lord, you help me love my parents; do it through me." You can develop a godly attitude.

**Second encouragement:** Not only develop a godly attitude, but you can develop godly communication. This is critical. What we see so often in homes and hear so often in homes, if you go behind closed doors, you hear some of the most horrible communication. Communication that doesn't build up, that doesn't encourage, but that just tears down and is just awful to listen to. Verse 9 says, not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead. For you are called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For let him who means to love life and see good days. You want to love life and see good days? Then refrain your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking guile, from speaking lies and deceit. It has to do with your mouth.

So you have to make some choices. The first choice you need to make, I need to make, we need to make: make the choice to not verbally retaliate in marriage. Make the choice that no matter what my spouse says to me, no matter what my parents say to me, no matter what my child says to me, I am not going to return evil for evil, insult for insult; I am not going to retaliate in kind. This is how this works in family life. We throw out an insult, and then how does it come back? You know the natural response when someone insults you is to hit them back, get them back, insult them back. A friend of mine, that's how he and his wife got divorced. It went from pebble to rock, rock to boulder, boulder to bazooka, bazooka to nuclear, nuclear to let's go nuclear. And they divorced all because of something little.

So make the choice to not verbally retaliate. Make the choice, secondly, to guard your mouth. Guard your mouth. Let him who means to love life and see good days refrain his tongue from evil. The psalmist said, "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips," so that I don't say something that's going to get me in trouble. Someone as well said the difference between a great marriage and a mediocre one is about three or four things a day left unsaid. You don't have to say everything you think. Chuck Swindoll said, "I've never had to apologize for something I didn't say." There's a lot of truth in that, right? Once you say it, it's out there, and then you gotta own it.

I was talking to a wife who's very unhappy in her marriage, and she and I were talking, and then all of a sudden, I see she posts on Facebook something just so derogatory about her marriage in private messenger. I said, "Listen, I understand that you're hurt, but this is not helping at all. You're going to widen the gap between you and your husband if you put that out on Facebook for everybody to see." Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Make the choice to guard your mouth and make the choice to communicate in love, not anger. Communicate in love, not anger. Anger shuts down communication. When you respond with anger, the other person just kind of closes off.

Debbie and I, yesterday, she was trying to sleep, and I was watching, kind of flipping around, just watching some stuff. She had the dogs with her, and so she was moving around some. So I thought, well, maybe she's not trying to sleep. So I started to talk to her. I couldn't see her face; I could just see her arms and stuff because her head was blocked, and she was under a blanket. And we're on the couch, the two couches there. So I was talking to her, and finally, she's just like, "Has it not dawned on you that I'm trying to sleep? Did I not tell you that I was trying to sleep?" And I said, "Okay." I said, "You were moving." "Yeah, because the dog's licking me. I'm trying to get the dog to quit licking, okay?" And I said. And then I turned the TV off. She goes, "Why are you turning the TV off?" I said, "You just told me you're trying to sleep. I'm gonna go in the other room where it's safe."

You know, it wasn't that big a deal. But she came in not too long after, and she was just kind of like this. You know, she's, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be like that. I was just kind of tired and cranky." I said, "Don't give me your excuses." No, I didn't. I was like, "Well, okay, I appreciate that." But, you know, those things can happen, and you can get angry, and anger kind of shuts down communication. Because it's like, "Whoa, okay, let's talk when you're not."

So a husband was talking to his wife, and he said, "You know, over the years, when we have an argument and I get angry, I notice that you never argue back with me." And he said, "How do you do that? Don't you get mad? How do you do that?" She said, "Well, anytime I get mad at you, I just go clean the toilet." She said, "Well, how in the world does that help?" She said, "I use your toothbrush." That's not a good thing. Don't do that.

So make the choice to communicate in love and not in anger. And if you can't communicate at that time in anything but anger, don't talk; go for a walk, do something, don't respond in anger. Because you're gonna say things you wish you hadn't. So you can develop godly communication.

**Lastly, encouragement number three:** You can seek peace and pursue it. And let him turn away from evil. Verse 11 says, and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. The Greek word for peace is "eirene." It means calm. It means undisturbed. Now notice this: true peace comes when there is no unresolved conflict. You want to have real peace in your home. Real peace is not, "Well, we just don't talk about this subject or that subject or the other subject because we want to have peace." You know, there are some people, they are just peacekeepers. The Bible never tells us to be peacekeepers. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." There's a big difference between peacekeepers and peacemakers.

What's the difference? A peacekeeper will just retreat and give you whatever space you want because I just don't want you to be mad. So they just walk around on eggshells all the time at home. Have you ever been in a home where people walk around on eggshells? Because there are landmines everywhere. You don't want to ask the wrong question. You don't want to bring up a subject that's gonna be a sore subject, and you're gonna step on a landmine and blow up. There are lots of people, you know what they do? They have issues that they don't ever resolve. So they just buy lots of sheets that they can throw over the elephant in the living room and pretend like it's not there anymore. Let me tell you something, it's still there. And it's making messes, and you're not dealing with it. And just because you don't deal with it doesn't mean it goes away. It doesn't go away; it just begins to grow.

True peace is dealing with stuff. True peace is saying, "Hey, you hurt my feelings, and let's deal with this so there's not unresolved conflict." True peace comes with seeking forgiveness and granting forgiveness. Because let's face it, in relationships, the thing that messes us up in relationships, whether that's a friendship, whether that's a working relationship, whether that's a husband and wife relationship or a child-dad, child-mom relationship, whatever the relationship might be, what ruins the relationship is hurt feelings. When someone does something, either intentionally or unintentionally, to hurt your feelings, then all of a sudden, there's a break in that relationship. And when there's a break in the relationship, you need to get it repaired. Otherwise, you just keep the distance, and it will keep growing.

You know, the scripture says in Ephesians, chapter 4, verse 26 and 27, "Be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." In marriage, if you let the sun go down on your anger, your spouse does something that hurts you. And hurt and anger, they are different sides of the same coin. When you're hurt, that will turn to anger, and somebody does something to hurt you, and it's going to hurt for a while, then it's gonna make you angry. If you don't deal with it, if you just throw a sheet over that, that anger is gonna turn into resentment. And if you let the sun go down on that anger, that is going to develop a wedge between you and your spouse, you and your loved one, you and that person that hurt you. And all of a sudden, there's gonna be this big chasm, and it gets icy cold there. You can tell when people don't like each other.

You know, it's kind of like, have you ever been around two cats that didn't like each other? You can tell. I mean, that tail starts to swish, right? It's like that cat's fixing to go off; those ears start going back. With our little dogs, you know, we have four dogs. Now, I'm not a real animal person, so we compromise. Now we have four inside pets, and we have three little Chihuahuas, and I just love little dogs. So we have these three little Chihuahuas, and Fergie is the queen. But now we got a new little dog, Zeke. And Zeke is trying to usurp the queen. And the queen doesn't like that. Zeke is cute and little and just fun and full of the dickens. And, you know, he's just always doing stuff. And you can just see when Fergie has had enough; she said that lip starts to go up. She's like, "Alright, she's getting ready to go off on you, Zeke. Watch out."

You can tell when you're around people and they don't like each other; you can tell it just emits a vibe. And poor kids. Sometimes mom and dad don't like each other, and they're not dealing with stuff. There's resentment and bitterness there. And the kids are at home, which is supposed to be a safe place. And all of a sudden, it's just an awful place. And there's so much tension, and the kids are just like, "Oh, gosh, I got diarrhea here in this house." There's just so much tension because mom and dad aren't working out their issues.

Now, here's the deal. How do you know when it's an issue that you have to work out? If it's something that you can't let go without talking about it? You know, I mean, there are some little things. You know, I don't like the way she squeezes the toothpaste out of the tube. Probably not worth going to battle over, right? But then you go from some nickel offenses to all of a sudden there's some bigger offenses. There are some things that, like, we gotta deal with this because if we don't, I'm going to resent. Those are the things that you have to talk about. Those are the things you have to bring up. Those are the things you have to share and share your heart and share your hurts.

And there needs to be, on the part of the offender, a heart of godly sorrow and repentance. If you have offended your spouse or your kids or your parents or some other person, you have to have a heart that says, "I wronged you." And there has to be godly sorrow and repentance in order for the relationship to be restored. So if I'm the one that has messed up and I've done something to Debbie and I really hurt her, maybe I did it intentionally, maybe I did it unintentionally. What do I need to do? I need to come with a broken heart and say, "Debbie, I'm so sorry I did this to you. Please forgive me."

Now, the scripture says in Second Corinthians, Chapter 7, "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation. But the sorrow of the world produces death." The sorrow of the world is this: "I'm sorry I got caught. I'm sorry for the consequences, but I'm not sorry for my actions." That's the sorrow of the world. The sorrow that comes from God is, "I'm so sorry, God, that I sinned against you. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, my spouse, that I hurt you, my son, my daughter, whoever it might be."

When you're the offender, you go to the offended, and you go humbly and you go seeking their forgiveness. So on the part of the offender, there must be godly sorrow and repentance. And on the part of the offended, there must be a willingness to forgive. A willingness to forgive. You and I, as Christians, are commanded by God to have a forgiving heart. The Lord says in the book of Mark, chapter 11, "And whenever you stand praying, forgive me if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions."

We have to have a forgiving heart. And listen, the Lord is strong on forgiveness. He says, "I won't forgive you if you don't forgive the person who hurt you." Now why is that? Why is that? Because God knows if you have an unforgiving heart. If I have an unforgiving heart, it creates bitterness in our heart. It ruins us. It ruins us. And the Lord loves you too much to let you ruin yourself. So a forgiving heart says, "I release you from that hurt. The Lord has forgiven me so great a debt; surely I can forgive you for whatever you have done to me."

Now remember this, especially in marriage, when there's a huge offense, when there's a million-dollar offense, we're not talking about a nickel offense, a million-dollar offense. You're required by God to forgive. But don't get forgiveness and trust confused. Sometimes a husband will commit adultery on his wife, and that's like dropping a bomb on the relationship. And then he is found out, and he goes to her, and maybe there's true, hopefully there's true repentance there. But he wants her just to sweep that under the rug, just to say, "Oh, okay, I got it. You've said you're sorry; I accept that now." Well, it doesn't really work that way.

You know, you get in a wreck on I-30, and somebody hits you head-on, and you were going 70 miles an hour

Speaker 2

You're listening to From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Shreve, and those are wonderful words of encouragement and hope. If you feel like you've made irreversible mistakes in your marriage or in your family, many people have. Well, you can turn the corner to happiness that may seem insurmountable to you. Is home a place of peace for you? Or is your home a war zone to be avoided at all costs for fear of further casualties? Marriages and families are in dire straits these days, but God didn't design marriage for that.

To help you understand God's design that is healthy and happy, you'll want to get Pastor Jeff's six-message series called "Built to Last: How to Build a Successful Marriage and Family." Today's message, "Home Sweet Home," is just one of six in the series. He provides special insight to help you have a home that is a safe haven from trouble and a place of peace for your family.

But listen, if you're not married but you think that you've found your man or your woman, you'll also want to get Pastor Jeff's booklet called "Before You Say I Do" and also his most popular booklet that he wrote with his wife Debbie called "I Still Do." All three of these resources are available in our Resource Center at fromhisheart.org.

Listen, if you're struggling in your marriage and your family and it's all stressed, you may want some others to pray with you, asking God for insight into how you might find healing and draw closer to Him. You can do that when you go to the prayer link at fromhisheart.org. There, people from all over the world will see your prayer request and pray for you. If you choose the option of being notified when somebody does pray for you, you'll get an email alert that you've been joined in prayer. Just go to the prayer link at fromhisheart.org.

If you'd like to make a gift of support this month to From His Heart, we have a special series called "Before There Were Kings: The Cost of Compromise," a study of the Book of Judges, and it's our thanks to you for your support this month of any amount to From His Heart. We simply wouldn't be here were it not for the faithful support of our listeners. So if you would like to support this ministry and also be blessed with this new series, just go to fromhisheart.org, and you'll see it right there on the homepage.

Our closing Scripture today will encourage you, mothers of faith: you are pleasing to God, and you bring Him glory. 2 Timothy chapter 1, verse 5 says, "I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. And I am persuaded now lives in you also."

Happy Mother's Day! I'm Larry Nobles. Thank you for joining us today for the message "Home Sweet Home." You heard part two today. You can listen again online anytime, and we pray that the message was a blessing to you and maybe also a wake-up call to help turn your marriage and family over to Jesus. We trust you'll return next time when Pastor Jeff will open up God's Word and share real truth, real love, and real hope from God's heart here on From His Heart.

Speaker 1

There is tremendous truth, there is blessing, there is hope that you always dream of. We can heal.

Speaker 2

From his heart is the listener supported Broadcast Ministry of Dr. Jeff Shreve speaking the truth in love to a lost and a hurting world.

Remember, no matter what, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.

Find out more about that when you go to promisheart.org, and Happy Mother's Day.