From His Heart

Jeff Schreve: We want to talk about having a happy home. We have so many homes today that would call themselves Christian, but they're not very happy. They're characterized by fighting and yelling much more than they are with peace and love and joy.

What does it take to really enjoy and experience a happy home?

Guest (Male): This is From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve, and this is a perfect message for a Mother's Day weekend. We hope that your special day will bring you joy this weekend and you can help bring joy to others this weekend too.

If you miss this broadcast, you can listen online anytime at fromhisheart.org. Click the listen link and look for the program name, "Do You Want a Happy Home?" Right now, open your Bible to Ephesians chapter four. Here again is Pastor Jeff.

Jeff Schreve: What does it take to really enjoy and experience and have a happy home? A happy home starts with a happy marriage. Three key ingredients to a happy home, to a happy marriage. Ingredient number one, it takes the lordship of Christ.

As we have said before, the Christian life is not hard; it's impossible. The only one who can live it is Jesus. You can't live it. I can't live it. The apostle Paul couldn't live it. No one can live it in and of their own strength.

The only one who can live the Christian life is Christ. And it takes the lordship of Jesus Christ to have a happy life, to have a happy marriage and a happy family. Psalm 127 verse one, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. I use it pretty much every time I do a wedding. "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it."

What it means to have Jesus be Lord of your life, it's giving Him His rightful place as Master in your heart and in your life. He is Master. He is King. He is Boss. He is Lord. Where? In here, where it matters the most, in my heart.

Sanctify Christ, set Him apart as Lord in your heart, the Bible says in first Peter chapter three and verse 15. And so when I am filled with God's Spirit, when I am controlled by His Spirit, when I'm walking in the fear of the Lord, it means I'm letting Him be in charge of me.

And I'm doing what He says, not what I say, because I have taken myself off the throne and I've enthroned Jesus as Lord and Master and Boss of my life. The lordship of Christ means you give Jesus His rightful place as Master, and it means, secondarily, that you take your rightful place as servant.

He's the Master, you're the servant. He sits on the throne of your life, you don't sit on the throne of your life. If you want to have a happy home, how blessed, how happy is the man who fears the Lord, who gives the Lord His rightful place as King, who takes his rightful place as servant.

Second ingredient. Not only does it take the lordship of Christ, but it takes the sanctification of the tongue. The sanctification of the tongue. What gets homes, lives, marriages, families, what gets them in such trouble? The things that come out of the mouth.

The Bible says this in the book of James about the tongue: "The tongue is like a fire. It is a world of evil among the parts of our body. It spreads its evil through our whole body and starts a fire that influences all of life."

In marriage, in family, you say something you shouldn't say and it's out there. You try and reel it back and you already said what you thought about my mother. It's out there and you can't reel it back. And you say, "Lord, here is my life, here is my hands, my feet, here's my tongue."

Put a guard, O Lord, over my tongue so that I wouldn't say things that would get me in trouble, so I wouldn't say things that would bring dishonor to your name, so I wouldn't say things that would wreck and ruin the relationships that I have with the people I love the most, my spouse, my children, my family.

So when we talk about having a happy home, three characteristics. First of all, a happy home is characterized by words that are truthful. Words that are truthful. He says in Ephesians chapter four verse 25, "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another."

You're never more like the devil than when you lie, because he is a liar and the father of lies. But happy homes are characterized, they don't have a bunch of lies and deceit in the home. There's no falsehood. There's no deceit. Things are open and honest because that's what pleases the Lord.

Secondly, a happy home is characterized by words that edify. Words that edify, words that build up according to the need of the moment. Ephesians 4:29 is a great verse to memorize: "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth."

Unwholesome word, a rotten word, a putrefying word. When we communicate in our homes, we need to communicate to our spouse and to our kids words that build up, that edify according to the need of the moment, not rotten words that tear down.

And words that give grace. That it may give grace, it says, to those who hear. Grace, God's unmerited favor. Grace, God's riches at Christ's expense. Grace, the Old Testament word for grace would be compared to chesed: God's loyal love, His lovingkindness, His faithful love, that it may give grace to those who hear.

We desperately need God's grace. And see, if we communicate in a way that tears down and it's filled with rottenness, our speech says that that grieves the Holy Spirit. Don't do that. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

He's talking to Christians; Christians are sealed for the day of redemption. And we can grieve the Holy Spirit with the things that come out of our mouths. That it may give grace to those who hear.

Peter, in first Peter chapter three, talks about six verses about the wife's responsibility to the husband, and then it talks about one verse, first Peter 3:7, about what a husband is to do to a wife.

"You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel since she is a woman and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered." And then it says this, beginning in verse eight, "To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing."

Have you noticed in marriage, in families, one person insults another person and what happens? "Well, you insulted me, I'm going to insult you." We return insult for insult. And it goes to, "Hey, you threw a paperclip at me, I'm throwing a pebble at you.

You threw a pebble at me, I'm throwing a rock at you. You throw a rock at me, I'm throwing a boulder at you. You throw a boulder at me, I'm coming at you with heavy artillery. You're coming at me with heavy artillery, I'm going nuclear. I will blast you."

And that's what happens, and those things get ratcheted up so fast. Last weekend, we had a big party for Debbie. She had a big birthday turning 60. I'm 59. She's 60. She reminds me, she says, "Your birthday is June 25th, mine's May 31st," so it's not like there's a big age gap there.

Well, we had the whole family in and I said, "What do you want to do for your birthday dinner on Saturday night?" We celebrated a little early because everybody was in. She said, "I really like the salads at Flying Burger. Let's get Flying Burger, and everybody can just order."

I said great. So she was getting everybody's orders, nine different orders, and tried to do it online and somehow it locked up right at the end. She was so frustrated. I said, "That's all right. Let's just call them and order it directly."

So I looked up on my smartphone, put in Flying Burger, and it comes up. I see the 903 number there, I hit call, and I hand her the phone. I said, "Here you go. There on the line." And so she places all the order and it was like, no cheese here and all that stuff that you have to know.

Ready in 30 minutes. Okay. So Jay Budzilowski, my son-in-law who's the media director here, he and I go to pick up the food. And when I go to Flying Burger right there on Summerhill, they said, "What's the name on the order?"

And I said Jeff. And they said, "What did you order?" I said I don't know, it was a big order, salads, burgers, stuff like that. "Well, we don't have anything for you." I said, "Well, good grief, I listened to her give you the order."

She said, "No." She goes, "Could it have been another place?" I said, "Well, how many Flying Burgers are there in Texarkana?" She said, "There's a Flying Burger in Longview." So I call up Debbie. I said, "Hey, you know what you did?

You placed the order in Longview. We'll be back with the food at 10." You know, it's that kind of deal. And she goes, "Hey, you know who called the restaurant? You did." I thought, I did. And then I said to myself, I didn't say this to her, but I was like, "Yeah, well you should have known he had a Longview accent."

So I just kind of was like, "Okay, what do you want to do now? Because we've got no food and it's 6:30." We ended up going to E-Z Mart and I got everybody beef jerky. Happy birthday. No, we did something else. But I came home and she's so sweet.

She just looked at me and I looked at her. And I think you told me, "You know it's your fault." You might have said that. But I said, "Debbie, I'm sorry." It's her birthday. I couldn't win on that one. What's wrong with my phone?

They call it a smartphone. You type in Flying Burger and they give you the one in Australia. I mean, it's like, good grief. Dumb phone. I live in Texarkana, I'm not placing an order in Longview. But here's the thing: not returning...

That could have been a big fight because I was mad because I was hungry. And could have been a big fight, but I just said, "You know what? The Bible says consider it all joy when your order gets messed up at Flying Burger.

Put it in the joy column and don't return insult for insult, but give a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing." Watch what goes out of your mouth. And when you're angry, put a guard, O Lord, over my lips so I don't say something that I'll regret.

Guest (Male): Pastor Jeff Schreve will return in just a moment to continue our special message that surely applies to all mothers: "Do You Want a Happy Home?" But first, a quick reminder that if your mother is alive, it should be your habit to pray for her each and every day.

God wants you to lavish prayers on your mother. Pray that she will be impacted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When you tell your mom you're praying for her, it's highly likely she'll say, "I know, honey, I feel them." And she really does feel them.

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Heartfelt, passionate prayers from a person in right standing with God is powerful, effective, and capable of achieving great results. It releases and energizes the spiritual force of God that breaks through obstacles and enforces God's will.

But listen, if prayer is a mystery to you, perhaps Pastor Jeff's booklet on prayer will enlighten you to the purpose and power of prayer. It's called "Unveiling the Mystery of Prayer." The booklet from Pastor Jeff along with an eight-message series called "Holy Boldness: Lessons From Elijah, the Prophet of Fire," both of these are our gift to you this month for your support of any amount.

To get both resources, call 866-40-BIBLE, 866-402-4253, or go to fromhisheart.org. Now let's get back to the message, "Do You Want a Happy Home?"

Jeff Schreve: So what does it take to have a happy home? It takes the lordship of Christ. It takes the sanctification of the tongue, you set it apart for Jesus. And thirdly, it takes the deep work done in the heart. The deep work done in the heart.

"Let all bitterness," verse 31, "and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice." Malice is just a general word for wickedness and evil. "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Bitterness. Bitterness destroys marriages, destroys families, destroys family relationships. How does bitterness come about? You get hurt. Somebody does something that hurts you, whether they do it on purpose or whether they do it on accident.

You get hurt and then you get mad, because once the hurt is there, then the anger is going to follow. Hurt and anger are two sides of the same coin. You get hurt, you get anger. And the Bible says in Ephesians four, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger."

If you get hurt, then you will get angry, and then if you let the sun go down on your anger night after night after night after night, that anger turns into resentment that turns into bitterness. The Greeks had a way of explaining bitterness and they said bitterness is a long-standing resentment.

It's a spirit which refuses to be reconciled. Everyone in this room has been hurt. And everyone in this room because of the hurt has gotten angry. And here is what we can do with anger that is destructive. We take that hurt that causes the anger and we nurse the hurt and rehearse the hurt and curse the hurt.

We say how terrible this was, look at what so-and-so did to me, look at what so-and-so said about me. We nurse the hurt, we rehearse the hurt, we curse the hurt, we say how bad this is. And then all of a sudden, there is tremendous anger there, there is wrath there, there is resentment there, there is bitterness there.

And bitterness is a cancer of the soul. So we need to not nurse the hurt, curse the hurt, and rehearse the hurt. We don't need to do that. We need to reverse the hurt. We need to take that hurt to the Lord.

So a happy home extends forgiveness to defeat bitterness. We're going to have to be able to do that if we're going to experience the blessings of God, if we're going to have a happy home where we love one another, where there's love and joy and peace.

You can't hold on to hurts and resentments and bitternesses. It will eat you alive. So we have to extend forgiveness. And listen, when you mess up, you fess up. When you've blown it, you own it and say, "I'm sorry. I did this. I lost my temper. I..." whatever was the offense.

You own the offense. I did this and it was wrong and I am so sorry. It's the same way you get right with God. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I have to agree with God: "God, I did that and it was so wrong and I sinned against you and O God, I'm so sorry. O God, please forgive me." And He does. If we confess, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

So a happy home extends forgiveness to defeat bitterness. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other. Graciously to forgive the person who offended you. And listen, remember this too. You can do things in marriage especially that can cause a massive wound to your spouse.

And just saying you're sorry and just being truly repentant doesn't remove the wound. You can take a baseball and throw it through the kitchen window and you can fix that pretty easy. You drive your truck through the living room, you're not fixing that in an afternoon.

That is major damage. And some of you have done major damage and we can do major damage in our families and we have to work through all the issues with that. But forgiveness is so key. You say, "How do I forgive?" A happy home remembers forgiveness that is given in Jesus Christ.

How do you forgive anybody? Because some people have had terrible things happen to them. Terrible things. I mean, beyond anything you can comprehend. "How can I forgive this person who did these terrible things to me?"

You remember the forgiveness that is offered in Jesus Christ. Jesus told a parable in Matthew chapter 18 about the master who settled accounts with his servants. And there was one slave that owed him 10,000 talents. That's an astronomical number, 10,000 talents.

You could live a thousand lifetimes and not be able to amass 10,000 talents. And you need to remember this: Hebrew humor is humor by exaggeration. When Jesus told the parable of the servant who owed the master 10,000 talents, people would laugh, because no way in the world would you ever have a situation where a servant got into a master for 10,000 talents.

Solomon was the richest king who ever lived and his take each year was 666 talents of gold. This is talking about 15 times that. And so this guy owes the master 10,000 talents. He can't repay it. He could live a thousand lifetimes and he couldn't repay it.

And he pleads for mercy and the master gives him mercy and forgives all the debt. And so the guy goes out and he finds a fellow slave who owed him 100 days' wages. 100 days' wages is not nothing, but it's nothing compared to 10,000 talents.

And so he finds this guy owes him 100 days' wages and he grabs him by the throat and he says, "You owe me 100 days' wages. You pay me!" And the guy said, "Please have mercy on me and I will repay you."

And he doesn't have any compassion for him, no mercy, no forgiveness. He throws him in jail until he should pay every last cent. And the other slaves tell the master this is what that guy did. And the master was moved with anger.

And he said to him, "You wicked slave. I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me and should you not have forgiven the one that owed you 100 denarii?" And moved with anger, he delivered him over, the Scripture says, to the torturers until he should pay all that was owed.

And Jesus said, "So shall my heavenly Father do to you if you don't forgive your brother from the heart." Serious business to not forgive. Serious business. Listen, as we close out today, I just want to ask you, because the unforgiving servant in that parable, he had that guy by the throat.

He was choking him. Do you have somebody by the throat? Maybe it's your spouse. Or maybe it's your dad. Prisons are filled with guys who have their father by the throat. Their father might be dead; he might have been dead for 20 years.

They still have him by the throat. They refuse to forgive him. I don't care how bad anybody has ever messed you over, it is nothing compared to your sins before God. And if God can forgive you so great a debt, 10,000 talents worth, you can forgive by His power and by His Spirit.

And you can say, "Lord, I deliver that person up to you, but I'm not going to carry this bitterness in my heart another day. Wash me by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ." And He will do it and He will set you free from a bitter spirit.

What does it take? The lordship of Christ, the sanctification of the tongue, and a deep work done in the heart. And here's the thing. See, the tongue and the heart work together, because Jesus said the mouth speaks from that which fills the heart.

And if you will get Jesus, sanctify Him as Lord in your heart, you'll let His peace, His joy, His righteousness reign in your heart. He will change you from the inside out and what will come out when you're pressed and when you're squeezed, what will come out is Jesus.

You won't return insult for insult, but you'll give a blessing instead. The big question is this: will you do things God's way?

Guest (Male): Maybe you've been one of those bitter people. You've let the sun go down on your anger constantly. And today's the day you realize you need to turn back to God. Perhaps you need to pray, say, "God, here is my life, take it back and help me to be the Christian you want me to be, to have holy conduct and godliness and to be the witness you want me to be."

Or maybe you know right now you've never been saved, you've never repented of your sin and turned to faith in Christ. Then we want to encourage you to take today to be the day you do just that. And to learn more about what that will mean, go to fromhisheart.org, click the "Why Jesus?" section for a lot of material and words of wisdom from the Lord and Pastor Jeff that'll get you started on your Christian journey.

That's fromhisheart.org, click the "Why Jesus?" link. Well, that's it for our Mother's Day message today called "Do You Want a Happy Home?" But we trust you'll have a blessed weekend, a precious Mother's Day with yours.

We also hope that you'll be sure to join us next time as Pastor Jeff continues his series, "Holy Boldness: Lessons From Elijah, the Prophet of Fire," with a lesson that will be a blessing to you. It's called "The Super Bowl at Mount Carmel." That's when Pastor Jeff Schreve will open up God's word and share real truth, real love, and real hope from His heart.