From His Heart

Guys, remember this: you're Christ to your wife. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. You need to nourish her, cherish her, love her, and protect her. No matter what has happened in your marriage, if you will say, "I'm going to start going God's way," you'll be amazed at the miracles he will do in your marriage.

Guest (Male): A lot of people see marriage and they say, "I saw how my mom and dad just fought all the time and there was such bitterness in that relationship, and I don't want any part of it." Well, today, we want to look at the fact that God made marriage to not be that way but to be wonderful.

This is From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve. Thank you for joining us today for the lesson called "And It Was Very Good." It's from Pastor Jeff's series Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way. We heard part one last time, and we'll have part two today. You can catch up with part one when you go online to fromhisheart.org.

Do you understand what God did when he made marriage and why he created marriage? To find those answers, we're going to the beginning, when God created this institution called marriage. Open your Bible to the second chapter of the book of Genesis. Here again is Pastor Jeff Schreve.

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Why did God create marriage? Three reasons. Reason number one: God created marriage for companionship. Secondly, God created marriage for intimacy and oneness. He wants you to have emotional intimacy in marriage—emotional intimacy in your soul, where you have your mind, will, and emotions.

Now, some have said, and there are people that say there are two parts of man: the material part and the immaterial part. The material part is the hide and hair, your body, and the immaterial part is your soul. They say your soul and spirit are really one. But I believe that man is a house of three rooms: he is spirit, he is soul, and he is body, because of 1 Thessalonians chapter 5. "I pray your whole spirit and soul and body." So there seems to be three parts of a man.

Now, you are not a body; you live in a body. Your body houses your spirit and your soul. Spiritually, that's how we know God. Soulishly, that's how we interact with other people: our mind, our will, and emotions. In marriage, God wants you on a soul level. We talk about "I found my soulmate." Well, on a soul level, God wants you to be connected and one with your spouse.

And so how do you do that? Well, you do that through talking, through sharing, through spending time together. You know what's sad is this happens so often: when couples date, they talk together a lot. They can't not be together, and they can't not talk to one another. They're always wanting to be together and wanting to talk.

When I first went out with Debbie, I mean, the very first date we ever had, I said, "Let's go shopping." Good grief, I hate shopping. But I knew that that's something that would interest her. And you know, I was willing to do anything with her just to be with her. If she had said, "Hey, do you want to go to the opera?" "Of course I do! You must have read my mind!" I never want to go to the opera. But we do those things when we're dating because we want to be close to them.

So there's lots of talking, there's lots of sharing. Back in the day, you know, you'd be on the telephone for a long period of time, and you'd fall asleep, maybe, together on the phone. You know, but back in the day, there was only one house line. And if you fell asleep on the phone and your dad found out about it, it wouldn't be fun. You'd get off the phone, right?

But you had that kind of a situation. That's more high school stuff. But Debbie and I talked all the time. We did things together, and there was that emotional connection because we were filling up the emotional tank. Now, a woman in general tends to be a lot more emotionally aware than a man.

Someone has well said a man is like a buffalo and a woman is like a butterfly. What is the difference between a buffalo and a butterfly? Well, a buffalo: thick skin, thick hide. The temperature can drop 20 degrees, the wind can start blowing, he's just sitting out there, doesn't know anything. It's just, "Nothing's changed for me."

The butterfly is very aware if the wind starts changing, if the temperature starts dropping. The butterfly sees flowers and lights on them and does whatever the butterfly does with the flower. The buffalo sees the flowers and tramples them into nothing. You know, I mean, there's just a difference.

And a husband is—remember, he's got blind spots. She points out those blind spots. She's able to help him because she's soft, and she's able to soften him up. But don't stop talking and sharing and doing things together, because that is critical. God wants there to be intimacy on the spiritual level. He wants there to be intimacy on the emotional level. And thirdly, he wants there to be intimacy on the physical level.

But it's after you get married. So it's A: spiritual, B: emotional, and then C: once you say "I do," then comes the physical. Now, obviously, there needs to be physical attraction. We would tell people this all the time with couples, especially when we would do these conferences and we would talk to those that hadn't been married yet. We had the pre-marrieds always that would come to the conference, anywhere from 10 to 20 couples.

And we'd say, "Listen, there needs to be a physical attraction." If you say, "Well, we're engaged, but we don't really have any trouble with the physical temptation because we're not attracted to one another," huge red flag, right? You need to be attracted to one another. That should be an area where you're tempted because you're in love. And so there has to be that physical attraction.

But you have the spiritual intimacy, the emotional intimacy, you get married, and then you have the physical intimacy. If you get the cart before the horse, so to speak, you short-circuit everything. That's not the way God intended it. Hebrews chapter 13: "Let marriage be sacred among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for fornicators and adulterers, God will judge."

Don't mess with marriage and cheapen marriage, and those that do that, they are in for trouble. So we have the physical intimacy after we say "I do," and then we get to enjoy that. The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. There was no shame there. They didn't have any self-consciousness because everything was about God, and everything was God-consciousness, not self-consciousness, and there was this closeness there.

Now, when you talk about the physical relationship in marriage, there are two reasons why God created sex in marriage. And we shouldn't be ashamed to talk about sex in marriage. You know, lots of times in church, we don't talk about it because we're like, "Ah, you know, that can be hard to talk about. We shouldn't talk about it."

I like what Howard Hendricks, the professor at Dallas Theological Seminary for so many years, said. He's with the Lord now, but he said we shouldn't be ashamed to talk about what God was not ashamed to create. And God is the one who created sexual intimacy in marriage and the sexual aspect of marriage. And he was the one who told Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth."

Well, how are they going to do that? Well, they're going to have to come together physically. And so God created sex in marriage for procreation, obviously, because you're not going to have any children unless you do that. And so that was a good thing. And you know what's interesting, too? The two shall become one flesh.

You know what a picture of that one flesh relationship is? It's when you have children and the two come together and they produce one child. And that one child has some of dad, and that one child has some of mom, and they're just a wonderful miracle of God, how the two can come together and have the one child. Well, procreation is pretty obvious.

But also, God created sex for pleasure. That's why sex is a difficult thing and that's why it's such a strong temptation in our world today, and it has been since God created it, because there's pleasure involved in that. If God had made the sexual relationship akin to a root canal, you know, Adam and Eve would have had two kids and no more.

It's like, "We're going to have a girl, and then we're going to stop. We got Cain, we got Abel, now we just got Cain, and we're going to stop after this." No, but there was pleasure involved there, and that's not a bad thing. That is a good thing. It says in Song of Solomon chapter 1, verses 2 and 3 in the God's Word version, the bride says, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. Your expressions of love are better than wine, better than the fragrance of cologne. Cologne should be named after you. No wonder the young women love you."

That's what the bride is saying to Solomon. They should name the cologne after him. Well, here's the point: she liked his kisses. That was thrilling for her. That is good. That is fine. God created sex for pleasure. And in the relationship, in the marriage relationship, you can tell how well a marriage is going based on what's going on in the bedroom.

I talk to couples and they're having marital problems, and I said, "Okay, well tell me, don't get into details here, but tell me about your love life." "Oh well, that's, you know, once a month." Good night, that's a problem. Red flag! Red flag! I mean, you know, it's not going to be every day, right? But then couples get married and things change, and they have kids, and life gets busy, and then that part of their relationship—listen, a good love life doesn't fix problems in your marriage.

It's not the be-all-end-all, but what it is is it's a barometer of your relationship. And typically when the relationship goes south, you're not having a good love life. That's just the way it works. And so if you have a good love life, it's because the emotional things are taking place, because the talking and the sharing is taking place, because there's the spiritual connection, because you're really doing life together and sex is just an outflow of that. It's an expression of love.

God created a woman to be very much more emotional than a man. Now, not in every single situation, but in general, she's just a lot more in tune with her emotional side, and the man tends to be less in tune with that. And if you don't fill a wife's emotional tank, if you're not there for her, if you're not caring for her, if you're not nourishing and cherishing her and loving her and listening to her and protecting her and providing for her, then she's not going to be interested in the physical side of things.

And so those three areas, God wants those to be intimate and one: spiritual, emotional, and sexual intimacy. And then reason number three: God created marriage for our good and his glory.

Guest (Male): Yes, for our good and for his glory. Pastor Jeff will continue right there in just a moment on From His Heart. You know, ever since the very beginning of From His Heart's ministry over 21 years ago, From His Heart has been proclaiming the real truth of God's love through radio. It's a strategic, steady, and deeply personal way to speak truth one-on-one to everyone. And with all thanks to you, we're looking ahead for greater outreach.

Now, we have plans that are already underway to expand our radio reach into additional markets, especially underserved rural regions and urban areas where gospel-centered teaching is scarce. Thank you for your partnership to help expand this gospel outreach so more people can hear the truth right where they are.

And this month being our fiscal year-end, it's extremely important that we close the gap to our expected needs this next year. For your gift this month, we'd like to say thank you by sending you Pastor Jeff's four-message series that we're in right now called Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way, and we'll include the companion booklet that he wrote with his wife Debbie called I Still Do.

You can get the series in the format of your choice: USB flash drive, CDs, DVDs, or an MP3 download. And to make that special gift this month and receive these timely resources, simply call us at 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or go online to fromhisheart.org.

God bless you for listening to God's whisper in your heart to help From His Heart this month to have an even greater audience for this real truth, love, and hope message that we share each day. Now let's conclude the powerful message of hope called "And It Was Very Good."

Dr. Jeff Schreve: Marriage is for our good and his glory. God is a good God, a good God who gives good gifts. And outside of Christ, I can say with all confidence, the greatest gift I've ever been given from the Lord, outside of my salvation, is my wife. She's the best. And from her, I got three other gifts: Jill, Amy, and Sarah, that I wouldn't trade for all the gold that used to be in Fort Knox. I wouldn't trade. We'll find out how much is there, right? But that's from my marriage.

And so God is a good God. Listen, marriage is not a penalty. It's not a curse. It's not "you've been bad, now you've got to get married." It's the best! And marriage is designed to be a great blessing. That's how God set it up. We've messed it up, but that's not how God set it up. And God wants it to be wonderful.

You say, "Well, Jeff, is your marriage always wonderful?" No. You've met Debbie, right? I mean, she's not here. That's just—just teasing, right? Don't tell her. Anyway, so we have trouble in our marriage just like you have trouble in your marriage because we're humans. And let me tell you what is so tough in marriage. The base problem in marriage is selfishness.

The middle letter in the word "sin" is "I". And the problem that you have, the problem that I have, the problem that we have is an "I" problem. It's all about me, what my needs, what I want. And so when you get two selfish people together, you're going to have trouble. I heard years ago, what is marriage? It's two ticks coming together.

And you know, a tick comes onto a dog and says, "Well, you're going to satisfy me." And the dog is the host and the tick is a parasite. And then what happens? You get married. Marriage is two ticks and no dog! So the ticks come together. It's like, "Wait a minute, I'm supposed to feed off you." "No, I'm supposed to feed off you. Where's the dog?" There is no dog in marriage.

So you have to learn how to yield to the other person. Ephesians 5: the husband loves his wife and the wife respects her husband, and the husband and wife together—she submits to his leadership and he is led by the Lord, and that's the way God set it up. But you're going to have bumps in the road. Debbie and I have bumps in the road. That's just, you just keep working it out.

Now, here's the thing, too, about Adam and Eve. There wasn't anybody else. God didn't—some people will try and tell you that God made a race of people. Did you read in the Genesis account where God made a race of people? No, he made two people: Adam and Eve. You never get evolution from reading the Bible. You have to read into the Bible to say, "Well, here's evolution." No, nobody—you take a person that doesn't know anything about evolution, they read the book of Genesis, they would never in a million years say, "Oh, I can tell you how God created. He created through evolution, it was billions and billions of years." Give me a break.

God created. He said, "Let there be light," and there was light. How long did it take him to do it? He did it in six 24-hour days, just like he said he did. Let God be found true though every man be found a liar. And in this marriage relationship, God wants it to be special and he wants us to learn and he wants us to grow, and there is no one else.

Once you get married, it's for life. And leaving all others, I will be to you a true and faithful husband, a true and faithful wife, as long as we both shall live. So help me God. That's what I have everybody say in the marriage vows when I do a wedding. And divorce is not an option. Adam, what was Adam going to do? "Eve, I'm sick of you. I'm going to date your sister." She didn't have a sister! It's just Adam and Eve and a bunch of kids and grandkids and great-grandkids. It's just, they're working it out.

So once you get married, choose your love, love your choice. There is nobody else. Quit shopping for somebody else because you chose the person and now you love the person. And God wants that to be a great blessing. And remember this: marriage is not only designed to be a great blessing, it's designed to picture Christ and the church. That's the picture that is given in Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5:31, the Apostle Paul quotes from Genesis 2:24: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church." Marriage is a picture of our relationship with God.

Have you noticed in your relationship with the Lord you can be soaring along and then all of a sudden something happens and then it seems like the bottom drops out? Marriage and your relationship with God are very, very similar. It's not a static thing. It's not you just check the box and everything's great. You have to keep working at it.

And if you don't keep working at it, you will start to lose your first love and leave your first love, as the Scripture says in Revelation chapter 2, verse 4. And so we don't want to do that. And we want to keep pouring in, and pouring in, and pouring in, because that's a witness to this world. You know what unbelievers say about the church and about Christians? They say, "Oh, you guys talk about sexual immorality, you talk about homosexuality, you talk about this sin, that sin, the other sin, but what about you guys when it comes to marriage and divorce? Why are there so many divorces in the church?"

And it's a legitimate argument that they have against us because it's a poor witness. And listen, I understand, and I've said this from this pulpit: marriage is not always sinful because there are times where the Lord says marriage is permissible for adultery and unrepentant adultery. You can't have a relationship with somebody that says, "Yeah, I'll be married to you, but I'm going to still see all these other people." That just doesn't work. Marriage is exclusive.

And so Jesus said, you know, when there's adultery like that, you can get divorced. When there's abandonment, you can get divorced. It's definitely not always sinful, but it's always hurtful. It's always hurtful. And anybody that's gone through a divorce knows the pain of that. Why? Because the two come together and they form one flesh, and then they're divorced, and it's like ripping yourself apart. It's like chopping your arm off. How much would that hurt to chop your arm off? It would hurt a lot. And God hates divorce because it hurts the couple and it hurts the kids and it hurts the extended family. God doesn't hate the divorced with a "D-E-D," but he hates divorce because of what it does to people.

Now, in the picture of Christ and the church, guys, remember this: you're Christ to your wife. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. And so we are to be the initiator with our wives. We are to remember she came initially from Adam's side. She's different from all other creatures. She wasn't made from the dirt; she's made from flesh and bone.

And you need to nourish her, you need to cherish her, you need to love her, you need to protect her. She has lots of needs. A man has one main need, and that is to be respected, but a woman has all these other needs. And God has given us the privilege of doing that as a husband to his wife.

And listen, no matter what has happened in your marriage, if—if you will say, "I'm going to start going God's way in marriage. I'm going to start doing it the way God designed it to be." And you, as it says in Psalm 119, you lift your hands to his commandments and you surrender to them and say, "Lord, I'm doing it your way. I've done it my way for far too long. My way produces disaster; your way produces blessing." And you will start doing that, going God's way, you'll be amazed at the miracles he will do in your marriage. And he can take the worst of marriages, he can raise it up and fill it with good things.

Guest (Male): What a tender and timely message from Pastor Jeff called "And It Was Very Good." We pray your relationship with your family is very good. Perfect? Likely not. But striving to be more godly is critical. How do you do that? The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians chapter 4, verse 32, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Listen, the solution is always grace. Maybe your spouse has wronged you and you're harboring bitterness and even hatred over it. The solution is grace. Jesus is full of grace and truth. May he fill us with the same mixture of divine goodness. Today's message is one of four in Pastor Jeff's new series, Love and Marriage: Doing Family Life God's Way.

The series and the booklet I Still Do are our two thank-you gifts for your support this month of any amount. And you can get these when you call us at 866-40-BIBLE, 866-40-BIBLE, or go to fromhisheart.org. God bless you for listening to God's whisper in your heart to help From His Heart this month to have an even greater audience for this real truth, love, and hope message that we share each day.

And thank you for joining us today. I'm Larry Nobles, reminding you Pastor Jeff will continue this Love and Marriage series with a lesson, "Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?" Join us next time when we again open up God's word and share real truth, real love, and real hope from his heart.