From His Heart

Guest (Male): So many married couples, they don't resolve conflict. They have big blow-up fights and nothing ever gets resolved. They just kind of don't talk about it anymore and you just live in that environment of a dysfunctional culture in the family.

Well, that's not what God wants. What does every family need? Every family needs a godly culture. It doesn't mean you're perfect, because nobody's perfect. No person is perfect, no church is perfect, no family is perfect, but you can be godly.

Larry Nobles: This is From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve. So glad you're with us as we continue some powerful teaching from Pastor Jeff's series, Modern Family: God's Wisdom for Today's Families.

Listen, is your family filled with encouragement, spiritual sensitivity, and forgiveness? Well, you may have to think a moment on that to review, but those are just some of the essentials if you want to have a home and a family that lives for God and is an example for others.

Especially in these challenging times and especially for you dads, we're going to have some challenges for you to embrace today on From His Heart. The lesson is called "What Every Family Needs."

Remember, if you can't be with us for the entire broadcast today, you can listen again anytime online after it's aired when you go to fromhisheart.org and click the "Listen" link. Download a free MP3 of any broadcast as well as the sermon outlines from Pastor Jeff. If you can now, open your Bible to the book of Ephesians, chapter 4. Here's Pastor Jeff to teach us from God's word what every family needs.

Jeff Schreve: Culture is an interesting word. It's been defined as the behaviors and beliefs and values of a particular society or group or tribe or organization. Culture affects the way people think and the way people feel, the way people express themselves, and the way people interact with one another. Did you know that corporations have a particular culture? Churches have a culture. Families, individual family units have a culture.

For so many families, families who call themselves Christian, we're a Christian family, they have lots of dysfunction in the culture. Lots of families, they teach their kids, "Hey, good grades are more important than good character." I mean, what we want from you is we want you to excel, to have worldly success, but we don't seem to be so concerned about inner success. We're a lot more concerned about looking right on the outside than being right and being true and being a person of righteousness and moral character.

We can sometimes create an illusion and we teach our kids in the value system that if there's something in our family that's not right, we're just going to throw a sheet over it. We're just going to pretend this doesn't exist. All the elephants in our family, we just cover them over and pretend they're not there. So we teach our kids hypocrisy and that becomes the culture in the home.

We so often don't resolve conflict. So many married couples, they don't resolve conflict. They have big blow-up fights and nothing ever gets resolved. They just kind of don't talk about it anymore. And you just live in that environment of a dysfunctional culture in the family. Well, that's not what God wants. God wants every family to have a godly culture.

What does every family need? Every family needs a godly culture. It doesn't mean you're perfect, because nobody's perfect. No person is perfect, no church is perfect, no family is perfect, but you can be godly. You can walk in the light, as the Scripture says, as He Himself is in the light, and you can have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus can wash you and cleanse you of all sin.

In the book of Ephesians, such a great book, it's six chapters. The first three chapters are all about doctrine, all about position before God, all about who you are in Jesus Christ. The next three chapters, 4, 5, and 6, it's just all practical. It's, "Okay, this is who you are. I told you who you are the first three chapters. Now for the next three chapters, I'm going to tell you how to walk, how to apply who you are to daily life."

We're going to look today at just a few verses that teach us what our families need and the culture that we can have that will make such a difference in our families. Ephesians 4:22 in the International Standard Version says this: "Regarding your former way of life, you were taught to strip off your old nature, which is being ruined by its deceptive desires, to be renewed in your mental attitude and to clothe yourselves with the new nature, which was created according to God's image in righteousness and true holiness."

Hey, your old nature is going to produce a culture in your family that's going to be a culture of ruination. So strip off the old nature and what comes naturally to you in how to do things. Remember I told you Proverbs 14:12, there's a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Strip that off and put on the new nature, the new man, and let the Lord take control and let Him show you how to live and how to be and how to act and how to create a culture in your home of godliness.

Three characteristics of this godly culture: What every family needs, a godly culture. Characteristic number one: This is what God wants. God wants you to have a culture of encouragement. A culture of encouragement. Your home to be characterized by encouragement. Your family, characterized by encouragement.

Look at verse 29: "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." An environment, a culture of encouragement. Every person needs encouragement. Every single person. Every person in your family needs encouragement.

Dad needs encouragement, mom needs encouragement, brother needs encouragement, sister needs encouragement, aunt, uncles, grandmother, grandfather, all need encouragement. Little toddler needs encouragement. Bible says in Hebrews 3:13, "But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called today, lest any of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." We need encouragement. God says, "Do it." How often do I do it? Day after day. Every single day, encourage.

Now when you encourage somebody, you give them strength, you fill their hearts with courage. The word in Hebrews chapter 3 that's used for encourage is similar to the word, it's the same root word that the Lord used in John chapter 14 where He says, "I'm going to go away and I'm going to give you another just like Me. He's going to be the helper," speaking of the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the one called alongside to help. That's what encouragement literally is. It means to call alongside and to strengthen and to pump up and to build up and to help, to comfort. That's encouragement.

And who doesn't need that? People need encouragement. Be careful in your home especially to speak words that build up, not words that tear down. Look at it again. "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth." The word for unwholesome can also be translated corrupt, bad, rotten. Unwholesome means something that's like rotting meat, rotting fruit.

Don't let words that are rotten come out of your mouth, but only such a word, every single word. God puts that in the singular, not in the plural. He doesn't say don't let unwholesome words come out of your mouth. He says don't let an unwholesome word, singular, come out of your mouth. But only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment as it builds up. The word for edification literally means to build up.

And so in our homes especially, we need to be careful what comes out of our mouths. We need to be careful to speak words that build up and encourage and speak life, not words that speak death, not words that destroy, not words that discourage and dishearten. It's so easy because the natural tendency, especially at home when the guard is down and you're just who you really are, the tendency is to speak and so often with our loved ones, we speak words that hurt them.

Bible says in Proverbs chapter 18, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." You can use your words to speak life, to encourage, to build up, or you can let rotten things come out of your mouth that will discourage and dishearten and tear people down. A good friend of mine told me some years ago, he said, "I remember something my dad told me when I was just a little kid."

We talk about that little phrase, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me, words will never hurt me. You can't hurt me by saying things to me that are hurtful and negative." But we know that's not true. Words can hurt and they can hurt for a lifetime. This friend told me, he said, "You know what my dad told me when I was a little kid? He told me, 'Boy, you're so stupid you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel.'" Like a knife in his heart.

Larry Nobles: That was decades ago and I know he still feels the pain from that. We've got to be careful with what we say. Obviously in our homes when we're building a culture in our homes, we don't want to have words that are vulgarities and curse words, and God forbid that you take the name of the Lord Jesus and you use it as an expletive, you blaspheme God.

Exodus chapter 20, in the Ten Commandments: "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain." We don't need to have that kind of stuff coming out of our mouths. We don't need to have that stuff in our homes. But we've got to be careful what we say when we're just talking with our mates, when we're talking with our kids, when our kids as kids are talking to your parents.

Speak words that build up, not words that tear down. You know what a lot of guys, especially dads in a home, you have a whole different realm of influence than your wife does because you're the man. You're the dad. You're the leader. You're the God-ordained leader in the home. So you have the ability to set culture like no one else can.

And so often dads don't realize about death and life being in the power of the tongue and they'll say things without thinking it through. "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth." Every word. Make sure it goes through the filter of, "Okay, is this a rotten word? Is this word going to tear down or is this word going to build up?"

And that's an evaluation we need to do all the time with every word we say. Pastor Jeff will return in just a moment with more. One word that causes more trouble in homes than almost anything else is money. It's a rotten word for sure when it's not used wisely and in good stewardship with the Lord's plan.

A proper biblical handling of money is critical. Are you trusting and honoring God with your finances? Are you storing up treasure in heaven or are you forfeiting your joy on earth? In Pastor Jeff Schreve's new three-lesson series called God and Money: What the Bible Says About Managing Money that we aired earlier this month, he reveals what God says about how you can and should put money into its rightful place in your life.

And then and only then can you experience the joy and the blessing of God's provisions. Of course, as you support From His Heart, you are helping us broadcast on radio, television, and online to a lost and a hurting world, sharing the good news around the world. To make a gift this month and receive the series God and Money: What the Bible Says About Managing Money, call 866-40-BIBLE (866-402-4253) or go to fromhisheart.org.

Jeff Schreve: And now let's conclude part one of this message from the Modern Family series, "What Every Family Needs." I like to with my girls, they're all in their 20s now, but I like to tell them, as I told them when they were growing up, often, "I love you and I'm so proud of you and you're so special and you're so good." Where did I get that?

It's what God the Father said to Jesus when He was baptized and the Spirit descended upon Him like a dove and the voice came out of heaven, "This is My beloved Son," I love you, "in whom I'm well pleased," I'm proud of you. "Listen to Him." He's good. You guys listen to Him because I love Him. He's My Son. I'm proud of Him and what He says is good for you.

And so I've always tried to do that with my kids. I remember when my middle daughter, Amy, was about four or five, she grew up with me telling her that I loved her and I was so proud of her. I remember one day she made me something, some little piece of art or something like that, and she showed it to me and I said, "Amy, that is so wonderful." And she looked at me and she said, "Daddy, are you so proud of me?" Just melted my heart. I said, "Yes, I'm so proud of you."

I still text my girls. Sometimes I do it in a blanket, all three of them. Sometimes I do just individually. But I'll just do it every month, every six weeks, eight weeks, whatever. "Your dad loves you. He's so proud of you. You're so good at whatever." And I remember I did that and Amy got that and she was in college with her friends when the text came in.

And so she told her girlfriend, she goes, "Look at what my dad sent me." And they were amazed. And one of her good friends said—parents are Christian—said, "My dad never tells me stuff like that. I would love it if my dad told me he was proud of me. I would love it if my dad told me that he loved me." Man, there is power. You can speak words of life and build up your kids.

You say, "Well, Jeff, Ephesians 4:29, no unwholesome word. Well, how do I correct my kids if I don't ever get to speak things except life? Should I not tell the truth?" No, it says in verse 15 of chapter 4 that we're to be speaking the truth in love. So you can tell your kids the truth. You can discipline in the home. You can get on your kids, but you always do it to encourage, to encourage them to do right, to encourage them to trust God, to encourage them to walk with God, to encourage them to obey and experience the blessings of obedience.

You always do it in the positive. That's how God treats us. You know, I love the fact that the Lord uses, He changes people's names so often in the Bible. Abram had a name, exalted father. God changed his name to Abraham, father of a multitude. He didn't have any kids and He changed his name to Abraham, the father of a multitude, because God saw that he was going to be the father of a multitude.

Jacob, his name meant trickster, supplanter, conman. God changed his name to Israel, which means prince of God. He takes these guys, Peter, the Lord right off the bat, his name was Simon, the Lord calls him Peter, which means rock. Well, Peter wasn't a rock, but the Lord says, "I see that in you." Gideon, "Hail, mighty man of valor!" Gideon was Chicken Little. He wasn't a mighty man of valor, but he was going to become that.

You know what would be a cool thing for you guys to do as a family? Come up with nicknames for one another. Not like "the big cheese" or something like that. Come up with something that speaks life. "I see this in you. You can become this." It just does something. That's the way the Lord treats us. He deals with stuff in our lives. He doesn't sweep that under the rug, but He always speaks so as to encourage, not to discourage. Not so you throw in the towel and say, "What's the use?" and curl up and just say with Job's wife, "Curse God and die."

God wants you to have a culture of encouragement. Second characteristic: God wants you to have a culture of spiritual sensitivity. Look at verse 30. It says, "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Circle the word "grieve" there. That word means to distress. It means to make sorrowful. It means to offend. It means to make uneasy.

Grieving the Spirit. The Holy Spirit, sometimes we get off, I think because of Star Wars, we see the Holy Spirit as like the Force. The Holy Spirit is not the Force. The Holy Spirit is a person, the third person in the Trinity. And the Holy Spirit has personhood. You can grieve the Spirit. You can hurt the Spirit. You can cause the Spirit to have sorrow. You can offend the Holy Spirit. You can make the Holy Spirit very uneasy.

You don't want to do that. Obviously you don't want to do that. And what we need in our homes is spiritual sensitivity so we're sensitive to the Holy Spirit and that we make our homes Holy Spirit-friendly. You know, you've heard that phrase before. Maybe you're traveling and you have a pet, and what are you looking for? "I need a hotel that is pet-friendly." Means they welcome pets. You can have a pet. That's a good deal. We like that. We're pet-friendly.

Your home needs to be Holy Spirit-friendly, which means the Holy Spirit is welcome in your home. The Holy Spirit is welcome in any room of your home. You're not going to do things in your home that are going to be offensive to the Holy Spirit, that are going to cause sorrow and grief to the Holy Spirit, that's going to make the Holy Spirit very uneasy being in your home.

I think this is well illustrated with two birds. The picture that the Bible gives of the Holy Spirit is a dove. The Spirit descended on Jesus like a dove. A dove is a symbol of peace. The Holy Spirit is our comforter. The Holy Spirit gives peace. A picture of a dove. A dove is a beautiful little bird, such a sweet little bird. Not an aggressive bird at all. A bird of peace. A bird that doesn't make horrible noises. A dove has a pleasant coo about its person and the way it carries on, the way it communicates.

When Noah was on the ark, there were two birds that he sent out of the ark. The first bird was a raven. Very different from a dove. Second bird he sent out was a dove. A raven is a nasty bird, a dirty bird. A raven is a bird that makes lots of noise. A raven is a bird that eats dead things. When Noah sent that raven out of the ark, he never returned. Why? Because he found a lot of dead carcasses floating on the water and he said, "Man, this is like Golden Corral," and he just went there and just gorged himself on all the dead things.

A dove doesn't do that. A dove doesn't eat dead things. A dove doesn't hang around with death. Such a contrast between a raven and a dove. Is your house kind of conducive to the ravens? I mean, it's just like, "Yeah, that sounds like home. Brought back memories." Just that kind of thing.

Well, that's such a difference between the Holy Spirit. And if you look, doves don't make noises like that. And doves don't hang out where there's lots of commotion and turmoil because they're peaceful little birds. Making your home Holy Spirit-friendly means it's an environment that welcomes the peace of the Holy Spirit. It's not an environment that welcomes the ravens. It's an environment of peace.

James chapter 4, verse 4 says this: "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." We have to decide, "Do I want my home to be a place that welcomes the Spirit, that is Spirit-friendly, that makes friends with God, or do I want my home, my life to be a place that makes friends with the world? That says the most important thing is getting ahead. The most important thing is making as much money as I can. The most important thing is satisfying me."

You go that route, you bring in the ravens. You create an environment for ravens, not an environment for doves, not an environment for the Holy Spirit. So your home needs to be Holy Spirit-friendly and in order to do that, then you have to get rid of anything in your home that offends the Holy Spirit.

Larry Nobles: That's a great way to check up on your own home. Ravens or doves? Which bird would be more at home in your house? You've been listening to From His Heart with Pastor Jeff Schreve today. And you know, with the world the way it is now, the pressures on a family are tougher than ever. And that makes it even more important to handle your finances God's way as He will provide.

To help you do that, we'd like to send you Pastor Jeff's new three-lesson series, God and Money: What the Bible Says About Managing Money, for your support of any amount to From His Heart. It'll help you hear sound biblical advice from His word. You can get it on a USB flash drive, CDs, DVDs, or an MP3 download.

Remember, Hebrews chapter 13, verse 5 tells us clearly to keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Listen, if you have a prayer request, we'd love to encourage you to visit our website and go to our prayer page where people from around the world leave their prayer requests and you can lift that prayer request up for them and they'll do the same for you. And when they do, you'll be informed anonymously through an email. It's very encouraging to know that God's people are joining with you for your concerns. Go to fromhisheart.org, click the prayer link. It's easy to find.

Well, time is gone for today. I'm Larry Nobles. Thank you so much for joining us. We hope you'll be right back here tomorrow for part two of the message we started today entitled "What Every Family Needs." Join Pastor Jeff Schreve next time as he speaks truth and love and hope to a lost and a hurting world. And remember that no matter what, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Find out more at fromhisheart.org.