EverGrace Church

Dennis White: Let's open our Bibles to 1 Peter, chapter 3. My name is Pastor Dennis White. I am here at EverGrace Church. We are very excited about where God is taking us as a church, not only in changing our location, but really we are seeking God to change our footprint here in the city by ministering to more and more people.

We had the privilege to be at the Asbury United Methodist Church street fair last Saturday. It was an amazing time. This week, I was at the FCA camp at Mountain View Christian Church. 350 kids were there this week. On Tuesday, there was 450 because it was Bring a Friend Day. There were a lot of kids. I had the chance to do one morning devotional with the coaches and another devotional with 100 high school students who were huddle leaders in charge of teaching the younger kids whatever sport they were teaching.

I had the chance to speak with Pastor Seth Zimmerman to the entire group of kids. It was an amazing time. On top of that, we have Backpack Sunday coming soon. I saw people bringing in crayons and stuff. On August 16th, right here, we will be handing out backpacks to kids that are in need in the community, filled with elementary school supplies. We are really excited about that. We have a lot of other announcements, and maybe by the end of the service, I will remember them.

For those of you that are new here, we thank you for coming and hope you come back. This church exists to walk in truth and grow in grace. Here, we walk in truth by adhering to the Bible, but we also grow in grace by not condemning people for where they are in life. We walk with them as Jesus did. I think so much about Jesus's ministry one-on-one with people in the Gospel of John. Most of those one-on-one meetings were with women, and a lot of them were over food. We just want to walk in truth and grow in grace as a church.

We are walking through the book of 1 Peter. I get the privilege to speak from 1 Peter 3:1-7 today. This is an interesting passage. I want to say right off the bat a couple of things. This is a passage speaking about husbands and wives. There is application here if you are not married. It doesn't mean it doesn't apply to you because there are aspects of everything that we can pull out and God can speak these truths to us, mainly the importance of the inward beauty of a man or a woman. There are certain characteristics that God is working inside of us, and those characteristics affect all of our relationships.

The second thing I want to say right off the bat, before this gets even more weird, is that if there is something illegal going on in your relationship and you need counseling, I want to say 100% to seek counsel. I want to say 100% to go to the police. I want to say 100% to do what you need to do. What happens here in 1 Peter is that this is often taken and abused in such ways where women are forced to do things that husbands say that they should not be saying. We are going to get there. There is going to be a side for the women, and that word submit is in there. We are going to read it. But there is also a side for the men. If you actually even go deeper, you can read Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11, and you are going to see Paul talking about the same things. These principles are being mentioned over and over again.

Let's start reading. "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without the word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be of the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

Heavenly Father, we just pray for these words today. We just ask for your thoughts to be communicated, not my thoughts and not a culture's thoughts, but really the thoughts of God that are revealed to us from the Bible. Though there may be questions and maybe even some concerns, we ask that we can walk through this in a biblical manner. We just thank you, Lord, and we praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Before we really dive into this passage, I want to mention two things that are really important for us to understand 1 Peter 3. That is in Romans 12:2. I think we know that verse very well. Many of us are believers and have read our Bible, but in Romans 12:2, it says that we should be transformed by the renewing of our mind, but we should not be conformed into the image of this world. As soon as I started it, I saw you guys nod like you know what it is now. That is very important because no matter what we are talking about here as believers, it is up to us. It is our relationship with God, and we are being transformed into God's image.

It says there in that passage that we are transformed into God's image by His word. What does the word of God do? It communicates the heart and the mind of God. In seminary school, we call it theology or doctrine. That means the way God thinks about whatever you fill in the blank. It is our job as Christians to learn how God thinks about everything. Last week, we talked about how God thinks about our government. That was a very interesting conversation. We also talked about our employer last week. We could go into multiple different areas of life and ask how God thinks about angels, demons, salvation, hell, or money. We could go through every area of life and ask that question: What is God thinking?

The only thing that we are given to understand how God thinks is His holy scriptures. That is why when we come, we come with an open Bible and we never veer away from the Bible because this is what communicates God's thoughts. Through this revelation, God transforms us, but He also speaks little revelations, rhemas. These are special revelations of how God is communicating to me personally. I love that because when God's word is opened and His word is communicated to me personally, I know that there is a work being done in my life.

Isn't that amazing? That is our hope. Today, with today's topic, you might feel this isn't for me. Part of our style of preaching is that we are expository; we go through each book of the Bible and we don't skip. It would be very easy to skip this because some people need this passage today, some people don't, and some people might need this passage in five years. Because of that transformation in your life with God, He will bring to memory different passages, different sermons, and different music, all back to your memory so you can apply His word in your life.

We have to preface today's sermon with Romans 12:2. The other thing that we preface today's sermon with is this one word that is mentioned in chapter 3, verse 1: "Likewise." It says it again in verse 7. If you were to jog your memory, it said it again in chapter 2. Peter has a whole thought here, and that whole thought is basically one thing: How do I, as a believer, relate to a world that is unbelieving? That is the same thing that is being talked about here in chapter 3.

The context is that in the church that is all throughout Asia and modern-day Turkey, there are seven churches mentioned in 1 Peter, chapter 1. In these churches, there is a group of women and they love the Lord. They go to church and they worship the Lord. He calls them holy women. But what is their particular issue? Their husbands. Every woman's problem. I have been to your house now. No, really, this was their problem: their husbands were unbelievers.

In Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11, Paul talks about women and their wives in reference to a relationship where both are saved. In this context, it is a little bit different. Here, the husband is not saved. In verse 7, the husband is saved, but the wife is not. If you look backwards in chapter 2, Christians are being taught how to relate to a government that is unsaved because they are being persecuted for being Christian. Then they are being taught how to relate to employers—it says masters there in that passage—who are unsaved.

Likewise is an important word because it draws us to a whole new context where we are talking about wives who have unsaved husbands and husbands with unsaved wives. The intention is: how can I live my life to minister to God, but also how am I to live my life in an effort to have them get saved? One author says that 1 Peter 3:1-7 is an attack plan. It is a funny way to put it because the word submit is used, and gentle is used for women. In all reality, the author says it is an attack plan to get them saved. He says the bullets are grace and the bombs are love. I like that.

Saying that, we have to look at this passage here and we have to define some major words that we have a problem with, such as submission. We have to define what this passage says, and we have to define it through the lens of God. We have to look at it through the lens of the entire Bible. We are not to look at it through the lens of our culture. In each one of our lives, there is a subculture of how we grew up. We are not to interpret these things based on how I grew up, whether I am Italian, American, or Turkish. We are also not to define these things based on past abuse, either physical, sexual, or emotional.

That is hard to do. The classes that I have taken have given ratios on how often people are abused. I just think about it and it makes me weep because I have heard with my own ears how this passage was used for the abuse of people. Here is a holy God who has written the holy scriptures, designed not for the abuse of women or men or children, but it is designed to give the word of God to teach us how to live life and live life properly.

It is very important that when we open these scriptures, we define these things through the lens of God's holy scriptures. Again, I am going to repeat it: if there is something going on in your life and you need counsel, come to me. I am not going to counsel you, but we can walk with you and find someone who can help you. If you are being abused, let's make a phone call together and have a conversation because that is not what the Bible here is speaking about at all. It is speaking about something very different.

The first thing that we are going to tackle here is this word in verse 1 and in verse 4, where it says "submit." In the very beginning, it says, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands." I'll just stop right there. What does it say to do? Be subject to men? No. It says be subject to your own husbands. That is a very important distinction here, but we also must define what submission really is. Submission is best understood as to voluntarily yield your rights or will to someone else's wish or advice.

The definition doesn't stop there because if it stops there, it can be abused. But listen: it is an expression of love for that person. Take wives and husbands out of the picture. Are there areas in our life that we submit to someone else? 100%. I will start as a Christian with the most obvious: as a Christian, I have to submit to God every single day. I wake up in the morning and what I should be doing is saying, "Lord, today is your day. I give you this day, and whatever may come, whether good or bad, I give it to you, Oh Lord."

I submit to God. Why do I do that? Because God is good. Because God is great and He is magnificent. Because He is God and the ruler of the universe. But also because God loves me. I want to express my love towards God, and the best way to do that is submitting. We do it in other ways too, such as in our workplace where we submit to our boss, usually not because we love them, but because we need the paycheck. We do it in many different areas of life. Remember, it is a voluntarily yielding of your rights or will to someone else's wishes or advice as an expression of love for that person.

The whole premise of submission is not inferiority or a baseness, but it is very simply an expression of love. Submission doesn't mean that I am lesser of a human being. Submission doesn't mean that I am base or I am unimportant, but it simply means that I have an unyielding love for someone. This expression in particular is designed and established by God where God is setting the husband as the head of the house. That is Ephesians 5:23 and 1 Corinthians 11:3.

This headship is done through servant leadership. This headship is done through servant leadership exemplified in those passages by Christ laying down His life for the church, so that way we can be saved and glorified and have an inheritance. Jesus did set men as the head of the house. It is done with this idea that this is what Christ has done. Ephesians 5 is actually very important because it says again, "Wives, submit to your husbands," but then it says something very special. It says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church."

That is why for me as a believer, it is so easy for me without holding back to submit myself to Christ. Why? Because He loved me self-sacrificially. That is the command for husbands and men who might be husbands someday. That is a command for human beings. That is a command for us as believers: we are to love as Christ has loved. So often I hear "submit, submit, submit," and yes, there could be submission, but only if there was the expression of Jesus Christ in the way that you love me.

In verse 7, I am going to jump around a little bit. It says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way." Do you know what is said about God? It says that God knows the hairs on your head. Isn't that amazing? He knows the hairs on our head. He knows you before you were born. It says that God has a name for you that is a secret name that only He knows and only He will reveal to you when you enter into the gates of heaven. Isn't that amazing?

That is how God knows you. Why? Because He loves you. In verse 7, it says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in understanding." See, God knows. This word "understanding" and "know" can be changed. God knows you. He understands you. It says that even if I make my bed in the pit of Sheol, you are there with me. David says that when he was having such a hard time with the sins that he committed. God understands and God knows. Here as husbands, what are we being told? We are being told that we have to know our wives.

We have to understand our wives. This connection between submission and understanding is very strong. They cannot be pulled apart. I cannot be ignorant. If you are ignorant and you are a bad husband, you cannot use those words, "Woman, submit to me."

Guest (Female): Don't ever use those words.

Dennis White: She said it so I don't have to. It's true. That would be good wisdom, wouldn't it, Rich?

Rich: Yes.

Dennis White: But I say that to say this: there is a connection between the relationships. If we expect something from someone, we also have to be providing the other side of that equation. Every relationship is two-way. It is not someone gives everything. There is only one relationship where someone gives it all, and that is Jesus Christ. But even then, He still requires something of us. He requires faith and obedience.

Let's get back to this idea of submission because this is the part that is always contested. One writer describes submission this way: a wife who has a heart of being supportive of her husband. I like that. That is a great way of being submissive. It is a wife that is supportive of her husband and of their mission. This is exactly what Peter points to here when he mentions Sarah and says Sarah called Abraham "lord." That is not a commandment that all women should be calling their husbands "master" or "lord." That is not what Peter is saying.

Peter is actually going back to the Old Testament and he is using the story of Sarah and Abraham. He is using the story of Sarah to say she submitted by having a heart that was supportive of her husband's mission. What was Abraham's mission? The first one was to leave Ur of the Chaldeans. He was told to leave his family and go where God told him to go. I've always wondered how that conversation went between Abraham and Sarah. I always wondered how that conversation went with Abraham and his father. His father was a maker of gods. He carved wooden gods in Ur.

He goes up to his dad and says, "Hey, Dad, God's telling me to leave and just wander the desert and go where He tells me." His dad says, "Oh, great, son. Which god are you talking about?" I wonder if it was very similar in the conversation that he had with Sarah. Sarah could have been like, "No, I don't think this is what God wants. I need to be here with my family." She could have started talking about that. But no, she was supportive of the vision that God gave Abraham.

We see other instances in the story of Abraham and Sarah where Sarah submitted to Abraham's demands and they didn't work out. How about "Just go in and lie and say you're my sister"? That didn't work out too well. God protected her twice. How about this other time where it works the opposite? Sarah said, "God has given us a promise and it hasn't been fulfilled yet, so why don't you listen to me and go in with Hagar and produce the promised son?" This is why I bring this up. So often, people will use this passage to say men should not listen to their wives because it is trouble.

Where else in the Bible did women listen to their husbands and it was trouble? The Bible sometimes gives us direction and tells us how things happened, but it's not prescribing things the way they should happen. What Abraham did with Sarah in Egypt was wrong. Should Sarah have listened? Probably not. God was there. I have heard people say to go into abusive situations and trust God, He'll take care of you. That is not what that story is saying.

The story is saying very simply that it doesn't matter who you are, whether you're a man or you're a woman, you have the opportunity to say something really dumb to your spouse and lead them down the wrong path. Abraham did it to Sarah, and Sarah did it to Abraham. They were both wrong. The issue wasn't who I listen to, man or woman. The issue was that neither of them listened to God. Abraham should have listened to God. Sarah, no. God said that He will give us a promised child. Even if he was in question of God's miracle, he should have went and prayed and fell before the face of God and asked what He wanted.

Sarah should have done the same thing. Going into Egypt—Abraham was never told to go to Egypt. What were they doing there anyway? There was no food in the land, so they had to go and find food somewhere else. They weren't told to go to Egypt. God had a provision elsewhere. The issue here isn't what gender we submit to. The issue is that every one of us have to surrender ourselves and submit to God. Isn't that beautiful?

Submission is not the wishes and desires or needs of the husband involving a direct violation of the word of God. When this is submission, it does not apply because, in practice, this submission would involve violating the higher principle of obedience to God and His word. Previously, as we have read in 1 Peter, that was the believer's goal. If the demands of submission go against the word of God, we don't have to listen and we don't have to do it. It also does not mean that the wife is a yes-man who has no voice and is a doormat. Submission in marriage is not servitude, inferiority, or a sign of weakness.

Actually, the Greek word for "submit" reveals that there is a great sign of strength. Some examples of this are Adam and Eve. Eve told Adam to eat. This is not an example that husbands should not listen to their wives, for it tells the opposite: that the wife had a voice and that many times previously, Abraham listened to the voice of Eve. But Adam in that moment, as Abraham did, did not listen to what God had clearly said. In both cases, whether it's Sarah or Eve, they had a voice in the relationship. Do you think it was the first time that Eve had a suggestion in the relationship? Her first suggestion probably wasn't to take the apple that Satan gave her. They had many conversations and she had a voice because she was not a doormat, she was not inferior, but she had a place in the plan of God.

Do we understand a little bit better what submission really means? When it says "wives, submit to your husbands," it doesn't mean that you have to say yes to everything he says. It doesn't mean that you have to be a doormat. It doesn't mean you don't have a voice. It doesn't mean that you can't have a bank account. It means very simply that you have a desire to win him for Jesus in this context or to reveal the glory of God, so you take your will under his will because of your love for him.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. There is a different command for the men. The command here is for us to know our wives. Get to know them. What makes them tick? What makes them happy? Their needs, physical, emotional, and spiritual. Get to understand. Men, we're not very good at this, are we? I'll tell a funny story. Kelly won't mind because she's told it herself. We were driving somewhere. There was once or twice where she said, "It would be great to have a cup of coffee." I said, "Okay," and I drove by a coffee shop.

Then again, a little kind voice—which is in the other part here, gentle—said, "I would like a cup of coffee. We should have a cup of coffee together." I said, "Okay," and I drove by another coffee shop. I don't know how many times it happened, but it came to a point where it was the "aha, you're an idiot" moment. I remember asking this question, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" She said, "What gave you that idea?" Oftentimes, that is how it works in our brains. I don't know why.

Peter is saying here, take a hint. Get to know your wife. One author says that there is submission also with the men, but in a different way because we want to do something to show honor to the women as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. We are to show honor and respect to women, our wives. What does that mean? That means I don't berate my wife. That means I am not raising my voice. This means that I am not over-commanding or over-pressuring with this idea of submission. This means that I know what my wife needs spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I decide to recognize that and I honor and respect it.

Verse 7 is very short. It seems like the women have a bad rap and there's a lot to say about the way wives should be speaking, but verse 7, once you start to study it, is where most of the books focused. Verses 1 through 6, in one way, is very simple. If you're married to a husband, you should value the things that he values. Basically, that's what 1 through 6 is. It says don't adorn yourself. That doesn't mean dress up, don't wear gold and jewelry. It says that the way to win your husband is not by the external what you wear, but it's the internal part of your heart. That's what Peter is saying.

The story is actually the opposite. Some of these women did not listen to Peter. Something about women and their hair: they tried to get their hair tall back in the days when this was being written. The taller your hair was, the more adorned you are, the more important you are, and you brought respect to your husband. These Christian women thought this was how they were going to win their husbands. "We're going to make them look good." Peter says that they are different than the world. Romans 12:2. Don't try to win your husbands with the world's ways, but win them with the internal beauty of your heart.

Verse 7 says that we as husbands are to honor and respect our wives, recognizing their needs and providing for them. The reason for this is because they are your equal. That's what it says right there: "since they are heirs with you of the grace of life." They are your equal. A very practical way of explaining this is in Genesis 2 when God created Eve. What did He say when He created Eve? He said Adam needs a helpmate. Every individual man is different, and God created a woman very specifically for that man to meet their needs.

I have read books that say men make all the decisions, all the financial decisions, you do this, you do that, and then wives, you submit to it. But wait a minute. What if my personality is geared this direction? I am not good with this or I am not good with that. Then what should happen? Do I have to make all of these decisions? The Bible says no. What God has designed is that He has designed the perfect opposite of you to bring you together so that way you can be, as it says here, joint heirs in the grace of life.

It is not here's the greater and here's the lesser, but actually that we are equals. If we don't understand that as men, there is a greater warning here than there is for the women. For men, it says here, "so that your prayers may not be hindered." Sometimes our prayers are hindered very simply because of the way we are relating to our wives. Jesus said it elsewhere in the Gospels, didn't He? Before you come to the temple with all your sacrifices and give them to God, if you have something against your brother, you should go out immediately and reconcile with your brother and then come back and make your sacrifice.

Why? Because the issue isn't the external sacrifice. The issue is my internal heart is not right. If it's not right with the person that God has given me, then how can it be right with God? Because each of us reflect a different characteristic of God's nature. Men, those are heavy words. We should endeavor to keep the unity, as it says in verse 8. That's the next part. Not in our marriage, but with mankind. As Christians, in our relationships, we should endeavor to keep the unity and keep this peace because it reflects the nature of God. Amen. I hope that this raised some more questions. It is okay.