The Boundless Show

Lisa Anderson

Jonathan Pokluda on Dating: Episode 682

February 25, 2021

A compassionate conversation on same-sex attraction, plus Jonathan Pokluda’s real-life dating advice, and distinguishing sexual desire from lust. 

Featured musical artist: Aaron Shust

Roundtable: God’s Grace Amid Sexual Identity Struggles

Many of us have struggled with same-sex attraction or gender identity confusion — or know someone who has. In a culture that consistently tries to cancel biblical truth, what’s the current conversation around homosexuality, transsexuality, and an application of God’s grace for it all? Our guests tell their stories of walking this journey personally and with friends and family members, offering hope and clarity on this ever-important issue.   

Links to Resources:

Speak to a Counselor

Book: Is God Anti-Gay? by Sam Allberry

Book: Loving My (LGBT) Neighbor by Glenn T. Stanton

Homosexuality Resources

Culture: Dating in a 2021 World (Part 1)

With the tech revolution, social media, smartphones and dating apps — not to mention a nasty pandemic all but squelching our opportunities for true connection — finding a mate is not for the faint of heart. But the question we’re all asking is: “What actually works?” Pastor Jonathan “JP” Pokluda offers excellent advice for how Christians should approach dating in an “anything goes” world. In part one of our discussion, he’ll address some myths about singleness and finding the “perfect” match. 

Inbox: Sexual Desire or Lust?

Sexual desire is God-given. But Jesus clearly taught that lust is a sin. So what’s the difference? Is there a way to distinguish between normal sexual desires and lust? Counselor Glenn Lutjens weighs in with helpful thoughts on this difficult topic.

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Archives

Prioritizing sleep and rest, plus guarding your post-election mental health, and is dating a fellow business owner a wise idea? Featured musical artist: Mosaic MSCRoundtable: Why You Need Better SleepMany young adults pride themselves on doing life with little rest. Stay up late, get another project done, drink lots of caffeine, and just tough it out. But the truth is, we all need sleep and down-time if we’re going to thrive in life. Our guests discuss their own hang-ups around getting good rest, and give tips for proper sleep hygiene, time management, ways to fall asleep and more.    Culture: Staying Sane After the ElectionSeveral months after the 2020 U.S. election, residual passion and anger can still be felt around the country. If you’re glued to the news and social media around the clock, you’re bound to feel exhausted and upset. Is it possible to stay informed without letting it all drive you crazy? Psychiatrist Dr. Karl Benzio is back to provide helpful ideas for managing your mental health during this crazy time in our culture.  Check out the Lighthouse Network for more info!Inbox: Dating a Business PartnerShe co-owns a business with him and thinks he’s a great guy. Now that his latest relationship ended, she’s wondering if it’s time confess she likes him. She’s prayed about it, but would dating each other be bad for business? Human resources expert Jenn Scheck advises how to best approach this.
February 18, 2021
Choosing in a world of endless options, plus a pandemic self-care checkup, and not obsessing over someone’s unresponsiveness. Featured musical artist: Danen KaneRoundtable: Too Anxious to ChooseOur world is full of options. Whether it’s restaurants to try, subscriptions to purchase, or how to spend a Saturday, just settling on a decision can feel like work. But what about when you’re faced with bigger, life-altering choices: Do I take this relationship to the next level? Is this the  church I should join? Do I make this cross-country move or stay put? As the questions stir in our heads, it’s easy to let anxiety drive our decision-making — or keep us from making any decision at all. Our guests tell how they’ve learned to make wise choices in a sea of endless options, and give practical strategies for not overthinking big decisions.   Culture: Are You Still OK After a Year of COVID?As the weeks and months tick by, our nation and world still face the harsh realities of life in the COVID-19 pandemic. Many have lost jobs and some even lost family members and close friends to the virus. How are you holding up? Counselor Geremy Keeton discusses lessons we can learn from this past year and how we can have hope in these uncertain times. For those longing for normalcy, it’s an opportunity to pause and reflect on the necessary elements of life amid the unexpected.   For a free counseling consultation, visit our counseling page. Inbox: Did He See My Message? She really likes him and has sent him messages on social media. But even though she knows he’s logged into his accounts, he’s not replied to her. What gives? Lisa Anderson weighs in on the best way to respond to his non-responses.
February 11, 2021
Recognizing confidence versus arrogance, plus week two on embracing adulthood with grace, and should you splurge on stuff while single? Featured musical artist: Ginny OwensRoundtable: The Right Kind of ConfidenceWe’ve all met someone who just couldn’t tell us enough about his accomplishments. After tolerating his rambling, we searched for the nearest exit, hoping to not run into him again. For most people, especially in dating, arrogance is a gigantic turnoff. But is there a way to be genuinely confident without telling the world how great you are? Our guests discuss how they’ve learned to be confident (and recognize it in others) without crossing the line to being a jerk.   Culture: Adulting for Jesus — Part 2Let’s face it: Being an adult isn’t easy. We all want to find our life’s calling, but many of us feel like we’re making it up as we go. The good news is, God is here to help us through. Comedian Kristin Weber has learned a lot about embracing the responsibilities of adulthood in today’s world. In part two of our conversation, she discusses taming social media, embracing the Sabbath, dealing with loneliness, and finding contentment in an age of anxiety. Inbox: To Buy or Not to Buy?He’s single and enjoys decorating his place with higher-end stuff. But should he scrimp now and save his money for marriage and the expenses that will come then? What does wise stewardship and balance look like in his single season? Lisa Anderson weighs in with thoughts on managing your money well as a single adult, and when it’s OK to splurge.
February 4, 2021
Learning to enjoy your job, plus how to embrace adulthood with grace, and does her long-distance friendship have dating potential? Featured musical artist: James PedenRoundtable: On-the-Job JoyYour job is how you pay the bills, save for retirement and perform meaningful work. But work is a whole lot better if you enjoy doing it. The truth is, your job doesn’t have to be a daily grind. Our guests share their best strategies for making work fun — including taking breaks, prioritizing relationships over the next project, and finding a balance between staying sane and productive each and every day.    Culture: Adulting for Jesus — Part 1Let’s face it: Being an adult isn’t easy. We all want to find our life’s calling, but many of us feel like we’re making it up as we go. The good news is, God is here to help us through. Comedian Kristin Weber has learned a lot about embracing the responsibilities of adulthood in today’s world. In part one of our conversation, she discusses trusting God with your future, honoring Him with your work, and the value of persevering through hardship. Inbox: Long-Distance PotentialShe really enjoys being friends with him, and would love to date him — but they live in different states. With so many miles in between them, would dating be a smart decision? Counselor Jenny Coffey weighs in with some helpful tips she learned from her own dating journey.
January 28, 2021
Staying focused on personal growth, plus why and when spiritual doubts can be OK, and how to avoid “missionary dating.” Featured musical artist: Ellie HolcombRoundtable: Personal Growth GoalsNow that we’re a few weeks into January, you might feel like giving up on your New Year's resolutions. All the early optimism starts fading into discouragement and you wonder, “Am I going to stay stuck again this year?” Our guests discuss how they stay focused on personal growth in multiple areas, and what keeps them motivated to reach important goals. If you want to be wiser, stronger, and get things done in 2021, this conversation will encourage you to keep growing.    Culture: The Benefits of DoubtWhether you’ve been a Christian a long time or you’re a new believer, we all face the unsettling tension of doubt. Scripture shows us that even many heroes of the faith struggled to trust God. But doubt doesn’t have to derail us from our faith. In fact, it can lead to new opportunities to know God deeper. CRU’s Shelby Abbott has worked with students for many years, and wrestles with trusting God in his battle with chronic pain. His wise words and personal reflections will give you hope when doubt stares you down.Inbox: Beware of “Missionary Dating”She’s around a lot of guys, but they’re not mature or serious Christians. Is it OK to still go on dates with them, or is that unwise? Counselor Jenny Coffey weighs in.
January 21, 2021
Caring without compromising your values, plus (kinda) natural ways to share your faith, and should you date someone who’s not your type?     Featured musical artist: Liz ViceRoundtable: Care, But Don’t CaveYour friend doesn’t share the same values as you. You want to be nice, but when he or she does something you don’t agree with, how should you respond? Should you tell them exactly what you think of their bad behavior? Brush it off? Wait and see? Our guests discuss what it looks like to be respectful toward people we disagree with, and how to love others without stonewalling, enabling, or compromising your faith.   Guests: Sara Bess Kemeny, Austin Johnson, Glenn StantonCulture: The Long Game of Sharing the GospelLet’s face it: Sharing your faith with others is hard. We all know someone we’d love to see come to Christ, but the question remains: How do I talk with him or her about spiritual things? Randy Newman is a firm believer that evangelism looks more like a gradual process than just one conversation. Before becoming a Christian in college, he spent years interacting with believers and learning from them. Whether you find sharing the gospel scary or not, this conversation will encourage you. Inbox: Dating Outside Your TypeIs dating someone who’s not your type a valuable exercise or a waste of time? Is there a way to broaden who you find attractive? Lisa Anderson weighs in.
January 14, 2021
Friends and family answer questions about host Lisa Anderson, plus Justin Camp on men  finding God, and is she too ambitious for her boyfriend?     Featured musical artist: About a MileRoundtable: Lisa Anderson QuizLisa Anderson has hosted “The Boundless Show” since it began in 2008. In more than 12 years, she’s shared a lot of personal information. (She would say, sometimes too much information.) But do you know her favorite movie? Or what would make her turn down a date? Or what jobs she held before working at Boundless? Tune it to see if her team member James, her sister Sara, and her friend Julianna know the answers. And of course Lisa will offer random but witty commentary on all of their guesses. Culture: Men and God: To Infinity and Beyond!What do real-life American astronauts have to do with a man’s search for God? Justin Camp has some ideas. He uses the stories of these extraordinary men, plus a few more ordinary journeys (including his own) to give men the motivation to draw near to God, get unstuck from whatever’s holding them back, and start living with fresh eyes. A life well-lived is an adventure, Justin says, especially with God at its center. This one’s for the guys, but ladies, you’re welcome to listen too.   Inbox: Too Ambitious for Her Boyfriend?They’ve been dating for a year and a half, but she can’t imagine marrying him. She has a high-paying job and speaks four languages; he’s job-hopping and living with his parents. She helped him buy his car and is starting to resent how much he needs her. What’s next? Lisa Anderson weighs in with some helpful thoughts.
January 7, 2021
Setting goals for the new year after a chaotic 2020, plus being a peacemaker in relationships, and will COVID affect a girl’s dating future?     Featured musical artist: Jonathan CainRoundtable: To Set or Not Set Goals?It’s time to set resolutions for the upcoming year: lose a few pounds, stop eating the sugary foods, reign in bad spending habits, etc. But with all the chaos of 2020, many of us just want to catch our breath. With the pandemic still going on and the lingering effects of an election still felt, is it wise to even set goals in 2021? Our guests share their thoughts about the pros and cons of setting goals and how to keep a healthy perspective amidst the craziness.    Culture: Finding Peace in RelationshipsIn a world filled with conflict, is it possible to find peace with our family and friends? As Chrsitians, having peace with others starts with us making good choices. Pastor Brian Noble has learned that finding stability takes a lot of effort and humility. Through sharing his own story of coming from a broken home, he’ll offer encouragement and give some helpful ideas for finding peace in your day-to-day relationships.   Inbox: COVID and her Dating FutureShe’s thankful to have recovered from a serious case of COVID, but is worried about the long-term effects. Will a guy still accept her, even after she tells him about the disease she had? Counselor Glenn Lutjens provides some help and encouragement.
December 31, 2020
Women on how men can be creepy in dating, plus practicing transparency in marriage, and processing post-election hostility.     Featured musical artist: Love and the OutcomeRoundtable: Creepy Male DatersWe’ve all heard a creepy dating story, or even lived through one (or 10). When you’re nervous about going on a date or you desperately want to impress your crush, is it possible to not come across as creepy in the process? In Part 2 of our “Don’t Be a Creep” roundtable series, the ladies share their biggest turn-offs about men who give a creepy vibe — and then, bonus — they share a few mistakes they’ve made themselves. Culture: When Marriage Gets RealIt’s easy to dream about the joy of your wedding day. But what can possibly prepare you for confessing something embarrassing to your future spouse? Deep down, we all want to be loved for who we really are, not just when we look our best. Ryan and Selena Frederick have walked through the ups and downs of married life, and have discovered how God’s grace shines brightest through our deepest insecurities. Their advice will encourage you for days when you fall short in your future marriage.   Inbox: Losing Friends After the ElectionHe’s noticing that in the wake of the last election, some of his friends are determined to sever ties with others who voted differently than they did. Amid all the back and forth noise on social media, what is the Christian response? Media expert Paul Batura weighs in with a helpful perspective.
December 24, 2020
Men on how women can be creepy in dating, plus tips for making money in a gig economy, and when you feel less gifted than other people.   Featured musical artist: Audio AdrenalineRoundtable: Creepy Female DatersWe’ve all heard a creepy dating story, or even lived through one (or 10). When you’re nervous about going on a date or you desperately want to impress your crush, is it possible to not come across as creepy in the process? In Part 1 of our “Don’t Be a Creep” roundtable series, the guys share their biggest turn-offs about women who give a creepy vibe — and then, bonus — they share a few mistakes they’ve made themselves. Culture: Time to Get a Gig?Many young adults today are facing a financial crisis: student loans, credit card debt, bills we can’t pay. We all know about spending less to reach our goals, but what about earning more? Is it possible to make more money, even in the midst of a pandemic and struggling economy? Art Rainer is a financial coach who works with individuals to improve their financial standing. For some, finding a side hustle is the answer. Think that’s too hard, or not for you? Maybe, maybe not. Art will share his best tips and practical examples to show that working a gig (or even another part-time job) may be where it’s at right now. Inbox: Not as Gifted as Others?He’s working as a store-stocker and doesn’t feel as gifted as those in white collar professions. He’s heard many sermons on how God gifts and calls educated and professional people, but what about him? Do his gifts matter? Does he have a calling to live out, or just a job to do? Our friend Roger Ingolia weighs in.
December 17, 2020
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About The Boundless Show

Boundless is a ministry of Focus on the Family that exists to see young adults mature in Christ as the foundation for marriage and family. Through our website, blog and weekly podcast, we help singles in their 20s and 30s navigate the path to marriage biblically and intentionally while providing sound resources and advice on key issues young adults face. We discuss everything from dating and relationships to faith, worldview, career and culture in a fun, engaging and relevant way. We’re also on Facebook (Boundless.org) and Twitter (BoundlessTeam).

The Boundless Show is a weekly podcast designed to build community among single young adults and provide a God-centered perspective on relationships, culture, career and faith. Hosted by Focus on the Family’s Lisa Anderson, The Boundless Show brings a voice to the interests and concerns of today’s 20- and 30-somethings.

About Lisa Anderson

Lisa Anderson is director of Boundless (www.boundless.org) and host of The Boundless Show — a weekly podcast reaching 20- and 30-somethings with the message of God’s design for marriage and family. The show also features practical tips for dating intentionally, owning your faith, navigating career and culture, and maturing in all areas of life.  

Lisa speaks frequently at churches, conferences and workshops, and her writing has been featured in newspapers, magazines, and in Streetwise and The Big Screen — two books in David C. Cook’s Custom Curriculum series.

When not challenging the next generation, she enjoys traveling, running, and quoting her mother, who is known to say outrageous things. She loves Jesus, people, ideas and guacamole, in that order.

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