The Boundless Show

Lisa Anderson

Boundaries During Engagement (Part 1): Episode 757

August 4, 2022

Having good boundaries while engaged, plus important info before you get married, and is it OK to work alone with coworkers of the opposite sex?

Featured musical artist: Jeremy Rosado ( https://www.instagram.com/iamjeremyrosado/?hl=en )

Roundtable: Boundaries Leading up to Marriage (Part 1)

The temptation to blur lines and push physical, emotional and relational boundaries is often stronger during engagement than other phases of dating. It’s also tricky to navigate compromise and common ground in the areas of finances, family and more. We brought in marriage mentors Roger and Diane Ingolia to shed light on appropriate boundaries to set for yourselves and others during the critical pre-marriage season. You’ll also hear from newlyweds Gabriel and Hannah Nymeyer on how they tackled these challenges while engaged. In part one, the couples address family dynamics and finances.

Culture: Things to Know Before Getting Married

There are many cultural lies circulating around marriage, most making marriage out to be either a drudgery or a fairy tale. A good marriage takes work, intention, an open heart and a sense of fun. Dana Che, host of “Real Relationship Talk,” joins us to discuss a few things she wished she had known before walking the aisle. Whether you’re newly married or someday hope to be, this is a must listen.

Link to RealRelationshipTalk.com ( https://realrelationshiptalk.com/ )

Link to Real Relationship Talk Podcast ( https://realrelationshiptalk.com/podcast/ )

Inbox: Should I Work Alone With Someone of the Opposite Sex?

She works as an EMT where her job requires her to be alone with male colleagues for long periods of time. Some of her Christian friends have cautioned against this, but didn’t support their opinions with Scripture. In this type of situation, what is necessary and wise? Counselor Jenny Coffey weighs in.

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Archives

Launching into adulthood, plus Todd Friel on how to know if you’re a true Christian, and the pressure to use preferred pronouns.Featured musical artist: Daniel Bashta ( https://www.danielbashta.com/welcome ) Roundtable: Welcome to AdulthoodDo you feel like everyone else is independent: paying their bills, doing their taxes, making decisions and just generally “adulting”? It’s easy to feel left behind or experience anxiety around the many changes you must navigate in this season. Some of it is “life stuff” like the above. Some of it is relational — learning how to let go of your parents, make friends and find community. Our guests share the ups and downs of their own adulthood journeys and give encouragement for making the transition a smooth and (mostly) successful one. Culture: A Question of SalvationNews flash: Just because you walked an aisle or prayed a prayer doesn’t mean you’re saved. So what does? All of us have questioned our salvation at one time or another, so can we really be sure? Evangelist and apologist Todd Friel shows how the prosperity gospel, “get out of hell free” gospel, churchgoer gospel and other false gospels lull people into complacency, yet Scripture itself is clear on what it means to be saved. Get ready for an insightful and empowering conversation on what matters most when it comes to salvation and eternity. Link to Wretched.org: https://wretched.org/Link to Todd's "Ten Point Test to See if You Are Saved": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLIWG6JO6NMInbox: Should Christians Use Preferred Pronouns?As a Christian, is it lying or loving to address someone with their preferred pronouns — even if they don’t align with their biological sex? When asked to declare pronouns at work, school or on social media, how should we respond? Family and gender analyst Jeff Johnston weighs in.
July 28, 2022
Qualities of a humble spouse, plus dating someone who confesses a sin pattern, and how to respond when your friend has a porn problem.Featured musical artist: Kerrie Roberts ( https://kerrieroberts.com/ )Roundtable: The Humble SpouseHumility is to relationships what gasoline is to cars; without it, a relationship can’t move forward. In marriage, humility is especially important since spouses are in covenant together as one flesh. Our guests are honest about where they were on the humility scale going into marriage, and how they’ve learned to be more humble since. They’ll also give insights on how to spot humility in the people you date.Culture: Spotting a Sin Stronghold in DatingAll of us have hang-ups and sins we must address. But what do you do when the person you are dating confesses a serious sin pattern like alcoholism, drugs or porn? Is there a way to balance grace with truth, and at what point do you need to cut off the relationship? Christine Snyder tells her story of facing an unwanted divorce due to her husband’s addictions and unfaithfulness, while counselor Glenn Lutjens provides expert advice on when to pull the plug on a problematic dating relationship.Link to Counseling Services: ( https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/counseling-services-and-referrals/?refcd=1060202 ) Inbox: Does Everyone Have a Porn Problem?She’s known more than a few friends in her Christian community who’ve confessed a problem with pornography. She’s frustrated that porn seems to be “winning” in the hearts and minds of those around her, and doesn't know what to do. When the next friend confesses, what should be her response? Counselor Geremy Keeton weighs in.
July 21, 2022
How women experience safety with men, plus leaving an abusive relationship, and navigating political differences in dating. Featured musical artist: David Dunn ( http://www.daviddunnmusic.com/ ) Roundtable: How Women Experience Relational Safety For women, safety is very important. Not just physical safety, but emotional, spiritual and relational safety. But what does this look like in everyday life? This week’s guests share what makes them feel safe when they interact with guys. They’ll also discuss how they feel when a man isn’t a safe person, and some cues for discerning the difference. Get the book "Do Hard Things": https://store.focusonthefamily.com/do-hard-things/ Culture: Leaving an Abusive Relationship Sadly, many people face the reality of an abusive relationship. Some are in toxic situations and don’t even know it. What are the signs, and is there a way and a time to get out? Counselors Glenn Lutjens and Jenny Coffey offer hope to those suffering abuse, whether manipulation, gaslighting, physical, emotional or spiritual. In this conversation they define the difference between an abuser and an everyday jerk, what to do in an abusive situation, and how you can support a friend who’s currently being abused. Inbox: When Dating and Politics Don’t Mix He’s dating a girl, and they’re both serious about their faith. But he’s curious if it’s important for them to agree on political and social issues that aren’t explicitly addressed in Scripture. How should they talk about it, if indeed they have a disagreement? Counselor Geremy Keeton weighs in.
July 14, 2022
Advice for marrying in your 30s, plus part two of a dating Q&A with Jonathan Pokluda, and maximizing your engagement season. Featured musical artist: Nathan Tasker ( http://www.nathantasker.com/ ) Roundtable: Marriage Challenges For 30-Somethings Marrying in your 30s gives you the benefits of a little more life experience, stability and (hopefully) maturity. But it also comes with unique challenges. You’ve become more settled in your ways, you’ve accumulated some baggage, and you’re maybe a bit more cynical. Nate and Melinda recently married in their 30s and did the hard work of addressing some of their individual issues before tying the knot. Dr. Trent Langhofer counseled them individually as well as together to help give their marriage the healthiest start possible. All three join us this week to share their journey. Culture: Dating Q&A With Jonathan Pokluda (Part 2) After years of working with young adults, Pastor Jonathan (JP) Pokluda has fielded just about every dating question you could imagine. He joins us to answer even more, and this time they’re your questions — asked by live audience members and submitted on social media. In part two this week, JP answers questions about reaching the commitment stage of a relationship, how to know if a guy is truly interested in you, and the worst dating advice he’s ever heard. Get the book: "Outdated" for your donation of any amount:: https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-boundless-2022-06-30?refcd=1436602 Inbox: Making the Most of Engagement She’s recently engaged and is wondering how to maximize this season. What are the best ways to prepare for marriage? What should she and her fiance keep in mind? Besides doing premarital counseling, should they read a book, set some goals, focus on certain conversations — or all of the above? Counselor Glenn Lutjens weighs in. Get the book: "How We Love": https://store.focusonthefamily.com/how-we-love/?refcd=1436602
July 7, 2022
Managing Money Despite Inflation: Episode 752 Featured musical artist: Aaron Shust ( https://www.aaronshust.com/ ) Tips for fighting inflation, plus part one of a dating Q&A with Jonathan Pokluda, and having boundaries with opposite-sex friends. Roundtable: Don’t Let Inflation Get You Down Inflation is hitting all of our wallets. From higher gas prices to the cost of groceries and travel, it seems like everything is getting more expensive. How do we cope? We share money-saving tips, corners we’re cutting, and investment opportunities we’re exploring for the future. We also admit what we’re not willing to let go. Join us for this fun yet practical conversation! Culture: Dating Q&A With Jonathan Pokluda (Part 1) After years of working with young adults, Pastor Jonathan (JP) Pokluda has fielded just about every dating question you could imagine. He joins us to answer even more, and this time they’re your questions — asked by live audience members and submitted on social media. In part one this week, JP tackles questions about crushing on a coworker, not having time to date, and how to handle it when someone doesn’t text you back. Inbox: Boundaries With Opposite-Sex Friends While having friends of the opposite gender is great, it’s important to have good boundaries to avoid confusion, false intimacy, and the dreaded “friendlationship.” The question is, which boundaries are recommended? Counselor Jenny Coffey weighs in.
June 30, 2022
Insider tips to express romantic interest, plus evangelism for everyday people, and when you struggle to make friends at church.
June 23, 2022
Letting go of what others think of you, plus Nick Hall’s modern vision for evangelism, and is it too early to define the relationship? Featured musical artist: Danen Kane ( https://danenkane.com/home ) Roundtable: Don’t Be a Slave to Others’ Opinions We’ve all been guilty of walking into a room and immediately wondering what everyone thinks of us. But truth be told, most people aren’t thinking about us — they’re thinking about themselves. How can we live confidently without constantly worrying about others’ good opinion? Our guests share their own struggles in this area and give helpful ways to be aware of how we are viewed by others without being ruled by it. Culture: An Evangelism Woodstock In 1972, a massive event called Explo ‘72 took place in Dallas, Texas. Thousands of young adults gathered from all over the country and were inspired and equipped to take the gospel of Jesus Christ into their communities and around the world. On this year’s 50th anniversary of Explo ‘72, evangelist Nick Hall is hosting a 21st-century version of that historic gathering. Called Together ‘22, this free event will take place at Cotton Bowl stadium in Dallas on June 24-25. Nick joins us to talk about how sharing the gospel in 2022 is both similar to and different from how it was done 50 years ago. What are the unique challenges and opportunities he sees today? Join us for this exciting conversation and details on this once-in-a-lifetime event. Sign up for Together ‘22 ( https://together22.pulse.org/ ) Inbox: Defining the Relationship Already? She’s been going on dates with the same guy for eight weeks, but neither of them has defined their relationship. Is it time for her to say something, or should she wait for him to take initiative and speak up? Our host Lisa Anderson weighs in. Article: Whose Job Is It to Define the Relationship? ( https://www.boundless.org/blog/whose-job-is-it-to-define-the-relationship/ )
June 16, 2022
How family affects us, plus what happens if Roe v. Wade is overturned, and should you have contact with an ex?Featured musical artist: Ginny Owens ( https://ginnyowens.com/ )Roundtable: How Your Family of Origin Affected You (Part 2)Like it or not, we’ve all picked up patterns and proclivities from our family of origin. For some, what we learned was relatively good. For others, talking about our family background is painful. Our guests share the good, bad and ugly attitudes and habits they adopted from their families, as well as the lessons they’ve learned and the cycles they’ve broken by growing and changing. In part two this week, our panelists discuss where they are now in relation to their families as well as the lingering effects of their family systems.Culture: Abortion Laws in America & See Life 2022Since the recent leak of the draft opinion from the Dobbs vs. Jackson Women’s Health Organization Supreme Court case, many Americans anticipate the possible reversal of Roe vs. Wade. If that happens, what are the legal implications? John Stonestreet and Robyn Chambers give us a primer on the ins and outs of this historic decision. They’ll detail what we can expect, how we can pray, and will encourage us to value life not just through legislation but in everyday opportunities. We’ll also talk about the exciting See Life 2022 scheduled for June 14, 2022.Register for See Life 2022 Livestream: See Life 2022 ( https://www.focusonthefamily.com/seelife22/ ) Get the book "A Practical Guide to Culture" for your donation of any amount: https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-boundless-2022-06-09?refcd=1422602Inbox: No Contact After a Breakup? Is it wise to have any contact with an ex after a breakup? Some say “absolutely no contact” while others recommend giving it a certain amount of time before you reach out. Our host Lisa Anderson weighs in.
June 9, 2022
How family affects us, plus blessing others with your words, and when you’re more introverted than the person you’re dating. Featured musical artist: James Peden ( https://www.jamespedenmusic.com/ ) Roundtable: How Your Family of Origin Affected You (Part 1) Like it or not, we’ve all picked up patterns and proclivities from our family of origin. For some, what we learned was relatively good. For others, talking about our family background is painful. Our guests share the good, bad and ugly attitudes and habits they adopted from their families, as well as the lessons they’ve learned and the cycles they’ve broken by growing and changing. In part one this week, they tell their stories and share their observations about what was healthy and unhealthy in their childhood homes and relationships. Culture: Using Words to Bless Others The book of Proverbs says that “a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Knowing what to say when is a mark of a mature person as well as a mature Christian. Whether an encouragement, a rebuke, or a word of instruction, we’ve all been on the receiving end of words we needed to hear. Authors Cheryl Marshall and Caroline Newheiser have navigated many necessary conversations. They discuss insights from their book “When Words Matter Most” and help us discover ways to use words in different situations to bring blessing and healing. Get the book "When Words Matter Most" for your donation of any amount: https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-boundless-2022-06-02?refcd=1422601 Inbox: Do They Have to Go Out So Often? She’s seeing a guy, but he’s more extroverted than she is, and he often wants to be together and on the go. Is it OK to express her desire to go out only once a week, or is that not enough for a sustainable dating relationship? A pastor and young adults mentor weighs in.
June 2, 2022
When women make more money than men, plus advice for difficult relationships, and does a physical disability hurt your dating chances? Featured musical artist: Ellie Holcomb ( https://www.ellieholcomb.com/ ) Roundtable: When Women Make More Money Than Men Studies show that in many cases, women now outpace men in education and in the workplace. What are the implications? In an age where career and calling are so important, does money play a part? Many Christians are uncomfortable with the conversation about salaries and earning power, especially in a dating relationship or when thinking about a future marriage and family. Our guests discuss their experience with this topic, including biblical wisdom and common sense for addressing it in their own lives. Culture: Dealing With Difficult People It’s easy to assume that we should never have conflict with fellow Christians. But such an approach to relationships is unbiblical — even dangerous — and can prevent us from leveraging growth opportunities. Pastor Brian Noble admittedly struggled with this until he realized that not facing conflict produced a harvest of contention in the long run. Now the CEO of Peacemaker Ministries, Brian shares how he’s learned to deal with difficult people in varied situations, and why handling conflict healthily sets you up for relational success. Inbox: Dating With a Disability She’s interested in getting to know a guy, but feels limited by her physical disability. How much will this impact her ability to date? Counselor Joannie DeBrito weighs in with encouragement and advice.
May 26, 2022
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About The Boundless Show

Boundless is a ministry of Focus on the Family that exists to see young adults mature in Christ as the foundation for marriage and family. Through our website, blog and weekly podcast, we help singles in their 20s and 30s navigate the path to marriage biblically and intentionally while providing sound resources and advice on key issues young adults face. We discuss everything from dating and relationships to faith, worldview, career and culture in a fun, engaging and relevant way. We’re also on Facebook (Boundless.org) and Twitter (BoundlessTeam).

The Boundless Show is a weekly podcast designed to build community among single young adults and provide a God-centered perspective on relationships, culture, career and faith. Hosted by Focus on the Family’s Lisa Anderson, The Boundless Show brings a voice to the interests and concerns of today’s 20- and 30-somethings.

About Lisa Anderson

Lisa Anderson is director of Boundless (www.boundless.org) and host of The Boundless Show — a weekly podcast reaching 20- and 30-somethings with the message of God’s design for marriage and family. The show also features practical tips for dating intentionally, owning your faith, navigating career and culture, and maturing in all areas of life.  

Lisa speaks frequently at churches, conferences and workshops, and her writing has been featured in newspapers, magazines, and in Streetwise and The Big Screen — two books in David C. Cook’s Custom Curriculum series.

When not challenging the next generation, she enjoys traveling, running, and quoting her mother, who is known to say outrageous things. She loves Jesus, people, ideas and guacamole, in that order.

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