Bayside Baptist Church

Jason King: Heard about a man who died and went to heaven, and he came to the pearly gates and he ran into St. Peter. Peter asked him, "Tell me all about your lifetime. Tell me about the good things that you did. Tell me a little bit about why you should get in here." The man said, "Well, I can tell you one thing I did. It was a good thing. One day, I saw this biker who was stealing an old woman's purse. I saw him taking it from her, and I grabbed him. I threw him to the ground in order to help the woman get her purse back and to get away."

Peter was impressed. He said, "Wow, that's pretty impressive. A guy like you able to do that. Can you tell me a little bit about when that happened?" The man said, "About two or three minutes ago." Death is one of those topics that, if we're honest, we aren't sure about. We don't like to think about it. We don't like to talk about it. We don't fully understand it because none of us have been there before. In many ways, it is the great unknown, and it makes us uncomfortable.

Christmas, in particular, can bring the thoughts of grief or of death and the struggle that comes with that, or the uncertainty of that. It can bring it to the forefront of our lives. It makes us uncomfortable. Heard about a man whose wife died one day, and the mourners were on their way to the cemetery carrying the casket. One of the pallbearers tripped over a rock, and it shook the casket. As it shook the casket, the woman was revived. She came back to life. She ended up living another seven years, and then she died again. They were on the way to the cemetery again, and as they approached the same spot, the husband shouted out to the pallbearers, "Watch out for that rock."

We can laugh, and it is good to laugh. Laughter does our soul good. But we come face to face, every single one of us, with the reality and the finality of death. It brings grief. Grief is a part of life, and it's a part of the human experience. Death is one of the most difficult realities of life to accept. Grief is a normal response to the loss of anyone who is significant, a significant person, or even objects or opportunities, psychologists say. They describe grief as the experience of deprivation and anxiety that can show itself in our behavior, our emotions, our thinking, physiologically, in our interpersonal relationships, and even with your faith.

Grief can come from a number of other circumstances, such as divorce or retirement, or some amputation or something along those lines, or kids leaving to go to college, moving from a neighborhood, watching a neighbor move, losing a pet, your health, or other significant issues that you walk through. Whenever something is taken away, we feel a sense of grief. But the most significant grief that we experience surrounds death. It's never easy to say goodbye to somebody that we love, be it a parent or a grandparent, a sibling, a spouse, a child, or a friend.

When we were in the Dominican Republic, there was a team of us that went and spent several days there before Thanksgiving doing baseball clinics and medical clinics. It was an incredible experience, and I've had the opportunity to go several times. But this particular moment was captured. Somebody took a picture of this. This lady standing in the doorway is standing in the doorway of her house. One of the days that we were on this trip, we had the opportunity to walk among the neighborhoods and visit with people in their homes. They aren't like us; they don't shut the garage and run off when they see people coming. They actually welcome conversation.

As we were talking with this lady, we just said, "Hey, we're in the neighborhood. We're part of this church over here. We just want to know how can we pray for you." She began to tell the story of her son, who was tragically murdered three months before. He got caught into a rough crowd, and not only was he murdered, but he was tortured before he was murdered, and then his body was desecrated in the street by a rival gang. As we talked to her, as you can imagine, there was nothing we could say that would ease the pain. There was nothing that would make her feel better or make it make sense. There's nothing we could solve for her. He wasn't coming back, and she was facing the pain of the reality that while she looked around her, the rest of the world continued on, and yet she was carrying this grief.

It reminded me, in many ways, of the story in Matthew chapter 2, where the story of Jesus' birth is told. I don't know if you remember this part of it, but Herod kind of got outsmarted. He was the king of the land. He got pretty ticked off, and he ordered a decree that all of the kids that were born, the boys that were born about the time that Jesus was born, that they should be killed. If you read that part of the story, grief is present as it says that those who were grieving refused to be comforted. There was a great cry and weeping that was heard.

I recognize today that as we approach Christmas and as we're talking about this series, 'Tis the Season for lots of awesome things, there's also some difficult things in our lives that bubble up to the surface. It may be the first Christmas without somebody you love, or Christmas season may bring back a flood of emotions of someone who has been gone a while. If you're honest today, grief may even overshadow anything else about this time of year. But I do believe God offers some help today. If you have your Bible, you can open up to Luke chapter 7, the Gospel of Luke.

There's this account where Jesus encounters someone, and in the way that he interacts and the way that he helps, I believe that if you'll open your heart and listen to what the Lord might speak to you through His Word, he offers help in your grief. If you are grieving today, if you're struggling, it's okay. But I believe that Jesus is going to meet you in the midst of your pain. In this account that we're going to read, Jesus encounters a widow, and as he encounters her, it's because of his compassion that he helps her when she was grieving. I want you to know that the miracle of Jesus' presence to you and to me in the midst of grief is because of his compassion and his love for us.

So, it is the season where grief can feel heavier than normal. But I want you to know that God offers help in the midst of that. Luke chapter 7, beginning in verse 11: "Soon afterward, Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain, and a large crowd followed him. A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow's only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. 'Don't cry,' he said. Then he walked over to the coffin, he touched it, and the bearers stopped. 'Young man,' he said, 'I tell you, get up.' Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother. Great fear swept the crowd, and they praised God, saying, 'A mighty prophet has risen among us,' and 'God has visited his people today.' And the news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and all the surrounding countryside."

In this story, what I want you to see is a miracle that Jesus brings the boy back to life. But I want you to see the way that he meets you and me in our grief. How can you experience Jesus' help in your grief? I think there's a few ways this scripture teaches us. The first is that you need to know you're not alone when you face grief. You're not alone. Billy Graham once said that grief is a certainty, something most all of us will experience at some point in life. He said when death separates us from someone we love, there's a time where we think that no one has suffered as we have. But he says grief is universal. It's how we face grief that's unique and personal.

Throughout the pages of scripture, people dealt with grief in a number of different ways. Jacob refused to be comforted. David grieved over losing an infant son and then later over his grown son in battle. Jeremiah mourned the loss of King Josiah. God is present in the pages of scripture time and time again in the valley of the shadow of death, and he gives strength for those who are weary and filled with sorrow. Do you remember even the book of Isaiah foretold of Jesus and said that he was a man of sorrows, acquainted with our grief?

Even though as Christians we take comfort in the certainty of the resurrection, that we look forward to that day, and we build our lives upon the truth that Jesus rose from the dead, there is an emptiness and a pain as we let go of someone we love. One author said when we encounter death, we face an irreversible, unalterable situation that we are powerless to change. We can't do anything to change the outcome. And that's really the story of this widow and how she's feeling. She's not only experienced the loss of her husband at some point in the past, but now she's lost her son.

But I want you to notice two ways that she is not alone in this moment. Did you notice that the people of the town had followed her as she was in this procession? Now, Nain was a small town, kind of like what we would say there's one little flashing red light in an intersection in the middle of the town, and if you blink, you miss it. It was a very small town. But the picture here is that the people of the town have come alongside her. She's surrounded by people who love her, who are present with her, and care about her. So, the people of the town are with her, and it was common for there to be a procession, a group of people, a little bit more significant than even we may do today. But there was a procession of people that would go with the person who had lost a loved one as a source of comfort.

But it makes it a point here that the whole town is pretty much with her. They'd all come around her. But I also want you to see that Jesus meets her in her grief. He's filled with compassion, the text says. And even though he's never met her, he knows what she's carrying in this moment. Just like I would say to you that if you're struggling and wrestling with carrying grief today, Jesus knows exactly what you're walking through. The book of Isaiah says he's acquainted with our grief. You're not alone. You may feel like you're alone right now, but in this moment, the truth of scripture, God is whispering to you through His Word that you're not alone. God is with you when you face grief and as you walk through the grieving process.

An author by the name of William Worden says that there are difficult and often time-consuming and emotionally consuming tasks following the time when we lose a loved one. We have to accept the reality of the loss, and it takes us time to recognize that they were here one day and they're not the next. And then we consciously feel and think about the pain of the loss, and your life is, especially if it's a spouse or someone close to you, your life is tied together with them. And then you have to figure out, how do I adjust to a new way of life where they're no longer here? Eventually, as time passes, grief doesn't disappear, but it changes shape as you're able to form new relationships and to figure out what life looks like without that person around.

Now, the grieving process may take place quickly, as soon as a few weeks or a few months for some people. But psychologists say that most widows need three to four years before stability is reached. Even then, life is not the same as it was before. It's not just for a moment that you need courage or help; it's for the long haul. It's for a long road back to security and sanity and faith. And so, you need to know that even in your grief, as the Lord steps toward you, as you experience grief, it's okay. It's part of the process.

I read this past week that in different cultures, be it Egypt or in other places around the world, that grief is an extended process. But here in our day, in our culture, we try to get past it by the weekend. It's okay for you to grieve. There's no linear progression for grief; it usually involves intense sorrow and pain and loneliness, anger, depression, maybe physical symptoms, changes in relationships, and sometimes there's denial or dreaming about something with that, restlessness, inefficiency, irritability. You want to talk about the person all the time, or adopting of their mannerisms, or feeling that life no longer has meaning.

Now, psychologists do say that while there are a lot of factors affecting how we grieve, most people do at some point experience a restoration of a mental and physical well-being after a period of time. I say that to you, Church, because don't be surprised. When you lose somebody you love, it's okay to grieve. Grief comes your way and my way, and it is an inevitable part of the human experience. Why is that? It's because death comes for all of us. I think in a conversation about grief, it's important for all of us to acknowledge the fact that there will be a day when you and I breathe our last. You can't outmaneuver it, and nor can I, unless Jesus returns first.

Do you remember what Ecclesiastes chapter 3, verse 1, says? It says, "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. There's a time to be born and a time to die." Somebody like The Byrds should write a song about that, shouldn't they? Some of y'all are like, "I don't even know what that means." But some of you get it, and I appreciate those of you that get it. There's a time to be born and a time to die. There's a time to plant and a time to harvest. Death is a reality of life. And so, I don't want you to be surprised. It's one of those things we don't like to talk about, we don't like thinking about, but it is coming for us one day.

I think that means you need to prepare for it, not necessarily in a morbid way, but spiritually. I would say to you that to face grief and to think about death through the lenses of scripture, you have to start with your own heart and with your own life. Are you in Christ? Not in church, not in Christiany circles, not in the good person crowd, but have you received the gift of Jesus Christ by faith? Not a prayer you prayed once upon a time that never touched the rest of your life, but are you walking with Christ because you've received this gift and it's changed everything?

Jesus says, or John wrote in John 1:12 speaking of Jesus, he said, "But to all who believed him, Jesus, and accepted him, Jesus, he, God, gave the right to become children of God." When you place your faith in Christ, you become His child. And we'll see in just a minute, that changes the way that we look at death and at grief. Mark chapter 14, verse 62, says this. Jesus says, "I am. Not I was or I'm gonna be. I am. And you will see," he says, "the Son of Man seated in the place of power at God's right hand, and you'll see him coming on the clouds of heaven."

You gotta start there. If you are a child of God, meaning you've received the gift that God offers you, that we celebrate at Christmas, that God broke through into human history by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, who was born in a manger, lived a sinless life, died upon a cross, and was raised from the dead, conquering death and sin and offers this life, if you receive that, the one who has believed and accepted Jesus Christ, you're His child, and he's coming back for you. I believe that means that you can face death, your own death and the loss of other people who were in Christ, with confidence.

He's not left you as an orphan. The scripture says he's coming back for you. And so, Church, I say this reality, this truth, not of a feeling, not of what somebody said, not what somebody posted somewhere, not what somebody said ought to be, but what has been declared as what is and what is true. It changes how you grieve. It doesn't bring back the person who died, but you find you're not alone. You find that the God of this universe cares about you. He loves you. He's with you. He's not forgotten you. Jesus said in the Beatitudes, "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted." Right now, but also for all eternity. And if you're in Christ, you're not alone when you grieve, and death does not have the final word. Jesus does.

The second way that this passage teaches us about facing grief is this: Jesus moves toward you in your grief. He moves toward you in your grief. The help that Jesus offers is not just for eternity; it's right now. This happened in a small town. For most cities and towns, the gate was the defensive structure that kept people out, but this town was so small, it was just a decoration. But in this funeral procession, as Jesus met this procession, they were on the way out of town, the text says, because the cemeteries were usually outside of the city walls. And as Jesus looks at this procession, he sees that it's a widow who is mourning and a large crowd. She was going to bury her only son. She'd already lost her husband in time past. And the town came around her, supporting her, sharing her grief. It's a picture of the love that people can have for one another.

When Jesus sees this procession, though, he responds. Look back in verse 13. It says, "When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. 'Don't cry,' he said." He didn't just keep going and act like he didn't see it. He didn't just keep going thinking, "Well, I don't really know what to say. I'm just not going to say anything." No, no, his heart overflowed with compassion. He looked up. He stopped. This past week, I was in a funeral procession on the way to the cemetery. And if you've been in a procession, you know, the world around you just keeps going. And I think that's one of the most difficult pictures of riding in a procession is you're riding to honor and celebrate the person that you've lost, and everybody else is going to the gas station and running to work and going to the grocery store.

But as we were traveling along one of the streets on the route, I noticed that there was a work crew on the side of the road. And as they saw us coming, those guys took their hard hats off, faced the road and the procession, and put their hard hats over their hearts and just stood there and watched to honor. Jesus did more than that. Most of the time, we just keep doing our thing and keep going. These men stopped. Jesus went beyond that. His compassion was not a condescending pity; it was a loving concern. And he speaks a word of comfort. He stops, and he looks at her and speaks.

He didn't say, "Don't cry" as in "Stuff it and deal with it. Nobody wants to see your tears." That's not what he was saying. He wasn't saying, "Be tough" or "Act like it didn't happen" or "Pick yourself up and get it together." No, no, he's saying, "I see you, and it's going to be okay. I'm here to help you." It was out of compassion. Psalm 147:3 says this, that God heals the brokenhearted and he bandages their wounds. In verse 14, the story continues. It says that Jesus walks over and he touches the coffin, and the whole procession stopped. And he says, "Young man, I tell you, get up." It says the boy sat up, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.

Now, the burial customs of this day were a little different than ours today. They would have had the funeral very quickly after the death, and the body was laid essentially on a board, what's called an open coffin, and then it was covered up with a sheet or a blanket. And so, it was on this board that the body was being carried by the bearers to the cemetery. And so, as Jesus walks up to the coffin, he touches it, which, if you know anything about Jewish law, he would be immediately declared defiled or unclean by doing that. But he didn't care. He touched the coffin, everything stopped, and he addressed the young man directly, which would have either been really not funny, or it would have been heart-wrenching if he was not who he is.

But the dead man sat up when Jesus told him to get up, and he began to talk. Now, that doesn't happen in our day any more than it happened in their day. He specifically referred to as the dead man in the Greek. Don't let anybody convince you that he's in a coma, that he's asleep, that he's just kind of out of it or had a concussion. Luke is a doctor. He knows what he's talking about, and he says he was dead. He also says that when he sat up, that he was resuscitated. That's a medical term to say that he was not alive, and now he is alive. He was dead, yet now after Jesus touches him, he comes back to life. He gives the boy back to his mother.

It's an act of God, and the people recognize it in the next couple of verses that God has visited his people. Now, there's something I want you to notice in this account. There is no mention of anyone's faith. Did you notice that? Nobody came and asked Jesus. Nobody sent word to Jesus that this was going on and that Jesus needed to come help, and they needed to bring healing. Or "Would you please," like often times was asked, "would you please heal my servant," or "would you please heal my kid," or "would you please heal someone." "Lazarus has died." They didn't do that. No one asked for it. Probably the last thing that this lady was thinking about was asking for help. She just trying to make it through the day.

But Jesus takes the initiative because he cares. And I would say to you that nothing has changed today. He's present in your grief. He has compassion. He cares for you in your distress. This account is a picture of his care and his concern, of his compassion for you in your pain. Now, you may say, "Well, Jesus didn't raise my loved one back to life." No, maybe he didn't. But don't miss what Jesus does do for you in this moment. He sees you. He extends compassion. He reaches out to you to meet you in your distress. He gives comfort. Most of all, he reminds you of his presence. If you're in Christ, he says he will never leave you nor forsake you.

You need to know that he steps toward you in your pain, and he takes the initiative to provide comfort to you. Now, don't miss this because Jesus isn't just trying to soothe pain or be some sort of therapeutic help to you in that moment. He's not just trying to help you feel better. After all, the same boy that was raised to life in this moment, the text doesn't say when, but at some point, he died again. Jesus is showing us something such much more significant in this moment, that he has overcome death. And he demonstrates his authority over death by raising this boy from the dead. That's what Jesus is telling us, that he can raise the dead to life because he has authority over even death.

That's his word to us. Church, if you're in Christ, death does not have the last word. Jesus does. And he's inviting you to rest in that today. That's how he's stepped toward you today by offering you the forgiveness of sin and this incredible relationship and the reminder of his presence. Ephesians 1 says the Holy Spirit is deposited in your heart, and he will never leave you nor forsake you. And in your worst grief and pain, he meets you. He takes the initiative. Now, apart from Christ, death is the end of that relationship. There is no hope. But in Christ, there is hope. Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4 and 5 that we don't mourn as those without hope; we mourn with hope. 1 Corinthians 15, death is swallowed up in victory. And not only did the miracles where he raised people back to life show Jesus' authority, his resurrection from the dead visibly demonstrates today his power over death.

He's conquered death. And one day, this promise will be realized by all who are in Christ. Death is not the end of your existence in Christ but simply the beginning of eternal life. And physical death will be present as long as Satan rules over this earth, but because of the crucifixion, the resurrection, Christ has defeated death, and the promise that he will return is made true when he does. He's promised that he's going to come, and he says the one who believes and lives in Christ will never die. One day, pain and sickness and crying and death will be no more. But until that day, Jesus moves toward you in your grief.

But the last thing that this passage shows us is not only how we handle grief that we face on our own, but how we can help other people who are grieving. Jesus shows how to help others who are grieving. Because you may not be walking in the midst of grief right now. You might, but you might not be. But I bet that there is somebody in your life, in your family, at your workplace, in your neighborhood, in your circles who is walking through grief. So how do you help? You know that when you grieve, you're not looking for pat responses or bumper sticker clichés or things that hang on the wall. You're not looking for somebody to come to talk rather than to listen.

Instead, you need understanding and reassurance and contact, interaction with sensitive people who care. Just being present is often what's most important in the time of grief. That's one of the most important things that you can do to help other people. You see, Jesus encourages us by his example to take the initiative to move towards people when they're grieving. Don't stay away because it might be awkward and you're not sure what to do or say. Don't do nothing because you're not sure. Don't say nothing because you're not sure. Don't make it about you. Instead, go help the person who is grieving by simply being present.

Jesus showed compassion, and you and I can do that as well. Be present and be available, even if you say nothing. Be a good listener. Give the person who is mourning the space to express their grief. Don't push them to do anything, don't tell them they shouldn't say anything, don't tell them, just be there and listen. Their needs and their feelings are going to fluctuate, and you may need to help them make decisions if it's appropriate and if that's your space to be in. And gently try to discourage making major life decisions until at least some time, a few months, has passed. But don't push anything. Provide practical help, like providing a meal or babysitting. That gives them time to grieve. You can pray for them, pray with them, encourage them with the words of scripture, but don't get preachy or use a bunch of clichés to stifle grief.

Can I say a word about kids grieving? Psychologists say that for kids who are mourning, you need to give them space to mourn. Don't protect them from it; they need to be able to grieve and understand as best they can. Help them understand the finality of death and express their emotions and ask questions. But reassure kids repeatedly with words and actions that they're loved and will be cared for. A child may see the death of a parent as rejection or deal with the death of a sibling with guilt or confusion or fear that they may be next. They need the adults in their lives to be secure and to be able to process the loss in their own ways, just as adults do. It's a huge mistake to keep a child from grieving.

But can I say to all of us, when people that you love and care for around you are grieving, the most important thing that you can do is be there. When you talk to someone, resist the urge to tell them that God's working it all out, that there's a purpose in their pain, that God doesn't put more on them than they can bear. All those things are true, but resist the urge to talk and instead just be quiet and be present. Gary Collins once shared that in his experience when one family lost their son, they said a church member came almost immediately to offer condolences. And so the family was just stricken with grief in that moment, and they declined the offer of this church member coming to minister to them and to be there.

And so the man went back to his car, and he sat there in his car outside their house for several hours before the family even knew that that's what he was doing. Later on, they said that that quiet support more than anything else in their grief was what helped them through the difficulty that they walked through. You know, you need other people around you when you grieve. That's why I love the picture of the town coming around this widow in the process of grieving. You need people who care and who are living in the love of Christ. And so can I say to you, you need a small group. If you're a part of this faith family, Bayside is home to you and you're not a part of a small group, you're missing your circle of people who can help you in your time of need and that you can be present with in their need.

You need other people, especially in grief. Now, what truths can you hold onto for yourself or offer to someone else when they're grieving? I think you can stand upon what you do know is true, even when you don't understand other pieces of what you've experienced. For example, God is good and he's a good God. You have to start with what's true and what's clear, not what everybody feels or what everybody says in our day, but what God has declared to be true in His Word. And while we may not understand all of his actions, you can trust his heart. You may have to stand on that completely by faith when everything is going in circles around you. Even when it's hard to see what's true, but you can trust what God has declared in His Word.

Maybe you can tell someone who's grieving, "I really don't understand why, but I'm here with you. I love you, and I'm going to walk through this with you." You can stand on what the scriptures have declared, like in Psalm 139, verse 16: "You saw me before I was born," speaking to God. "Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." A lot of times in the moment of grief, we ask why and how could this happen and why now and why this way. We don't know the answers to those questions. That's when we stand on by faith what God has declared, that he is who he says he is and that you can trust him.

Max Lucado says that for those in Christ, here's what you and I need to know: While we're shaking our heads in disbelief, they are lifting their hands in worship. And while we're mourning at a grave, they're marveling in heaven. And while we are questioning God, they are praising God. And so could I say to us today, if you're grieving today, it's okay. Don't hide it, don't stuff it, don't act like it's not there. It's okay. Jesus is stepping toward you today in your grief and offering because of his compassion to help you. Give yourself time. Let yourself cry. God understands. He knows the sorrow of the grave. He buried his son. But can I also remind you that he knows the joy of the resurrection? And Church, as we walk through grief, as you face grief and as those you love face grief, it's ultimately the certainty of the resurrection that we hold to today because by the power of Christ at work in your life, you'll see it too. Let's pray together.