Abounding Grace

Pastor Ed Taylor: Next time you have a problem with another person, give this a try. There's nothing wrong with casting all your care upon the Lord because He cares for you. Nothing wrong with taking your needs and concerns before the throne room of grace where you'll find help in time of need.

But if there is an issue with another person, Jesus says the way to handle it is go to him, you and him alone. If he hears you, you win your brother. It's not okay to spread it around to others. It's not okay to grab a group. It's not okay to, under the guise of prayer, to spread things. Gossip and slander are always close behind.

Larry: Is there someone in your life you're having an issue with? I think it's safe to say we've all been there. While many are quick to post their feelings on the matter on Facebook or type out an angry, lengthy email and hit send, Pastor Ed Taylor will suggest a much better approach today on Abounding Grace, and that is to go to the person directly and take it to the Lord. Join us, if you would, in 2 Corinthians 13 for a helpful study on how to handle difficulties with others.

Pastor Ed Taylor: We left off in our time in chapter 12, really looking at that phrase. Paul tells the church, "The more I'm loved, or the more I love, the less I'm loved." And we put it in the category of some of the saddest words that have ever been spoken in the scriptures. We put it up along those words like in John chapter 6, verse 66, where it says that Jesus said some hard things and from that moment on, many of His disciples left and followed Him no more. Sad words to have a pastor who loved the church so much, but as he's sharing this defense and even being put in this place to have to defend himself, he just laid it out. The more I love you guys, it seems the less that I'm loved.

There was surely a disconnect between the congregation in Corinth and their founding pastor, Paul. The reason being is that they were infiltrated and influenced by false teachers, by liars, by lies, and the vulnerable ministry there. They had turned against Paul. Paul got wind of it and wrote this letter to them, and much of it is a defense. We also, by way of review, placed 2 Corinthians into a category that isn't normally mentioned, and that is when you think of the pastoral epistles in the New Testament, you think of 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, and Titus because Paul wrote them to these young men, Timothy and Titus, teaching them how to pastor, teaching them some of the insights, what it would be for them to be effective in the ministry.

But we also added 2 Corinthians to that. So if anyone ever asks you, "Hey, what are the pastoral epistles?" you can add 2 Corinthians to the list. The reason being is not because Paul wrote it to a pastor, but Paul wrote it to a church, and what he wrote was a revelation of his pastoral heart. If you really want to know what a pastor feels or what he looks like, especially in tough times, Paul really gives it to us in 2 Corinthians.

Paul's on his way back and he says, to connect our chapters, chapter 12, verse 20, "For I fear lest when I come, I shall not find you as such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such as you do not wish. Lest there be—" and he reminds them, "I don't want to have to deal with the fleshly things, lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults. Lest when I come again, my God will humble me among you and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, lewdness, which they have practiced."

We spent a considerable amount of time. If you've ever wondered what repentance means, we ended our time last time with a not-super-in-depth, but a very in-depth look at repentance and what repentance really means and what to look for in your own heart, in your own mind, your own life, what true repentance—what the ingredients of true repentance are. Now, verse one of chapter 13, "This will be the third time I'm coming to you. By the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word shall be established. I've told you before and foretell you as if I were present the second time. And now being absent, I write to those who have sinned before and to all the rest, that if I come again, I will not spare since you seek a proof of Christ speaking in me, who is not weak toward you, but mighty in you. For though He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you."

Paul plans a third visit to the fellowship, knowing that once he's there, it will be much easier. It's harder to write a letter or write a note than it is just to be face-to-face, and he wants to be face-to-face. He knows it will be much easier to deal with things face-to-face. We know that his first visit to Corinth was the visit that he spent 18 months there, his church-planting visit. We know that his second visit was brief and painful, happening sometime between 1 Corinthians and 2 Corinthians, and now it's time for a third visit.

Now, I happen to be someone that likes to write. I like to write letters. I use texting; every way you guys use texting, a lot of people use texting. It's just not the same. You just send out or a Twitter, you're limited to 140 characters, or a phone call is great. But I like still, I have an endless supply of cards in my desk, and I use them often. I like to take a pen out, I like to take the card out, I like to prepare the envelope. I put it right there and I just—the Lord puts someone on my heart or I need to write a thank you or just something. I prefer to write things out.

Letters themselves are great tools. Letters are useful, but they're not the best at communicating very difficult and painful news. They can be used that way, but they're not the best. That's why the Bible encourages us over and over again that face-to-face encounters are the best ways to handle conflict. Face-to-face, person-to-person. Conflict and difficulties can be made worse when we try to answer them. Let me put it this way: Has anybody, and I am asking for a hands here, so if you're sitting on them, get them out and get them ready just in case. Has there anyone ever in this room, or if you're out on the radio I can't see you, but God sees you, have ever written an email, hit send, and regretted it? Oh, yeah. Let me keep them up so I could take your names down now.

It's not the most effective tool, especially when you have written it with such great passion and you've anticipated all the arguments and you're answering things that aren't even being said. It's better just to sit on it and just wait. I'm trying to develop in my life a better habit of typing it out, but not hitting send, because there is an element of expressing yourself but not hitting send until you sleep on it. Jot it down, Matthew chapter 18, verse 15. Jesus says, "Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone."

Just be clear biblically that sending a text and sending an email and sending a letter is not what Jesus is referring to here. Go and send him a text—it doesn't say that. Go and write the email you'll probably regret. It says go, tell him his fault between you and him alone. And if he hears you—that's the intent to go tell him, it's not to go beat him up and try to—it is to communicate, try to reconcile. If he hears you, you've gained your brother. And it's unfortunate, but over and over again, this passage, these guidelines are not being followed or obeyed by believers.

Instead, the first thing that people tend to do is not go to the person that there might be an offense, but the first thing is to go tell someone else. Usually in the air of two ways. One, you go to someone else and ask for prayer. Nothing wrong with that, if you just ask for prayer. And the person goes, "What are we praying for?" "The Lord knows. Let's just pray. I just have a concern, I've got an issue going on, just pray for me." "Well, I can't really pray until I have the full story." "Well, since you twisted my arm, all right." And that's not following Matthew 18. Asking for prayer is great. Asking for prayer and support, but it can also be a veil to spread gossip, not to fulfill what Jesus is saying here.

Another way that you can go and tell to others is just simply to vent. "I just need to vent. I need to vent." The Bible says a fool vents all his feelings. Did you know the Bible says that? Yeah, it does. I don't know what the address is, but you look it up. A fool vents all his feelings. It's nothing wrong with casting all your care upon the Lord because He cares for you. Nothing wrong with taking your needs and concerns before the throne room of grace where you'll find help in time of need. But if there is an issue with another person, Jesus says the way to handle it is go to him, you and him alone. If he hears you, you win your brother. It's not okay to spread it around to others. It's not okay to grab a group. It's not okay to, under the guise of prayer, to spread things. Gossip and slander are always close behind.

The next thing, if it's not a prayer request, is that there will be people that try to handle things with an email or a text, or how about this? This is a whole new one. We didn't have to deal with this five, six years ago, but you'll see people trying to handle difficulties with other people on Facebook. What are you thinking? "Well, Ed, in 1 Me, chapter 5, it says go to Facebook and I can handle it there." Well, that's not in the Bible. It's hurtful, it's harmful. The best thing to do is to communicate to the person directly. "Well, Ed, you didn't mention Twitter." Don't use Twitter either. To the person. Even sending a messenger.

Warren Wiersbe puts it this way: "Had the church members followed the instructions," speaking of the Corinthian church here, "Had the church members followed the instructions given by Jesus in Matthew chapter 18, they would have solved most of their problems themselves. I've seen small disagreements in a church grow into large and complicated problems only because the believers did not obey our Lord's directions. The pastor and the congregation must not get involved in a matter until the individuals have sincerely sought a solution. Jesus says to go to him alone with humility and love. It's possible they don't even know what they've done. The idea is not to go to win, but to win them over, to let the Spirit of God win us over, to reconcile, to solve the disagreement, to mend the fences."

We happen to be in a season right now where a very prominent man of God who we love and are in yoke together has greatly fallen. And the sorrowful, sad thing is that the enemies of God and even a few believers have taken it as an opportunity to spread malicious gossip and slander, and it just is not good. I don't know the last time you had someone spread malicious gossip and slander about you, but how'd you like it? Not only that, but spreading malicious gossip, you know the Bible says—we looked at this today in our staff meeting, we looked at it in depth—the Bible speaks of gossip being like tasty trifles that go down into the inmost parts. The thing I think is that the Proverbs is trying to teach us is we want to know, but it's none of our business. But because it's none of our business, we want to make it our business, and we'll listen to anybody that will have anything to say, whether it's true or not.

And here's the thing: when you hear gossip, it can't be unheard. Like you can't just take it out. And now you're forced with a dilemma that you didn't even need to be in in the beginning. "Well, what happened? And what's this? And maybe it's true, you know, I thought that. He was cross-eyed once. Yeah, that's it, you know, and that was, and I saw." And before you know it, what happened to your fervent, vibrant, personal, intimate relationship with Jesus? Gossip is two ways, isn't it? It's both the person that speaks it, and it's also the person that receives it. And how careful we need to be in any area. Such a devastating thing. The sad thing about gossip is not just that it gets spread, but that people will believe it without ever following up.

Go to the person. "Well, I can't go to the person." Then I guess it's none of your business. "Well, that's not very nice, Pastor." No, gossiping and rumor—that's not very nice. That's hurtful. It hurts everyone in the body of Christ. It hurts you, the person that speaks it; it hurts you, the person that listens to it; it hurts us because we have a reputation—you know, the church does, not Calvary Aurora, the church. The church has a reputation of just kicking people when they're down and just rejoicing over everything that we can. We can turn the tide, church. Whether it's something on a large scale or it's something on a small scale, it's wise for us that if there is an issue, just go to the person. And if you can't go to the person, then just settle it before the Lord. You're not that close enough to go to them, then just settle it with the Lord. Just trust Him.

I have made this mistake and I actually teach the men and women alongside of me to do exactly the opposite. I teach the guys, I teach the gals: don't use email for hard, difficult situations or to deliver bad news or anything like that. Don't use email to do that. And yet, I've even failed in this area myself. You get so impassioned about something that you forget the wise decision. Don't use. Each time I've chosen not to use my own advice, I've paid the price for it. Each time.

I think Abraham Lincoln gave us a great example. I had remembered a story, but I looked it up just to make sure that I got it right. He held to a philosophy that would do well for us today. Of course, for him it was writing a letter, but for us, you know, at least writing a letter, you got a couple days to regret it. For email, you got a couple seconds. And here, let me quote to you what I found on Abraham Lincoln's philosophy: "When he was upset with somebody, he would write what he called a 'hot letter,' where he would write all of it down, just get it off his chest. Then he'd put the hot letter aside until his emotions cooled down and then write, 'Never sent, never signed.'" That was his philosophy.

In one of the Lincoln biographies called *Team of Rivals*, it gave a specific example of this practice. Lincoln had just learned that seemingly trapped Confederate forces had escaped from General George Meade, and this book chronicles what happened next. Later that afternoon, Lincoln wrote a frank letter to General Meade stating that he was "distressed immeasurably" by the magnitude of the misfortune involved in General Robert E. Lee's escape. "He was within your easy grasp, and to have closed upon him, in connection with our other late successes, would have ended the war. As it is, the war will be prolonged indefinitely." And before sending the letter, which he knew would leave Meade disconsolate, Lincoln held back as he often did when he was upset or angry, waiting for his emotions to settle in. Then he placed the letter in an envelope inscribed to General Meade, "Never sent, not signed." He had a tendency to get things off his chest and then file it away and let things play out.

Back in 2 Corinthians, Paul's writing this letter, he's going to come finally face-to-face. And in verse one, he quotes Deuteronomy chapter 19, probably referencing his previous visits as validation of his testimony against them. By two or three witnesses, every word shall be established. In the realm of gossip, by the way, there's also a passage in one of the pastoral epistles not to receive an accusation against an elder except by two or three witnesses. I mean, that's just wise counsel. You just don't do it, you just don't accept it, you just stop it. Unless there's independent people that have the same exact—they were at the same situation, same exact thing, they didn't hear it hearsay. You just stop it. But now he's saying, he's turning that around, he's saying, "Look, I've already been there, two or three witnesses. I'm coming again."

And in verse two he says, "I don't know, maybe I won't spare this time." Strong words for sure, but the situation in the church was very, very serious. And it wasn't a personal thing for Paul; it was a godly, spiritual thing for him. Sometimes we misunderstand when things come to church discipline or handling a difficult situation in the church. Folks can tend to take it personal, but it's not personal primarily, it's spiritual. It's personal because you and I might be involved in it, but it's spiritual for holiness and righteousness to be restored into our church.

And Paul's not taking things personally; he's responding spiritually. He says in verse four, notice, speaking of Jesus, Jesus was crucified in weakness. He was crucified as a human, and yet He lives in His resurrection by the power of God. "We're also weak in Him, but we're going to live with Him by the power of God toward you." Verse five: "Examine yourselves." You might want to mark that in your Bibles if you haven't already, to make a regular examination of your life. To pray through Psalm 139, "Lord, search me and know me and try me and reveal if there's any unclean thing in me and then point me in the way of everlasting."

Examine yourselves. It'll change the perspective, won't it? It'll change us talking about others instead of examining ourselves. Have any found that you have your hands full with yourself? None of us have arrived. We're all on the wheel, you know, we're on the potter's wheel being fashioned and molded. And if we would just take this to heart, church, we'll be so much stronger. We'll be so much more effective if we just examine ourselves. We're just so good examiners of others, but examine yourself. Another way you can say this is test yourselves. He says, as he continues on, "Examine yourselves as to whether you're in the faith and test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you unless indeed you're disqualified?" Now, wow. This is heavy-duty because in the context of our time here in 2 Corinthians, it's almost like, Paul, why didn't you say this earlier? Like all the things he's had to deal with. Well, he's just summarizing. He is giving, I believe, even in these strong words, he's giving the church the benefit of the doubt.

Larry: That's Pastor Ed Taylor on Abounding Grace. His message today is called "Examine Yourselves" and based out of 2 Corinthians 13. To hear it again, just go to our website at aboundinggraceradio.com. You can also listen through our app. Pastor Ed, we learned today how to handle problems with other persons and that we should go to them directly or take it to the Lord. But let's say someone takes the wrong approach with us. They post something untrue online, spread something hurtful around the church, or even send a nasty email in our direction. What would be a Christ-like response in those circumstances?

Pastor Ed Taylor: I have to say, Larry, when these instances occur, it isn't a Christ-like response that usually comes first. The first thought is to respond in kind. The first thought is to take care of it and to take things in our own hands because we're hurt, because we're offended, because we just really are shocked and can't believe that someone would say such a thing or spread such a lie. And a Christ-like response is to wait, to wait. Don't immediately respond. So you see something on Facebook, don't jump on there and respond. Just wait it out and pray. And this could be a few moments, it could be a few hours, it could be a few days, but be careful not to respond so quickly because those quicker responses are most likely our flesh responding.

And a Christ-like attitude would be now—now that something's been said about you, because we already know what Jesus taught us in Matthew 18, now Matthew 18 comes into play. Someone has said something about you, someone has posted—what you see posted is a little bit easier than what you may have heard someone say about you. So, when you see what's posted, it's pretty clear. You can deal with that directly by going to the person. Don't respond—I would encourage you, don't respond on Facebook, don't be in the—just don't even jump into the mud. When you jump into a mud with someone, they probably like the mud, and all you're going to do is get dirty and it's not going to really solve anything.

So be careful not to post, but rather reach out to that person privately. And I believe personally with all the technology—phone, texting, instant messaging, social media—I believe that the application of Matthew 18 when possible is exactly what He said: go to the person, you and him or her alone, face-to-face, eye-to-eye. Something's lost in texting, something's lost in email, sometimes things are just lost on phone calls. And Jesus said, I believe it's still applicable today, when possible go to them personally and work it out. I know the Lord most of the time—it could be a misunderstanding, there could be true repentance. But answering sin for sin is not the answer, and jumping in and starting a big fight on Facebook trying to get people on your side doesn't—it just further divides the body of Christ. Go to the person and work it out. The Holy Spirit will go before you, the Holy Spirit will go with you, the Holy Spirit is in you, and you'd be amazed at what the Lord wants to do.

Larry: Thanks, Pastor Ed. Abounding Grace is made possible through the generosity of our listeners. Each gift that comes in serves to help us present the teaching of God's Word on both the radio and internet. And think of this: you'll be helping thousands all over the world learn about God's amazing grace and how to grow by it. And today when you give a donation of $25 or more, we'd like to say thanks by sending you a useful resource. It's *Just Do Something* by Kevin DeYoung. Pastor Kevin writes, "Too often, God's people tinker around with churches, jobs, and relationships, worrying that they haven't found God's perfect will for their lives. Or even worse, they do nothing, paralyzed with indecision, waiting for clear direction."

Discover a liberating approach to finding God's will in *Just Do Something*. Just call 877-30-GRACE to make your request and donation today. You can also order online at calvaryco.store. Join us next time as we study through 2 Corinthians with Pastor Ed Taylor and learn of God's abounding grace.